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funniest jokes you have ever heard

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Reply 80
Avatar for ROYP
ROYP
15
Original post by Pi!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tsh!


love this
why did the cum cross the road?

because i put on the wrong sock this morning!
Reply 82
Avatar for Stripe
Stripe
A man goes into the libary and asks for a book on suicide.
The libarian says; "No, you won't bring it back!"
Billy was a chemists son but now he is no more what he thought was H2o was H2so4.

Knock Knock, who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.

The past the present and the future all walk into a bar, it was tense.

Argon walks into a bar and the barkeep says "We don't serve noble gases here!" Argon, didn't react.
Why did the one handed chicken cross the road? to go to the second hand shop - Classic
Original post by SleepySheep
A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.

Spoiler



I laughed!
I'm gonna post a few of my favourite jokes. (I do like sick humour)

1) whats blue and wet? A baby drowning in a pool.
whats mouldy and wet? The baby two weeks later.
2) whats red and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a razor blade.
3) roses are red
violets are blue
I have alzheimers
Cheese on toast.
4) Yo mommas so ugly even the whomping willow wont hit that
5) Yo mommas so ugly even Voldemort wont say her name
Reply 87
Avatar for mc1000
mc1000
13
Original post by JordanS94
I'm gonna post a few of my favourite jokes. (I do like sick humour)

1) whats blue and wet? A baby drowning in a pool.
whats mouldy and wet? The baby two weeks later.
2) whats red and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a razor blade.
3) roses are red
violets are blue
I have alzheimers
Cheese on toast.
4) Yo mommas so ugly even the whomping willow wont hit that
5) Yo mommas so ugly even Voldemort wont say her name


Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can keep your cock in its mouth for longer.
Original post by mc1000
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can keep your cock in its mouth for longer.


:') that has made my day :biggrin:
Reply 89
Avatar for beccac94
beccac94
19
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."
Reply 90
Avatar for Cetacea
Cetacea
8
Two peanuts walk into a bar, not looking for any trouble.
Unfortunately, one of them was a salted.

Two TV aerials got married last week. The ceremony was ok but the reception was brilliant.
Reply 91
Avatar for lilGem
lilGem
20
It was Christmas eve and 3 men decide to go to the bar. Before they go in the bartender tells them they have to do something christmassy to get in.

The first men feels around his pockets and finds his keys- he jingles them and is let in.

The second man can't find his keys so pulls out a lighter and begins waving it around he is also let in.

The third man can't find keys or a lighter so he feels around his pockets and pulls out a pair of ladys underwear. The bartender asks what it is, the third man replies "Carol's"
Reply 92
Avatar for poison.
poison.
when life gives you melons.. you're probably dyslexic :smile:
Reply 93
Avatar for Stripe
Stripe
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
Original post by beccac94
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."


Sheldon :biggrin: :woo:
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Peace Prize?

Spoiler

My (as of 2 days ago) ex-GF was recovering from having her wisdom tooth out, and she was like "look at my face, it's all swollen :frown: "

I replied, "shouldn't have burnt the dinner again then should you?"


This made her laugh, which made her face hurt. Oh delicious irony.
Reply 97
Avatar for Miller693
Miller693
9
Why did the tree fall over?

Spoiler

Original post by blacklistmember
Sheldon :biggrin: :woo:

Bazinga!
Original post by DarkSunshine
x


I don't shake, I tap :tongue: loooool

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