Why do guys sometimes act hot and cold?
So I've just realised maybe a guy hasn't liked me all along thinking about it as he been hot and cold I think I may have been missing obvious signs assuming he is a good guy as he seems confident and friendly.
He can be nice to me, pays attention , jokes, flirts, introduces me to his friends sometimes , says hello to your friends, spends time with you, compliments , pursues , try and be around me , stare at me.
Then other times he'll avoid me, act cold when I'm around, not even smile around, seem annoyed , even try an flirt with a girl when he knows I'm there, trying to get away from me, ignore me. Then if I ignore and avoid them they seem interested.
Whenever I've asked him to meet up at the club he comes. If I suggest anywhere else he says he's busy when he really isn't or doesn't reply. He doesn't initiate conversations with me online, and when I do he does reply but doesn't say too much and I'm doing all the asking with him not even saying too much. I rarely speak to him online as I feel as if I'm annoying him or I simply don't know what to talk about as I know I'll be doing most of the talking.
Is this a bad sign?
why would a guy act like this? What is the reason for acting interested then at other times not interested? I've had this happen before with others.
He can be nice to me, pays attention , jokes, flirts, introduces me to his friends sometimes , says hello to your friends, spends time with you, compliments , pursues , try and be around me , stare at me.
Then other times he'll avoid me, act cold when I'm around, not even smile around, seem annoyed , even try an flirt with a girl when he knows I'm there, trying to get away from me, ignore me. Then if I ignore and avoid them they seem interested.
Whenever I've asked him to meet up at the club he comes. If I suggest anywhere else he says he's busy when he really isn't or doesn't reply. He doesn't initiate conversations with me online, and when I do he does reply but doesn't say too much and I'm doing all the asking with him not even saying too much. I rarely speak to him online as I feel as if I'm annoying him or I simply don't know what to talk about as I know I'll be doing most of the talking.
Is this a bad sign?
why would a guy act like this? What is the reason for acting interested then at other times not interested? I've had this happen before with others.
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It sounds to me like he's giving you mixed signals! He's probably just trying to keep his options open, as he doesn't know whether he's into you or not, then again maybe he's just not as confident as he seems!
Unfortunately it's hard to tell sometimes, which can be frustrating.
How long have you known him? Have you met him many time before?
Unfortunately it's hard to tell sometimes, which can be frustrating.
How long have you known him? Have you met him many time before?
Original post by -daydreamer
It sounds to me like he's giving you mixed signals! He's probably just trying to keep his options open, as he doesn't know whether he's into you or not, then again maybe he's just not as confident as he seems!
Unfortunately it's hard to tell sometimes, which can be frustrating.
How long have you known him? Have you met him many time before?
Unfortunately it's hard to tell sometimes, which can be frustrating.
How long have you known him? Have you met him many time before?
I posted a thread about him the other day. http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1932161
I thought about it and realised this has happened before with other guys. The hot and cold thing basically do similar things to what this guy has done. I've known him about 2months we've met every week for the past 6 weeks at the club and thats where we met. I first saw him early December he saw me a few weeks later there and spoke to me again.
Anyway I'm not interested in the guy now and I think I assumed he was a good guy as he did seem to be and overlooked some of the ways he had acted towards me. I know this situation of guys(maybe even girls) acting hot and cold can be common so just want to know why they do this?
what is their intentions when they act in this way? How can you tell if they are the type that will treat you this way?
Well if you're definately not intested in this guy then maybe just try to forget about him (I know it's easier said than done) but he isn't worth all the time and energy you're wasting on him when analysing all his behaviour. 
Has anything happened with you guys that would make you think it was more than friendship, some people are just naturally flirty? (sorry if that comes across as too nosy feel free to ignore it)
Honestly with the whole hot and cold thing, I'll admit I do it occasionaly, the annoying thing about it is I don't even mean to most of the time, or I realise that I'm doing it but can't stop. Honestly fell like hiting my head against a brick wall sometimes!!
I can't speak for everyone obviously but the reason I think I do it is because it acts like a barrier. A defense mechanism so to speak, if i'm not sure if the other person is interested, then it's just like a reflex to stop me getting to hung up on them. I can be pretty shy though sooo...
So I guess instead of showing my interest, I become quite distant and aloof, which will obviously just come across as disintested to the other person, even though im not.
Has anything happened with you guys that would make you think it was more than friendship, some people are just naturally flirty? (sorry if that comes across as too nosy feel free to ignore it)
Honestly with the whole hot and cold thing, I'll admit I do it occasionaly, the annoying thing about it is I don't even mean to most of the time, or I realise that I'm doing it but can't stop. Honestly fell like hiting my head against a brick wall sometimes!!
I can't speak for everyone obviously but the reason I think I do it is because it acts like a barrier. A defense mechanism so to speak, if i'm not sure if the other person is interested, then it's just like a reflex to stop me getting to hung up on them. I can be pretty shy though sooo...
So I guess instead of showing my interest, I become quite distant and aloof, which will obviously just come across as disintested to the other person, even though im not.
Hmm well all of my friends thought he liked me too from what I had told them about him.
I have forgotten him now and I focus more on work I feel in a better mood.
I don't know but he seemed to act cold intentionally , he even seemed kinda controlling in away. He was just completely avoiding me I even tested . i saw him coming there is a door on either side. I saw him and went in the other side and I could see him look at me and quickly go to the other door to avoid me. I also don't understand if hes angry because I said I might not be going to the club and asked to go with him he then said he might not be going even though he intended to go. I end up going with other people and he seems shocked. I've had the cold vibe off him before but I thought it was my fault .
I mean like when someone intentionally would act hot and cold towards you? It's happened a few times not like if you do it without realising. An like completely cold like you don't want the person to be there..
I have forgotten him now and I focus more on work I feel in a better mood.
I don't know but he seemed to act cold intentionally , he even seemed kinda controlling in away. He was just completely avoiding me I even tested . i saw him coming there is a door on either side. I saw him and went in the other side and I could see him look at me and quickly go to the other door to avoid me. I also don't understand if hes angry because I said I might not be going to the club and asked to go with him he then said he might not be going even though he intended to go. I end up going with other people and he seems shocked. I've had the cold vibe off him before but I thought it was my fault .
I mean like when someone intentionally would act hot and cold towards you? It's happened a few times not like if you do it without realising. An like completely cold like you don't want the person to be there..
It doesn't sound to me like he's completly out of your mind just yet
Sometimes it can come across as intentional when it's really not...
Or maybe he just doesn't know how to act around you, maybe he just wants to be friends, or senses that you like him but doesn't reciprocate. Maybe he did like you at the beginning but his feelings changed. Theres so amny things it could be... The best thing to do is trust your instints if you truly feel he's acting this was deliberatly then he isn't worth it, move on.
I guess unless you can read minds you won't know for sure unless you ask him outright.
Sometimes it can come across as intentional when it's really not...
Or maybe he just doesn't know how to act around you, maybe he just wants to be friends, or senses that you like him but doesn't reciprocate. Maybe he did like you at the beginning but his feelings changed. Theres so amny things it could be... The best thing to do is trust your instints if you truly feel he's acting this was deliberatly then he isn't worth it, move on.
I guess unless you can read minds you won't know for sure unless you ask him outright.
I have forgotten him , I've even deleted his number and messages on facebook. Oh and thats another thing he never replies to texts or even texts me even though he asked for my number. And I don't know much about him, we rarely spoke , I was always confused as to what to even say to him most of the time. An he made no effort to see outside the club I think I should've seen this as a bad sign and if I try hes busy. . I think he just likes the attention. I don't mind being his friend at thats it
I've had a similar situation to this guy with another guy except that guy was worse but you could tell. But yeah the interested one minute not the next is just confusing.
I've had a similar situation to this guy with another guy except that guy was worse but you could tell. But yeah the interested one minute not the next is just confusing.
Why do guys act hot and cold?
Tell him that his behaviour is confusing you and ask what's going on/how he feels.
I don't know hes just confusing. I'm not sure if hes even talking to me.
Its either the push and pull technique
or your paranoid as ****
or your paranoid as ****
Original post by Mr.controversial
Its either the push and pull technique
or your paranoid as ****
or your paranoid as ****
I'm definitely not being paranoid this has happened , I always tell my friends about how he behaves , they've seen him even act that way. Whats the push and pull technique?
Havent bothered to read all of the replies but I've always viewed someone blowing hot and cold as an easier way than working out the ideal average behaviour they should display to you... its sort of like attempting to create an average treatment towards you that's not too suggestive but not "I don't like you"
thing is its not very effective
thing is its not very effective
Original post by Andy16
Havent bothered to read all of the replies but I've always viewed someone blowing hot and cold as an easier way than working out the ideal average behaviour they should display to you... its sort of like attempting to create an average treatment towards you that's not too suggestive but not "I don't like you"
thing is its not very effective
thing is its not very effective
What so it means they like you but trying to not make it obvious? or like you as a friend? or they don't know how to handle their feelings? what kind of like?
Original post by Anonymous
What so it means they like you but trying to not make it obvious? or like you as a friend? or they don't know how to handle their feelings? what kind of like?
the times when he ignores you, he has probably recently been quite attentive to you and wants to balance out the treatment towards you by acting abit negatively..... pretty sure he likes you just get him round your house and let the magic happen hahaha
Original post by Andy16
the times when he ignores you, he has probably recently been quite attentive to you and wants to balance out the treatment towards you by acting abit negatively..... pretty sure he likes you just get him round your house and let the magic happen hahaha
He acted really strange on Friday I asked him if he was going to that club later and that it's warm for once he said "Haha it most certainly is (my name) and I probably will yeah" Then I said" haha aw cool. I'm not sure I'm going yet my friends aren't going this week really wanna go I don't mind hanging out with you an yours if you want?" he said "yeah well I'm not sure if we are going yet! haha I'll text you for sure if we are." and later I saw he'd clicked attending on the club place an hour later. I texted 2 hours later to ask if he knows if hes going yet he didn't reply. My cousin asked me to go with her and her friends so I did. I saw him just walked by saying hello and said he he said "look who it is" to his friend I spent most time with the people I went with, then I lost them , I saw him and went to him gave him an his friend a hug hello. we danced a bit theres was some pushing going on and I got pushed he went and pushed the people back.He went to the bathroom I went to find people. I saw him again he acted kinda different cold in a way . He didn't really smile, or talk much. I found others then went back later on we went over to his friend , then we went to dance lost his friend then saw him just near. Then he said theres 30mins left you should find your friends like he wanted me to go. I gave them a hug goodbye he rubbed my shoulder as I walked in. Later on there I saw him kissing a girl . An he recently added her on facebook, she wrote a comment on his page saying (his name) love you" he liked it and replied "love you too (her name) haha" . This is the girl I think kissed on friday. I don't know if it was because he didn't think I was coming to the club.
I don't think I did anything to annoy him did I do anything wrong?
Girls do this too.... it's annoying playing games, I prefer people who can be upfront.
Nothing wrong with push/pull flirting, but as lighthearted general banter and fun... not completely going off someone which makes them feel, as the OP does, like
Nothing wrong with push/pull flirting, but as lighthearted general banter and fun... not completely going off someone which makes them feel, as the OP does, like
Original post by allspunout
Girls do this too.... it's annoying playing games, I prefer people who can be upfront.
Nothing wrong with push/pull flirting, but as lighthearted general banter and fun... not completely going off someone which makes them feel, as the OP does, like
Nothing wrong with push/pull flirting, but as lighthearted general banter and fun... not completely going off someone which makes them feel, as the OP does, like
II'm sure I didn't do anything wrong he can't be annoyed for me actually going to the club even when I said "might not" be going and asked him if he was and then never actually properly said if he was going when he was and I found other people to go with???
I mean this push/pull is more likely to make me feel like forgetting about them altogether , as I end up thinking thats a side to them which I don't like . They could be worse in a relationship. I end up thinking their just leading me on.
I can't stand people that do this, I just friend zone them when they act like this as I can only take the hot/cold thing for so long. I prefer nice guys who treat you with respect and don't play these games.
Original post by Anonymous
II'm sure I didn't do anything wrong he can't be annoyed for me actually going to the club even when I said "might not" be going and asked him if he was and then never actually properly said if he was going when he was and I found other people to go with???
I mean this push/pull is more likely to make me feel like forgetting about them altogether , as I end up thinking thats a side to them which I don't like . They could be worse in a relationship. I end up thinking their just leading me on.
I can't stand people that do this, I just friend zone them when they act like this as I can only take the hot/cold thing for so long. I prefer nice guys who treat you with respect and don't play these games.
I mean this push/pull is more likely to make me feel like forgetting about them altogether , as I end up thinking thats a side to them which I don't like . They could be worse in a relationship. I end up thinking their just leading me on.
I can't stand people that do this, I just friend zone them when they act like this as I can only take the hot/cold thing for so long. I prefer nice guys who treat you with respect and don't play these games.
No he can't be annoyed with you, and you're right that this is not a side to people that nice. It does seem like leading you on and fair enough to just friendzone them
I think exactly the same about girls too
Push/pull should only be gentle teasing, where it's obvious it's meant in a jokey way, not to mess someone around. I'd say if he's messing you around like this, then you deserve to find someone better who treats you with more respect and doesn't play these games
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