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Why do guys sometimes act hot and cold?

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    (Original post by allspunout)
    No he can't be annoyed with you, and you're right that this is not a side to people that nice. It does seem like leading you on and fair enough to just friendzone them

    I think exactly the same about girls too

    Push/pull should only be gentle teasing, where it's obvious it's meant in a jokey way, not to mess someone around. I'd say if he's messing you around like this, then you deserve to find someone better who treats you with more respect and doesn't play these games

    Well it did look to be leading somewhere then I realised I know nothing about him apart from what hes studying or has done that day and where he goes to college. One thing that did confuse me we were talking about music nsync and backstreet boys then he randomly sends me Tracey Chapman - Matters to the heart and says listen to the lyrics. (this was like 4 weeks ago). I don't know we seem quite different and with nothing in common , plus different personalities.

    He seems too popular , in the club I wouldn't think that but then like on facebook and that you can tell hes a popular guy(even though it's usually only guys posting on his wall). I'm not really one for popular guy plus hes too charming , an obviously justs likes female attention. I don't know hes probably not looking for anything serious.

    I'd much rather someone who is honest where you know where they stand. I've only had one guy who has been able to be like this even though we were friends. I don't know why people always say nice guys finish last and that I much prefer them.

    You know what I actually deleted his number and fb messages , his number he never replied to my texts an fb I usually start it and he doesn't even say bye when he goes offline now he just goes offline mid conversation. I've completely friend-zoned him ,I just don't get why he always stares if other guys are around me. His friend is nicer to speak to than him , he always tells me whether the guy is there or not though without me asking.

    (lol sorry for my long post)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well it did look to be leading somewhere then I realised I know nothing about him apart from what hes studying or has done that day and where he goes to college. One thing that did confuse me we were talking about music nsync and backstreet boys then he randomly sends me Tracey Chapman - Matters to the heart and says listen to the lyrics. (this was like 4 weeks ago). I don't know we seem quite different and with nothing in common , plus different personalities.

    He seems too popular , in the club I wouldn't think that but then like on facebook and that you can tell hes a popular guy(even though it's usually only guys posting on his wall). I'm not really one for popular guy plus hes too charming , an obviously justs likes female attention. I don't know hes probably not looking for anything serious.

    I'd much rather someone who is honest where you know where they stand. I've only had one guy who has been able to be like this even though we were friends. I don't know why people always say nice guys finish last and that I much prefer them.

    You know what I actually deleted his number and fb messages , his number he never replied to my texts an fb I usually start it and he doesn't even say bye when he goes offline now he just goes offline mid conversation. I've completely friend-zoned him ,I just don't get why he always stares if other guys are around me. His friend is nicer to speak to than him , he always tells me whether the guy is there or not though without me asking.

    (lol sorry for my long post)
    Long post if you want to, go ahead

    I think you've made a positive step forwards deleting his number and messages. It's rubbish if it's always you initiating the conversation, and he just seems to be rude and not really that interested to be honest. If you don't think you've got things in common and your personalities are different, that's not a good start.

    I'm not sure why he stares at you if other guys are around you, maybe a little bit of possessiveness that he doesn't want other people talking to you, even though he's treating you badly? It's probably that he likes the female attention and gets jealous if you're giving it to other guys... well I think that's tough, why should you be messed around by him?

    I think you're better off without him. Can I just say how refreshing it is to hear a girl say that she prefers nice guys and knowing where she stands with them Lots of people say this but you sound like you mean it, and that's actually quite rare, so good on you You'll find yourself someone one day who won't play games and will respect and look after you, as it should be
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by allspunout)
    Long post if you want to, go ahead

    I think you've made a positive step forwards deleting his number and messages. It's rubbish if it's always you initiating the conversation, and he just seems to be rude and not really that interested to be honest. If you don't think you've got things in common and your personalities are different, that's not a good start.

    I'm not sure why he stares at you if other guys are around you, maybe a little bit of possessiveness that he doesn't want other people talking to you, even though he's treating you badly? It's probably that he likes the female attention and gets jealous if you're giving it to other guys... well I think that's tough, why should you be messed around by him?

    I think you're better off without him. Can I just say how refreshing it is to hear a girl say that she prefers nice guys and knowing where she stands with them Lots of people say this but you sound like you mean it, and that's actually quite rare, so good on you You'll find yourself someone one day who won't play games and will respect and look after you, as it should be
    I know yeah, in person he can be more of the initiator just online he isn't. He seemed like a good guy at first, I guess it's true what they say about guys in clubs then.

    He probably is a bit possessive , maybe even jealous. He seems sort of controlling in a way too.

    I know hes way too annoying now and it's uni next year there will be plenty of other guys there. Nice guys really are the best and they know how to treat people they like. I'm sure I'll find someone , I kind of did before then certain circumstances ruined it , I know we'll speak again sometime as we really connected, it's just not to lose focus in the exams again. I'll see him again even as friends. It's better when your similar to a person then opposites I think, I've always thought that .

    An it's weird how I would actually rather speak to the guys friend than him, the only reason I'm still going to talk to him as I'd feel bad not speaking to his friend hes always nice to me even when the guy acts cold .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know yeah, in person he can be more of the initiator just online he isn't. He seemed like a good guy at first, I guess it's true what they say about guys in clubs then.

    He probably is a bit possessive , maybe even jealous. He seems sort of controlling in a way too.

    I know hes way too annoying now and it's uni next year there will be plenty of other guys there. Nice guys really are the best and they know how to treat people they like. I'm sure I'll find someone , I kind of did before then certain circumstances ruined it , I know we'll speak again sometime as we really connected, it's just not to lose focus in the exams again. I'll see him again even as friends. It's better when your similar to a person then opposites I think, I've always thought that .

    An it's weird how I would actually rather speak to the guys friend than him, the only reason I'm still going to talk to him as I'd feel bad not speaking to his friend hes always nice to me even when the guy acts cold .
    Possessive, controlling and jealous never good... I know someone who had this with her bf and it was just an absolute nightmare, don't go there.

    Yes there are plenty more fish in the sea, and nice guys out there who are actually worth your time I personally agree that whilst loads of people say oppposites attract, someone similar to you is good Although sometimes it's good to be slightly different and balance each other other out.

    Yeah by all means speak to his friend, they're each their own guy and if you like chatting to his friend, nothing wrong with that: you can talk to who you want, as can his friend.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by allspunout)
    Possessive, controlling and jealous never good... I know someone who had this with her bf and it was just an absolute nightmare, don't go there.

    Yes there are plenty more fish in the sea, and nice guys out there who are actually worth your time I personally agree that whilst loads of people say oppposites attract, someone similar to you is good Although sometimes it's good to be slightly different and balance each other other out.

    Yeah by all means speak to his friend, they're each their own guy and if you like chatting to his friend, nothing wrong with that: you can talk to who you want, as can his friend.
    Yeah thats why I'm slightly put off in the idea of thinking of him as more than a friend now. I don't even know if he sees me as a friend . I don't if I'l be saying the same when I see him I might say this now , then he acts nice when I see him next and I'll end up giving him a chance. I can be naive sometimes.

    I mean similar but with some differences , but not totally different on different wavelengths .

    Yeah I just say hello to his friend and he says hello to me. I don't why he always tells me where the guy is though or if hes around or not
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    Yeah don't let yourself be pulled in by his charm: when he acts nice, remember what he's done to make you post on here in the first place. I wouldn't treat a friend like this... I'm not sure that he even sees you as one, or whether he just wants your attention. Don't be giving him chances, you'll only get hurt later down the line. To put it mildly.... if he's trying to be all sweetness and light.... remember this...

    :upyours:

    That should keep you on the straight and narrow, don't be another girl giving him the attention he needs

    If his friend starts saying where the guy is, tell him straight out "I don't care where he is, I'm talking to you"... that should give him a hint that you're interested in chatting to him, not the other guy.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by allspunout)
    Possessive, controlling and jealous never good... I know someone who had this with her bf and it was just an absolute nightmare, don't go there.

    Yes there are plenty more fish in the sea, and nice guys out there who are actually worth your time I personally agree that whilst loads of people say oppposites attract, someone similar to you is good Although sometimes it's good to be slightly different and balance each other other out.

    Yeah by all means speak to his friend, they're each their own guy and if you like chatting to his friend, nothing wrong with that: you can talk to who you want, as can his friend.
    Yeah thats why I'm slightly put off in the idea of thinking of him as more than a friend now. I don't even know if he sees me as a friend . I don't if I'l be saying the same when I see him I might say this now , then he acts nice when I see him next and I'll end up giving him a chance. I can be naive sometimes.

    I mean similar but with some differences , but not totally different on different wavelengths .

    Yeah I just say hello to his friend and he says hello to me. I don't why he always tells me where the guy is though or if hes around or not
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by allspunout)
    Yeah don't let yourself be pulled in by his charm: when he acts nice, remember what he's done to make you post on here in the first place. I wouldn't treat a friend like this... I'm not sure that he even sees you as one, or whether he just wants your attention. Don't be giving him chances, you'll only get hurt later down the line. To put it mildly.... if he's trying to be all sweetness and light.... remember this...

    :upyours:

    That should keep you on the straight and narrow, don't be another girl giving him the attention he needs

    If his friend starts saying where the guy is, tell him straight out "I don't care where he is, I'm talking to you"... that should give him a hint that you're interested in chatting to him, not the other guy.

    True , I'm just not sure how to act when I see him. Normally I'd give him a hug hello and goodbye. I'm not sure if I still give him a hug? and then like avoid or ignore him or basically unaware of his presence and try not pay attention to him?

    I know I don't know if we're friend maybe he does this a lot a girl did say once "(his name) doesn't treat girls right" then said he was ok and nice when I asked questions I don't know maybe she didn't want to say too much .

    I don't know I think his friend must know I like him. He did try and hint we should kiss once this was early january so the guy must have liked me at that point.
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    I wouldn't give him a hug. Yeah, just don't really pay attention to him, I bet he'll get wound up but at the end of the day, he blew his chance and should've treated you better before. If this other girl is saying it too, it does sound like he uses women.

    His friend seems nicer, maybe get to know him more
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by allspunout)
    I wouldn't give him a hug. Yeah, just don't really pay attention to him, I bet he'll get wound up but at the end of the day, he blew his chance and should've treated you better before. If this other girl is saying it too, it does sound like he uses women.

    His friend seems nicer, maybe get to know him more

    I think his friend is bi or gay and I'm not looking for anything and wasn't at the time I'm just gonna stick to being single haven't got time for a relationship now,

    I might just say hello if I see him and carry on walking before he can say anything else. Or just hug and then leave swiftly away from him.
    This was a while ago , early january. I don't know the girl. And she asked his friend (a different guy he knows) and he said he was nice as she asked him but he was totally drunk . He always wants me to hug his friends as well .
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    How can I stop myself liking the guy again?
    I have a weird feeling that if I see him again and hes being nice I might just forget the way hes been and see how he is with me then.
    How do I stop myself trying to hang with him or if he comes up to me ?
    I've cut the contact for whole of last week and won't speak to him unless he does something.
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    from my experiences the whole point of hot and cold is to keep the other person interested. If they played it normally I bet you wouldn't be thinking about it as much.

    Girls I know use it all the time. Frustrating as hell but it keeps us guys interested, we like a challenge
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Muppet Science)
    from my experiences the whole point of hot and cold is to keep the other person interested. If they played it normally I bet you wouldn't be thinking about it as much.

    Girls I know use it all the time. Frustrating as hell but it keeps us guys interested, we like a challenge
    So is he just doing this for a challenge? or my particular guy is just a user guy?

    I never act hot and cold with guys , I prefer to show my interest.
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    (Original post by -daydreamer)
    Well if you're definately not intested in this guy then maybe just try to forget about him (I know it's easier said than done) but he isn't worth all the time and energy you're wasting on him when analysing all his behaviour.

    Has anything happened with you guys that would make you think it was more than friendship, some people are just naturally flirty? (sorry if that comes across as too nosy feel free to ignore it)

    Honestly with the whole hot and cold thing, I'll admit I do it occasionaly, the annoying thing about it is I don't even mean to most of the time, or I realise that I'm doing it but can't stop. Honestly fell like hiting my head against a brick wall sometimes!!

    I can't speak for everyone obviously but the reason I think I do it is because it acts like a barrier. A defense mechanism so to speak, if i'm not sure if the other person is interested, then it's just like a reflex to stop me getting to hung up on them. I can be pretty shy though sooo...

    So I guess instead of showing my interest, I become quite distant and aloof, which will obviously just come across as disintested to the other person, even though im not.

    This was an excellent post!! Rly made it clearer to me why guys can sometimes act like this...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So is he just doing this for a challenge? or my particular guy is just a user guy?

    I never act hot and cold with guys , I prefer to show my interest.
    This guy isn't interested. Yeah, he may enjoy the attention you give him but he doesn't text you back, he hinted at you to go away and you saw him getting with another girl. That's not blowing hot and cold, that's a sign he's just not into you, full stop.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    (Original post by -daydreamer)
    Well if you're definately not intested in this guy then maybe just try to forget about him (I know it's easier said than done) but he isn't worth all the time and energy you're wasting on him when analysing all his behaviour.

    Has anything happened with you guys that would make you think it was more than friendship, some people are just naturally flirty? (sorry if that comes across as too nosy feel free to ignore it)

    Honestly with the whole hot and cold thing, I'll admit I do it occasionaly, the annoying thing about it is I don't even mean to most of the time, or I realise that I'm doing it but can't stop. Honestly fell like hiting my head against a brick wall sometimes!!

    I can't speak for everyone obviously but the reason I think I do it is because it acts like a barrier. A defense mechanism so to speak, if i'm not sure if the other person is interested, then it's just like a reflex to stop me getting to hung up on them. I can be pretty shy though sooo...

    So I guess instead of showing my interest, I become quite distant and aloof, which will obviously just come across as disintested to the other person, even though im not.
    if you want to talk to her, but you act distant and aloof because you are not as confident/shy or whatever, then what can the girl do to make you come around and bring you out of your shell? Do you act like this even when the girl is showing interest in u?
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    Ignore him. When he realises you don't actually care about him he'll either try harder or move on.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    This is an old topic lol.

    Funny how this thread has popped up though. This guy was texting me constantly for 2/3days straight and no stopped texting or replying. I cant have said anything wrong. And he was up for meeting if we're still talking in a week. I've texted twice now once yesterday once today no reply. Don't want to seem clingly either.

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Updated: December 12, 2012
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