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Bisexuals needed to answer a few questions please

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    Hello
    2 years ago I begun thinking that I was bisexual.
    [By the way, I'm sorry some of this may seem quite pathetic but I feel so messed up at the minute, I'd just like some help.]
    I still can't be sure about it because I haven't had relationships in either "field". (I'm nearly 18 so this is also quite pathetic I suppose). With no experience, I'm left feeling like I don't know who I am. I don't want to tell people (or even myself) that I'm bisexual because, other than my feelings and dreams, I can't be sure I'm bisexual.
    I also can't believe that me of all people would be bisexual!
    I sometimes wonder if I'm making it up because a few years before I realised there may be more to it than "Oh I like her legs" "Oh gosh he's so fit!", I used to want to be different because... well I don't really know why. But then I think about all that again I realise that perhaps I only wanted to be different because I was different.
    Also, the more I think about it, the more confused I get, and right now I'm at the stage where I just want to tell people (including the woman I like which is a bad idea because she's my teacher*) so I can tell them all this and get their opinion/advice.
    I've told my two closest friends and one of them is really supportive. The other tries her best but I can tell it's a sore spot for her because she's been brought up into a religious family (although she isn't religious herself). Niether of them can help me though because they haven't been through anything like this.

    So the actual question(s):
    • Do I ask for help from my teacher because I get an inkling that she might not be straight herself? (Of course this is dubious because it's possible that the inkling is just created by my imagination because I don't want her to be...)*
    • Do I say nothing and just 'give it time'? (Which by the way is the one I don't want to have to do because I really can't stand not knowing myself for much longer.)
    • Any other suggestions? They're all welcome because I'm out of ideas and I am going crazier by the second.


    Thank you!

    *I'd like to add to this that I don't need any advice telling me not to tell my teacher my feelings for her because of course there are laws against that and I am NOT stupid!
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    like homosexuality, bisexuality is not a choice and I'm afraid only u know if u are.
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    (Original post by roardinosaur)
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    I've heard that most women are bisexual to some degree.
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    (Original post by Einheri)
    I've heard that most women are bisexual to some degree.
    true.

    but does it matter if you are? no.

    Anyway maybe you shouldn't be chasing teachers.. just go to some events which are pro lgbt and see what happens?
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    I am bisexual. It is a time when we learn about ourselves. So I think you should give it time. If you are attracted to just men good, other wise better . Feel free to PM if you have any questions.
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    The vast majority of close female friends I have, have had a sexual background with another girl at one point or another. Don't worry about labelling yourself and telling people your sexuality, this is the age to do what you please sexually, that's why it is liberation. And just because you haven't had a relationship yet, don't worry, it happens at different times for different people.
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    (Original post by Numan786)
    like homosexuality, bisexuality is not a choice and I'm afraid only u know if u are.
    So if she thinks about it then decides she doesn't like women, she has made a choice, quite clearly.
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    (Original post by Einheri)
    I've heard that most women are bisexual to some degree.
    According to non-binary sexuality theories, nearly everyone is.
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    There's no rush to label yourself. In fact...you don't really ever need to put a definite label on yourself.
    I hope I don't sound patronising when I say this but you are only young and at your age it is perfectly normal to be confused and not sure about your sexuality.
    It is not in any way pathetic to not have had a relationship at your age. You don't need to define yourself based on whether you have or haven't had relationships.
    I'd suggest just keep talking your feelings through with the friend who is supportive - just because she hasn't been in your position doesn't mean she can't listen to you and help you to figure things out for yourself. Other than that I'd say just take things as they come - when you are attracted to someone (obviously discounting your teacher) then just let things take their course regardless of the gender involved.
    If you trust the teacher and want to talk to her for support then perhaps you could but remember that she probably won't tell you either way what her sexuality is as her private life is exactly that. Teachers are always happy to support you and listen to you when you find things hard. I'm a dance teacher and if my older students (I teach 4-16 year olds!) want to talk to someone about a problem I'm happy to listen regardless of whether it has anything to do with dance. However, whilst I will listen and advise I wouldn't cross the teacher line by referring to my own experiences in that kind of area. So if this particular teacher is someone you trust and want to talk to then by all means do so, but remember she'll be talking to you as a teacher and not as a friend so doing it because you think she might be bisexual or homosexual herself won't help as she's not going to confirm anything. I say all this keeping in mine that you have already acknowledged it would be inappropriate and unhelpful to tell her about your feelings - and this would be unchanged if she was a male teacher you were attracted to! Attraction to teachers is common in a similar way to the patient/nurse 'florence nightengale' effect but it is obviously always best to keep these crushes to yourself.
    Overall, I guess what I'm saying is relax, don't worry about it, take things in your own time and talk to others if it helps you make sense of things!
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    (Original post by Sazzle4)
    There's no rush to label yourself. In fact...you don't really ever need to put a definite label on yourself.
    I hope I don't sound patronising when I say this but you are only young and at your age it is perfectly normal to be confused and not sure about your sexuality.
    It is not in any way pathetic to not have had a relationship at your age. You don't need to define yourself based on whether you have or haven't had relationships.
    I'd suggest just keep talking your feelings through with the friend who is supportive - just because she hasn't been in your position doesn't mean she can't listen to you and help you to figure things out for yourself. Other than that I'd say just take things as they come - when you are attracted to someone (obviously discounting your teacher) then just let things take their course regardless of the gender involved.
    If you trust the teacher and want to talk to her for support then perhaps you could but remember that she probably won't tell you either way what her sexuality is as her private life is exactly that. Teachers are always happy to support you and listen to you when you find things hard. I'm a dance teacher and if my older students (I teach 4-16 year olds!) want to talk to someone about a problem I'm happy to listen regardless of whether it has anything to do with dance. However, whilst I will listen and advise I wouldn't cross the teacher line by referring to my own experiences in that kind of area. So if this particular teacher is someone you trust and want to talk to then by all means do so, but remember she'll be talking to you as a teacher and not as a friend so doing it because you think she might be bisexual or homosexual herself won't help as she's not going to confirm anything. I say all this keeping in mine that you have already acknowledged it would be inappropriate and unhelpful to tell her about your feelings - and this would be unchanged if she was a male teacher you were attracted to! Attraction to teachers is common in a similar way to the patient/nurse 'florence nightengale' effect but it is obviously always best to keep these crushes to yourself.
    Overall, I guess what I'm saying is relax, don't worry about it, take things in your own time and talk to others if it helps you make sense of things!
    I agree with what you say actually about not needing to label myself. I am quite against labelling but with this, I feel like I'd just like to me able to get it sorted in my head and I think saying "right you are bisexual" will work. But at the moment I feel I can't do that because I just have no idea what is happening up there in my head.
    Sometimes I feel like I have two minds. One of them is all "asdfghjkl-ooh man.. ooh woman." etc and the other is more like: "What are you doing this for, you stupid brain?" I litteraly feel like 2 people trying to decide between what flavour crisps they prefer! I constantly think how stupid I'm being and I don't think thats helping lol. I hate myself right now because I just can't get my head around it at all.
    I also agree with what you said about my teacher not spilling her private life to me. I want to be a teacher myself, and I don't know if its because of this that I like building up a rapport with them, or it's simply just because they are also friendly at my sixth form. Either way right now, the only people I feel I could talk to whom I know in my life are teachers.
    I was thinking about why I feel like this last night and decided to break it all down. I came to the conclusion that it's because I'm just wanting someone to give me the answer. I know of course nobody can give me the answer except for myself. I think I'm just longing for someone to do this - the most likely people to give me an answer are either people who have been through it themselves, or people who are supposed to be clever and I suppose authoritarian. Ie, my teachers.
    Of course, my more sensible mind tells me that they can't give me the answer and I shouldn't be expecting them to be open with me or even be able to help me, but I know that they will be able to listen. Where as my not-so-sensible more confused mind is telling me to tell everyone so that I've got more chance of finding an answer!
    (I really hope this is making sense!)
    You should probably know that I have spoken to this teacher previously when I was feeling over worked and stressed not that long ago actually. I wonder whether I want to talk to her again because maybe I'm being so immature and I'm just wanting some attention again. [See what I mean about my two minds? No normal person would think like this! ]
    Like you said, even if I did tell her, she'd only be responding as a teacher and even though she is an amazing woman, she wouldn't be able to work magic and act as a friend - which I suppose really is what I need. I think I need an adult friend. :rolleyes:
    Bring on uni! - That's all I can say that makes any sense!
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    (Original post by roardinosaur)
    I agree with what you say actually about not needing to label myself. I am quite against labelling but with this, I feel like I'd just like to me able to get it sorted in my head and I think saying "right you are bisexual" will work. But at the moment I feel I can't do that because I just have no idea what is happening up there in my head.
    Sometimes I feel like I have two minds. One of them is all "asdfghjkl-ooh man.. ooh woman." etc and the other is more like: "What are you doing this for, you stupid brain?" I litteraly feel like 2 people trying to decide between what flavour crisps they prefer! I constantly think how stupid I'm being and I don't think thats helping lol. I hate myself right now because I just can't get my head around it at all.
    I also agree with what you said about my teacher not spilling her private life to me. I want to be a teacher myself, and I don't know if its because of this that I like building up a rapport with them, or it's simply just because they are also friendly at my sixth form. Either way right now, the only people I feel I could talk to whom I know in my life are teachers.
    I was thinking about why I feel like this last night and decided to break it all down. I came to the conclusion that it's because I'm just wanting someone to give me the answer. I know of course nobody can give me the answer except for myself. I think I'm just longing for someone to do this - the most likely people to give me an answer are either people who have been through it themselves, or people who are supposed to be clever and I suppose authoritarian. Ie, my teachers.
    Of course, my more sensible mind tells me that they can't give me the answer and I shouldn't be expecting them to be open with me or even be able to help me, but I know that they will be able to listen. Where as my not-so-sensible more confused mind is telling me to tell everyone so that I've got more chance of finding an answer!
    (I really hope this is making sense!)
    You should probably know that I have spoken to this teacher previously when I was feeling over worked and stressed not that long ago actually. I wonder whether I want to talk to her again because maybe I'm being so immature and I'm just wanting some attention again. [See what I mean about my two minds? No normal person would think like this! ]
    Like you said, even if I did tell her, she'd only be responding as a teacher and even though she is an amazing woman, she wouldn't be able to work magic and act as a friend - which I suppose really is what I need. I think I need an adult friend. :rolleyes:
    Bring on uni! - That's all I can say that makes any sense!
    I think you might be underestimating just how normal it is to feel all of these things when you're in your late teenage years! It's normal and it's ok.
    I didn't mean it to come across earlier that I don't think teachers are good people to talk to - they are of course good listeners a lot of the time and you will often feel comfortable with them and feel you can trust them. As we've both agreed, I just meant that she won't be in a position to provide personal information as a way of supporting you.
    It's only natural to want to find answers to whether you are straight, gay or bisexual but it's worth reminding yourself that it doesn't matter how long it takes you to figure that out. You are attracted to people as and when it happens and there's no need to rush yourself to decide how strongly you feel these things and whether there are sexual elements to your feelings or whether you are simply able to recognise whether someone is attractive. Take your time and let the conclusions come naturally. In the mean time talk to anyone you feel safe with about it - talking helps a lot of the time and you might be surprised by how many people have been through the same things as you. My teenage years were just long enough ago for me to see how much we all mature over time and how little I actually needed to worry about things that felt so overwhelmingly huge at the time. They were also recent enough for me to remember how it all felt! So please believe me when I say it will all become clear if you give yourself a little time and space and that there is no need to beat yourself up about a perfectly normal part of growing up.
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    (Original post by Sazzle4)
    I think you might be underestimating just how normal it is to feel all of these things when you're in your late teenage years! It's normal and it's ok.
    I didn't mean it to come across earlier that I don't think teachers are good people to talk to - they are of course good listeners a lot of the time and you will often feel comfortable with them and feel you can trust them. As we've both agreed, I just meant that she won't be in a position to provide personal information as a way of supporting you.
    It's only natural to want to find answers to whether you are straight, gay or bisexual but it's worth reminding yourself that it doesn't matter how long it takes you to figure that out. You are attracted to people as and when it happens and there's no need to rush yourself to decide how strongly you feel these things and whether there are sexual elements to your feelings or whether you are simply able to recognise whether someone is attractive. Take your time and let the conclusions come naturally. In the mean time talk to anyone you feel safe with about it - talking helps a lot of the time and you might be surprised by how many people have been through the same things as you. My teenage years were just long enough ago for me to see how much we all mature over time and how little I actually needed to worry about things that felt so overwhelmingly huge at the time. They were also recent enough for me to remember how it all felt! So please believe me when I say it will all become clear if you give yourself a little time and space and that there is no need to beat yourself up about a perfectly normal part of growing up.
    Thank you. I think thats what I exactly needed to hear.. or at least read
    Thank you so much!
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    (Original post by roardinosaur)
    Thank you. I think thats what I exactly needed to hear.. or at least read
    Thank you so much!
    You're welcome! I'm glad it helped a little - sometimes everyone just needs to hear that they aren't the first or the last to feel a certain way!

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