[Jake22]

If the scars were on her forearm; it might be uncomfortable or impractical to cover them up. This obviously applies whether they are scars from self harm or otherwise.

I have a slight scar from a stab wound on my neck that some people have commented on. Now it is scar tissue and pretty minor and almost unnoticeable apart from close up but originally; it was more pronounced and stuck out more. I wasn't going to walk around in turtle necks like a mime artist for a month just cover it up though...

[EmperorMustard]

I have the most annoyingly placed scar on my wrist that looks like a self harm scar but isn't. Did it when I was drunk and trying to fix a sofa bed, the metal support snapped and cut my wrist. Hate having to explain it, especially as it's actually quite dark and raised so very noticeable. Everyone said I should have had stitches because it was quite a big gash, hindsight eh.

[flying plum]

(Original post by Steevee)
I did to one. Not to the other two. Crazy as it sounds, I do care about them, and so did what I thought would best aid them. One of them, I got rather irritated with, they were clingy along with bi-polar and having depression. At one point, when under the influence, they attempted to blame me for not being there to stop them harming themselves, essentially calling me selfish for not wanting to walk 40 minutes across town in the middle of the night on the back of them saying they were going to cut themself. I was under the influence to an extent at the time, and told them exactly what I thought. It had no massive affect either way on their mental state as far as I could tell, and did not change the dynamic of the relationship to any great deal. Honestly, I think they may have appreciated my honesty, and it was easier for me to deal with them, knowing they knew how I felt about the situation. And to an extent, I think at that point I made them feel a bit guilty, as if they owed me something, and they did not harm themselves for a period after it. Maybe not the best way to deal with it, but a way.

See, now, I think this is a bit different to what you've been saying above. Mental illness can change a person, and how they behave, and that can make it very difficult on relationships with them. I'm not sure anyone should be to blame in this situation for getting frustrated. Even if you know, intellectually, that they can't necessarily 'help' the way they act, that doesn't mean that it frustrates or irritates you.

[OU Student]

(Original post by Steevee)
x.

There is a huge difference between being friends with someone who self harms and self harming yourself. I don't have friends who self harm and do not understand how my friends feel. A friend of mine once said he doesn't understand self harm. He's been through it twice with me and many times with his wife.

[Whirlm]

(Original post by littledreams)
I was just surprised to see them, and I also had to think about how other people might react to them - particularly children. I guess a lot of my surprise came from the fact that she was in that profession too if I'm honest.

What does anyone think..?

I have self-harm scars on my left forearm, mostly knife cuts and burns marks, most of which date from a period when I was 13-16. I'm now 24, and the scars have gone white and, although they're noticeable, I don't go out of my way to hide them anymore. I used to hide them when I was self-harming, as I didn't want people to see, but I just don't really think about it anymore. I have a tattoo on my hand and wrist and I think people tend to notice the tattoo now rather than the scars. I used to work with young children, and some of them did ask a few times what happened to my arm. I used to just say that I picked my pet rabbit up one day without holding her properly, and she got scared and scratched me. And then I'd ask them if they had any pets, and they'd start talking about that! With your doctor, she's probably moved on in her life from whenever she harmed and so doesn't see the scars as important anymore? I don't know. I don't think they 'should' be covered up...I'm talking from the perspective of someone who used to self harm, but hasn't done it for several years - I don't know how others might feel.

[TheHyacinthGirl]

I don't think they should be covered, but I strongly object to people posting pictures of recent self-injury on sites like Tumblr.

There are a minority of self-harmers who want to glorify their scars, and they disgust me. They also perpetuate the awful idea that people self-harm only for attention.

[Whirlm]

(Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
I don't think they should be covered, but I strongly object to people posting pictures of recent self-injury on sites like Tumblr.

There are a minority of self-harmers who want to glorify their scars, and they disgust me. They also perpetuate the awful idea that people self-harm only for attention.

I agree with this no one should 'have' to cover them - but glorifying the action is horrible.

I never really believed that what I was doing was bad for me at the time, as it felt like such a positive thing, such a relief - I saw it as something that got me through bad times. But when my sister (who is 7 years younger than me) hit her teens and had some similar incidents, I was so upset. One of my friends at uni also had some bad incidents, and seeing others harm themselves and be in so much emotional pain is so sad. I hate anything that glorifies it or links it 'attention seeking'.

[Nolwenn]

I have quite a few burning scars. I don't mind them anymore but I work with children, and with the activities we do, and when we occasionally have good weather, I can't keep my arms and legs covered up. It's awkward and disturbing, so I hope to get them removed/faded whenever I can afford it.

And as much as the torment is not a choice, the way we deal with it is.

[Anonymous]

I have always covered them

I don't want random people to know, since in the past people's reactions have always been extremely judgmental and hostile.

[kerily]

I get mine out on a daily basis Some of them are on my forearms, so it was either that or wear long sleeves all the time, and to be honest, if someone judges me on the basis of scarring, they're not worth being friends with anyway.

[Anonymous]

in fairness the doctor doesnt have a choice to show them or not because of the "bare below the elbows" rule in healthcare.

also you shouldnt hide them if you dont want to. self-harming isnt always done for attention and some people who have gone through really bad points in their life and needed a way to deal with it, which unfortunately resulted in self harm (my friend cut often because she had an abusive bastard for a dad who took anger out on her, her mum and her little brother, one time beating her mum so badly she ended up in hospital, and my friend found it to be the only way to deal with everything that was going on in her life, especially after the death of her gran who she was extremely close to). i self harm myself, as i have been through some really bad times in my life, which i wont go into here, but feel i have nowhere to turn to sometimes. im not good at sharing my emotions with people and sometimes everything gets on top of me and i kind of have a "melt-down" that results in hurting myself. i dont cut but i do hit, punch, have burnt myself on a match once and usually hit a wall or something. i also used to pull my hair out when i was younger, usually without noticing i was doing it, and would wake up with hair on my pillow. my mum took me to doctors twice as she noticed a bald patch on my head, which just got attributed to stress both times and nobody caught onto what i was doing.

my point is that judging people for it is wrong as sometimes its a compulsion you have to give into. i dont think people should have to hide them if they dont want to and it kind of saddens me that people do judge you for it. it shouldnt be seen as good that you do self harm, but you shouldnt be judged for it, or even worse when people just think you are attention seeking, as most of us arent (hence the annonymouse, as i dont want people to know who i am as i have never told anyone i know that i do it either).

[kerily]

(Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
I don't think they should be covered, but I strongly object to people posting pictures of recent self-injury on sites like Tumblr.

I find it exceptionally useful when people post pictures of self-injury on the internet; looking at said pictures means that I can satisfy the need to self-harm without actually hurting myself. It's only there if you go looking for it (e.g. look in the 'self-harm' tag, don't blacklist the tag 'self-harm', etc) so I don't see what's wrong with it.

[Rananagirl]

If they've gone white, it probably means they're old enough that she simply can't be bothered worrying about covering them all the time anymore, and is more concerned with comfort.

Since she's a doctor, it's difficult to say whether she should cover them or not, since it could trigger negative reactions from some people.

I have scars up my arms, and must have gone about 3 years without ever wearing a short-sleeved top, so nobody ever knew or saw them. Now they've faded enough that I'm not really scared of showing them because it's the past.

[TheHyacinthGirl]

(Original post by kerily)
I find it exceptionally useful when people post pictures of self-injury on the internet; looking at said pictures means that I can satisfy the need to self-harm without actually hurting myself. It's only there if you go looking for it (e.g. look in the 'self-harm' tag, don't blacklist the tag 'self-harm', etc) so I don't see what's wrong with it.

I think there's a bit of a problem in the case of Tumblr with people tagging graphic images with the term 'recovery', and doing similar things with eating disorder posts.

I do agree that people should have the freedom to post pictures like that, and it's interesting that you say that it helps you. Just from a recovery point of view I don't think they should be allowed to tag it as recovery when it could be triggering to certain people who are trying to use the site to gain strength.

[Nikkling]

I'm not suprised that she's a doctor and she has self-harm scars. I used to self-harm and the part that helped me the most was fixing the damage I'd done to myself, nursing the wound. It's a way for a person to look after themself.

There's a lot of argument here of whether or not to feel ashamed and the fact of the matter is that it all comes down to the individual and their personality. Some people have mental disorders that drive them to self-harm as a way to self-medicate. For other people, it's a way to show the world that they're in pain.

Animals self-harm, if they're in a stressful environment they'll bite themselves or pull out their own fur.

I don't agree with people who make a point of showing off their scars because it just pushes the stigma of self-harming being attention seeking in a negative way. However I don't intend to never wear short sleeves or shorts ever again because I have some scars. People sometimes ask me and I honestly tell them that they were the result of a bad time in my life, and now I'm moving forward.

Anyone who is struggling with self-injury of any form must please feel free to contact me.

[lightburns]

For me, it's more like taking morphine for an injury. But having to walk through miles of desert first to get to the hospital.

My scars have now faded. When they were there, I was not ashamed. Not in the slightest. I wasn't proud of the cuts as such, but I was proud that the cuts were all I had to show. The cuts were a record of the crap I was going through, and during the immense horrific struggle, I got off relatively unharmed. I saw them a bit like war wounds.
I liked to to touch the scabs because those bloodied lines showed something important; I didn't shy away from them. I actively welcomed self-harm as being the thing that kept me alive.
It wasn't something that I wanted attention for, but I wasn't going to hide it for the sake of others.

Why should I have been ashamed? I feel proud of how I coped during that time, and that includes pride of my self-harm.

[xeax]

This thread is extremely long, so I may have a repeated a point when I say:

Not all forms of self harm are visible. People can still have wounds within even once the scars have healed, hair has grown back or the vomiting has stopped.

People should be supported whether their scars are on show or not. It is nothing to shy away from or be embarrassed about. It is always a good thing to talk about this sensitive topic to open-minded people and people you can trust.

[llessur123]

I have a lot of self harm scars, one is particularly bad on my inner arm. I always covered them up when I was actively cutting because I can understand why that would make people uncomfortable, but now I'm recovered and all of my scars have gone white. I wear short sleeved shirts to school and show my arms on a regular basis, I suppose I'm lucky that I don't really care.

I can see why some people would cover them up, there is no point in being uncomfortable and being concious of your arms for the sake of being liberated or anything. Although if you're like me, why not. I'm not ashamed of it and sometimes I even look down and feel proud that it's all in the past and I had the strength to recover. I know they will never disappear and when I meet new people at university and stuff I don't want to have to wait until 6 months when they see them for the first time and be bombarded with questions. It's in the past, and I'm not going to wear long sleeved shirts or apply make up to my arms for the next 50 years, life's too short.

[Anonymous]

I think it's really sad that so many people make such snap judgements about self-harm. I plan to become a doctor and one of the things I'm most worried about is the fact that due to hygiene regulations medical professionals have to have bare forearms. I have scars which are very obviously due to self-harm. I sought help eventually, but the thing that stopped me from seeking help immediately was the reaction of my friends. They laughed at my problems and told me to stop being so stupid. I was being bullied and I hated myself enough to believe that I wasn't important enough to waste people's time. I believed I was just being pathetic and that if I couldn't sort myself out I didn't deserve to be alive anyway.
I understand that people are going to react differently if they see the scars and depending on the definition perhaps I am culpable, I just wish that people wouldn't judge the details of my situation from the outside and hope that in the future people won't judge me for my past.

[steeler4life]

I have some scars. They're quite faded now, so I don't bother hiding them. Unless you stare at my arms for a long time, you're not going to see them anyway.

I hid them when they were still new, as I was ashamed about it.

One of my friends has a lot of really noticeable scars. Sometimes she hides them, sometimes she doesn't. Don't think she's really bothered if people see them now, but when we were younger (by younger, I mean 15. We're 24 now), she really didn't like showing them.

Maybe it's just something that changes with age.