Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Called 'a disappointment' by family for not getting into uni - feel really ****e

Announcements Posted on
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I didn't get an offer from my first choice university. I have offers from two others but to be honest I really don't want to go to them. I hated the areas and the course isn't the one I want to do. The first choice one is incredibly popular (6-8 applicants for every 1 space) and I had my heart set on it.

    I had to tell my family that I didn't get the offer, email came through yday, and my Dad said I was a 'disappointment' as everyone else in our family got into their 1st choice unis without a problem. My mum was upset because she knew how much I wanted to go, but told me not to listen to my Dad because hes a dick lol. My Nan also said she was disappointed in me. Its made me feel so **** because all of my friends got offers from the same uni and they're going there, including my partner, so I'm going to be left alone in my home town with a family who think Im a failure and nothing to do for a year

    I'm gonna reapply next year but what am I supposed to do in the meantime, my dad is constantly bugging me saying 'go to one of the other unis, you'd be stupid not to' but theyre really not what I was looking for. Is there anything I can say or do to try and get rid of this feeling of worthlessness, I dont get why my family are being so mean. I was really upset when I didnt get in.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Hello,

    Firstly, I'm sorry that you feel this way and that you didn't get the university of your choice. Your family aren't right to put you down like that, but at the end of the day, sometimes people just don't think about how their words might affect other people.

    You should know that you're not a failure. I believe that failure only comes in acceptance of failure and giving up. When you didn't get an offer from the university of your choice, that was just another obstacle that life can throw at you. Now you are presented with a choice. You can sit around beating yourself up about something that you can't change, or you can pick yourself up and work to prove your family wrong.

    There are still plenty of options and while your heart was set on that university, there is no point getting worked up about it. Speak to your careers advisor, go through other options and don't let them get you down. You are not worthless, you can do it
    #2

    Just curious, which university is it? And yeah, I think you summed it up pretty well that your dad is being a 'dick'... Completely unnecessary comment on his part.
    • 92 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Family members can be such ****s about this sort of thing, so don't worry too much and just ignore them. It's not like you can do much else to make them happy right now than reapply. Concentrate on doing what you can for now to better yourself. As for what to do in your gap year, there's plenty of options such as getting a job (if you can find one though, it's hard ), volunteering, travelling, studying a college or long distance course, or maybe even redoing some A Level exams/coursework for better grades. Good luck
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    One thing I have learnt in life is that as long as we measure our self-worth against others views, we are never going to measure up to much.

    OP, look at what you want to do and in all honestly, eff what anyone else says.

    You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Spend the next year boosting your grades, get a job, get some life/work experience!

    Life is what YOU make of it.

    Good luck. I wish you all the best!!!!
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm gonna reapply next year but what am I supposed to do in the meantime, my dad is constantly bugging me saying 'go to one of the other unis, you'd be stupid not to' but theyre really not what I was looking for. Is there anything I can say or do to try and get rid of this feeling of worthlessness, I dont get why my family are being so mean. I was really upset when I didnt get in.
    My dad says EXACTLY the same to me and it's so frustrating. I've had 2 rejections so far and 1 offer, but the offer is from the Uni which I wanted to go to the least. I didn't get a good vibe from the place from the interview, haven't heard good experiences and don't like the area. I only applied because my dad chose because I couldn't decide my last choice.

    Don't worry, you can still apply to uni next year. But don't do absolutely nothing for the next year. Get a job, volunteer, whatever, just do something.
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't get an offer from my first choice university. I have offers from two others but to be honest I really don't want to go to them. I hated the areas and the course isn't the one I want to do. The first choice one is incredibly popular (6-8 applicants for every 1 space) and I had my heart set on it.

    I had to tell my family that I didn't get the offer, email came through yday, and my Dad said I was a 'disappointment' as everyone else in our family got into their 1st choice unis without a problem. My mum was upset because she knew how much I wanted to go, but told me not to listen to my Dad because hes a dick lol. My Nan also said she was disappointed in me. Its made me feel so **** because all of my friends got offers from the same uni and they're going there, including my partner, so I'm going to be left alone in my home town with a family who think Im a failure and nothing to do for a year

    I'm gonna reapply next year but what am I supposed to do in the meantime, my dad is constantly bugging me saying 'go to one of the other unis, you'd be stupid not to' but theyre really not what I was looking for. Is there anything I can say or do to try and get rid of this feeling of worthlessness, I dont get why my family are being so mean. I was really upset when I didnt get in.
    Sounds like me last year :/ I didn't want to go to the one place I got into, like really didn't want too. But I gave in and went because of pressure from others ( one relative said "just drop her off there in a car, throw her stuff out and drive away quickly"), and I dropped out a term later. Now I've re-applied through UCAS, got an offer from the place I really want to go to and I'm retaking a couple of exams. I've also got a job so I'm saving as well. I'm so busy at the moment, it definitely doesn't feel like a 'waste' of a year, and actually I'm gaining valuable experience. Basically, do what YOU what. You're the one who has to live there, study there and actually get the degree, not your parents. It's important to listen to their views, but at the end of the day, it's YOU who knows what you want and don't want, not them.

    I know what it's like to have your heart set on one uni. The only thing I would say it perhaps look at some other unis, just incase you find something you like / would try, and then you could go into Extra and keep applying. Worth a look, because if you find nothing, then you've still got other backup plans. Most importantly, keep smiling, because none of this is worth you feeling 'worthless'. You are not worthless, you just didn't get an offer from a particular uni with probably quite a random, confusing selection procedure. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and remember - it will be fine in the end
    • 8 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry that you didn't get into your first choice uni. It must be extremely difficult for you at the moment, without your parents piling all this pressure onto you on top of everything else.

    What I would suggest is simply make the best of this year out, and use the time as productively as you can. As said above, spend the time wisely by bettering your situation. Do some volunteering, look for a job/work experience, study a long distance course etc., anything that will improve things in the long term.

    As for your parents, I think you should just do the mature thing and ignore them and continue working your way forward through life; maybe one day you'll look back and appreciate the pressure your parents put on you because it made you want to achieve better.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    You think you have it bad OP. Try being the Asian kid who can't do maths.

    Look, point is, people can be quite judgemental. Sit in a quiet isolated environment for 3-5 minutes and think about what you want. You'll see things clearer.
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Parents should not have any strong expectations from their children. Despite the fact that they were made from their own sperm and egg, the child is an individual. Nothing the parents can do will take away the fact that the child does NOT BELONG to them just because it shares DNA with them. The child is NOT a property. If it doesn't succeed in something, it ISN'T a shame on the parent, because it ISN'T the parent. In fact the only shame on the parent is living through their child.
    • 11 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tamimi)
    You think you have it bad OP. Try being the Asian kid who can't do maths.
    Try being the Asian kid who can do maths but can't do biology or chemistry.
    • 13 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    The only person that matters when applying to Uni is the applicant. You do what you want to do!
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks guys this has really helped

    Ive applied to do a foundation course in my gap year which is 10 hours a week and am gonna look for a job to save up some money for when i do go.

    My dad is still pretty angry about the fact im not going to uni, my mum says shes glad to have me around for another year. Im kinda ignoring him atm because hes still being really mean to me about it all and i just cant be bothered to talk to him if hes gonna be like that.

    Ill definitely do what i want to do i don't want to regret it for the rest of my life.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    Parents should not have any strong expectations from their children. Despite the fact that they were made from their own sperm and egg, the child is an individual. Nothing the parents can do will take away the fact that the child does NOT BELONG to them just because it shares DNA with them. The child is NOT a property. If it doesn't succeed in something, it ISN'T a shame on the parent, because it ISN'T the parent. In fact the only shame on the parent is living through their child.
    In UK culture, maybe. Not every culture is "liberal".
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I would add though, learn to live with it, and don't disrespect your parents over flippant/frivolous things.
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Are you not getting mixed up with your grandma / dad being disappointed for you??
    • 10 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    christ im glad my parents werent like this. To call your child a disappointment is just cruel. If/when myself and my partner have children i cant imagine ever saying something like that unless i just wanted to be cruel and spiteful
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    At the end of the day, Your gonna live Your life, so there isn't anyone who can say what you should do or should not. Decide upon what you want to do with your parents and tell them your plans for the future. Maybe it's just being open to them that will allow them to acknowledge your aspirations. I mean your gonna end up living away from your parents possibly with a partner so you are the one who is going to work and create a living. So just man up and take charge. good luck
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Bleak Lemming)
    Are you not getting mixed up with your grandma / dad being disappointed for you??
    No. my dad said i was a 'disappointment' down to the fact that everyone else in our family (his 3 brothers 3 kids, my cousins) got into their 1st choices first time around and i havent. my nan definitely has the same view, she said she was ''disappointed in me'' and pretty much agrees with my dad that i should go to my 2nd or 3rd choice so as not to 'fall behind and miss a year' as they called it.
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fazsaban)
    In UK culture, maybe. Not every culture is "liberal".
    I'm very aware of other cultures existing, having come from a not so "liberal" one myself. That's why I said "should" when I made the statement universal

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: March 6, 2012
New on TSR

Exclusive Nick Clegg interview

Your questions answered by the deputy prime minister

Article updates
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.