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Do I have a moral responsibility to not sleep with guys who are taken?

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not in a relationship with anyone. He is however in a relationship with his wife, regardless of the nature of it.

    Again, why is it my responsibility to be concerned about them and their relationship when I don't know them and can't answer for their actions?

    OP you already know it is wrong. Otherwise you would not be posting a thread about if you are morally right.

    I got some sympathy for you as I been in your shoes. It ended up with me being madly in love with him and him not giving a s*** about my feelings. I thought he was treating me like he loved me but he manipulated me in just being his sex toy. All the time we were with each other, he would look for someone better.

    But I do not get why you be happy with being the bit on the side? It is horrid and demeaning. Why don't you test how much he cares about you? Stop having sex and spending time with him until he leaves his wife for you. If he truly treats you like a princess, you would be the only "princess" in his life.

    If he doesn't leaves his wife for you and gives you an excuse, he is stringing you along for sex. Simple as that. You are probably trying to feel better about this by ignoring that his wife is shadowing your "relationship" and he must like you a lot as he is sleeping with you instead of being with his wife. He will never be yours.

    Edit - On the topic of open relationships/marriages both partners in a relationship agree if they are happy with it. It is wrong for a partner to have sex with other people if their partner thinks that is wrong and doesn't know. Just because he is happy to cheat on his wife, doesn't mean she would be if she knew.
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    Having seen the effects of cheating on the other woman before, I think you're a complete and utter bitch for sleeping with a married man.
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    Reading all these vicious comments from people wishing harm upon the OP, calling her a bitch, a slut, a slapper, a homewrecker etc and telling her she is a horrible human being... it's actually quite upsetting. You all seriously need to lay off. Forums are for discussing points of view, not bullying.

    I personally think from the way that the OP writes and puts her point across that she is an intelligent girl with well-thought out views and an open mind. I know I'm going to get negged to hell for my view on this but this is my view which I have thought about logically, rather than just going, "omg what a bitch you are helping him cheat your such a bad person and I hope you die". Yes, obviously SOME sort of responsibilty is on her to say "no, you're married" and refuse, but at the end of the day this man was quite willing to cheat on his wife, whether the OP actually agreed to it or not is fairly unimportant because the man has already betrayed his wife by trying to bed other girls. He is clearly a cheater and has probably been seeing other girls behind his wife's back for a while. He is obviously an arse. However, the OP has no commitments. She is free - she is not cheating on anybody, or betraying anyone. She has not made any commitment to this man's wife, HE has. He is in the wrong.

    I was cheated on once. I was heartbroken and angry at my bf for lying and cheating on me. I was NOT angry at the other girl. She doesn't know me, she didn't have any loyalty to me, she just met this guy and fell for him, just as I did. She seems a nice girl and honestly I just feel sorry for her because I know what he's like.

    Cheating is not black and white. However it is morally wrong to betray someone and lie. This is what the OP's man is doing. He is an immoral prick for sleeping around behind his wife's back, but it is not the fault of the person who he is doing it with. He made the commitment, and he broke it. To all the people calling her a "homewrecker" - the OP is not wrecking their home - this guy is, by cheating on his wife, lying and betraying her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Recently I met this lovely guy... Who is happily married. First thing we really talked about was his wife, how they met etc. He seems really happy with her.

    And then... one thing led to another and we have been getting into bed quite a few times.

    Am I, a single woman, doing something wrong here? Do I have a moral responsibility to not sleep with a man just because he is married to someone else?

    From my point of view - he is just as much of a cheater if he wants to cheat, regardless of he succeeds or not. So I don't think he wouldn't be a cheater only because I would say no to him.

    And also, it's really good sex and he treats me like a princess.
    In my opinion yes, on the basis that if it was the other way round that's what you would want.
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    (Original post by KJ_the_crazy_chick)
    OP you already know it is wrong. Otherwise you would not be posting a thread about if you are morally right.

    I got some sympathy for you as I been in your shoes. It ended up with me being madly in love with him and him not giving a s*** about my feelings. I thought he was treating me like he loved me but he manipulated me in just being his sex toy. All the time we were with each other, he would look for someone better.

    But I do not get why you be happy with being the bit on the side? It is horrid and demeaning. Why don't you test how much he cares about you? Stop having sex and spending time with him until he leaves his wife for you. If he truly treats you like a princess, you would be the only "princess" in his life.

    If he doesn't leaves his wife for you and gives you an excuse, he is stringing you along for sex. Simple as that. You are probably trying to feel better about this by ignoring that his wife is shadowing your "relationship" and he must like you a lot as he is sleeping with you instead of being with his wife. He will never be yours.

    Edit - On the topic of open relationships/marriages both partners in a relationship agree if they are happy with it. It is wrong for a partner to have sex with other people if their partner thinks that is wrong and doesn't know. Just because he is happy to cheat on his wife, doesn't mean she would be if she knew.
    Although saying that, even if he leaves his wife for her (which he never will) he'll just go ahead and cheat on her with loads of other women and then one day one'll convince him to leave her for another women...
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    Don't get involved with men who are taken on any level. Whether they be married or just dating someone else. Just don't do it. It's selfish and hurts people.
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    Also, i don't understand how you aren't bothered about being used for sex. Don't you have any self esteem? Don't you feel used and dirty afterwards?
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    (Original post by HazelEyes24)
    Don't get involved with men who are taken on any level. Whether they be married or just dating someone else. Just don't do it. It's selfish and hurts people.
    Oh dear. "Just don't do it." Haven't we head that before? And, do you really think this is going to change anyone's behaviour?

    One of the things that hasn't been addressed in this discussion is the root of the attraction. Men who have relationships are more appealing to females.... in part just _because_ they are in relationships. They've demonstrated that they have what it takes to attract a woman and develop a relationship. Women realize this isn't a gimme and the very fact he's taken

    There's also the competitive instinct - the more desirable he is to other women, not in his mind, but as proven by the women around him - the more of a prize he becomes, the more of a validation to the female psyche.

    Unappealing though this truth may be, it's inescapable. The OP could very easily find a non-taken nice guy - heck, just wait around on TSR and she'd be inundated with offers - but we know that's not what she wants. She's not going to act contrary to her basic instincts to gratify the moralizing of other women. Women never respect other women's efforts to control their behaviour, and no matter how heinous they know their actions are, it doesn't stop them when they really want something.

    In fact, women trying to tell other women what to do in any field of life is quite the spectacle! I say, men/boys, get out of the way and get the popcorn!

    The self-appointed "nice guys" who are dateless devoutly wish for this not to be true, for the notorious "players" not to be surrounded by willing girls wanting them. Yet this age-old reality doesn't change. The OP creates angst by hooking up with the guy in a relationship. She chooses him and not the uncomplicated situation with the dateless so-called nice guys. We all know why; I'm simply pointing this out because the behaviour needs explanation.

    Your imprecations are not going to stop females from falling in love/lust with guys who are attached/taken. Like the OP. It won't stop the males from responding. It's happened since the beginning of time and it's going to happen long after we're all gone. People will be writing on the TSR-equivalent in a thousand years' time about these same problems.
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    Although saying that, even if he leaves his wife for her (which he never will) he'll just go ahead and cheat on her with loads of other women and then one day one'll convince him to leave her for another women...
    That is true, especially if he believes he can get away with it. Tbh maybe this would convince the OP that he isn't the lovely guy she thinks he is.
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    I think you should tell him that if he's going to be serious with you then he needs to sort it out with his wife.

    You're putting yourself between two people who are in a credited and official commitment. A wedding is very serious, they are married. The couple are like belonged to each other.

    Don't sleep with him, you should think about how you would feel towards a woman if she was sleeping with your husband.

    Please, empathies for his wife.
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    I'm not saying i don't sort of understand why some women do it. I've made mistakes but i felt like crap and didn't enjoy liking a guy who was taken. I felt heart broken actually and i'm just curious how a person, especially a woman, can have regular sex with a taken man and not develop and feelings or feel used.
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    (Original post by KJ_the_crazy_chick)
    That is true, especially if he believes he can get away with it. Tbh maybe this would convince the OP that he isn't the lovely guy she thinks he is.
    always a bright side to everything
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    always a bright side to everything
    Should be I just hope she realises how unlikely he will leave his wife for her and will continue to sleep with her. The only reason he is being nice is to get sex. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by LinzyLoo)
    Reading all these vicious comments from people wishing harm upon the OP, calling her a bitch, a slut, a slapper, a homewrecker etc and telling her she is a horrible human being... it's actually quite upsetting. You all seriously need to lay off. Forums are for discussing points of view, not bullying.

    I personally think from the way that the OP writes and puts her point across that she is an intelligent girl with well-thought out views and an open mind. I know I'm going to get negged to hell for my view on this but this is my view which I have thought about logically, rather than just going, "omg what a bitch you are helping him cheat your such a bad person and I hope you die". Yes, obviously SOME sort of responsibilty is on her to say "no, you're married" and refuse, but at the end of the day this man was quite willing to cheat on his wife, whether the OP actually agreed to it or not is fairly unimportant because the man has already betrayed his wife by trying to bed other girls. He is clearly a cheater and has probably been seeing other girls behind his wife's back for a while. He is obviously an arse. However, the OP has no commitments. She is free - she is not cheating on anybody, or betraying anyone. She has not made any commitment to this man's wife, HE has. He is in the wrong.

    I was cheated on once. I was heartbroken and angry at my bf for lying and cheating on me. I was NOT angry at the other girl. She doesn't know me, she didn't have any loyalty to me, she just met this guy and fell for him, just as I did. He has a baby with her now, she seems a nice girl and honestly I just feel sorry for her because I know what he's like.

    Cheating is not black and white. However it is morally wrong to betray someone and lie. This is what the OP's man is doing. He is an immoral prick for sleeping around behind his wife's back, but it is not the fault of the person who he is doing it with. He made the commitment, and he broke it. To all the people calling her a "homewrecker" - the OP is not wrecking their home - this guy is, by cheating on his wife, lying and betraying her.
    How do you know the girl didn't know your ex was seeing you? She could be the same type of person as the OP. And this girl is helping him cheat...what a homewrecker!
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    (Original post by yothi5)
    How do you know the girl didn't know your ex was seeing you? She could be the same type of person as the OP. And this girl is helping him cheat...what a homewrecker!
    I don't think he would have told her. He was sneaky and not a very nice person actually but at the time I thought he was the best guy in the world. But even if he did tell her, and she was aware that she was "helping him cheat", I wouldn't feel any anger towards her. She didn't know me, have any loyalty to me, make any commitment to me or anything. She was single and free to do as she pleased. HE was the one who supposed to be commited to me. He was the one cheating and lying. I don't really care if she "helped" him. He was a cheater and if it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else.
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    (Original post by LinzyLoo)
    I don't think he would have told her. He was sneaky and not a very nice person actually but at the time I thought he was the best guy in the world. But even if he did tell her, and she was aware that she was "helping him cheat", I wouldn't feel any anger towards her. She didn't know me, have any loyalty to me, make any commitment to me or anything. She was single and free to do as she pleased. HE was the one who supposed to be commited to me. He was the one cheating and lying. I don't really care if she "helped" him. He was a cheater and if it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else.
    I think I know her actually........small world. :confused::eek::rolleyes:
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    Dont get involved with anyone taken and then claim you dont have any moral responsibility. Plenty of fish in the sea, no need to wreck someones home, for a shag.
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    (Original post by She_Bittersweet)
    Dont get involved with anyone taken and then claim you dont have any moral responsibility. Plenty of fish in the sea, no need to wreck someones home, for a shag.
    Remind me to +rep you later

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