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Muslim parents + uni next year + dating

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    Despite my parents not being devout muslims (neither pray, dad drinks, mum doesn't wear a headscarf although we do fast during Ramadan) my mum has made it clear she would be disappointed with me having sex before marriage, and marrying a non muslim.
    I'm a girl and not allowed to go out in the evenings, unless it's for a meal with friends. I'm going to uni next year, and moving out (they're ok with this). I've never been in a relationship before (though I have been asked out twice and the second time was a guy that I really liked). I turned him down and said I was sorry, though we've been friends for a while and knew my parents are muslim.
    I've never dated whilst living under their roof because I wouldn't want to lie to them about where I'm going and disrespect them. I believe in God, and whilst aspects of Islam make more sense to me than any other religion, I find the lifestyle restricting and don't want to practice it fully.
    Also, the fact that my parents moved over to the UK and adopted a 'less strict' form of Islam to what they grew up with, it feels natural that I would too do the same, and live a 'less strict' life than them.
    I've thought about talking to my parents about how they'd feel (my dad in particular) about the future, and what he would accept of me / expect me to do with regards to dating and marriage, but as anyone from a muslim family would know, personal stuff is not supposed to be spoken of with parents.
    My dad has a tendency to ignore and deny anything that he doesn't agree with, and get angry and start shouting. I'm thinking that just before I leave for uni would be best, but not knowing how they'd react, plus the fact that neither of us are ever open with our feelings, could make this difficult, and awkward at best.
    I have an older brother at uni but they don't mind who he dates / what he does, but it's different because he's a guy and he's said he's marrying a muslim so that's all my mum cares about.
    Just wondering if anyone has any better ideas / advice on how to approach this topic with them / whether I even should.
    Thanks for reading if you go this far.
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    I read the first little bit and got confused.

    I think you should be able to make up your own mind. You clearly don't seem attached to the idea of Islam, so why force it upon yourself when you can make your own decisions? I could maybe understand their conviction to make you marry a muslim or carry on following the faith if they themselves were devout muslims, but they're not, so why are they picking and choosing and then reflecting this into pressure on you?

    If you want to, do it, I'll tell you now, it's your life. Not theirs.

    I welcome the muslim neg brigade, sorry if this offended any of you.
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    Inform your parents by text message about your feelings,when you set off for uni. Safe Option
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Agenda Suicide)
    I read the first little bit and got confused.

    I think you should be able to make up your own mind. You clearly don't seem attached to the idea of Islam, so why force it upon yourself when you can make your own decisions? I could maybe understand their conviction to make you marry a muslim or carry on following the faith if they themselves were devout muslims, but they're not, so why are they picking and choosing and then reflecting this into pressure on you?

    If you want to, do it, I'll tell you now, it's your life. Not theirs.

    I welcome the muslim neg brigade, sorry if this offended any of you.
    I do plan on telling them, but I think that if they do accept my decision, they're still likely to do so in a 'I want nothing to do with him' (possibly even me) sorta way.
    Plus I'm still going to go back home for the hols so I don't want any tension between us.
    I guess I'm just going to have to brave it and tell them.
    thanks for the reply
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    I'm Muslim and I'm a guy, my parents are also less strict compared to other family members. Although they do not drink and they do pray, but they are more open on dating but that's just towards me. With my sister its different not just because she's a Muslim but she's a girl and I am a bit too over protective cus I know how guys are towards girls and I wouldn't want her to get hurt. Its just how dads and brothers are. So basically my sister is in the same position as you although I wouldn't like to think that she's feeling how you are lol. But my advice is just talk to your mum and just let her know how you feeling.
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    Just read the first sentence or so, and tbh, i jsut dont get why some muslims arent religious, but then fast in ramadan :s
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    (Original post by M.Abdullahi)
    I'm Muslim and I'm a guy, my parents are also less strict compared to other family members. Although they do not drink and they do pray, but they are more open on dating but that's just towards me. With my sister its different not just because she's a Muslim but she's a girl and I am a bit too over protective cus I know how guys are towards girls and I wouldn't want her to get hurt. Its just how dads and brothers are. So basically my sister is in the same position as you although I wouldn't like to think that she's feeling how you are lol. But my advice is just talk to your mum and just let her know how you feeling.
    So unfair how guys get treated differently -_-

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Updated: March 16, 2012
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