[Coffeegirl]

(Original post by Gofre)
Can I ask why congratulations are in order if she's entering into a loveless marriage and, from the sounds of it, will be pressured into sex with a man she'll lucky to meet once before the day? Of the two muslim women I've met that were in the same position (One was a teacher, the other one of my best friends), both hated the prospect. My teacher eventually eloped with a man she actually loved and her family subsequently refused to speak to her again, while my friend was regularly in tears at school because she knew once she turned 18 those were her only two options too. It sounds like a horrible position to be in.

congrats bcoz we the OP does not make it sound like she does not want the wedding, she just does not want the sex...its up to her at the end of the day if she wants to enter into a relationship with a "stranger"

[Coffeegirl]

(Original post by TieMeUp)
If she has no choice then it is not legal under UK law.

I know that but i don't know if she knows that

[idealized]

what are you scared of? doing it with a stranger or of having sex in general?

[Coffeegirl]

lol people are forgetting this thread was started a few months a go, i was just seeing is if she is still around or not

[Royale]

(Original post by robthefool)
This is why I hate religion. No offence.

This has nothing to do with religion, trust me.

[ifrah1993]

Lol none of that hadanything to do with faith it is mainly myths and cultural expectations

[taufeeq]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok Im a muslim girl.
And im getting married.
In our faith we cannot stay with that person / meet and greet etc before marriage.
And you have to do sex before another ceremony which takes 1 day after the marriage.
So I have 24 hours or less to know the guy and do sex.
BONKERS!

Im really scared.
Any advise

i am muslim too but i dnt think wat u said is true....if u want u can have sex another time..u jst have to tell him dat u dnt want to do it....

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Gofre)
Can I ask why congratulations are in order if she's entering into a loveless marriage and, from the sounds of it, will be pressured into sex with a man she'll lucky to meet once before the day? Of the two muslim women I've met that were in the same position (One was a teacher, the other one of my best friends), both hated the prospect. My teacher eventually eloped with a man she actually loved and her family subsequently refused to speak to her again, while my friend was regularly in tears at school because she knew once she turned 18 those were her only two options too. It sounds like a horrible position to be in.

Oh no how sad.

What happened to your friend in the end?

Also the teacher is very brave and courageous to do what she did! Kudos to her!!!!!

There was a teacher at my school and there was always the expectation that she would have an arranged marriage later on in life. Eventually she fell in love with a black man, got married to him and had kids with him and her parents didn't speak to her for 10 years.

[Gofre]

(Original post by Dee Leigh)
Oh no how sad.

What happened to your friend in the end?

Also the teacher is very brave and courageous to do what she did! Kudos to her!!!!!

There was a teacher at my school and there was always the expectation that she would have an arranged marriage later on in life. Eventually she fell in love with a black man, got married to him and had kids with him and her parents didn't speak to her for 10 years.

She's currently at university, her parents agreed to let her put off marriage plans if she could get into a prestigious university to study medicine. Luckily she got into one of the top ten universities in the country. I haven't spoke to her in a while, but as of last Christmas she is set to get married after she graduates next year.

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Gofre)
She's currently at university, her parents agreed to let her put off marriage plans if she could get into a prestigious university to study medicine. Luckily she got into one of the top ten universities in the country. I haven't spoke to her in a while, but as of last Christmas she is set to get married after she graduates next year.

Oh dear :/ So still a forced marriage??

At least she's studying medicine so that gives her 7 years....

[Gofre]

(Original post by Dee Leigh)
Oh dear :/ So still a forced marriage??

At least she's studying medicine so that gives her 7 years....

She's only doing a 4 year Bachelors, she graduates next year unfortunately. Whether or not she gets to go onto get her PhD was still up in the air as of the last time I spoke to her.

[aspiringabstract]

To all the blockheads who keep on blaming religion for why she can't meet the guy before, it's not religion! Muslims are allowed to meet the person they're going to marry and have conversations with them and get to know them as long as it's in a platonic way

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Gofre)
She's only doing a 4 year Bachelors, she graduates next year unfortunately. Whether or not she gets to go onto get her PhD was still up in the air as of the last time I spoke to her.

Oh dear...

[*Dreaming*]

So you have never met him before?? Do you even want to marry him? Forced marriage is illegal, but from your English I'm guessing you are not from the UK.

If you do want to get married, well why do you have to have sex in the first day? Only do it if you want to, that goes for sex AND the marriage.

[indianaussie]

surely its better not to have sex on the first night if you just know the guy. isnt it better to build up and get to know the guy first.

is there a rule about what type of sex you need to do on the first night. maybe you can just have foreplay and not go all the way.

yt is very useful in this case

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbrcW...feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ferD8...feature=relmfu

[Formerly Helpful_C]

(Original post by goddogit)
its HAVE sex.

It's have sex.

[ShredMaster]

(Original post by Gofre)
Can I ask why congratulations are in order if she's entering into a loveless marriage and, from the sounds of it, will be pressured into sex with a man she'll lucky to meet once before the day? Of the two muslim women I've met that were in the same position (One was a teacher, the other one of my best friends), both hated the prospect. My teacher eventually eloped with a man she actually loved and her family subsequently refused to speak to her again, while my friend was regularly in tears at school because she knew once she turned 18 those were her only two options too. It sounds like a horrible position to be in.

I have to admit, you're right here.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of religion, culture, tradition i would never have sex with guy who i haven't meet and who is also my husband. It's the 21st century, you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. I personally would say don't have sex with him at first... you need to get to know him before you do anything like that. If he does try something all you have to say is '' i just met you.. i wanna get to know you before we have sex'' if he is okay with that then i am sure you won't be scared but if he doesn't want to wait then you know that he is not the one and you could try and get out of the marriage.

My point: no one should be forced into anything they don't wanna do

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Regardless of religion, culture, tradition i would never have sex with guy who i haven't meet and who is also my husband. It's the 21st century, you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. I personally would say don't have sex with him at first... you need to get to know him before you do anything like that. If he does try something all you have to say is '' i just met you.. i wanna get to know you before we have sex'' if he is okay with that then i am sure you won't be scared but if he doesn't want to wait then you know that he is not the one and you could try and get out of the marriage.

My point: no one should be forced into anything they don't wanna do

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[HaQ_mAn_]

(Original post by Coffeegirl)
I know that but i don't know if she knows that

if she has no choice it's illegal under islamic law