Self harm?

I'm sure this has been posted before, but right now I need to talk about it, even if its only for me!

I was with a guy the other day, and I noticed he had cuts on his bicep (perpendicular to the arm), about 5cm long, spaced by about a cm or so. In the morning I looked again and they were very clean cuts, and there seemed to be other very similar scarring underneath.

My thoughts are it is self harm, and I would like to talk to him about it, but I just wondered if anybody else has had similar experience.

Thanks.

Anon (m)

Reply 1

FireDeuce

He wont talk to you if you ask him.

Reply 2

Teenie

I agree. One of my friends self harmed in that way, i.e. cuts in the bicep, if you asked her about it she wouldn't say anything. On the other hand, another of my friends will talk openly about his self harming if you ask him in the right way. Maybe if you get him to talk about what things might be on his mind you could lead on to it in a less intruisive way and he might open up

Reply 3

xemilyx

Don't be all brash in the way you aproach the subject as it will cause him to clam up. He may at first dismiss it as nothing, but once he trust you he will open up. It's a difficult subject, and complex if you harm yourself. He may not like to talk about it because he may feel he is harming himself over something others will find pety, give him time and i am sure he will talk about it. If I can give one piece of advice it would be don't launch into it headfirst, because he will get embarrased or upset and it is not nice to be on the recieving end of what he will see as an interogation. Its painful seeing someone you love/know harm themselves. another thing going through it. just be supportive and if and when he talks about it, dont judge.

Reply 4

FireDeuce

Oh yea, and unless you are one of his very close friends he's not exactly going to tell you his life story as to why

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

FireDeuce

Oh yea, and unless you are one of his very close friends he's not exactly going to tell you his life story as to why

Yeah, tbh its probably not my place, but I hate it when anybody is unhappy, especially when I know them quite well.

Reply 6

xemilyx

Anonymous

Yeah, tbh its probably not my place, but I hate it when anybody is unhappy, especially when I know them quite well.

Unless they want to talk about it they won't though, doesn't matter whether you don't like seeing them unhappy, unless they want to talk they won't. Ife he is a good friend of yours just be gentle when approaching it, to be honest unless you were like his best friend or he trsuted you fully i doubt he would confide in you. It isnt easy to talk about.

Reply 7

completely random

Its one of the hardest things to talk about to another person and if you confront him, he most likely will clam up and refuse to talk. However, it may also help him in the long run. If you do decide to talk to him about it, please tread carefully, your intentions are well-meaning and you should be commended for that but be prepared.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone. Just re-reading my first post, when I say 'with' I mean in bed with.

Reply 9

FireDeuce

ohhh you didn't mention THAT bit.
Well basically, I dont think you should approach the subject directly, more show him that there are great things in his life.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

like the others have already said. just talk to him but dont be forceful. its best if you did it in a relaxed way and maybe in a relaxed atmosphere, like in a room with some music on, etc. Dont make it seem like you are challenging him.
I'm a guy and will admit to self-harming and i hated it when someone sat me down and forced me to talk about it (one of my best friends). i felt much more comfortable talking about it when i was watching a film and another great friend asked me about it. also, it isnt a good idea to have a go at him if he has self-harmed. i cant tell you what to say if he admits to it though as no one successfully stopped me

Reply 11

Bohemianthinker

Maybe he fell over. On his bicep. Onto an old woman with sharp teeth. And he was cut thus. Here the ends the post. Amen.

Reply 12

jointhedots

Anonymous

My thoughts are it is self harm, and I would like to talk to him about it, but I just wondered if anybody else has had similar experience.

Your intentions are good and everything but hmm...From a personal point of view, if someone asked me about that kind of thing I'd feel incredibly embarrassed and I just wouldn't want to talk about it. How old did the cuts look?

Reply 13

username47781

It can be quite a shock to first discover it, i mean the only way anyone would talk about something like this is if they have a lot of trust with the person they are talking to.