[Anonymous]

Hi, I was wondering what your thoughts are on this situation. I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and we get on really well most of the time but since we started trying anal sex after he told me he really wanted to give it a go he just won't stop asking me for it now.

I've told him I get no pleasure from it whatsoever and often it's very uncomfortable, but let him do it every now and again to keep him happy because I know that if I say no he gets really stroppy with me and I just don't have the energy for arguments and this is usually the only thing we tend to fall out over.

It's really getting me down, I make excuses so he doesn't keep on asking but I don't think I should have to, surely if I say I really don't enjoy it he should ask me a lot less/not ask at all anymore?

Do you think I'm right to be a bit upset about this or am I over-reacting?

Thanks guys, sorry for the long post.

[TheGoat]

Well I don't think he should be getting really stroppy over it, especially as you find it uncomfortable..

So yeah I think you're right getting upset about it. Tell him to get over it lol

[Yarpie]

Uncomfortable or painful? Big difference. I don't think it would be too much to ask if it's not painful for you even if it gives you no pleasure. Heck, oral is the same, no pleasure for me and slightly uncomfortable because my jaw hurts like crazy after a while.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Yarpie)
Uncomfortable or painful? Big difference. I don't think it would be too much to ask if it's not painful for you even if it gives you no pleasure. Heck, oral is the same, no pleasure for me and slightly uncomfortable because my jaw hurts like crazy after a while.

Both. If it's not painful it's uncomfortable, but it's like every day I see him he's like "so... can we?" I just think it's way too often and he doesn't seem to be interested in normal intercourse anymore so it's causing problems.

[echeee]

(Original post by Yarpie)
Uncomfortable or painful? Big difference. I don't think it would be too much to ask if it's not painful for you even if it gives you no pleasure. Heck, oral is the same, no pleasure for me and slightly uncomfortable because my jaw hurts like crazy after a while.

It's uncomfortable and if she's making excuses she obviously doesn't want to do it, so why should she? She tried it, that's all that matters.

OP, just tell him straight that you don't want to do it and tell him to grow up and not strop to get his own way.

[allspunout]

This sounds too persistant, just put your foot down and make it clear you tried it, don't like it so sorry, end of. If it's so important to him, tell him to find someone else who wants it. If he cares about you enough, hopefully he'll get the hint. It's very unfair for him to nag and pressurise you like this.

[RandZul'Zorander]

I don't see anything wrong with you being upset over it. If its uncomfortable for you then he should respect that. I mean granted he should still be allowed to ask, but if you make it clear that it isn't something you want to do then he should ask less. Maybe clarifying with him that getting no pleasure and it being uncomfortable means that you don't really want to have it often (if at all) might help? You shouldn't have to make excuses to get out of it.

[RandZul'Zorander]

(Original post by Yarpie)
Uncomfortable or painful? Big difference. I don't think it would be too much to ask if it's not painful for you even if it gives you no pleasure. Heck, oral is the same, no pleasure for me and slightly uncomfortable because my jaw hurts like crazy after a while.

It doesn't really matter whether or not it is painful or uncomfortable. If the OP doesn't want it then they shouldn't have to bend to their boyfriend's will. Just because you may choose to do something that you don't get any pleasure from doesn't mean everyone else has to do the same.

[sweeter than a cherry pie]

(Original post by Yarpie)
Uncomfortable or painful? Big difference. I don't think it would be too much to ask if it's not painful for you even if it gives you no pleasure. Heck, oral is the same, no pleasure for me and slightly uncomfortable because my jaw hurts like crazy after a while.

So do you fancy having it in the ass, then? I'm guessing not, so shup.

[CogitoErgoSum]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I was wondering what your thoughts are on this situation. I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and we get on really well most of the time but since we started trying anal sex after he told me he really wanted to give it a go he just won't stop asking me for it now.

I've told him I get no pleasure from it whatsoever and often it's very uncomfortable, but let him do it every now and again to keep him happy because I know that if I say no he gets really stroppy with me and I just don't have the energy for arguments and this is usually the only thing we tend to fall out over.

It's really getting me down, I make excuses so he doesn't keep on asking but I don't think I should have to, surely if I say I really don't enjoy it he should ask me a lot less/not ask at all anymore?

Do you think I'm right to be a bit upset about this or am I over-reacting?

Thanks guys, sorry for the long post.

a) Buy a strap-on and start asking him if he will let you use it on him again and again until he gets the message.

b) Tell him to do some research on ways to make it more pleasurable for you and maybe then you might be ok with doing it.

c) Get a better boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by CogitoErgoSum)
a) Buy a strap-on and start asking him if he will let you use it on him again and again until he gets the message.

b) Tell him to do some research on ways to make it more pleasurable for you and maybe then you might be ok with doing it.

c) Get a better boyfriend.

Haha that's brilliant, funnily enough I did make a joke to him about that recently and he flat out said no because it's weird or something

Thanks for your responses everyone, they've been really helpful. I'll take your advice and have another word with him and stand my ground, hopefully soon he will get the message even if it means going through a rough patch while it happens.

[masterfulprof]

Haha! This might be too important for him. Once he develops a taste for this, it's going to be very powerful. If you set out ultimatums over this, be ready for a possible breakup.

I'm surprised he gets such enjoyment from it if you don't. Still there's no black and white on this. People pressure each other all the time in relationships to do things for one another. Those negotiations are what make adult relationships. There's a grey area.

[zosolobos0]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha that's brilliant, funnily enough I did make a joke to him about that recently and he flat out said no because it's weird or something

Thanks for your responses everyone, they've been really helpful. I'll take your advice and have another word with him and stand my ground, hopefully soon he will get the message even if it means going through a rough patch while it happens.

tell him to google "bend over boyfriend" @ weird. Tell him: "you get 3 holes, I get none." Tell him that what's weird is his insistence to have lots of anal sex and the fact that he "flat out said no because it's weird". You deserve better. Unless he is some sort of soulmate/the hottest thing evarr/rich? Do a marginal utility calculation.

[Sally <3 Howl]

Perhaps letting him do it occasionally is giving him the impression it isn't so bad for you? Stand your ground and don't let him do it anymore.

[Studentus-anonymous]

What is it about the pooper so many guys seem obsessed with?

It's an ass folks.....AN ASS!

[amyshamblesxx]

Tell him you don't like it and don't want to do it anymore. He sounds quite immature, throwing strops if he doesn't get his own way. Definitely stand your ground OP.

[Topcorn]

I'm a guy and asked my girlfriend for anal a couple of times, she seemed apprehensive so I looked at ways to make it more enjoyable. I showed her my research and we tried one out. She did not enjoy it and tbh I did not enjoy it either. I get the most pleasure out of giving her pleasure, if it is doing nothing for her or hurting her then it does nothing for me.

She explained to me that I need to try it and we'll get a strap on if I want to try again. Which seemed fair to be honest, why expect something which I wouldnt accept. It's not that I have any homosexual tendencies, if she was turned on by the idea, I would let her and give it a try purely down to the fact that she let me try.

Sit down with him, tell him that it hurts you and you don't enjoy it. Explain that you would much rather have vaginal intercourse, it turns you on a lot more and makes you appreciate him. If he persists, explain to him he does not know how it feels and that you will get a strap on to use on him. Tell him that there will be no more anal intercourse for him until you are able to use it on him.

Some guys/people will tell you to give it up and accept it once in a while, if its not enjoyable for you then dont! If you enjoy the feeling you get from making him happy sexually via anal sex then do it.

[shezshez]

Tell him if you can wear a strap-on and do him up the bumbum, you'll allow it.

[silverbolt]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Both. If it's not painful it's uncomfortable, but it's like every day I see him he's like "so... can we?" I just think it's way too often and he doesn't seem to be interested in normal intercourse anymore so it's causing problems.

Tell him.

Yeah sure

but im getting a strap on and doing it to you first.

If he objects tell him now you know how i feel

[SmallTownGirl]

If you've said no then he shouldn't ask again. At all. He's made it clear that it's something he wants so you know that if you want it try again you can tell him. What he's doing is emotionally abusive.