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Spanking children as a punishment (poll included)

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I didn't neg you but I'm curious as to what you would do if a child wasn't responding to your verbal punishment and methods such as standing in a corner ( maybe refusing to do so?) and done something pretty bad?

I can honestly say that I believe the parenting I experienced will prepare me for that situation. My parents didn't use any of those 'naughty step' gimmicks. They would sit me down and discuss the issue with me, letting me know why what I had done was wrong and what the ramifications to others had been. They would convey their disappointment and suggest the most appropriate way to behave in future. I grew up having lots of respect for them as they essentially treated me as an adult. This meant I always hated upsetting them and tried my best to rectify my behaviour. I wasn't a perfect child, of course, no child is. But it certainly helped ensure i wasn't 'naughty' without the need for any shouting, humiliation or violence. The problem many parents have is that they simply say 'you're naughty' or 'you did a bad thing' and don't communicate thoroughly with the child. Essentially, they underestimate their cognitive and empathetic abilities. This leads to frustration and confusion on both ends, which results in parents losing their tempers and snapping.

Reply 221

Royale

I don't see anything wrong, it disciplines the child. Only parents who can't control their children wouldn't want to 'spank' them and then they complain when the child turns out reckless and spoilt.

Reply 222

Chwirkytheappleboy

Original post by lauren_a

Studies have shown that children who are smacked at home are more likely to become violent in later life, and therefore more likely to get into fights regularly, be expelled from schools, etc etc.

Would you mind enlightening me as to where I can read such studies?

Reply 223

littleone271

There's a big difference between a smack on the bum and actual child abuse.

I quite enjoy it these days :wink:

lol

No but seriously... I think we worry too much about things like this. I think it's more harmful in the long run to put a TV in a kids room when they're a toddler than it is to give them the occasional smack when they're naughty and get them the occasional happy meal when they're good to be honest.

Reply 224

moh89

What happens when they kid gets brave and hits you back, then you're in real trouble...

Reply 225

mabrookes

Original post by Tootles

Proof?

In nature how many animals develop a higher sense of morality as a result of corporal punishment when they misbehave? None, a combination of base instinct to not get hurt and other instincts are all that is in play. It is the same for children, except humans have more than this base instinct and do develop beyond this later. Unfortunately less developed humanity did not know this and just assumed that because it worked when they were a child (nothing more than the instinct) then it was also responsible for the higher development later (unlikely unless every person who never got hit never developed morals as a result or even the majority of them).

It worked in the past and had a role to play in less developed society, but we now know there are better ways and can safely say it is not the reason for good people existing, and as soon as you can say that you can no longer defend violence just because it is "easier" and technically "works" on children.

Reply 226

edd360

Original post by Bonged.

"I can't explain why what you're doing is wrong so I'm just going to hit you"

sums up spanking.

Lol this is so true. All spanking does is teach children not to do something because they are afraid of getting hurt, whereas the true moralistic nature of avoiding doing something bad is because it is wrong.

But of course half the things parents are teaching kids can't be justified or backed up so I guess spanking is the only option. That and lying..."smoking weed gives you schizophrenia herpy derp"

Reply 227

Cool Kid

Original post by ROYP

They shouldn't be trained like animals. Teach/tell them why things are wrong. People should want to do the right thing out of morality, not because they'll get a smack otherwise.

Why should you explain yourself to a person who essentially has the reasoning capabilities of an animal? Why should a parent have to justify themselves to a child? Give a child black & white to begin with and when they are more mature go into morality.
Kids start with colouring books, not Beyond Good & Evil :rolleyes:

Reply 228

Pride

Original post by omnomnom1234

haha we should have a compettition to see who could get mostt bruises :smile:

haha

Reply 229

username240699

Nothing wrong with light spanking :s-smilie:

As long as no one gets hospitalized

Reply 230

letsdothetimewarpagain

I was spanked when I was doing something dangerous, and would probably do the same with my children because it's the best way to learn that 'trying to pull the saucepan full of boiling hot water' is not a smart idea. I was also spanked when I was being a major major brat and looking back to when I could remember them happening, I fully deserved it and have no resentment for it.

Reply 231

Jallenbah

Original post by ROYP

They shouldn't be trained like animals. Teach/tell them why things are wrong. People should want to do the right thing out of morality, not because they'll get a smack otherwise.

When I was a kid I knew what I was doing wrong but I did it anyway.
The idea of smacking (spank is such an american word) is that you learn that you cannot just do what you want, and there are consequences for your actions.

I know that I'll sound like an old man saying this, despite being only 21, but kids these days walk around like they are untouchable and I would be completely unsurprised if a decline in smacking was at least partly responsible. IMO child raising has become too weak, you see mothers allowing their childs to run around screaming throwing stuff around. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that.

A smack isn't supposed to do damage, it's just there to give that bit of a sting to make the kid think about what they are doing if they repeatedly reoffend or do something which is serious.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 232

BekahDe

Ive never seen supernanny hit a child

Reply 233

Jallenbah

Original post by 331sam331

I don't see what the problem is. When I was little, and did something that was obviously wrong, and then chatted back to my mum or dad I was duly punished.

(basically I plastered the ceiling of a school toilet in wet toilet roll when I was like 7.)

When we got home she was furious obviously, she tried to explain how what I had done was wrong but I just thought it was hilarious. So she spanked me traditionally on the bum. That shut me up and made me realize the seriousness of what I had done. I then thought about how it was wrong, and that caused me to realize that she was right and taught me a valuable lesson.

Sometimes, kids, like animals can't be reasoned with. When that point comes, a light spank on the bum gets through to them.

Obviously, yanking of arms and really hitting hard is a completely different thing. I am talking about assisting your words with a light slap to make a point.

Then, after that the child or animal remembers that if they do something that is obviously out of order, they will get told off and spanked. Therefore they don't do it again.

Oh and I am all for bringing back being able to throw board rubbers at naughty kids and the cane. Sometimes, talking isn't enough.

I don't care if you all neg me to kingdom come, it's my opinion, everyone has one.

I agree with you up until the point about punishment in school.
I always accepted when my parents gave me some punishment because they were my parents and I usually knew what I had done and although I didn't like it, I knew it was somewhat justified, but I am pretty sure that if teachers ever tried smacking or anything like that I would have been furious and ended up hating authority, especially considering the frequency at which I got wrongly accused of things at school.

Reply 234

Aspiringlawstudent

Classical conditioning works.

Reply 235

Hanvyj

I don't think its the best method of behavior modification :P

Basically I think there are better ways to discipline a child that don't involve hitting. I would not wan't schools to introduce physical punishment, but I don't mind other people bringing up their child with a little slap every now and again, its clearly not abuse.

I don't think the "hyprocritical" argument holds water, yes you are saying your child can't hit people and reinforcing it by hitting them. But you are also saying your kids can't drink that, its a grown up drink! Can't stay up (while you stay up). "No billy, you can't drive the car!" Thats why children classify "grown ups" and "us" as vastly different kind of people. Grown up people are allowed to do all the fun things and not get in trouble.

Reply 236

History Student

I was 'spanked' as a child, its hasnt done me any harm. However, i have a 4 and 1/2 year old daughter who i had when i was 19 and i have never spanked her and have never felt the need to. In my opinion i feel like its the parent taking THEIR anger out on the child. I know people who smack their kids as punishment as they feel it works for them, it's not my thing but who am i to say anything to them. All children are different and they all respond to discipline in different ways, smacking DOES work for some people, before i (or if i have to) 'punish' my daughter i will ask her to stop, if she doesnt i will ask her if she wants to make the right choice or the wrong choice and explain exactly what they are and the consequences of them, if that fails i will have a stern word with her, explain exactly why i'm not happy with her and take away a privilege, like her DSi or shes not allowed to play games on the laptop for a couple of hours does the trick, when i give it her back, i ask her if she has understood why i did it, i feel that she has learnt something by that. Its important for children to understand what they have done wrong, rather than just shouting at them and sending them up to their room without any explanation, depending on the childs age, they may feel like they are doing nothing wrong.

Some people may say its soft parenting, but it works for me and my daughter, she is very rarely mis-behaved anyway. I feel good communication with your child works wornders, again, it may not work for everyone but theres no harm in trying. I feel it is also very important to reward children aswel for good behaiour, being helpful, good in school etc.... i wouldnt say its another form of bribery, i see it as a incentive and theres nothing wrong with that.