Have a more open relationship with my kids so that they feel they can actually approach me and tell me whats going on in their life, and ask me any questions related to boys. Actually hug my kids when they are older. Trust them to go out with friends without having to know every tiny detail about who they are with, allow them to stay at other peoples houses overnight. Not over react the minute you mention a guy even if they are just a friend. Allow them to be independent and not check their school bags, allow them to go on a holiday with their friends.... yeh...
I won't treat my second child differently from my first... I'll be just as careless with both of them.
I spent two years campaigning to get MSN, a phone, and Bebo (lol) and my younger sister got them both 3 years younger than I did. Not to mention how late her bed time is compared to when I was her age.
I'd actually care for my children, and let them them know that I'm always there and that they can tell me anything. I'd love them for who they are, and not just what they achieve, and make every effort to make time for them every day. And I wouldn't get a job that I had to work 12 hours a day for and neglect my children. I'd listen to them and help them when they're unhappy. Basically I'd do everything my parents never did, and nothing that they did do.
(Original post by Jackal The)
I would never be telling them how much I want to kill myself when they are very young, would not constantly criticise them or constantly remind them how I am paying for their food and clothes (you chose to have the kid,) nor throw tantrums in front of them, and leave any issues I might have between their other parent completely out of it. Oh, and I sure as hell wouldn't go diagnosing them with a bunch of disorders/illnesses based on basically nothing.
Wow... I thought I was alone, my mother treats me exactly the same way, telling me how ungrateful and spoiled I am,whilst also accusing me of having anorexia, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia etc. screaming the house down because of the smallest things, and telling me I'm a total loser like my father, I feel for you! I would never ever ever treat my kid in the same way, if I had any problems in my own life, my kids would never have to bare the accusations and blame that I have.
I'll never accuse them of lying unless I am absolutely certain that they are - happened to me many times when I was actually telling the truth, it just made me lose trust in them because from then on I felt like they didn't trust me despite me being honest.
I don't drink, so I won't ever be an alcoholic in front of my kids. That's something I'm quite adamant about. And I aim to be quite a hands-on dad; my dad always worked when I was a kid, and was away a lot (although he was supporting the family so I don't blame him at all). But my mum managed to hide the fact that he has depression till I was about sixteen, which I appreciate, so if there are any issues like this, I aim to do my best to keep them out of my kids' way until they can understand and tackle issues like that without it affecting their lives.
I'd change a lot, mostly being less over-protective and attempting to instill some confidence in the child in their capabilities to do something on their own. Being more proactive if children have problems in school/life, rather than naively believing it would sort itself out on its own. Having more of an emphasis on doing chores. Teaching them to cook properly. Giving more hugs and generally being a bit less serious. Basically being less uptight and middle class
If you'd asked me when I was 15/16, I would have said I do loads of stuff differently.
Looking at it now (I'm 21), I think I'd try and do things largely the same. I'm at uni 3 hours away, but I still have a very close relationship with my parents, which I'm thankful for. They gave me the confidence to make my own decisions, and stand on my own two feet, but were also as involved in my life as I needed them to be. They've also been incredibly supportive of me academically, and have known when I needed to be pushed and when I needed to do things at my own pace, which has been a great help.
Also, my mum set me up with good eating habits - we ate as a family every night from when I was about 14 and my brother 11, and it was always something home cooked. Now I'm at uni, I appreciate that, because it means that 'normal' for me is coming and cooking myself something healthy from scratch, rather than living off takeaways/ready meals.
Only thing I would try and do is be more equal in my treatment of younger and older siblings - one point of frustration for me is that my brother is allowed far more freedom than I was at his age. But that's a minor thing.
Last edited by Flo[ProActiv]; 18-03-2012 at 21:00.
My parents currently don't let me go out at night that often or do anything fun cos when my brother was my age, he got drunk everytime he went out and my parents think I'm going to do the same. They don't realise that we're 2 different people. Doesn't help that I'm a girl either
If I actively try to inverse my parents' parenting, I'm sure I'll just screw my child up in the opposite way . There are things like listening to my children which are important, but then again you don't want to cross the line into 'trying to be your child's best friend' and ending up with an unhealthy relationship anyway where they don't see you enough as a parent figure. This all reminds me of a Larkin poem actually:
They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
I really hope I can bring up children up the way my parents did with me. I honestly think they're the most amazing parents and I wouldn't do anything differently, I had an amazing childhood and I still have a fantastic relationship with them now.
(Original post by skunky x)
Not live in the middle of no-where. I swear, that was the worst decision my parents ever made.
They need to know about the countryside, but they do not need to live there...
You live in your parents home, it's up to them where they choose to live .
Don't understand why people dislike living in the countryside so much, lived in the countryside for most of my life and find it much nicer than a town/city. Then again I suppose that is just my personal taste !
I think it's easier to say "I won't be overprotective" and whatever than to actually do. It may seem like your parents are being unfair when they want to know who you're with, where you're going and how long you will be, as well as calling you throughout, but why is that unreasonable. They love you and want to know that you are safe, because they have promised to love and protect from when you were born.
I know I will be protective, as well as honest and open, just like my parents.
I won't spoil my kids like my mum did, and I'll be more strict.
I've never been grounded in my life nor get any punishment.
When my mum ask me to do something and I won't do it, she doesn't care too much.
I seriously thank God that I have a very responsible personality, because If I wouldn't I can't imagine my mother raising me that way.
(Original post by Spinnerette)
1. not abandoning your family for one thing.
2. not ignoring the family you created with your first wife
3. not seeing your kids for 15 years =]
4. no hostile environments or shying away making them fearful from treating mental illnesses of your children
idk im not having children anyway, it's not my thing, but those are things i wouldn't do if i ended up having kids. and the fact mental illness is so taboo in my family even though it's clear i've inherited it, i spent a long time not getting treatment because my parents didnt want me to tell someone about my problems and worries and family life.
That is so bad a parent leaving their kids to suffer...just to protect themselves...
(Original post by A.K.A...)
I will never beat my kids, never. I will never kick my child out if he/she done a bad thing. I will never argue or swear in front of my kids. I will never hit my wife in front of my kids (I will never hurt her anyway). I will always be there for my kids no matter what problem they're in.