My mum, stricken by two incurable illnesses as she is, did a pretty good job of raising me. Not being able to work, we never had a lot of money, so there's certain opportunities I never had that I would like my children to have - not that I'd want to live vicariously through them, but I aim to be able to provide.
My dad was an alcoholic, so I guess I will aim to not be one of those.
I hope I won't have any so they don't have to go through the same illness that has destroyed my life.
But if I do, I'll make sure they know that they are loved and appreciated, aren't constantly compared to cousins, and hassled for the grades of the rest of the class so I can compare how well they are doing compared to their classmates. And I'll let them have a life outside of academia.
id give my kids less freedom, i think my mum must have had no freedom as a child and the result was that i had way too much freedom.
soo regret getting drunk in high school
also, id be totally honest with my children, as i have recently found out i have a nerve disease which will always get worse till i die, i grew up thinking id grow out of the symptoms. then again i probably won't have children because of the disease cause there is no point adding to over population with diseased people.
(Original post by Heeck)
You live in your parents home, it's up to them where they choose to live .
Don't understand why people dislike living in the countryside so much, lived in the countryside for most of my life and find it much nicer than a town/city. Then again I suppose that is just my personal taste !
I know, but seeing as I now can't stand the countryside that'll work in my kids' favour!
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd give a lot more freedom, especially because I know how awful it feels to be the only one of your friends who has their life dictated by rules: Can't go out with friends, ever. Can't sleep over people's houses, aren't alllowed to get a job etc. It's so hurtful and makes me hate my parents sometimes. I don't think I ever want my kids to feel as lonely, sheltered and isolated as I do. Ever.
Really? Don't your parents want you to learn to be financially independent?
i'd see them for who they are, rather than an ideal they want.
i'd accept them for who they are, so long as they are a hard-working, nice person with respect for others.
i'd try and be supportive of them letting them know they can come to me for guidance.
i'd offer them advice but encourage them to make their own decisions.
Most of what my Mum (Dad didn't have a lot of imput) did was respectable, however, I was absolutely terrified of her. I didn't dare to make jokes, I was NEVER allowed to be even a little bit cheeky/ sarcastic... which is fine, but not to the point that I'd be screamed at and have my bum smacked. The only other thing is that she tends to put a negative spin on things, so a lot of the time I felt I couldn't get excited about something with her, as I was used to her spoiling it for me. So, I plan to be happy for even the smallest of achievements/ excitement, and to know the difference being a child being a little bit cheeky, and a child being rude.
Just to add - my brother was SO scared of our mum when he was little, that he's allowed his kid to grow up with almost no tellings off/ restrictions. Sadly, this has led to the child being a bit spoilt. I've also learnt from this. Being the youngest sibling, ftw
Very good question. I think firstly I'd be more affectionate. Tragic but I fear that needs no elaboration. I'd also try to avoid blaming children for things, it's very easy to be critical of children but they're far less advanced, mentally and physically, than adults are. I remember one particular woman at my primary school who used to roar across the entire playground for this tiny child and criticised everything he did. Thankfully my parents weren't like that at all, it was mainly teachers that were like that. I remember some truly draconian teachers that screamed at these tiny children. You find that they don't do that when you're bigger than them... says a lot about humans really.
Oh and I'd teach them to challenge everything. And my parents never did this to me, thank God, but I'd make sure that I never imposed my own views upon my children. Sure, I'd probably read them my favourite stories and such, but it's sickening to see parents who indoctrinate their children with all of their own views. Lastly, I wouldn't be one of those parents who denies their children everything. When you hear 'Oh, I don't let my children eat that' you just want to spew vomit all over them. I think a childhood of denial is far more likely to breed excesses in later life than simply giving children the odd treat.
And there are some great ideas on here by the way.
Last edited by MisanthropicLemon; 18-03-2012 at 23:06.
I won't: beat them up, make them feel like failures, force them into something I never had the chance of doing/becoming, abuse them, confine them to a room with strict hours, hit them, emotionally blackmail them, humiliate them in school or in public by swearing and bullying them, ban them from inviting friends over or allowing them to visit their friends, ban them from relationships, shape their education and life and force them down a particular path against their wishes, raise them to follow a particular religion or god, ban TV and games, discourage them from thinking rationally/critically, give them tests way beyond their level after coming home from primary school and then proceeding to punish/beat the crap out of them if they get any questions wrong, forcing/sending them to mosque every day after school since early childhood for almost 10 years where they are frequently beaten with wooden sticks by the Imam for reciting/pronouncing Arabic words wrong by accident... and more etc. etc.
- I wouldn't send them to a school that was far away so they wouldn't have many local friends or much life outside school and homework. (Mine involved about 3 1/4 hours of travelling a day)
- I would respect them enough not to treat them like they weren't important at all (I'm in my 20s and my dad still comes in and changes the chanel on the tv without saying a word like I wasn't even there when I go to stay with him)
- I would employ supernanny-esque discipline techniques and not rely on constant shouting and idle threats (tiring for everyone!)
- I wouldn't constantly put them down, but instead try to build their confidence (again, thanks dad... )
- I would respect their privacy and not go through their stuff/ rubbish (for heaven's sake dad, that's just sad)
- I would try to teach them things at an appropriate level for their age and abilities (not get obscenely angry when they don't understand calculus at age 9 - FFS DAD!)
So yeah, that was cathartic.... ta.
Edit: - I would teach them life skills like cooking, cleaning and managing money
- I would make sure they learned to drive as soon as possible. I think it's harder when you're older and living away from home.
- I would encourage them academically and take a more active interest in their studies than my parents ever did with mine.
- I would under no circumstances use my kids' rooms as my personal storage space. My book shelves had no books that were mine - all my dad's. 1/3 of my small room was taken up by a huge chest of drawers that contained assorted items of junk belonging to same said parent.
- I would not be a hypocrite with regards to mess... "Oh, I've left my bag in the lounge have I dad??? well I'm glad you shouted at me so much because what I've done is clearly a heinous crime and far worse than the piles of papers, books, cds, vhs tapes, and random collections of junk that you leave EVERYWHERE you go."
I'd like them to be able to play a musical instrument, and to be strong at a foreign language from an early age. I'll give them every opportunity to become the best they can be, but without forcing them at all. 'You can't choose which path they choose, but your only responsibility is to open as many doors as possible'
I think my parents have done a good job. I remember I was in an appeal once though, I was to be excluded from school, was completely innocent (honest ), and they said they weren't even sure if I was telling the truth as I have a habit of lying.
As soon as they said that, I was obviously going to be permanently excluded. I would always back my child in the same situation.
There's a few things I'd be but mainly I would not be a hypocrite. I hate being told to clean up or move my shoes or dry the bathroom only to find the hallway is full of other people's shoes and the bathroom is soaking when I go to use it.
I'd let them develop their own interests without forcing mine on them. I would never ever get my child involved in supporting a football team when they are too young to even understand, for example.
I'd give them freedom to an extent; limits should be imposed but after a while kids are going to do what they want to do whether you want them to or not and they will learn from experience.
I'd talk to them, always, even just to ask about what they did that day.
Not strictly a correct answer to the OP but thought I'd answer anyway .