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Ways your parents treat you that you promise you wont do to your kids?

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    I won't talk to my children like they're children.

    That was probably the chief issue which infuriated me as a child. I was precocious, so when I was aware of adults talking of something (it wasn't rude or anything like that, but of politics, current issues, etc), I would have this condescending tone put upon me, as if I was too much of a child to even wrap my head around it, despite my persistent objections to such treatment.

    Respect goes both ways.
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    (Original post by Infallible)
    Newsflash: no-one cares.

    On-topic: I wouldn't change much at all.
    I was responding to someone else to settle a misunderstanding on the relevant topic. Why did you bother replying?
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    Id talk to my kids, me and my parents dont 'know' eachother. we live in the same house but we dont speak, i havent hugged either of them for years and its kind of sad in a way! doesnt bother me but i dont think its good to be brought up that way
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd give a lot more freedom, especially because I know how awful it feels to be the only one of your friends who has their life dictated by rules: Can't go out with friends, ever. Can't sleep over people's houses, aren't alllowed to get a job etc. It's so hurtful and makes me hate my parents sometimes. I don't think I ever want my kids to feel as lonely, sheltered and isolated as I do. Ever.
    :console:
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    (Original post by ummm)
    That was the best joke I've seen on here in ages!
    :awesome:
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    I wouldn't hit them when they are only six, or beat their mother.

    :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Spinnerette)
    well my father clearly cares more about his children from his second wife than his children from his first.
    That's sad

    Do you still talk to him?
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    Brought up as a Jehovah's witness I never had birthdays xmas easter etc Felt very left out growing up when all my friends were talking about these events or when needing to explain to people i got nothing for my birthday. So I'll do all of them for my children.
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    Flat-out refuse to even discuss something we disagree on. C'mon.
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    I wouldn't completely alter their life for the sake of ease.

    I went to a very good school & got good enough GCSE's to get into the 6th form. But because it was a bit of a drive, my step dad decided & convinced my Mum that it would be better if I went to the local (****) college, where I knew noone.

    ****ed up my A levels, got grounded for indefinite periods of time and ended up working for my step dad with no real qualifications.

    Granted I'm to blame for some of that, but being young at the time and pretty confused about life & what was going on, he made some pretty stupid & significant choices on my behalf.
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    They **** you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were ****ed up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself

    Ah, good old Larkin - So true (well, kinda)
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    Not to judge all the time, and that your own opinion isn't necessarily the only one worth listening to. And to never, ever row with your other half in front of kids. And treat your kids the same, stop showing preferential treatment for one.
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    to not undermine their confidence, and if they have issues listen to them, rather than using their mental health problems as an attack. to not be controlling, and to not make them feel worthless like a disappointment, for things they cant help and are trying to improve, again without listening to their point of view.
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    I'd try to keep up with what they enjoy doing and encourage them to stick at it, rather than get on their backs telling them to do this or that instead.

    I used to be really good at art when I was a kid, I'd draw pictures that my teachers would compare to LS Lowry paintings (all those little details, hundreds of people, huge crowds etc), I'd make models out of plasticine that won competitions (I won a CBBC fridge magnet competition once), etc. Yet my mum would constantly be on my back telling me I should be like normal boys and out playing football or whatever.

    That didn't make me go outside and hang out, it just made me lose interest in those things I did enjoy. It's a shame, because not only am I pretty rubbish at those things now, but also my mum has somehow got the idea in her head that she was incredibly supportive and encouraging of it, and these days constantly reminds me of how good she thought I was and says what a shame it is that I don't do it anymore...

    I had plenty of friends, I saw them in school and despite what she believed I would see them outside school hours (not that often, but as often as I wanted), but it was horrible to have her making me feel awful for not being like everyone else. The sad thing is when she speaks about her own mother and it's like listening to a tape recording of my own feelings, and it's a real shame that she didn't learn from that.

    To tie into that as well, I hope that if I had a child/children who turned out to be introverted like me, that I wouldn't treat it as a problem and something that needed fixing. Sometimes it's a sign that something's wrong, but it's also a personality trait. My grandfather and two of his brothers were fairly quiet, and I'm apparently just like them and they turned out ok.

    I also hope I'd get them interested in sports, and if they didn't like a particular one instead of forcing them to carry on I'd try them on something else. I hated all forms of exercise when I was a kid, but now I go running 3 nights a week (7-10km usually), and I really enjoy it. I also enjoy tennis because if I make a mistake I've only got myself to blame, and I don't have to contend with 10-20 people screaming at me.

    That sounds like a really petty rant and I don't want to sound like I don't love my mum (), it's just that she and so many parents make those small mistakes and I like to think I'll learn from them.
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    (Original post by Hood_Man)
    I'd try to keep up with what they enjoy doing and encourage them to stick at it, rather than get on their backs telling them to do this or that instead.

    I used to be really good at art when I was a kid, I'd draw pictures that my teachers would compare to LS Lowry paintings (all those little details, hundreds of people, huge crowds etc), I'd make models out of plasticine that won competitions (I won a CBBC fridge magnet competition once), etc. Yet my mum would constantly be on my back telling me I should be like normal boys and out playing football or whatever.

    That didn't make me go outside and hang out, it just made me lose interest in those things I did enjoy. It's a shame, because not only am I pretty rubbish at those things now, but also my mum has somehow got the idea in her head that she was incredibly supportive and encouraging of it, and these days constantly reminds me of how good she thought I was and says what a shame it is that I don't do it anymore...

    I had plenty of friends, I saw them in school and despite what she believed I would see them outside school hours (not that often, but as often as I wanted), but it was horrible to have her making me feel awful for not being like everyone else. The sad thing is when she speaks about her own mother and it's like listening to a tape recording of my own feelings, and it's a real shame that she didn't learn from that.

    To tie into that as well, I hope that if I had a child/children who turned out to be introverted like me, that I wouldn't treat it as a problem and something that needed fixing. Sometimes it's a sign that something's wrong, but it's also a personality trait. My grandfather and two of his brothers were fairly quiet, and I'm apparently just like them and they turned out ok.

    I also hope I'd get them interested in sports, and if they didn't like a particular one instead of forcing them to carry on I'd try them on something else. I hated all forms of exercise when I was a kid, but now I go running 3 nights a week (7-10km usually), and I really enjoy it. I also enjoy tennis because if I make a mistake I've only got myself to blame, and I don't have to contend with 10-20 people screaming at me.

    That sounds like a really petty rant and I don't want to sound like I don't love my mum (), it's just that she and so many parents make those small mistakes and I like to think I'll learn from them.
    well at least your children will be lucky
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    Make sure I give them healthy food (with treats sometimes of course) instead of feeding them crap every day and them ending up fat.

    And encourage them to do sport (of their choice, but within reason) and keep it up/ swap to something else if they get bored of it, so they're doing some kind of sport regularly. And also enocurage them to take up some other kind of club or activity where they can learn an interesting skill and socialise. Maybe a musical instrument/ cadets/ drama club.

    BUT I WON'T; force feed them 10 portions of fruit/veg a day, never allow them sweets/chocolate, force them to attend football practice every week and practice playing the piano for 2 hours every day.
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    (Original post by blacklistmember)
    Somethings thats been on my mind for some time

    For example, i would give my children a bit more freedom than my parents give me right now

    When i want to go out, my parents are like where are you going? who are you going with? what will you be doing? what time will you be back? :rolleyes:

    and after i get there theyll call me at random times to check whether im drunk or to find put what im doing

    I think i'll try to teach my children to think for themselves and use their best judgement instead of being so 'protective'

    So in what ways would the way that you bring up your kids be different from the way that your parents raise you?
    i would be more strict but firm I think its important to have that balance
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    I won't compare my children to one another. (or other peoples' kids.)

    Acknowledge each of them have different talents and skills and that everyone's equal. Definitely no favouritism! :rolleyes:

    No digs about how the other daughter is prettier or the other son is "manlier", that kind of thing. :mad:
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    (Original post by blacklistmember)
    well at least your children will be lucky
    Aww, thanks :hugs:
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    I would not compare them to older siblings/cousins/any other kid

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Updated: March 22, 2012
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