Is he being clingy? Because I feel suffocated!

Hey all, this guy I've been seeing is kind of stressing me out. He wants to see me every day, and sometimes more than once a day. He is probably my first proper boyfriend so I am finding it hard to figure out if this is clingy behaviour or if I am being too distant... or whatever. Please let me know!

- Has been missing commitments to be with me
- Probably not doing enough school work because he always has time to see me
- Instead of saying "I want to see you" he says "I need to see you"
- When I have to go he sometimes texts/calls me asking me to come back
- He asks me to go see him at really short notice
- He apologises for things that aren't his fault or that aren't worth apologising for
- He texts me when in the middle of something eg. a lesson
- He often texts twice in a row

His last text to me says that he hopes he hasn't annoyed me in some way.
What do you guys think? Honest answers would be great.

Reply 1

jazzykinks

That is quite clingy. In fact, very clingy. I dated a guy like that and he would bombard me with texts when I was in lectures, call me when I was out with friends etc. and I felt chased, so I dumped him. It's really understandable that you're feeling suffocated. I don't think you're being distant, I think you're just being normal about it and it seems he's becoming obsessive. I mean, texting/calling to tell you to come back? That's not right. If you need to go, you need to go. It's not healthy. In a healthy relationship, you spend time away from each other, don't contact each other all the time and definitely keep commitments elsewhere because it's crucial that you lead separate lives. It seems to me that he's prioritising being your partner over everything, which just isn't right.

Reply 2

Gigamonkey

Original post by jazzykinks

This is what I think, and to top it all off we've only been together for 2 weeks! The only problem is that he's very very nice, it's just that I thought he'd know how to behave in a relationship. He's had 2 relationships in the past year and a half, not including me. How do you think I should respond to his text (which, very clearly, was asking for me to say what is wrong and has he done something wrong)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Maybe you are too distant-some guys respond badly to your mind games such as waiting a long time to reply to texts. I think I'm a pretty secure guy, but I still find it difficult keeping my mind off it when I've been ignored. Can you tell us how you respond to his texts? Why does he text twice in a row - because he is keen, or because you're ignoring?

Reply 4

This Honest

Very clingy indeed.
You need to talk to him about it.
A distant relationship can be the cause if a break up but so can a suffocating relationship.

Reply 5

Gigamonkey

Original post by Anonymous

Can you tell us how you respond to his texts? Why does he text twice in a row - because he is keen, or because you're ignoring?

I usually respond within 20 mins if I have my phone on me, more like an hour if I go without it. To date I haven't ignored any of his texts. I reply when I see them, usually. Also I am wondering why after 2 weeks he is acting like this!

Reply 6

Gigamonkey

Original post by This Honest

Very clingy indeed.
You need to talk to him about it.
A distant relationship can be the cause if a break up but so can a suffocating relationship.

OK but what could I say to him? I'll also mention that he has depression so I don't know if this could be a cause of any of this?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Gigamonkey

Ok then, it's clingy. He's desperate or ahead of himself.

Reply 8

This Honest

Original post by Gigamonkey

OK but what could I say to him? I'll also mention that he has depression so I don't know if this could be a cause of any of this?

I don't know a lot about of depression but I think this may have an affect on his behaviour hence why he's clingy al the time. He craves attention.
I would tell him what you've said in the OP but gently of course :wink:

Reply 9

jazzykinks

Original post by Gigamonkey

Sounds like my ex. We dated for 3 weeks and he was talking about marriage and kids. I ran a mile. He also kept saying 'oh, I'm out with the lads, you're with your girls, I'll make my lads come with me to see you in 10 mins'. Awkward. My ex was also very nice, such a gent etc. but he was clingy as hell. Sometimes they're too nice. I wouldn't be surprised if his ex's broke up with him because they felt harangued. I would just be honest. I was always honest with my ex. Thing is, you'll be honest, tell him that you feel suffocated and he'll make you a million promises and tell you he'll change and he'll do anything to stay with you. Won't happen. He'll be the same. The thing is, there's a line which the clingy type cross quite quickly -- the obsessive line. x

Reply 10

jazzykinks

Original post by Gigamonkey

OK but what could I say to him? I'll also mention that he has depression so I don't know if this could be a cause of any of this?

Depression isn't really an excuse for his behaviour. I have severe depression but I wouldn't dream of doing anything that he's doing! He's far too dependent on you. x

Reply 11

Gigamonkey

I've now broken up with him - it was too much to handle. I hope he will be OK :frown:

Reply 12

jazzykinks

Original post by Gigamonkey

I've now broken up with him - it was too much to handle. I hope he will be OK :frown:

I'm glad to hear it. It would have just been really detrimental towards your wellbeing if you stayed with him. Sometimes you have to prioritise yourself. Let us know how he handles it!

Reply 13

silverbolt

Original post by Gigamonkey

I think you need to tell him straight. Back off.

Two weeks is nothing really and if your feeling smothered you need to say. It may be that he doesnt realise hes doing anything wrong.

Original post by Gigamonkey

I've now broken up with him - it was too much to handle. I hope he will be OK :frown:

Original post by jazzykinks

I'm glad to hear it. It would have just been really detrimental towards your wellbeing if you stayed with him. Sometimes you have to prioritise yourself. Let us know how he handles it!

Just like that. You just end it - just like that? without even giving it a chance.

Granted - he was/is clingy but to not even give him the chance to sort it out shows you didnt deserve him in the first place. You say hes a nice guy, then surely hes worth the chance to try and sort it out?

Clingy is bad i agree but just ending it like that without trying to sort it out isnt good either

Reply 14

TheInformer

Original post by silverbolt

There's clingy, and there's obsessive... they've only been together 2 weeks, did you even read the first post? It doesn't sound like something that can be 'sorted out'.