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Mum's spending ALL my money!

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    (Original post by noisy06)
    Be a good girl now .
    You're either special needs or just generally thick. I doubt you're an actual student with a mentality like that....if you are feck knows how you ever got into educational institution because that's the attitude a 12 year old wouldn't even take up.

    Just stop though, honestly, you're making people cringe its that bad....I feel embarrassed for you. Just clearing this up because I really can't be bothered commenting further.
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    (Original post by Fraga)
    You're either special needs or just generally thick. I doubt you're an actual student with a mentality like that....if you are feck knows how you ever got into educational institution because that's the attitude a 12 year old wouldn't even take up.

    Just stop though, honestly, you're making people cringe its that bad....I feel embarrassed for you. Just clearing this up because I really can't be bothered commenting further.
    I can't believe I'm being criticized academically from someone like you. That's shocking, I saw your profile. It isn't impressive academically now is it You're not even doing A levels so you can just shut up and be quiet. Let the more intellectual people do the talking
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    (Original post by Fraga)
    Just stop though, honestly, you're making people cringe its that bad....I feel embarrassed for you. Just clearing this up because I really can't be bothered commenting further.
    What in the world is glamorgan anyway?
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    (Original post by noisy06)
    I can't believe I'm being criticized academically from someone like you. That's shocking, I saw your profile. It isn't impressive academically now is it You're not even doing A levels so you can just shut up and be quiet. Let the more intellectual people do the talking
    It's actually quite interesting how more and more pathetic you're getting as the posts go on...this is why you shouldn't judge a book by what they choose to put on the cover:

    I've already got 4 A levels in Biology, Chemistry, History, Psychology...granted they're not A*'s (BBBC)I chose a different career path because I no longer wanted to study Biology at University and here I am completing my final year doing my BTEC in Sport. I'm even doing a level 4 module (equivalent to year 1 module at uni) which involves an independent research project.

    And there you have it. Can we just finish this now and say goodnight? I think we're both being stubborn here...I know I am but it's got me where I am today
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    (Original post by Fraga)
    It's actually quite interesting how more and more pathetic you're getting as the posts go on...this is why you shouldn't judge a book by what they choose to put on the cover:

    I've already got 4 A levels in Biology, Chemistry, History, Psychology...granted they're not A*'s (BBBC)I chose a different career path because I no longer wanted to study Biology at University and here I am completing my final year doing my BTEC in Sport. I'm even doing a level 4 module (equivalent to year 1 module at uni) which involves an independent research project.

    And there you have it. Can we just finish this now and say goodnight? I think we're both being stubborn here...I know I am but it's got me where I am today
    Fair enough. I'm sorry I judged you Good luck with everything, it seems like you're enjoying what you do now anyway, which can only be a good thing.
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    (Original post by noisy06)
    Fair enough. I'm sorry I judged you Good luck with everything, it seems like you're enjoying what you do now anyway, which can only be a good thing.

    It's ok, I'm guilty of it myself as making judgements is part of human nature after all! And yeah I guess. There's nothing worse than doing stuff without having an end goal of what it is you want to be or achieve. I do feel a lot more fulfilled in what I am doing now
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    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    His mother isn't making a profit, but rather taking a loan from her son, and paying it back later.

    Whats so atrocious about his mother asking for a loan? How is she "totally out of order"? Why is she a dickhead? lol.
    The op's mum isn't in dickhead territory. I was referring to my own. There is nothing wrong with her asking for a loan. Demanding a loan and a loan so big the OP cant afford it is the problem.

    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    Parents don't psychologically control their children.
    Some do.
    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    But she's still your mum
    You don't know how much that statement makes my blood boil. any friend saying that is no longer my friend.
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    Generally I'm the go-to person when it comes to borrowing money in the family, as I tend to have a tight control over my finances :/

    I've lent my mum money on numerous times, granted I always get it back pretty soon as I make sure she pays it back after she gets her pay check, especially as she's forgetful, I know if I don't remind her she won't pay me back for months! haha (that sounded pretty mean but as I have debits I need to pay out for such as car insurance, contacts, phone bill etc. I really can't afford to not get the money back from her on time as it will affect my credit rating and push me into my overdraft) but if she asks for money I always try to lend her it, provided that I won't end up struggling for finances, if your in a situation where you can't actually afford to lend anything I'm sure your mum will be completely understanding.

    They're your family so you should try to help them out when you can, but at the same time they should also be understanding that you may not be able to lend them money sometimes.
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    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    His mother isn't making a profit, but rather taking a loan from her son, and paying it back later.

    Whats so atrocious about his mother asking for a loan? How is she "totally out of order"? Why is she a dickhead? lol.

    Parents don't psychologically control their children. Its a little something called showing them care and compassion. You weren't given it, so whats lacking in your situation is love... which is completely understandable as she threw you out, made you fail your degree <- not sure how but w/e, physical abuse. But she's still your mum
    Just to clarify, the member who said that was actually in a different situation than what I'm in, I can assure you that there is a definitely love and respect in my relation with my mum .

    (Original post by hunter08)
    Parents try and do this psychological control as in "you owe them unconditional loyalty and love" on their kids. That's how some Asian parents manage to be so unbelievably autocratic towards their kids. If it wasn't for the brainwashing then it would simply be a case of get a job and escape for many. At the end of the day the OP's mum is totally out of order for demanding money off her. Bringing someone into this world is supposed to be done out of the goodness out of your own heart. You can't start demanding a profit for an unasked for good deed.
    I actually had a friend who was in a similar situation. His mum DEMANDED money from him, lied that she wasn't recieving maintenance payments for him when bank statements prove that she was still recieving these payments, and still wanted more off him. He eventually left house and stopped talking to his mum, which I can see his point, but wish he could get everything sorted with her . Main point of this being that there are parents out there who try and trap their kids with stuff like this, but I feel fortunate enough to have a happy and healthy relationship with both my mum and dad .

    Thanks a LOT for the advice yous have given, it's been really appreciated, and even tho there are a few pricks being well..... pricks in this, I have just ignored them in favour of those who were genuinely trying to offer good advice, so thanks
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    (Original post by Swe777)
    Please show some respect dude.



    The main things I can tell you Greyrob is.

    *Family always take things for granted and they know our weaknesses.

    *but yet, family is the most important thing you got, (yes more important than your friends) because when **** goes down, you will find out that maybe 1-2 friends are the for you, IF youre lucky.

    To start with, sit down and talk and explain, maybe she thinks it's ok and thinks that you got enough to make it without concerns.

    If she doesn't take that information to change, you have to be a bit harder and tell her NO.

    What you can do here is, helping her find a better job if she is ok with that. Or you could find a way to work extra and maybe "borrow" her without using the loaned money.

    I wish you good luck!
    utter bullcrap this obviously depends o the friends and the family
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    (Original post by coolmushroom)
    You're committing fraud, the terms of the loan say it can't be loaned out again. Please stay safe.
    That is for commercial purposes lending the money is fine, giving money to people if you wanted to is fine.
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    If I was you I would move put maybe? Don't fall put with utter mum but then ur money will be tied up in bills... when I moved out from home me n my mum got on so much better just a thought !
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    if i were you
    i would draw out a budget (litterally write it all out)
    with absolutely everything. all tyour incomings and outgoings
    EXCLUDING what you give to her
    also put a little bit away in bit called "emergency monies" s you do need to be saving and you never know when it'll come in handy

    and then sit down with your mum and go look... this is how much money i have... i will agree to give you so much because as you can see i need the rest
    and work out an agreement

    that way she'll stop asking you for money when it gets to a certain point/will understand if yousay no after a certain point
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    (Original post by A.Hopkin)
    Generally I'm the go-to person when it comes to borrowing money in the family, as I tend to have a tight control over my finances :/
    Same here. They can't really afford to pay me back; so just let me live rent free for months.

    but if she asks for money I always try to lend her it, provided that I won't end up struggling for finances, if your in a situation where you can't actually afford to lend anything I'm sure your mum will be completely understanding.
    Same. If I can't afford it, I will tell them.
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    (Original post by rac1)
    If you haven't already then I guess you should look into what bus/train passes there are.

    IMHO,As long as you have enough money to live on/study on and a little disposable income, then the rest should go to your mum if she's spending it wisely which I'm sure she is, but hey.
    Why?

    If the OP is living at home, sure, they should pay rent and maybe money towards bills/food etc. But why should their student loan go almost entirely to their mother? Especially if, as it sounds, it's a case of lending her money, not covering expenses related to the OP.

    The argument that 'our parents brought us into the world and made sacrifices for us therefore we owe them everything' is something I've never understood. I am eternally grateful to my parents for everything they've done for me, but I don't 'owe' them anything. That's what the parent/child relationship is about! They are SUPPOSED to provide for you. And yes, you should be grateful, and you should help them where you can, but that doesn't mean you automatically have to give them all your money just because they've spent money on you.
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    Mums generally know best. They also want you to succeed in life.

    I think your mum is trying to help you. She is making sure you dont blow all your money at once. As long as she pays you back then you still have your money but your getting it in little pieces. Are you honestly missing out on your social life that much? OR are all your student friends boozing their loans away at every opportunity? They will be skint in a month...

    Realise that your student loan is for helping you get to uni, books, uni clothes, food etc. NOT for social life. I've been there and done it. Blew all my student loan within 5 days of getting it. I didnt have the will power to not touch my loan. In hindsight, I should of properly budgeted a weekly allowance.

    What did you do before your loan? Borrow from your mum or work to get money?

    Having said all that, if you are actually only spending money on your education and you dont have enough for your next journey your mum is taking things too far.

    Talk to her and ask her why she is borrowing it from you? Not why she needs the money or what she is spending it on but why you?

    makes sense?
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    (Original post by Greyrob)
    Hey folks, I need some advice as to what to do on this problem. I know it may sound like I'm selfish but hear me out on this.

    My mum has been going a bit mental with the Student Loan I get for going to University, and by this, I mean she is CONSTANTLY asking me for a loan of some money here and there, and not only is it doing my head in, it's also leaving me majorly skint!

    Now, I pay my way at home, and give my mum some money for my keep, which I think is fair, and I'm happy to do this, but now, my mums been asking for a loan of more and more money, and she takes WEEKS to pay it back to me.

    When I first started going to college, I had a very minimal loan, and she wasn't as bad, but because I would need to travel a lot when I started at University (I'm an hour's train ride away), I took out a bigger loan to help me meet these costs, and now I feel like my mum is taking advantage of this.

    My mum doesn't earn a lot so I don't mind helping her out a wee bit financially if she needs it, but now she's started asking for a loan of unrealistic amounts which leave me completely skint. I should also mention that she guilt trips me whenever I complain about it, and always goes on about how if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even have my loan in the first place!

    I can't take this hassle anymore. I'm losing out on a social life, I'm struggling to budget for funds to get to University, and I can't even put money by for the future due to her being a constant financial drain on me!

    Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks .
    Sounds as if your mum is struggling and has cash flow problems. Can you help her to budget/sort this out? CAB can give advice for instance. Talk to her and explain you are now also having cash flow problems because of this and it would be good if you can both work this out together.

    I'm sure that secretly your mother hates having to borrow money off you. Some people are just not as good at others at managing money or are stuck in situations that mean they struggle. She was used to getting some money to support you in the past such as child allowance and often people do struggle when this money ends and their financial situation changes.

    You risk getting pulled into the same cycle of cash flow problems with your own money if you don't draw up some clear boundaries and guidelines for yourself and your mom. In the end you will be able to help her out more if your money is stable, if you finish your degree and get work and are succesful in future. Explain to her that you love being able to help and will always be there for her in an emergency but right now its getting you in a mess and threatening your ability to do your course so you can't do it anymore. If she feels the amount you give for housekeeping isn't enough then talk it through with her. If she needs some kind of loan for one last time, talk it through with her and work out how she will survive in future. But draw a line under her reliance on your money.

    I would suggest moving out next year and being a little more independant if you can.

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    (Original post by rac1)
    If you haven't already then I guess you should look into what bus/train passes there are.

    IMHO,As long as you have enough money to live on/study on and a little disposable income, then the rest should go to your mum if she's spending it wisely which I'm sure she is, but hey.
    Why? The OP should have enough money to live on and be able to save a little bit.
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    Wow i usually ask my mum for money....she never asks me for anything I will get a top job and buy them a big house as a thank you
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    Why? The OP should have enough money to live on and be able to save a little bit.
    oh yes and that too!

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