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My mother is ruining my life help

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    Hi
    Reading your post and the responses I'd first say that 'carry a weapon' is terrible advice. The best response is from claregray82 - you need free unbiased professional advice. Yes it would appear that moving out is the best option but you need a lot of help if you're planning to go to university. TSR is not the best place for help.
    You seem to lack the self confidence and awareness of the average 20yr old and that is perfectly understandable given your history.
    You could start by ringing the Samaritans, womensaid, the citizens advice centre or even your GP. They should all be able to put you in contact with organizations who can help and they all can be spoken to confidentially (remember to ask them not to contact you on your home landline).
    It isn't as simple as just move out, rent a room for a couple of months and then pop off to uni - most rent terms are for 6months plus, your uni accommodation will probably need a guarantor etc. Life on your own is very expensive and you'll need some funds up front but with the right help you can do it. Good luck x
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    Leave, now.

    Enjoy your life without them, because I'm telling you now, none of them deserve your company.
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    I think, like others have said, you need to leave ASAP. Like another person said, if you have a close relative you could stay with until it's Uni time, that could help. This situation is serious and is very harmful to you. Your family are treating you really badly and you do need to get away from them. Is their behaviour a cultural thing; is it just you that gets beaten in the family? Sounds like your Mum is a bit mentally unstable (sorry if that sounds harsh).
    Please take action now; do it for yourself before it really damages you. Good luck
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    I'm with everybody else! Leave before it gets worse. Spread your wings, you'll be so proud of yourself if you do!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mother has no life, she is an introvert she has NO friends, she doesnt work she claims her job is being a 'mother' and 'housewife' which is fair enough, yet all she does it sit around at home watching tv, doing the food shopping, then moans I do not doo any chores.

    Anyway I am nearly 20 on a gap year (as she told me i had too ) but not travelling, ( again not allowed) so im at home most lunchtimes between work etc, she will moan at me about everything that I am a **** daughter, that I have failed her yet im going to the uni she chose, doing the degree she chose. I have been very sick I suffer from M.E and a heart problem so my energy levels arnt high but she gets me up every morning at 7, she refuses too let me go to bed before 11 as I have too 'sit with her' and keep her company yet when she has the slightest thing wrong like a tummyache she moans about it for weeks on end, screams and shouts about how I dont care.

    She is fuming at me recently becuase I only brought her flowers (cost me £30) and a card, she also moaned I only gave her flowers in the afternoon didnt bring them too her bed and that I should have brought her a present and made dinner, although my brothers did nothing she blamed me. As a results she is demanding I give her £400 by tommorw too pay for not treating her right, I dont have £400 and her logic is simple, she takes my money, I cant fill up car with fuel, Cant pay for my Insurence, therefore I cant go anywhere I cant see my friends or go for a night out hence Ill be at home with her 24.7.

    We fought this morning as I asked too go to my friends house to watch a film ( no boys no alchool) as she is going away soon and is only back from uni for a week her words were ' theres no way your going to 'that whores house'' she refers to my friend as a whore as she knows she had sex with her 1 boyfriend, so I cant even at the age of 20 go and watch a film at my friends house.

    She knows nothing about the guy im seeing as she has banned me from boyfriends saying I reject my family if I get a boyfriend and that Im not allowed to have sex so im not allowed a boyfriend she physically bans me by taking all my stuff.

    She dotes on my brothers, I spent over a month doing my 10 year old brothers school project as he was 'too tired' to do it, when I did it she said it was ****, my other brother who is 16 but much bigger than me regularly refers too me as a 'cheap whore, a ****ing retard, a slag, a dirty bitch' he also punches me in the face, twists my arm and kicks me in the ribs yet my mother says nothing, when my dad gets angry he flips out he sometimes raises his hand too me, but often he lifts me up by hair put me in the corner of the stairs and slaps me which most people say is nothing but im only 8stone it hurts alot.

    I am in despair of my life, I am fed up of lying too my mum abot my friends and boyfriend, she told me she didnt want me seeing my friends as there bad, but they are the only escape I have fromher, she calls them all 'whores' because they have boyfriends, she wont let me see my boyfriend becuase he is older than me (only 23)l so I end up lying to her about where I am, who im with but im terrified of being caught, however too keep my mum happy I will have to end all these relationships which I dont want too do.

    My life it in total control by this women, I hate it I dont even know who I am as a person as I am fed up of being put down and screamed at and told im a failure, I dislike my mother greatly most people say that their parents love them unconditionally but my mother certainly does not love me in the slightest, I am in total despair I feel caged I know I onlly go too uni in 6 months (although shes saying I cant go) so shall I keep lying too her, and just keep my head down?/ ive tried talking too her she just shouts over me and tells me too 'piss off before there are consquences'
    Ruin her life and get out of that madhouse.
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    My God, that's awful, my parents still try and control me and I am 19. I live at home and commute to uni and they still think they can control what I do/where I go. For the most part I simply refuse to talk to them/tell them where I am going and hide my essentials- bank card, car keys, phone so they cannot stop me. I work shifts in a hotel and if I need to leave I simply use the excuse "I've been called in to work". I go to my partner's (who I am not allowed to stay overnight with) or a friends. Would you be able to play a similar story? Just say someone has called in sick/overtime, it doesn't need to be complicated. This will give you a valid reason to remove yourself from the situation.

    They are not physically violent though- call the police, they will help you leave even if you don't want to press charges! THAT IS NOT NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE AND YOU NEED TO SHOW THEM THAT YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!

    I really wish you all the luck in the world- please please get out!
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    Does she put a tracker on your computer/laptop or I pad if so this thread might get you into a lot of trouble.

    If not rent a house and get out your family are terrible.
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    Move to a hostel and go to samaritans who will give you advice on finding somewhere
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mother has no life, she is an introvert she has NO friends, she doesnt work she claims her job is being a 'mother' and 'housewife' which is fair enough, yet all she does it sit around at home watching tv, doing the food shopping, then moans I do not doo any chores.

    Anyway I am nearly 20 on a gap year (as she told me i had too ) but not travelling, ( again not allowed) so im at home most lunchtimes between work etc, she will moan at me about everything that I am a **** daughter, that I have failed her yet im going to the uni she chose, doing the degree she chose. I have been very sick I suffer from M.E and a heart problem so my energy levels arnt high but she gets me up every morning at 7, she refuses too let me go to bed before 11 as I have too 'sit with her' and keep her company yet when she has the slightest thing wrong like a tummyache she moans about it for weeks on end, screams and shouts about how I dont care.

    She is fuming at me recently becuase I only brought her flowers (cost me £30) and a card, she also moaned I only gave her flowers in the afternoon didnt bring them too her bed and that I should have brought her a present and made dinner, although my brothers did nothing she blamed me. As a results she is demanding I give her £400 by tommorw too pay for not treating her right, I dont have £400 and her logic is simple, she takes my money, I cant fill up car with fuel, Cant pay for my Insurence, therefore I cant go anywhere I cant see my friends or go for a night out hence Ill be at home with her 24.7.

    We fought this morning as I asked too go to my friends house to watch a film ( no boys no alchool) as she is going away soon and is only back from uni for a week her words were ' theres no way your going to 'that whores house'' she refers to my friend as a whore as she knows she had sex with her 1 boyfriend, so I cant even at the age of 20 go and watch a film at my friends house.

    She knows nothing about the guy im seeing as she has banned me from boyfriends saying I reject my family if I get a boyfriend and that Im not allowed to have sex so im not allowed a boyfriend she physically bans me by taking all my stuff.

    She dotes on my brothers, I spent over a month doing my 10 year old brothers school project as he was 'too tired' to do it, when I did it she said it was ****, my other brother who is 16 but much bigger than me regularly refers too me as a 'cheap whore, a ****ing retard, a slag, a dirty bitch' he also punches me in the face, twists my arm and kicks me in the ribs yet my mother says nothing, when my dad gets angry he flips out he sometimes raises his hand too me, but often he lifts me up by hair put me in the corner of the stairs and slaps me which most people say is nothing but im only 8stone it hurts alot.

    I am in despair of my life, I am fed up of lying too my mum abot my friends and boyfriend, she told me she didnt want me seeing my friends as there bad, but they are the only escape I have fromher, she calls them all 'whores' because they have boyfriends, she wont let me see my boyfriend becuase he is older than me (only 23)l so I end up lying to her about where I am, who im with but im terrified of being caught, however too keep my mum happy I will have to end all these relationships which I dont want too do.

    My life it in total control by this women, I hate it I dont even know who I am as a person as I am fed up of being put down and screamed at and told im a failure, I dislike my mother greatly most people say that their parents love them unconditionally but my mother certainly does not love me in the slightest, I am in total despair I feel caged I know I onlly go too uni in 6 months (although shes saying I cant go) so shall I keep lying too her, and just keep my head down?/ ive tried talking too her she just shouts over me and tells me too 'piss off before there are consquences'
    I am very sorry to 'hear' about this.

    Best thing you can do, move as soon as possible. I suppose you're starting uni in septmember? Are you going to live in the halls? I think that would be a nice idea has you would be able to move out and also she might value you more once you're not around.

    However, trust me, the problem is not you. Apparently your family is ****ed up big time and you seem to be the only normal person in the house. So I am sure you will make it, you will manage to live your life and be happy. Just need to be positive, strong and move out to uni. :hugs:
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    Tell her to **** off, get back to the kitchen and make you a sandwich.

    EDIT: I knew this post would attract the neggers. Paha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mother has no life, she is an introvert she has NO friends, she doesnt work she claims her job is being a 'mother' and 'housewife' which is fair enough, yet all she does it sit around at home watching tv, doing the food shopping, then moans I do not doo any chores.

    Anyway I am nearly 20 on a gap year (as she told me i had too ) but not travelling, ( again not allowed) so im at home most lunchtimes between work etc, she will moan at me about everything that I am a **** daughter, that I have failed her yet im going to the uni she chose, doing the degree she chose. I have been very sick I suffer from M.E and a heart problem so my energy levels arnt high but she gets me up every morning at 7, she refuses too let me go to bed before 11 as I have too 'sit with her' and keep her company yet when she has the slightest thing wrong like a tummyache she moans about it for weeks on end, screams and shouts about how I dont care.

    She is fuming at me recently becuase I only brought her flowers (cost me £30) and a card, she also moaned I only gave her flowers in the afternoon didnt bring them too her bed and that I should have brought her a present and made dinner, although my brothers did nothing she blamed me. As a results she is demanding I give her £400 by tommorw too pay for not treating her right, I dont have £400 and her logic is simple, she takes my money, I cant fill up car with fuel, Cant pay for my Insurence, therefore I cant go anywhere I cant see my friends or go for a night out hence Ill be at home with her 24.7.

    We fought this morning as I asked too go to my friends house to watch a film ( no boys no alchool) as she is going away soon and is only back from uni for a week her words were ' theres no way your going to 'that whores house'' she refers to my friend as a whore as she knows she had sex with her 1 boyfriend, so I cant even at the age of 20 go and watch a film at my friends house.

    She knows nothing about the guy im seeing as she has banned me from boyfriends saying I reject my family if I get a boyfriend and that Im not allowed to have sex so im not allowed a boyfriend she physically bans me by taking all my stuff.

    She dotes on my brothers, I spent over a month doing my 10 year old brothers school project as he was 'too tired' to do it, when I did it she said it was ****, my other brother who is 16 but much bigger than me regularly refers too me as a 'cheap whore, a ****ing retard, a slag, a dirty bitch' he also punches me in the face, twists my arm and kicks me in the ribs yet my mother says nothing, when my dad gets angry he flips out he sometimes raises his hand too me, but often he lifts me up by hair put me in the corner of the stairs and slaps me which most people say is nothing but im only 8stone it hurts alot.

    I am in despair of my life, I am fed up of lying too my mum abot my friends and boyfriend, she told me she didnt want me seeing my friends as there bad, but they are the only escape I have fromher, she calls them all 'whores' because they have boyfriends, she wont let me see my boyfriend becuase he is older than me (only 23)l so I end up lying to her about where I am, who im with but im terrified of being caught, however too keep my mum happy I will have to end all these relationships which I dont want too do.

    My life it in total control by this women, I hate it I dont even know who I am as a person as I am fed up of being put down and screamed at and told im a failure, I dislike my mother greatly most people say that their parents love them unconditionally but my mother certainly does not love me in the slightest, I am in total despair I feel caged I know I onlly go too uni in 6 months (although shes saying I cant go) so shall I keep lying too her, and just keep my head down?/ ive tried talking too her she just shouts over me and tells me too 'piss off before there are consquences'
    call the police or tell your friends. You should not be living like that AT ALL. Your 20, an adult already.. which your parents need to understand.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mother has no life, she is an introvert she has NO friends, she doesnt work she claims her job is being a 'mother' and 'housewife' which is fair enough, yet all she does it sit around at home watching tv, doing the food shopping, then moans I do not doo any chores.

    Anyway I am nearly 20 on a gap year (as she told me i had too ) but not travelling, ( again not allowed) so im at home most lunchtimes between work etc, she will moan at me about everything that I am a **** daughter, that I have failed her yet im going to the uni she chose, doing the degree she chose. I have been very sick I suffer from M.E and a heart problem so my energy levels arnt high but she gets me up every morning at 7, she refuses too let me go to bed before 11 as I have too 'sit with her' and keep her company yet when she has the slightest thing wrong like a tummyache she moans about it for weeks on end, screams and shouts about how I dont care.

    She is fuming at me recently becuase I only brought her flowers (cost me £30) and a card, she also moaned I only gave her flowers in the afternoon didnt bring them too her bed and that I should have brought her a present and made dinner, although my brothers did nothing she blamed me. As a results she is demanding I give her £400 by tommorw too pay for not treating her right, I dont have £400 and her logic is simple, she takes my money, I cant fill up car with fuel, Cant pay for my Insurence, therefore I cant go anywhere I cant see my friends or go for a night out hence Ill be at home with her 24.7.

    We fought this morning as I asked too go to my friends house to watch a film ( no boys no alchool) as she is going away soon and is only back from uni for a week her words were ' theres no way your going to 'that whores house'' she refers to my friend as a whore as she knows she had sex with her 1 boyfriend, so I cant even at the age of 20 go and watch a film at my friends house.

    She knows nothing about the guy im seeing as she has banned me from boyfriends saying I reject my family if I get a boyfriend and that Im not allowed to have sex so im not allowed a boyfriend she physically bans me by taking all my stuff.

    She dotes on my brothers, I spent over a month doing my 10 year old brothers school project as he was 'too tired' to do it, when I did it she said it was ****, my other brother who is 16 but much bigger than me regularly refers too me as a 'cheap whore, a ****ing retard, a slag, a dirty bitch' he also punches me in the face, twists my arm and kicks me in the ribs yet my mother says nothing, when my dad gets angry he flips out he sometimes raises his hand too me, but often he lifts me up by hair put me in the corner of the stairs and slaps me which most people say is nothing but im only 8stone it hurts alot.

    I am in despair of my life, I am fed up of lying too my mum abot my friends and boyfriend, she told me she didnt want me seeing my friends as there bad, but they are the only escape I have fromher, she calls them all 'whores' because they have boyfriends, she wont let me see my boyfriend becuase he is older than me (only 23)l so I end up lying to her about where I am, who im with but im terrified of being caught, however too keep my mum happy I will have to end all these relationships which I dont want too do.

    My life it in total control by this women, I hate it I dont even know who I am as a person as I am fed up of being put down and screamed at and told im a failure, I dislike my mother greatly most people say that their parents love them unconditionally but my mother certainly does not love me in the slightest, I am in total despair I feel caged I know I onlly go too uni in 6 months (although shes saying I cant go) so shall I keep lying too her, and just keep my head down?/ ive tried talking too her she just shouts over me and tells me too 'piss off before there are consquences'

    here is the problem you act like a kid you will be treated like a kid go to your friends tell her where your going by all meas so she knows where you are but you sure as hell DO NOT ASK
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    Do you have other family like grandparents you could stay with?
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    (Original post by Fortune117)
    Tell her to **** off, get back to the kitchen and make you a sandwich.

    EDIT: I knew this post would attract the neggers. Paha
    As nasty as this sounds, that's the treatment such a mother deserves! I mean, if you wanna be treated like a lady and a mother, act as such!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in a similar position and I left. I've now moved and changed number etc so she can't find me and never been happier.

    Do it for yourself. Get out asap, stay anywhere you can until uni and live your life!
    How did you manage to leave? Did you cut your parents out of your life?

    To the OP, follow the advice of everyone on the thread and please please please leave ASAP. It's not just your mum that's the problem, it's your whole family and they are making you worse. You need to seriously leave. Don't discuss university, because they are more likely to stop you from going. Also don't worry too much about financial support from them, you can get a loan from SFE so you can move away and have some support for maintenance.

    :console:
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    (Original post by Jammy4410)
    Tough situation. Cause i'd suggest moving out and living with a good friend but then you will be low on funds and might not be able to go to uni as you will lose financial backing.
    I suggest totally ignoring your family, go out when you want and if they threaten you with "beats" etc.
    Threaten to call the police or carry a weapon which you don't really intend to use but only as self defense.

    This only works if you seriously hate your family.
    Leaving and calling the police is a good idea. The whole weapon thing - I'm not so sure about. Her mum has called the police before when she went missing - my guess is that her parents are capable of calling the police and scapegoating her if she holds a weapon. In other words, they sound like the kind of people who would use it against her.
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    You say you have a bf. Does he know? maybe you can confide in him.
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    (Original post by 1mum)
    Hi
    Reading your post and the responses I'd first say that 'carry a weapon' is terrible advice. The best response is from claregray82 - you need free unbiased professional advice. Yes it would appear that moving out is the best option but you need a lot of help if you're planning to go to university. TSR is not the best place for help.
    You seem to lack the self confidence and awareness of the average 20yr old and that is perfectly understandable given your history.
    You could start by ringing the Samaritans, womensaid, the citizens advice centre or even your GP. They should all be able to put you in contact with organizations who can help and they all can be spoken to confidentially (remember to ask them not to contact you on your home landline).
    It isn't as simple as just move out, rent a room for a couple of months and then pop off to uni - most rent terms are for 6months plus, your uni accommodation will probably need a guarantor etc. Life on your own is very expensive and you'll need some funds up front but with the right help you can do it. Good luck x
    I said this too. This will make the situation worse in a couple of ways:
    • Her parents would use that against her - physically, or if emotionally, they will call the police.
    • The police would arrest her.
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    (Original post by 2danceis2dream)
    My God, that's awful, my parents still try and control me and I am 19. I live at home and commute to uni and they still think they can control what I do/where I go. For the most part I simply refuse to talk to them/tell them where I am going and hide my essentials- bank card, car keys, phone so they cannot stop me. I work shifts in a hotel and if I need to leave I simply use the excuse "I've been called in to work". I go to my partner's (who I am not allowed to stay overnight with) or a friends. Would you be able to play a similar story? Just say someone has called in sick/overtime, it doesn't need to be complicated. This will give you a valid reason to remove yourself from the situation.

    They are not physically violent though- call the police, they will help you leave even if you don't want to press charges! THAT IS NOT NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE AND YOU NEED TO SHOW THEM THAT YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!

    I really wish you all the luck in the world- please please get out!
    Why are your parents still trying to control you even though you are an adult?

    Why don't you move out altogether?
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    Yep, get out of there. Go. Report your dad and brother to the police. They are not men for what they have done.

    Also, on a point of curiosity, what cultural / ethnic background are you from?

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