Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

I just really need some help and ideas

I went out with this girl for about 15 months, we broke up last October when I left for Uni. A few weeks later I went to see her and we started talking and seeing each other again. By December we were kinda acting like a couple, but had specifically agreed that we aren't together and we can have sex with other people if we like.

We told one another that we loved each other, we Christmas shopped together and spent all Xmas holiday with each other.*

Then after I went back to Uni she said that she thought we'd gotten too couple like and should see each other a lot less, as she felt it was very had for her to have out life outside me while we were together. This wasn't ideal for me but I went along with it anyway.

We talked a little but didn't meet for 7 weeks or so. In that time I slept with someone else and she slept with some people too.

We finally met again at her sister's party where we talked and she told me how she'd been casually seeing a guy but he was a bit of a pain and had slept with others without telling her etc. That she struggled to see a future in it but found it enjoyable and interesting for now.*

That night at the party we had sex, and although I initially felt bad, it turns out the guy she is seeing slept with someone else that night anyway. Such is the nature of their casual relationship I find it hard to show remorse when he clearly doesn't care much.*

Anyway, we text a bit trying to clarify our feelings for one another. She said she still loves me but just needs some space to be a bit more free and doesn't want to jump straight back into something serious with me and ruin any long term prospect we might have.

That was 10 days ago and since then we have been texting a bit and have met up a further two times.

Yesterday when she was at my house she seemed very much like she was back into the swing of loving me and I was the same - I love her very much. We had a nice meal together and the sex was nearer to love-making than a shag.

As we lay in bed she even told me she wanted to marry me, as it was often something we talked of when we were together. Might have been just an emotion over-load from her, but the general mood was very deep. Even though I had been doing the chasing, she told me she loved me as I cuddled her to sleep without me prompting or saying it first.*

Last night she called me saying she thinks we should stop seeing each other, cos although she enjoyed seeing me, she didn't want to have to keep lying to the other guy and she does like him.*

Now, under the pretence that I don't have to show this other guy any moral integrity, as he is clearly lacking in any himself, how should I go about actually keeping in having a shot with this girl whom I love so much?

1) Try to keep some sort of texting going so I stay in the picture somewhat?

2) Show both resilience and an appreciation for her needing some space by refraining from texting much? Might this mean I'll drop out of her life completely? Like what may have happened had we not met at the party?*

3) Anything you can suggest?

Would like to hear your thoughts on helping me out, the truth is that I really have a special love for this person and want to do what is best to nurture our long-term prospects.*

Reply 1

This Honest

Gosh! That must be so stressful/frustrating for you dude.

She can't be doing this anytime she wants.
It's bull.
Tell her straight that she needs to make a decision NOW. Otherwise, that guy may have a chance to woo her and she'll fall for him and you'll be left out.
She tells you she loves you and wants to marry you but she's now restraining. What a doodlehead dummy she is? :lolwut:

You love her, but if you didn't love her, my advice would be to move on.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by This Honest

You love her, but if you didn't love her, my advice would be to move on.

It is quite Frustrating. The thing is that she kinda wants to be free from me for some time because the she felt a bit over-whelmed and burnt out towards the end of our initial relationship, especially when we spent to much time together in the summer. It ended up annoying each other, we needed to pace how much we saw each other but ended up seeing each other just a bit too much.

We have changed as people since then, but in our earlier discussion I was careful to point out to her that I don't just want her cos I miss the old times, but because of the appeal for something exciting and new to accomodate how we've grown as people.

As you said, I don't want to make myself too absent because that wouldn't help my cause in keeping me in her mind set.

I feel that she doesn't particularly feel *that* put off by me or my texting/talking to her, because, for example, since writing this message she sent me 4-5 texts in succession going through ideas of what she wants to do next year with work/college.

One thing that I didn't mention, when she callled me last night and said we shouldn't see each other, she did say that she would still come to my house to help clean up because she offered to and wanted to follow up on what she said.

If she does end up coming round for the day to help me out, should I try acting a certain way? I know that mind games are looked down upon but perhaps if I show I can be neutral around her she may be tempted to look at me differently a little.

Cos tbh, someone being all lovey-dovey and trying so hard to get another's attention probably isn't that attractive to her. I know when she does the same and has acted with no emotion towards me, it has just built up my desire for her that little more.