[Anonymous]

Me and her have been friends for years and she has been with this guy for 1 year. at first he seemed perfect but he is really controlling and gets angry every time she sees anyone that isn't him (e.g me/her very few other friends/her family) Going on a night out is out of the question as he phones and texts her non-stop asking if any men have tried it on with her, asking if she is drunk or not, sometimes he even calls her if they have spent the day together just to make sure she is at home. He is nice alot of the time but he has got a really bad temper, she has seen him get really angry when he does not get his own way but he has never been physically abusive towoards her. She knows he shouldnt behave like this but i thiknk she doesn't like the idea of not having a boyfriend because of him she has only a few friends and she would have to see him at sixth form and stuff if they broke up. He has even got angry with her a few times becuase he had a 'vision' that she cheated on him.. she has never done that, but he created an argument because of this and got really angry at her. He also has read her texts before, asked who she is with/talking to/texting ect. He seems very insecure and jealous but also can get really angry for no reason at all. Any help or advice would be really appreciated, i am worried about her and i wish she could see that this is not how loving relationships are supposed to work - this is her first serious relationship and i dont think she realises that his behaviour is not normal and she shouldn't have to deal with it

Thank you x

[Jo from AVA]

Hi
Thanks for your message. Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares about her looking out for her.
From what you have described, you are right. It sounds like your friend's boyfriend is very controlling and emotionally abusive.
It can be really tough watching someone you care about go through this, especially if she is not ready to admit yet that something is wrong.

Have a look at this link http://www.avaproject.org.uk/media/1...pyourmates.pdf
it is for a leaflet i wrote about how to help your friends in this kind of situation.

Don't give up on her, let her know you are there for her and that you are worried. Is there anyone else that you trust who you could talk to? There are some helplines and websites on the leaflet that may be useful.
On the 'this is abuse' website there is some more advice and also a check list of abusive behaviours that you could go through with your friend if you think she would be up for that.

I hope some of this helps, good luck,
Jo