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Your first day at uni

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Got a question about Student Finance? Ask the experts this week on TSR! 14-09-2014
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    Hi, I'm planning on going to the University of Bedfordshire in September and I'm wondering what I should expect on my first day.

    My Mum, my Dad and possibly my stepdad are going there with me to see me off and help move me in (with one of my Dad's transit vans for all my stuff lol). My Mum keeps going on about how she'll set up everything for me and make it all look nice for me while I get rushed off for induction stuff.

    Her friend told her that when she moved her daughters into university she was left to sort out all their stuff for them while they had to go to meetings and things (london met and buckinghamshire private university).

    I don't know how to break it to her but I really don't want that to happen... I know it sounds terrible but I just want to do it all myself so I can have it how I want it without my mum going through my things. She says she wants it all to look nice before she leaves me there to give her peace of mind... I'm thinking a compromise could be sending her off for a couple of hours while I do it and then she can see it all nice and done how I want it before she leaves me.

    What did you guys do on your first days?
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    Well I have to tell you i was the same as you...I told my mum i didn't need her to help set up and that no one elses families would help them. I was wrong, everyones families stayed to help them set up and i regreted sending my mum off haha. We didn't have an induction on the first day i moved in as it was a weekend. it was a bit awkward at first meeting your flatmates but after a few drinks was all good Don't get the impression that freshers will be the best week of your life though (well, it may be) because it's usually not!
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    (Original post by senator88)
    Well I have to tell you i was the same as you...I told my mum i didn't need her to help set up and that no one elses families would help them. I was wrong, everyones families stayed to help them set up and i regreted sending my mum off haha. We didn't have an induction on the first day i moved in as it was a weekend. it was a bit awkward at first meeting your flatmates but after a few drinks was all good Don't get the impression that freshers will be the best week of your life though (well, it may be) because it's usually not!
    Haha... Yeah I don't mind being the only one without their mum there though lol my Mum is incredibly demonstrative and everything always has to be done her way. She's sort of an interior designer and she has an opinion on EVERYTHING. I know for a fact that if I let her 'help' with my unpacking then we will have a full blown argument and both cry before leaving each other on terrible terms with her calling me an ungrateful, selfish, spoilt brat. She's very predictable. If she wants to make sure everything looks nice before she leaves then she can piss off for a couple of hours and come back when I've sorted it all lol
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    How long do family usually stay to help? I made a deal with mine that they would stay a few days before freshers week but is that even possible?
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    (Original post by littleone271)
    Haha... Yeah I don't mind being the only one without their mum there though lol my Mum is incredibly demonstrative and everything always has to be done her way. She's sort of an interior designer and she has an opinion on EVERYTHING. I know for a fact that if I let her 'help' with my unpacking then we will have a full blown argument and both cry before leaving each other on terrible terms with her calling me an ungrateful, selfish, spoilt brat. She's very predictable. If she wants to make sure everything looks nice before she leaves then she can piss off for a couple of hours and come back when I've sorted it all lol
    It wasn't that i was the 'only one without my mum there' lol it's cause it took me AGEEEES to set everything up and i was knackered! could have used the help........and fair enough if its going to lead to an argument maybe just explain nicely you can sort it yourself and want to get to know everyone remember she is only doing it with good intentions!
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    (Original post by senator88)
    It wasn't that i was the 'only one without my mum there' lol it's cause it took me AGEEEES to set everything up and i was knackered! could have used the help........and fair enough if its going to lead to an argument maybe just explain nicely you can sort it yourself and want to get to know everyone remember she is only doing it with good intentions!
    Oh I know! That's what makes it so hard! I said to her yesterday that I'd rather put my things away myself and she doesn't need to feel guilty about dumping me there because I'll be almost 20 and I need to do stuff by myself. It didn't go down too well.

    I'd rather spend 8 hours doing it myself than let her do it for me in 1 hour lol she gets on my nerves so much when she touches my stuff and she's very heavy handed so she's always breaking things and she always puts important stuff in the bin.
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    (Original post by littleone271)
    Hi, I'm planning on going to the University of Bedfordshire in September and I'm wondering what I should expect on my first day.

    My Mum, my Dad and possibly my stepdad are going there with me to see me off and help move me in (with one of my Dad's transit vans for all my stuff lol). My Mum keeps going on about how she'll set up everything for me and make it all look nice for me while I get rushed off for induction stuff.

    Her friend told her that when she moved her daughters into university she was left to sort out all their stuff for them while they had to go to meetings and things (london met and buckinghamshire private university).

    I don't know how to break it to her but I really don't want that to happen... I know it sounds terrible but I just want to do it all myself so I can have it how I want it without my mum going through my things. She says she wants it all to look nice before she leaves me there to give her peace of mind... I'm thinking a compromise could be sending her off for a couple of hours while I do it and then she can see it all nice and done how I want it before she leaves me.

    What did you guys do on your first days?
    My first day:
    - Arrived
    - One of the JCR showed me to my room and gave me a tour of the hall
    - Got all my stuff up to my room. You're not going to have time to unpack everything on the first day, i wouldn't bother trying it uses up valuable time that could be used for meeting people. I didn't fully unpack until Freshers had finished.
    - Went to the supermarket to get some food
    - Family left
    - The JCR got everyone who had arrived to sit on the field and get talking, we did this for a few hours (it was a really warm day)
    - 'Welcome to the hall' talk from the warden
    - Welcome buffet and a 'lets get drunk and meet new people' evening in the hall bar. It was SO awkward at first, everyone was clearly nervous. I remember 5 of us queueing for the bar and we hardly said a word between us. Of course once we'd had a couple of pints, that anxiety disappeared!

    and i agree, don't fall for the ''best week in your life'' rubbish. Freshers was fun, but uni has got better and better as i get to know people well

    (Original post by neverlander¾)
    How long do family usually stay to help? I made a deal with mine that they would stay a few days before freshers week but is that even possible?
    It varies. Mine helped me get all my stuff to my room, bought some food and then i politely said to them that i wanted to go and start talking to people. They got the hint Its a tough one because you want them to leave so you can start meeting people, but you're greatful for all their help.
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    (Original post by littleone271)
    Hi, I'm planning on going to the University of Bedfordshire in September and I'm wondering what I should expect on my first day.

    My Mum, my Dad and possibly my stepdad are going there with me to see me off and help move me in (with one of my Dad's transit vans for all my stuff lol). My Mum keeps going on about how she'll set up everything for me and make it all look nice for me while I get rushed off for induction stuff.

    Her friend told her that when she moved her daughters into university she was left to sort out all their stuff for them while they had to go to meetings and things (london met and buckinghamshire private university).

    I don't know how to break it to her but I really don't want that to happen... I know it sounds terrible but I just want to do it all myself so I can have it how I want it without my mum going through my things. She says she wants it all to look nice before she leaves me there to give her peace of mind... I'm thinking a compromise could be sending her off for a couple of hours while I do it and then she can see it all nice and done how I want it before she leaves me.

    What did you guys do on your first days?
    Being a third year, from experience I can tell you that the sole most important thing you must do in your first year is make a strong group of friends. I didn't, and I regret it sorely. My mate at another uni did, and now he has some good friends, and always has people to turn to in a crisis. I don't.
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    Pretty much arrived, sent parents home, met the two 8/10 identical twins in the flat next door and had my first threesome (srs) then had something to eat and went to an organised night out where I brought back two 9/10 girls for an 'after party' in my room. People say uni isn't like this but in reality it is, they just don't want you to join in on the fun.
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    Everyone will get at least slightly home sick at first, i've been at uni for 3 years now and have lived with first years twice (as i transferred) and both times everyone admitted to missing home and feeling really weird in the first few months here, after that things get much better Unless you're the outgoing type who loves meeting new people in which case you'l probably love it.

    I was so nervous when I first came to university, all I could eat during the first 3 days was a sausage roll. Although I had an anxiety disorder back then so that's probably different... But I knew it was a much needed change. Living at home does kinda suck.
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    (Original post by Randomized)
    My first day:
    - Arrived
    - One of the JCR showed me to my room and gave me a tour of the hall
    - Got all my stuff up to my room. You're not going to have time to unpack everything on the first day, i wouldn't bother trying it uses up valuable time that could be used for meeting people. I didn't fully unpack until Freshers had finished.
    - Went to the supermarket to get some food
    - Family left
    - The JCR got everyone who had arrived to sit on the field and get talking, we did this for a few hours (it was a really warm day)
    - 'Welcome to the hall' talk from the warden
    - Welcome buffet and a 'lets get drunk and meet new people' evening in the hall bar. It was SO awkward at first, everyone was clearly nervous. I remember 5 of us queueing for the bar and we hardly said a word between us. Of course once we'd had a couple of pints, that anxiety disappeared!

    and i agree, don't fall for the ''best week in your life'' rubbish. Freshers was fun, but uni has got better and better as i get to know people well



    It varies. Mine helped me get all my stuff to my room, bought some food and then i politely said to them that i wanted to go and start talking to people. They got the hint Its a tough one because you want them to leave so you can start meeting people, but you're greatful for all their help.

    (Original post by Don John)
    Being a third year, from experience I can tell you that the sole most important thing you must do in your first year is make a strong group of friends. I didn't, and I regret it sorely. My mate at another uni did, and now he has some good friends, and always has people to turn to in a crisis. I don't.

    (Original post by coolmushroom)
    Pretty much arrived, sent parents home, met the two 8/10 identical twins in the flat next door and had my first threesome (srs) then had something to eat and went to an organised night out where I brought back two 9/10 girls for an 'after party' in my room. People say uni isn't like this but in reality it is, they just don't want you to join in on the fun.
    Haha.. Sounds fun


    (Original post by hmaus)
    My dad dropped my stuff off at my flat but he took enough persuading to do that - he thought I could just take it on the train, but I had way too much! I definitely would not have welcomed my parents trying to unpack or arrange my stuff. I never saw anyone's parents doing that and surely it is understandable that you want to arrange your personal things yourself, as you will be the one living there! I also don't think you will be "rushed off for inductions" so I don't think your mum will really have the opportunity to be in your room sorting things without you. At my uni people just showed up at the weekend, met their flatmates, maybe went out for dinner with their parents then unpacked themselves, settled in etc and the proper Freshers week events started on the Monday.
    Thanks for all your replies...

    I've just had a chat with her and she's completely adamant about making my room look nice before she goes and leaves me to it so that she can have the peace of mind knowing that my stuff is sorted out. She says that I can sort out all personal things and she just wants to do things like making my bed, putting my ironing board away, hanging up my clothes etc. I do have a lot of stuff and she's paid for all of it so I don't want to be too mean to her...

    She originally wanted to stay in a hotel for the weekend with my stepdad before leaving me on my own but I've since convinced her that it won't be necessary lol

    As long as she's not too demonstrative then I suppose I don't mind her making my bed and things like that.. saves me doing it I guess and if I don't like where she puts things then I can always move them around after she's gone I suppose.

    How much did you all mingle with your flatmates when you first got there? What was considered the norm? I make pretty awesome chocolate brownies so I'll probably make a couple of batches of those when I get there (maybe while my mum's busy finding homes for my vibrators lol) and I was hoping that I'd have drinks and things with my flatmates and get to know them on the first evening...

    What do the time scales tend to be like though? Obviously if I get there at like 9am then I'll have plenty of time to get my stuff moved in, have a late lunch with parents and then getting to know my flatmates but if I get there at 3pm then it'll be a totally different story.
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    (Original post by Lewk)
    Everyone will get at least slightly home sick at first, i've been at uni for 3 years now and have lived with first years twice (as i transferred) and both times everyone admitted to missing home and feeling really weird in the first few months here, after that things get much better Unless you're the outgoing type who loves meeting new people in which case you'l probably love it.

    I was so nervous when I first came to university, all I could eat during the first 3 days was a sausage roll. Although I had an anxiety disorder back then so that's probably different... But I knew it was a much needed change. Living at home does kinda suck.
    Yeah... I guess I probably will get a little bit homesick but I am a very outgoing person when it comes to meeting new people. I'll probably be the 'HI!!! WHO ARE YOU? HAVE A DRINK!!' sort of person lol I went on a camping/clubbing holiday with my friends last summer and because they didn't want to go clubbing I made new friends with a load of guys staying on the pitch next door and went out with them every night and moved into their massive tent for the last 3 out of 4 nights. I definitely find it easy making friends
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    Let your mum have her way with unpacking your stuff, this is a far more emotional day for her than it is for you! You can just rearrange everything and make the room yours once they've gone.

    I'd recommend not having your parents hang around though, if you couldn't bear to be apart from them for a long time, that's an issue which needs to be sorted before you arrive, so that you're not clinging on and being emotional on your first day. But you don't sound like that is going to be a problem. No need to rush them off though, you will probably have stuff to do, and if not then you will likely want to get to know the other people you're living with or near when you first arrive - someone new arriving usually prompts people to poke their heads out and say hello. I'd also advise not having your parents stay near for the night. They should take you down, help you move stuff in, say goodbye and leave. Having them there the next day will drag the whole thing out and make it too emotional, and you may well find you want to do something with people you're living with. (Jump on every oppertunity even if it sounds boring. It beats sitting in your room all day!)

    When I moved in to Uni, I arrived reasonably early in the day. My dad and I unpacked things from the car and my mum started putting things away in cupboards and continued this while I chatted with other housemates and put things in the kitchen. Not only is it helpful, but you make your mum feel wanted if you allow her that. Like I say, you can always move things around after.

    EDIT: With regards to mingling with flatmates -

    Mingle as much as you can. Talk to everyone. Remember their names and try and remember what course they're doing. There's a load of 'standard' questions you can use to get a conversation going such as course, hometown, sports etc. If there's a few of you and nobody looks busy, suggest doing something, the Uni will likely have some introductory stuff on. It will be awkward, you don't know them and you don't know if you even like them, but give them a shot. I get on with my flatmates, but am not really friends with any of them. Despite that though, I'm still glad I spent some time in Freshers with them. It means we know each other a bit better and it sure beat sitting in my room on my own organising my books.

    EDIT 2: Agreed, don't fall for the 'Freshers is the best week of your life' crap. It's not. You don't know people and you can't have that level of fun with people you just don't know. You should be outgoing throughout though, generally after Freshers week is over people form into their groups. I can pretty certainly state that those you spent time with in Freshers will always be at an aquaintance level with you, that is, if you're not friends. They'll always be civil and pleasant with you and you can rely on them as someone to to talk to. Those who you don't spend time with during Freshers, you probably just won't know at all during the year unless they turn out to be on your course. I mean it, spend time with as many people as you can!

    Also, I didn't believe the whole 'Your closest friends/the people you'll live with in year 2 will be those you meet on your course' thing, but it's true. Honestly. If you have any kind of small group teaching, make friends with the people in there.
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    (Original post by Pthaos)
    Let your mum have her way with unpacking your stuff, this is a far more emotional day for her than it is for you! You can just rearrange everything and make the room yours once they've gone.

    I'd recommend not having your parents hang around though, if you couldn't bear to be apart from them for a long time, that's an issue which needs to be sorted before you arrive, so that you're not clinging on and being emotional on your first day. But you don't sound like that is going to be a problem. No need to rush them off though, you will probably have stuff to do, and if not then you will likely want to get to know the other people you're living with or near when you first arrive - someone new arriving usually prompts people to poke their heads out and say hello. I'd also advise not having your parents stay near for the night. They should take you down, help you move stuff in, say goodbye and leave. Having them there the next day will drag the whole thing out and make it too emotional, and you may well find you want to do something with people you're living with. (Jump on every oppertunity even if it sounds boring. It beats sitting in your room all day!)

    When I moved in to Uni, I arrived reasonably early in the day. My dad and I unpacked things from the car and my mum started putting things away in cupboards and continued this while I chatted with other housemates and put things in the kitchen. Not only is it helpful, but you make your mum feel wanted if you allow her that. Like I say, you can always move things around after.

    EDIT: With regards to mingling with flatmates -

    Mingle as much as you can. Talk to everyone. Remember their names and try and remember what course they're doing. There's a load of 'standard' questions you can use to get a conversation going such as course, hometown, sports etc. If there's a few of you and nobody looks busy, suggest doing something, the Uni will likely have some introductory stuff on. It will be awkward, you don't know them and you don't know if you even like them, but give them a shot. I get on with my flatmates, but am not really friends with any of them. Despite that though, I'm still glad I spent some time in Freshers with them. It means we know each other a bit better and it sure beat sitting in my room on my own organising my books.

    EDIT 2: Agreed, don't fall for the 'Freshers is the best week of your life' crap. It's not. You don't know people and you can't have that level of fun with people you just don't know. You should be outgoing throughout though, generally after Freshers week is over people form into their groups. I can pretty certainly state that those you spent time with in Freshers will always be at an aquaintance level with you, that is, if you're not friends. They'll always be civil and pleasant with you and you can rely on them as someone to to talk to. Those who you don't spend time with during Freshers, you probably just won't know at all during the year unless they turn out to be on your course. I mean it, spend time with as many people as you can!

    Also, I didn't believe the whole 'Your closest friends/the people you'll live with in year 2 will be those you meet on your course' thing, but it's true. Honestly. If you have any kind of small group teaching, make friends with the people in there.
    Yeah... My parents are separated but my Dad is going to take me there with all my stuff in a van I think because he's got big transit vans (he has a construction company) and either my mum will travel with us or her and my stepdad will come in his car. Either way it should be an absolutely hilarious journey because my Dad is a Northern Irish speed freak who drives like a maniac and my mum is quite neurotic and starts clinging onto the bottom of her seat if my stepdad pushes 75 lol.

    So I'll either be sitting between my divorced parents with my mum screaming the whole way or my stepdad will drive my mum and create a bit of rivalry trying to keep up with me and my Dad who will easily be pushing 100 the entire time lol.

    When we get there I'll let my mum help and I'll just have to make sure that I either put my personal things away at the beginning while she makes the bed and does stuff like that or put them away after she's gone. She definitely won't be staying in Luton for the night.

    As for not being able to have a lot of fun with people I don't know... I beg to differ lol the holiday I mentioned earlier where I ended up making new friends with a bunch of guys and moving into their tent for the rest of the week was probably the funnest week I've ever had. This is going to sound weird but I tend to walk into a room and immediately lower the tone and get even the shy people talking about their favourite sex position lol I don't know why or how.. It just sorta happens whenever I turn up anywhere lol.
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    ...I'll probably make a couple of batches of those when I get there (maybe while my mum's busy finding homes for my vibrators lol)
    Wait...what?!?!
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    (Original post by petal1991)
    Wait...what?!?!
    I was joking lol

    I think we all have certain things we keep in our rooms that we don't particularly want our parents finding so that's why I want to do at least some of the unpacking by myself.
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    Brilliant. Now my gran has gone and put ideas into my Mum's head and told her that her and my stepdad should stay in a hotel overnight and hovver over me all weekend and now they're both upset with me and I'm in the dog house for saying 'no' and she won't even let me explain myself.

    ARGHHH!!!

    Why can't there be a protocol for this that EVERYONE does?? Would make things soooo much simpler!

    I don't cope particularly brilliantly with change and I'm not particularly independant so I'd rather not drag out the parting process over an entire weekend. Especially seen as it's less than a 2 hour drive away. It just seems daft.

    I want to be able to mingle and make friends as early on as possible but I don't want to offend my mum.. which I've already done because now she's convinced that I don't love her and that I won't miss her and all I want her for is money (she's bought/buying me all my stuff). FML.
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    I didnt want my parents to stay
    but ALL my flat mates parents stayed so i didnt miss out on anything at all

    my friend went a day earlier stayed in a hotel and then moved in the next morning then her paretns left that afternoon why dont you do that

    honestly though so many parents stay and go shopping/ go for a meal etc ect
    seriosuly dont worry
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    My parents drove me there, but did a powerslide around the car park and just pushed me and my stuff out. I wouldn't recommend this method.
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    I don't remember a great deal about my first day, it was quite stressful, because I wasn't cleared to pick up my accommodation key because something had gone wrong with my registering bank details for payment, so had to go to the other campus to sort that, then collect my key.

    We could only park outside the actual halls for 20 mins to unload our things, so it was literally dragging everything up to my room asap, said a quick hello to the 2/3 flatmates and then scouted out the local supermarket with my parents and got some food in.

    Returned and then said goodbye to the parents, I only found out today that my mum cried that entire weekend after they left me. I unpacked all my stuff, because I felt it was important that I did it myself.

    Then I went and got to know my flatmates.

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