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I Really Need Advice (Preferably From Asians Or Muslims)

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    Hi. I want to apologise for the use the labels in the title, as I don't really like labelling people. Although a person might be Muslim, I don't like to refer to someone as Muslim I'd much rather use there name. Ect ect.

    Anyhow. I'm in Year 11, currently 16, and I've got a friend who's Muslim and also Asian. She's got some mental health problems, and I'm rather worried about her.

    She wants to get professional help. But this isn't possible because her Mum won't let her out the house. She comes and goes to school in a car. She's not allowed out unless her parents are with her. I suggested going to see her GP by herself, however her Mum's friend lives close by and might see her...

    I'm Asian myself, so I know what Asian parents can be like. However mine are not like that, so I can't offer any "real" advice.

    If anyone has been in this situation or knows anyone that has, please could you let me know.

    Thanks.
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    What sort of mental health problems has she got? I'm not asian or muslim, sorry. anyway,i'm not sure if your school would have this but is there someone you trust there who you can talk to? Or like a youth worker/councelor there? if you spoke to someone like that who is there to look out for students, they can give you some good advice and tell you what you can do, or tell your friend what to do. Hope you sort something out (:
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    (Original post by curiositey)
    What sort of mental health problems has she got? I'm not asian or muslim, sorry. anyway,i'm not sure if your school would have this but is there someone you trust there who you can talk to? Or like a youth worker/councelor there? if you spoke to someone like that who is there to look out for students, they can give you some good advice and tell you what you can do, or tell your friend what to do. Hope you sort something out (:
    I'm not specifically sure on the mental health problem. I know that she gets voices telling her to kill herself and she pulls hair out of her head... She's okay at school, like you couldn't even tell there was something wrong with her. It's just at home, really.

    There are people I trust in school. However getting them involved would cause problems between us. Because when you tell a teacher, that teachers knows that pupil, plus she wants to get help... But doesn't want the school to know. Which is something I can relate to.

    There is someone I can talk to... I think she's like a student advisor, but the thing with that is, she might ask me who the person is, and sort of force it out of me, saying something like "it's for the best, you're doing the right thing". But my friend doesn't want anyone to know at school, which I understand. And I also don't think getting the school involved is the best option. I wouldn't mind talking to the student advisor about the help available... But I just don't know where the conversation will end up.

    Thanks for the help, anyway.
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    (Original post by >Username<)
    I'm not specifically sure on the mental health problem. I know that she gets voices telling her to kill herself and she pulls hair out of her head... She's okay at school, like you couldn't even tell there was something wrong with her. It's just at home, really.

    There are people I trust in school. However getting them involved would cause problems between us. Because when you tell a teacher, that teachers knows that pupil, plus she wants to get help... But doesn't want the school to know. Which is something I can relate to.

    There is someone I can talk to... I think she's like a student advisor, but the thing with that is, she might ask me who the person is, and sort of force it out of me, saying something like "it's for the best, you're doing the right thing". But my friend doesn't want anyone to know at school, which I understand. And I also don't think getting the school involved is the best option. I wouldn't mind talking to the student advisor about the help available... But I just don't know where the conversation will end up.

    Thanks for the help, anyway.
    I think the pulling the hair out thing is Trochotillomania. I think it usually comes from anxiety or depression.

    If she has voices telling her to kill herself and she's not getting the medical help she needs, she could be at risk of harming herself.

    I would suggest you sit down with her and come up with a plan of what you're going to do. She needs to find a window of time to get to a GP surgery and see a doctor. I'm not sure if she'd need an adult with her.

    Check these hotlines out: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhea...Helplines.aspx

    Calling one might help.

    If she can't get to a doctor, she may have no choice. I know some schools don't help much but she needs to tell someone at school and if she doesn't, you may have to. Or at least push her to tell someone.

    I'm Asian and Muslim and I know exactly what it's like. My parents have no knowledge about mental health and think it's a pile of poo. From my observations, quite a few people in my family have some mental health issues but no one addresses it. The problem just gets buried.
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    You don't say how aware your friend's parents are of her precise situation. Do they know about the voices, and that your friend wishes to see a doctor? If they don't know everything, it might be that if you (possibly backed up by someone else like your parents) explain this to them then they'll agree to get her help and arrange for her to see a doctor.

    If not, it could be worthwhile your making a trip to the GP yourself. You could explain what you know about your friend's condition, why she's unable to visit a doctor herself, and ask for her to be referred to someone like a social worker or the child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS). They'll be used to working around difficult family situations, and hopefully be able to help your friend out.

    Hope you manage to get her some help (also kudos to you, sounds like you're a really good friend).
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    If there is a local mosque in the area? if yes, then visit that mosque and ask for the imam (the person who runs the mosque, Islamically, he is in charge of the Muslim community). Explain the situation to him, and he could try to talk some sense into them overbearing traditional nazis.

    You said her mum doesn't want her to go out of the house, but why doesn't she want her to receive medical care?
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    (Original post by ice_man)
    If there is a local mosque in the area? if yes, then visit that mosque and ask for the imam (the person who runs the mosque, Islamically, he is in charge of the Muslim community). Explain the situation to him, and he could try to talk some sense into them overbearing traditional nazis.

    You said her mum doesn't want her to go out of the house, but why doesn't she want her to receive medical care?
    1) I don't think her parents are aware
    2) From my experiences, Asians don't tend to pay attention to mental illnesses. It's a taboo subject.
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    (Original post by >Username<)
    Hi. I want to apologise for the use the labels in the title, as I don't really like labelling people. Although a person might be Muslim, I don't like to refer to someone as Muslim I'd much rather use there name. Ect ect.

    Anyhow. I'm in Year 11, currently 16, and I've got a friend who's Muslim and also Asian. She's got some mental health problems, and I'm rather worried about her.

    She wants to get professional help. But this isn't possible because her Mum won't let her out the house. She comes and goes to school in a car. She's not allowed out unless her parents are with her. I suggested going to see her GP by herself, however her Mum's friend lives close by and might see her...

    I'm Asian myself, so I know what Asian parents can be like. However mine are not like that, so I can't offer any "real" advice.

    If anyone has been in this situation or knows anyone that has, please could you let me know.

    Thanks.
    Can't she just say she needs to go GP for a medical purpose?
    Or ask a more understanding family member.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think the pulling the hair out thing is Trochotillomania. I think it usually comes from anxiety or depression.

    If she has voices telling her to kill herself and she's not getting the medical help she needs, she could be at risk of harming herself.

    I would suggest you sit down with her and come up with a plan of what you're going to do. She needs to find a window of time to get to a GP surgery and see a doctor. I'm not sure if she'd need an adult with her.

    Check these hotlines out: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhea...Helplines.aspx

    Calling one might help.

    If she can't get to a doctor, she may have no choice. I know some schools don't help much but she needs to tell someone at school and if she doesn't, you may have to. Or at least push her to tell someone.

    I'm Asian and Muslim and I know exactly what it's like. My parents have no knowledge about mental health and think it's a pile of poo. From my observations, quite a few people in my family have some mental health issues but no one addresses it. The problem just gets buried.
    Thank you for your help. Well, atm she said during the 2 weeks we have off for Easter she will tell her Mum (again). That's our sortofbutnotreally plan. I have been pushing her a lot to tell her Mum (again) to see if she can see a GP.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    You don't say how aware your friend's parents are of her precise situation. Do they know about the voices, and that your friend wishes to see a doctor? If they don't know everything, it might be that if you (possibly backed up by someone else like your parents) explain this to them then they'll agree to get her help and arrange for her to see a doctor.

    If not, it could be worthwhile your making a trip to the GP yourself. You could explain what you know about your friend's condition, why she's unable to visit a doctor herself, and ask for her to be referred to someone like a social worker or the child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS). They'll be used to working around difficult family situations, and hopefully be able to help your friend out.

    Hope you manage to get her some help (also kudos to you, sounds like you're a really good friend).
    Sorry, I should have said earlier. My friend has already been to see a Doctor and the Doctor and her family are aware of the voices. The Doctor gave her some tablets to take, but her Mum has hid them and won't let her take them. As she thinks this will make the condition worse. She has confronted her Mum about doing something else, but her Mum won't let her.

    I get what you mean about me seeing a GP. However, when I thought about this... I just got very confused. Because if I do that, it'll disrupt her whole family life. I care for her, but at the same time, I don't know her family routine. I guess no one ever knows anyone's family. Getting a social worker involved will disrupt her family...

    Thanks for the help.
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    (Original post by ice_man)
    If there is a local mosque in the area? if yes, then visit that mosque and ask for the imam (the person who runs the mosque, Islamically, he is in charge of the Muslim community). Explain the situation to him, and he could try to talk some sense into them overbearing traditional nazis.

    You said her mum doesn't want her to go out of the house, but why doesn't she want her to receive medical care?
    The thing is, her Mum has also tried this several times. She has took her to several different mosques and brought religious people home. (No offence to anyone here...) The thing is, this doesn't and can't help her. Because the viewpoint is that if she prays more, she'll get better, and how she's somehow the devil. Which obviously isn't true. It's more like forcing religion onto her when it's not needed...

    Her Mum thinks if she takes the tablets the Doctor gave her to help her, this will make it worse and the Doctor doesn't know what he's doing. Her Mum also thinks it's do with the television she watches and the music she listens to... Basically. Her Mum thinks if she prays more it'll get better. And if she does see someone or takes the tablets it'll just get worse and she'll go mad.

    Thanks for the help, though.
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    (Original post by Iqbal007)
    Can't she just say she needs to go GP for a medical purpose?
    Or ask a more understanding family member.
    Well, her Mum doesn't let her out of the house and her Mum doesn't want her to see the GP again. And she can't see the GP by herself because it's way too risky.
    As for other family members, they all have the same viewpoint... It's a bit like a dead end really.

    Thanks for the help, though.
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    (Original post by >Username<)
    The thing is, her Mum has also tried this several times. She has took her to several different mosques and brought religious people home. (No offence to anyone here...) The thing is, this doesn't and can't help her. Because the viewpoint is that if she prays more, she'll get better, and how she's somehow the devil. Which obviously isn't true. It's more like forcing religion onto her when it's not needed...

    Her Mum thinks if she takes the tablets the Doctor gave her to help her, this will make it worse and the Doctor doesn't know what he's doing. Her Mum also thinks it's do with the television she watches and the music she listens to... Basically. Her Mum thinks if she prays more it'll get better. And if she does see someone or takes the tablets it'll just get worse and she'll go mad.

    Thanks for the help, though.
    Uh oh sounds like typical asianess occurring here. I think it would be best to tell someone at the school, the student advisor sounds best. There's only so much a GP can do if her mother is hiding her meds from her.
    You know, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to try and find an imam (a sensible one hopefully) to talk to the parents about supporting her and getting help. Although I guess he would have to be local or the parents might not listen to him.
    Why is it too risky for her to see the GP herself? If she could get away for a couple of hours to see them it would be a lot easier to get help
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    her mum sounds like a psycho, just tell someone at school!!
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    (Original post by >Username<)
    The thing is, her Mum has also tried this several times. She has took her to several different mosques and brought religious people home. (No offence to anyone here...) The thing is, this doesn't and can't help her. Because the viewpoint is that if she prays more, she'll get better, and how she's somehow the devil. Which obviously isn't true. It's more like forcing religion onto her when it's not needed...

    Her Mum thinks if she takes the tablets the Doctor gave her to help her, this will make it worse and the Doctor doesn't know what he's doing. Her Mum also thinks it's do with the television she watches and the music she listens to... Basically. Her Mum thinks if she prays more it'll get better. And if she does see someone or takes the tablets it'll just get worse and she'll go mad.

    Thanks for the help, though.
    I don't think you're being entirely truthful here, or you may be unintentionally exaggerating. Calling someone a devil is not allowed in Islam, neither is denying them medical help. No Islamic scholar/imam would allow this to occur.
    Try and find some online psychiatrists, or just call some help line regarding mental problems and ask them about self diagnosis or for a general solution. If all else fails, the school should be able to help her.
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    (Original post by ice_man)
    I don't think you're being entirely truthful here, or you may be unintentionally exaggerating. Calling someone a devil is not allowed in Islam, neither is denying them medical help. No Islamic scholar/imam would allow this to occur.
    Try and find some online psychiatrists, or just call some help line regarding mental problems and ask them about self diagnosis or for a general solution. If all else fails, the school should be able to help her.
    Some pakistanis can get quite convinced that jinn are to blame for things like voices and epilepsy, it could be that that's what the mother thinks is happening to her.
    But yeah denying her medical treatment is totally unjustifiable to anyone :\ don't know how any imam could let that slide
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    your poor friend obviously has mental health problems. hearing voices is usually one of the classic symptoms of schizophrenia.

    Your friend MUST take the medication prescribed for her by her doctor. These may be tranquillisers, antidepressants or antipsychotics. They will slow down and stop the voices and calm her down. It is counterproductive to say the least that her mother is hiding this medication. Your friend is in torment and needs help and her mother is in total denial about this.

    If she is hearing voices yet her mother is refusing her medication and hiding her medication then this situation is not likely to get better, but worse. I had a friend whose parents were in total denial about their son's mental illness, and refused to let him see a doctor, until things got out of hand and their son's symptoms became so bad and his behaviour so worrying that they could not deny it anymore. Try if you can to get a Muslim GP or psychiatrist to speak to her parents. Not an easy task, but I feel if she hears the truth about her daughter's situation from a person like this then she would be more amenable to cooperate and not hide this medication, which is extremely irresponsible.

    Best of luck to you and your friend. I do hope she has peace of mind.
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    (Original post by zmzm)
    Uh oh sounds like typical asianess occurring here. I think it would be best to tell someone at the school, the student advisor sounds best. There's only so much a GP can do if her mother is hiding her meds from her.
    You know, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to try and find an imam (a sensible one hopefully) to talk to the parents about supporting her and getting help. Although I guess he would have to be local or the parents might not listen to him.
    Why is it too risky for her to see the GP herself? If she could get away for a couple of hours to see them it would be a lot easier to get help
    I'm just worried that if I tell the student advisor, her whole family life will be disrupted and I'll be the causer of that...
    Her mother has already got the local Imam to talk to her and he's tried a lot of religious things on here (I'm not too sure what, the one thing I do know is some kind of holy water...)
    She can't get away for a couple of hours, that's the problem you see... Its almost like she gets back from school, and that's it.

    Thanks for the help.
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    (Original post by >Username<)
    Sorry, I should have said earlier. My friend has already been to see a Doctor and the Doctor and her family are aware of the voices. The Doctor gave her some tablets to take, but her Mum has hid them and won't let her take them. As she thinks this will make the condition worse. She has confronted her Mum about doing something else, but her Mum won't let her.

    I get what you mean about me seeing a GP. However, when I thought about this... I just got very confused. Because if I do that, it'll disrupt her whole family life. I care for her, but at the same time, I don't know her family routine. I guess no one ever knows anyone's family. Getting a social worker involved will disrupt her family...

    Thanks for the help.
    Hmm, I think you might want to talk to your friend again. If she's the same age as you, will she be planning on going away to uni in a couple of years? If so and if she feels ok with the idea, it *might* be best if she waits til then to get proper longer-term treatment if she needs it. But I'd definitely only do this if she's not being too disturbed by the voices and whatever other symptoms she has, and it would also be a good idea to get a doctor's opinion on whether she's likely to get worse in that time (and if she does get worse she should absolutely 100% see a doctor immediately).

    I also think you should really speak about this with someone responsible who you trust. It's a pretty weighty problem for you to be trying to solve on your own, since you obviously realise that whatever you choose could have a big impact on your friend.

    By the way, if you want to quote more than one person at once just use the other orange button to the right of the quote one, click it on every post you want to reply to and then click on the go advanced button. Makes things a bit easier.

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