[Anonymous]

Basically, I've been pretty miserable for the last year or so. Last year it was especially bad for several months. I thought about death a lot, though I didn't want to kill myself, I thought about it and my emotions were extremely erratic. I knew it what I was feeling was beyond normal but was too scared to do anything about it. To be honest I just stopped caring about anything. However, I got better about about 3 or 4 months later and thought that was it and I could just try and forget. Was alright for a few months but about November, the feelings started coming back. A couple days I just couldn't get out of bed for school in the morning. My school work's just been going downhill and I can't get motivated to do anything particularly productive.

Recently, things have been getting worse. I'm just miserable and I don't know why. I cry for no reason. I come back from school and just can't stay awake. At the weekend, I feel like I never really even wake up properly and feel sleepy all day, no matter how much sleep I've had. What's worse, the past few weeks I've been having rather horrible dreams. Dead bodies are becoming a theme...And I've had sleep paralysis with visual and auditory hallucinations, which are just horrible. This is something that's never really happened to me before and I've never been one for nightmares but they're really disturbing.

I'm beyond sick of this and want nothing more than to feel normal again, though I can barely remember what that is. I have a family history of depression and anxiety disorders but I haven't been able to bring myself to go to the doctors because so many times they've been condescending and made me feel like a complete idiot. I'm afraid they'll just tell me to let it pass or something (I've been told to "come back in a year if it's not gone" for a problem which turned out to be a pretty bad disorder which I ended up self-diagnosing). Am I just being silly about this whole thing or do I have good reason to go? Can anyone who has been for these types of problems give me some advice as to what to say? I have no one I can really discuss this with...

Thanks.

[~ Purple Rose ~]

It could help to write things down before you go, then you can show the doctor that if you can't say the words. A high proportion of people a GP sees is for mental illness, so they are used to it, they will ask you about your sleep/apetite/thoughts of self-harm etc.

[Madprof]

I don't think you're being silly about it. Sounds like you're going through a pretty tough time. Please go and see your GP - every GP I've sat in with during my degree would take this seriously and want to help. If you're feeling nervous, do you have a particular GP you'd find easiest to talk to? Or maybe ask the receptionist when you book if there's a GP who specialises in Mental Health.

Purple Rose gives some good advice about writing stuff down if that makes it easier. You could even just print out your post to show them.

[MightyMe.]

Dude you already know the answer, of course go to your GP. Theres no reason why people should go through life unnaturally miserable. If there's options there to get help they should be taken
Sorry to hear you've had it difficult, wish you the very best in moving towards a better place.

[Meaty_man]

The feeling really bad about yourself but have no idea why, and being fatigued no matter how much or little you sleep is very similar to what i have. Like you i guess it was kind of gradual, you don't really notice at first, but then you start to realise that all of this isn't normal, and that it's going on for way too long.

See your GP, they will ask you questions or give you some questionnaire to fill in, often they'll tell you to fill it in and come bk in about a week. Depending on the results of them they will recommend councilling, therapy, and if you are suffering severe depression they might give you the option to go straight onto meds. I would recommend more "natural" means first before trying drugs, as they take a long time to kick in and can have some rather nasty side effects (depending on what you take).

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. Going to try and work up the courage to make an appointment on Monday. I guess some of my anxiety about is that in our family we don't talk about this stuff. My mum knows there's something wrong with me. A few weeks ago I was shaky and crying and barely able to eat because I couldn't bare going to school and had had nightmares all night. She saw all this and just turned her back and ignored it and acted as if everything was fine and normal. It's happened a few times and stuff like that just makes me feel like and idiot and like I need to keep it in and never talk about it to anyone. So I don't.

I guess maybe it's not the healthiest approach so I'm going to try and change. 'Tis scary though