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What do you do when you feel alone?

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    I realized today that I am not always as sociable as I want to be; frequently the friends I have don't even bother to get in contact with me, and it feels as though I'm always the one getting in contact with them. I don't obsess over them or anything; mainly I only get in contact anywhere between every 2 weeks to 2 months or something, because I know everyone is busy with school. But still, I find myself feeling left out, and oftentimes I wish I had better social interaction with the world in general; I end up feeling that there's something wrong with me that's leading people to avoid me.

    Have you ever felt left out like this? What do you do to cheer yourself up?
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    (Original post by DancerPerson)
    I realized today that I am not always as sociable as I want to be; frequently the friends I have don't even bother to get in contact with me, and it feels as though I'm always the one getting in contact with them. I don't obsess over them or anything; mainly I only get in contact anywhere between every 2 weeks to 2 months or something, because I know everyone is busy with school. But still, I find myself feeling left out, and oftentimes I wish I had better social interaction with the world in general; I end up feeling that there's something wrong with me that's leading people to avoid me.

    Have you ever felt left out like this? What do you do to cheer yourself up?
    Get drunk usually but I wouldn't advise that. The radio can be a good source of company if you are alone but that's a band aid, it doesn't get to the root cause of your problem.

    If you want a better social life, you will have to work hard at it. 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.'

    Every 2 weeks or every 2 months seems a long gap inbetween getting in contact with people.

    There are lots of different ways of meeting new people and making friends but it depends on your schedule and existing committments really. Voluntary work is a good way to meet new people but not always a practical recommendation if you work full time or study full time.

    Perhaps take up exercise, join a running club or a dance class or something to that effect. It can be daunting leaving your comfort zone and trying something new but it's the only way you will get to meet people really-by putting yourself out there.

    If you want more advice on developing your social skills, I recommend reading 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it's an excellent book which has stood the test of time and the billionaire Warren Buffett advocates it.
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    As for actually making more friends and things, I have no advice really, I'm sure you already know about just contacting your friends more, or joining this and that etc.

    But if you mean just like in the evenings when you feel lonely but can't do anything about it, as sad as it sounds I pick a couple of shows/films/whatever (I did Hamlet and Les Mis a couple of days ago) and go on omegle and try and find the most relevant quote to answer the question, people's replies are really funny. Especially if you go with something that has really odd lines like Spartacus (me and my flatmate spent a couple of hours hitting everyone with the "blood rains down from an angry sky" lyrics once).
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    Listen to music (Y)
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    (Original post by advent2)
    Get drunk usually but I wouldn't advise that. The radio can be a good source of company if you are alone but that's a band aid, it doesn't get to the root cause of your problem.

    If you want a better social life, you will have to work hard at it. 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.'

    Every 2 weeks or every 2 months seems a long gap inbetween getting in contact with people.

    There are lots of different ways of meeting new people and making friends but it depends on your schedule and existing committments really. Voluntary work is a good way to meet new people but not always a practical recommendation if you work full time or study full time.

    Perhaps take up exercise, join a running club or a dance class or something to that effect. It can be daunting leaving your comfort zone and trying something new but it's the only way you will get to meet people really-by putting yourself out there.

    If you want more advice on developing your social skills, I recommend reading 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it's an excellent book which has stood the test of time and the billionaire Warren Buffett advocates it.
    Thanks for the advice! But I guess I leave a lot of time in between contacting people because I don't want to seem like I'm bothering them, or like I'm obsessing over talking to them and stuff. Especially when they don't really get back to me/reach out to begin with. :-/

    I really liked your quote, and I'll try to go out there and join more clubs and stuff. I've heard of that book as well, but no libraries in my area carry the book. I'll see if I can find excerpts online.
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    (Original post by DancerPerson)
    Thanks for the advice! But I guess I leave a lot of time in between contacting people because I don't want to seem like I'm bothering them, or like I'm obsessing over talking to them and stuff. Especially when they don't really get back to me/reach out to begin with. :-/

    I really liked your quote, and I'll try to go out there and join more clubs and stuff. I've heard of that book as well, but no libraries in my area carry the book. I'll see if I can find excerpts online.
    If they are a true friend, you will not be bothering them. If they have no interest in keeping in touch with you, it's probably time to move on and find some new friends who actually value your company. A relationship is a 2 way thing. If you find yourself doing all the work in keeping in touch and making an effort then it's probably not a friendship worth having anyway.

    You can read the principles of 'How to win friends and influence people' on Wikipedia for free but it is no substitute for reading the actual book. I buy all of my books online from Amazon. It's very rare the library has a book I want and if it does, it is usually in high demand so I have to wait for it. You can buy that book pretty cheap on Amazon and even cheaper second hand. It's worth the investment. For the price of a pint or a meal in a fast food restaurant, you can get timeless advice which will really improve your relationships with people.

    Warren Buffett recommends the book as does Geoff Thompson (BAFTA winning writer and world class martial artist) and some guy I read about in Forbes greatest business stories of all time (forgotten his name.) Dale Carnegie is a legend in self-help circles and his book is recommended in more self-help books than I care to remember.
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    (Original post by advent2)
    If you want more advice on developing your social skills, I recommend reading 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it's an excellent book which has stood the test of time and the billionaire Warren Buffett advocates it.
    (Original post by advent2)
    You can read the principles of 'How to win friends and influence people' on Wikipedia for free but it is no substitute for reading the actual book..
    I've just bought this book and it arrived today.

    What should I expect?
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    Browse TSR. My post count indicates I get lonely often.
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    Indulge in self-destructive behaviours, sleep, go for a walk
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    Normally just sleep, do college work or listen to the radio / music or just generally surf the internet.
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    I've just bought this book and it arrived today.

    What should I expect?
    To be embarassed by the textbook errors you've made in the past and to be excited by the potential for understanding people better and developing more positive relationships with them.
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    (Original post by advent2)
    To be embarassed by the textbook errors you've made in the past and to be excited by the potential for understanding people better and developing more positive relationships with them.
    I read the first chapter yesterday about criticism and how it only serves to create resentment. Made sense I guess. Although I find it kinda hard to determine how and when I should put this into practice. Do you just keep your opinions to yourself unless asked? Let's say someone wants an opinion on something they've done, is it OK to criticise then?
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    I read the first chapter yesterday about criticism and how it only serves to create resentment. Made sense I guess. Although I find it kinda hard to determine how and when I should put this into practice. Do you just keep your opinions to yourself unless asked? Let's say someone wants an opinion on something they've done, is it OK to criticise then?
    You just kinda learn with experience when to speak and when not to. It depends who your audience is really.

    If someone asks me for my opinion, I will give it to them and I'll be honest about it. The problem I had in the past is that I would often volunteer my opinion when it wasn't requested or needed.

    Sometimes you just know that you won't change someone's mind or opinion regardless of what you say so I won't even bother getting in to an argument with them or trying to persuade them.

    The most important thing I've probably learnt from the book is to just listen to people and not interrupt them. To talk about what interests them instead of banging on about all the great things you have done and what you are interested in.

    I did some cold calling a while ago as part of my job and instead of talking about the service I was providing and how great it was, I asked them questions about their own organisation and got them to talk about themselves. I got them to identify a problem they had and then, and only then, did I start talking about the service I provide which is a solution to a problem they just recognised and admitted they had.

    The book just made me think about things more from the other person's viewpoint and that changed the way I interact with people.
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    I read the first chapter yesterday about criticism and how it only serves to create resentment. Made sense I guess. Although I find it kinda hard to determine how and when I should put this into practice. Do you just keep your opinions to yourself unless asked? Let's say someone wants an opinion on something they've done, is it OK to criticise then?
    If they ask for your opinion then it is okay to criticise but you have to be careful about the way you do it.

    My boss in work is an expert at what he does and the advice he gives is correct. The only problem he has is delivery. He often alienates and offends a lot of clients because of the way he speaks to them and gives advice.

    Let's face it, no one likes to be criticised even if the criticism is constructive and for their own benefit. You can take the sting out of it though by admitting your own failings. For example, you might say 'you did this wrong but it's no big deal, I made that same mistake too. You will know for next time now'

    At the same time as criticising them, you could also point out what they did right and compliment them on that. I think if you read further in the book, it gives you various examples of how to do it. It's been a while since I read it.

    You just learn your own ways with experience and by judging people's reactions to what you say and how you do it. It's also best to do it one on one. If you're in a group of people or at a dinner table and you criticise someone, it's not going to go down well with them as they will feel embarassed being criticised in front of other people.

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