Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to have your say on this topicNew here? Join for free to post

Is it an inconvenient truth that women would prefer to be homemakers?

Announcements Posted on
Applying to uni this year? Check out our new personal statement advice hub 28-11-2014
    • Thread Starter
    • 36 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ForgettingWhatsername)
    That's a false example though. Most working women don't hire nanny's at all, only the very rich ones. I personally don't know anyone who has had a nanny, yet most of my friends have working mums. Children are at school all day during the week anyway, plus loads of people rely on grandparents etc. to babysit, and the occasional paid babysit for a night out or whatever. If many women manage to raise children AND have a career at the same time, then why is it that some consider raising children a full-time job?
    The argument was whether child rearing counts as genuine work, I believe that it does count because if the parent wasn't around to look after the child they'd have to employ a nanny or use daycare anyway. We may as well ask whether fixing your own car counts as 'real' work because you've replaced the services of a trained mechanic with your own labour, it's not trade, sure, but in my opinion doing things yourself is just as valuable as gainful employment.
    • 12 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chefdave)
    How could we describe a family with 2 children where the wife goes out to work everyday on a building site and the husband stays at home cooking, cleaning and raising the kids? It's not normal is it?
    No, and that makes it wrong because?

    (Original post by chefdave)
    And I suspect that most men and women would be unhappy with such an arrangement,
    What source does this suspicion come from?

    (Original post by chefdave)
    therefore in the majority of cases it's an unworkable and unwanted contrived scenario, whereas the reverse wouldn't be true.
    Again, figures please.

    (Original post by chefdave)
    While the tradition "chauvinist" model of a male breadwinner and female housewife might be offensive in this pc age
    To who? I don't think the idea itself offends anyone, just they idea that they should have to live their lives that way.

    (Original post by chefdave)
    I suspect that a lot of people would be perfectly fine with such an arrangement as long as it was founded upon mutual respect.
    Of course they might, but well, what about those who think otherwise?
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chefdave)
    The argument was whether child rearing counts as genuine work, I believe that it does count because if the parent wasn't around to look after the child they'd have to employ a nanny or use daycare anyway. We may as well ask whether fixing your own car counts as 'real' work because you've replaced the services of a trained mechanic with your own labour, it's not trade, sure, but in my opinion doing things yourself is just as valuable as gainful employment.
    But I just said most working women don't employ a nanny. Most children under school-going age go into daycare, and the cost of daycare is nothing compared to the financial implications of giving up your career. Believe it or not, but most women manage perfectly well to juggle a career and raising children without hiring a nanny - ergo, raising children does not equal a full-time career. As I said, I don't know anyone who had a nanny when they were a child, and yet almost everyone I know had two parents who worked full-time.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Don't try and give the "ooo raising kids is difficult" argument, it's not.

    Working parents manage to earn a living AND raise the kids. Why the hell can stay-at-home-mums only manage one of them? Easy option for lazy parents.

    Sorry but you are just wrong. Working parents don't manage to do both. They have to compromise somewhere; like I was saying, they have to employ a nanny or send their kids to nursery/ some other child care full time. In my opinion that is not equivalent to the child having a parent at home with them.

    You can't say that bringing up kids is easy until you have done it yourself (have you?) Perhaps if you have one or maybe even two it's not too difficult, but what if you have three, four, five children? It takes work, and a lot of work, to raise kids properly, as any parent will tell you.

    I'm not saying people shouldn't have the choice, obviously it's great if you want to work and I fully intend to be a working mum if/ when I have kids. I just think that staying at home is undervalued and I don't think anyone should think less of people who chose to give up their career to raise their children the way they want.

    Also, staying at home is often not the "easy option". Many people sacrifice well paying jobs and give up a lot to stay home and raise their children, rather than put them into child care, because it is just better for the kids.

    Of course, you get the lazy benefit scroungers but that's a whole other issue :rolleyes:
    • Thread Starter
    • 36 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ForgettingWhatsername)
    But I just said most working women don't employ a nanny. Most children under school-going age go into daycare, and the cost of daycare is nothing compared to the financial implications of giving up your career. Believe it or not, but most women manage perfectly well to juggle a career and raising children without hiring a nanny - ergo, raising children does not equal a full-time career. As I said, I don't know anyone who had a nanny when they were a child, and yet almost everyone I know had two parents who worked full-time.
    I never said that being a housewife was a equivalent of a fulltime career, my point was during the early years particularly children require full time supervision and the provision of that supervision constitutes proper work, if it wasn't we wouldn't have a myriad of profitable professions devoted to childcare.

    Likewise working in a daycare may not be considered a career, but it would be immensely uncharitable to look down upon daycare workers because they're not suited and booted and selling dodgy financial products in the City, aka a "career".

    Even if women do want to stay at home and live off their husband's income so what? It's a mark of an eminently advanced society that a single earner can support 2/3/4 people. That's not something to be ashamed of, on the contrary -in my opinion- it's something to be aiming towards.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jennifex)
    Sorry but you are just wrong. Working parents don't manage to do both. They have to compromise somewhere; like I was saying, they have to employ a nanny or send their kids to nursery/ some other child care full time. In my opinion that is not equivalent to the child having a parent at home with them.

    You can't say that bringing up kids is easy until you have done it yourself (have you?) Perhaps if you have one or maybe even two it's not too difficult, but what if you have three, four, five children? It takes work, and a lot of work, to raise kids properly, as any parent will tell you.

    I'm not saying people shouldn't have the choice, obviously it's great if you want to work and I fully intend to be a working mum if/ when I have kids. I just think that staying at home is undervalued and I don't think anyone should think less of people who chose to give up their career to raise their children the way they want.

    Also, staying at home is often not the "easy option". Many people sacrifice well paying jobs and give up a lot to stay home and raise their children, rather than put them into child care, because it is just better for the kids.

    Of course, you get the lazy benefit scroungers but that's a whole other issue :rolleyes:
    You're absolutely right, the person you quoted has probably never raised a kid before. More likely than not, they're also probably male, which sort of weakens any argument they had on the role of women.

    Raising kids isn't easy by any means and running a house is difficult. People need to understand that a couple's living arrangements are entirely up to them, its completely their choice as long as it isn't harming anyone else.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man unable to compete with women in the workplace will project this as a desire that women are 'destined' to not be in the workplace at all
    • 53 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    No. I'd like to be financially independent instead of waiting for a husband to hand out cash to me all the time like how my mum does.

    Of course if I ever had children, (and I'd rather not think about that sort of thing yet), I'd like to be able to look after them, but I think men would too. I think it's sexist towards men to constantly reduce male parenting instinct and it's stupid assumptions like this which has lead to divorce cases almost always leading to the mother taking care of the children despite how much that father might want to.

    (Original post by SilverArch)
    Equality does not mean all women must do the same thing ie. have a career....it means all people should have the freedom to choose which path they prefer, whatever their gender is. A free decision to stay at home and be happy there, is an empowering decision. Being forced to stay at home is a different matter.
    And QFT. :cool:
    • 6 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Is it an inconvenient truth that not all women are the same?
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I think that obviously some women like being housewives and some don't but in general women are better suited to that sort of thing as they are generally more docile (less testosterone etc). Most guys would go nuts with frustration if they had to sit at home all day caring for kids cooking and cleaning. Its the same way how girls do better at school because they are better at sitting quietly in class. So while women should absolutely have the choice on what they do with their lives we can't cover up the un-PC fact that women are biologically better suited to being homemakers.

    Also I think a reason that most women end up doing housework whether they like it or not is because men care less. If you care less you can ignore it/do a half assed job without it bothering you but the woman who cares more will get so frustrated in the same period of time that she just does it in the end. Worked on my mum every time. Will work on my wife too.

    Edit: can the people negging me please explain why what I say is not true?
    • 12 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I could never be a housewife, I can't cook, I'm not a clean freak and I hate kids and I'll probably never have them which means I don't need to be home to look after them.
    Plus I'm not paying several thousand pounds for a degree to end up not using it.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I can't read this thread any more it just makes my blood boil!

    I don't know why there are so many men projecting what 'they think' most women think. FYI you are not women, you do not know what we think, you can only assume from what your mothers/girlfriends/wives are like in nature, and this is only a handful of people of whom you would have likely learn't your ideas/ were attracted to because your shared the same ideas about the role of women, and hence is skewed from the overall reality. this is not your argument to contribute to.

    If this thread was women arguing the point I would probably enjoy reading through seeing the different points of view as really it is an interesting issue, the debate between where our values lie in this modern day and age, has it been changed by the influence of feminism where some may feel guilty for choosing one path of the other.

    I for instance, would love to be the bread winner in the family, either that or on equal shared terms with my boyfriend/husband. I want a family and a successful career, and I feel no gulit in that choice.

    For those of you using the argument that it is not in mens nature to want to stay at home and be 'homemakers' are then you not also contributing to the social de-maculisation of men who want to chose this path. Perhaps to me this is the heart of this debate, and an interesting issue that should be discussed. Does society not deem this to be an acceptable path for men to chose in this day and age, would this change in the future. I can use the example of my own father in this, he has a much greater "classical maternal instinct" that people on this thread refer to. he does majority of the cleaning at home, he is more of a worry wort about me and my brother, he picks me up from the train station everyday, tells me to watch crossing he road (even though I'm 22), he even buys me clothes if its something he thinks I need (i.e. warm things for winter). Yet in all respects all his friends see him as a mans man, a typical bloke, he has lost no social standing for this and we as his family respect him greatly.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tokyoround)
    I don't think it is necessarily about being a woman, more true about just being a parent. I can see myself in a couple years being a workaholic, flying all over the world meeting clients and treating my home as a hotel. I hate myself for it as it means i'll likely be a terrible father, trying to buy my kids happiness as I never spend time with them. In general though, I agree that men have greater aspirations than women.
    This isn't true at all! How can you claim that all women - ALL women- have lower aspirations then men? Never mind the fact that that has absolutely NOTHING to do with topic at hand. It's also an outrageous generalization. What of my cousin, who as a MAN in western society, ELECTED to stay at home and raise his child while his wife works? What of men like my father who prefer to live in the same town they were raised in and never go more than 20 miles from it? He has always found the travel-heavy jet-set lifestyle my mother and I lead very trying. To paint the picture for you: one's aspirations are not determined by one's gender, there are plenty of men who have very little in the way of dreams, life goals and ambition, and there are plenty of women who have very much of all three! You'd be absolutely foolish to assume that because women are often forced into assuming a submissive role in society, that they have fewer or lesser aspirations. If that were the case, than nothing would have changed between 1932 and now.
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    I should think it is true of many men as well.
    I can't think of anything more emasculating than staying home looking after kids. I would honestly rather kill myself than be a "stay-at-home-dad".
    • 5 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Hmm personally I would love to be a stay-at-home mum while my children are young, but as soon as they're all old enough I'd like to find a little part time job for a few hours each day. As much as I like cooking/cleaning/etc I think I'd go crazy if it was the only thing I could do!
    • 6 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Personally I'd like to have a career and then take a few years out to have a couple of kids and maybe start part-time work or something when they're of school age. My dream would be to be a psychologist by the time I have children and then while I'm at home looking after them I could be writing a book or something. I think thats the ideal set up in my mind. I hate the idea of emasculating my husband and becoming the breadwinner... There's no way I could ever get my head around that one.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tel8)
    This isn't true at all! How can you claim that all women - ALL women- have lower aspirations then men? Never mind the fact that that has absolutely NOTHING to do with topic at hand. It's also an outrageous generalization. What of my cousin, who as a MAN in western society, ELECTED to stay at home and raise his child while his wife works? What of men like my father who prefer to live in the same town they were raised in and never go more than 20 miles from it? He has always found the travel-heavy jet-set lifestyle my mother and I lead very trying. To paint the picture for you: one's aspirations are not determined by one's gender, there are plenty of men who have very little in the way of dreams, life goals and ambition, and there are plenty of women who have very much of all three! You'd be absolutely foolish to assume that because women are often forced into assuming a submissive role in society, that they have fewer or lesser aspirations. If that were the case, than nothing would have changed between 1932 and now.
    You have reached the limit of how many posts you can rate today!
    I owe you a :thumbsup:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tel8)
    This isn't true at all! How can you claim that all women - ALL women- ...
    I don't think he did, kiddo.
    • 6 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I have no desire to stay at home and raise kids, ta. I also have no desire to squeeze a child out of myself either. O.o Although I've got nothing against anyone who does honestly want to stay at home with kids, I just think there's more exciting things to be done.

    edit: awh c'mon, why the neg? D:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Einheri)
    I can't think of anything more emasculating than staying home looking after kids. I would honestly rather kill myself than be a "stay-at-home-dad".
    This.

    May as well rip off my balls and feed them to me aswell.

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: April 3, 2012
New on TSR

Vote for your favourite Christmas film

Win a bundle of Xmas DVDs

Article updates
Useful resources
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.