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Is it ever justifiable for parents to disown their own offspring?

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    Jeffrey Dahmer's parents loved him unconditionally, despite his crimes :jumphug:

    We can learn from them.
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    (Original post by burning-ape)
    Depends on the age of the offspring in question.
    If had an 18 year old child and they killed someone in cold blood, and let's say that someone happened to be a family member or a close friend, I think I'd probably never forgive them and possibly disown them. Unless they had excellent reason to, of course. I'm not saying it's the right and morally sound thing to do, but that's probably how it'd play out.

    Disowning someone for not upholding your religious beliefs is a terrible idea and anybody who wants to do something like that does not deserve the title of "parent". That's on par (for me, anyway) with saying "Oh, you don't like Orange juice? Get out. Get out now before I call the police and have them grind your skull in to my next carton of Tropicana!" *swigs brutishly from the carton*
    I love how you descended from an argument into the ethics of disowning your cold-blooded murdering child into a dramatic play regarding a lunatic parent threatening their child with a carton of Tropicana.

    :rofl:
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    well i dont have any religious beliefs, nor do i have any issues with those that do as i feel its a case of "each to their own, just be civil to each ther while doing it". however if a child of mine commited a murder/tortured someone in cold blood then i would definately disown them as i believe there does come a point that "being family" just isnt enough cause to justify sticking by them (and i dont mean in situations such as self-defense, if they have mental health problems/insanity that may lead them to kill someone or whatnot, i mean more in the sense of doing it for no reason other than simply the joy of doing it and to see the pain they can cause while doing it)
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    (Original post by Ayshizzle)
    Well most of my friends are white anyways so I doubt that would be a massive problem. Hmm, I'd say the biggest change to me is that I won't see my parents and probably certain members of extended family (ever again, if they never come around). I'm pretty much completely independent of my parents so at least I won't be left homeless and poor and stuff.

    But yeah, I've heard stories about people who've been disowned and they've been completely cut off from almost everyone they knew. It's appalling.
    That's quite sad, Asian people generally have quite close-knit families so your children won't know their grandparents/aunties/uncles etc. and they'll be hanging around with white people all day like you. Also inter-racial relationships/white people relationships don't last and very few friendships last decades because people move on to different places, jobs, relationships, family etc. whereas family stays the same for life. Even white people like me who aren't that close to their family will still keep that lifelong relationship with them, i.e. my parents will look after my kids etc. whereas friendships come and go.
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    If they did things that didnt harm others. Eg were druggies or religious or gay or something then no. If they were *******s who harmed others then yea disown em.
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    Sometimes no one but the parents really know the situation and how morbidly a person has hurt his/her parents in ways other than those you have mentioned. It all depends on the situation so we can't judge just like that.
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    (Original post by SimplyEccentric)
    I love how you descended from an argument into the ethics of disowning your cold-blooded murdering child into a dramatic play regarding a lunatic parent threatening their child with a carton of Tropicana.

    :rofl:
    D'you think it'd make a good play? I'm no playwrite but I'll give it a go
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    (Original post by Brutal Honesty)
    That's quite sad, Asian people generally have quite close-knit families so your children won't know their grandparents/aunties/uncles etc.
    Well I don't have a close relationship with my grandparents anyways, half of them are dead, never met one grandma and the other one lives on the other side of the world. It doesn't make a difference to my life. My kids will have my husbands side of the family, and the members of my side who aren't mental.

    and they'll be hanging around with white people all day like you.
    Lol you keep saying that like it's a bad thing- what's wrong with having white friends if you're not white?

    Also inter-racial relationships/white people relationships don't last
    Can you provide me with some evidence on this? Because the inter-racial relationships in my own family have worked out perfectly fine, and me and my boyfriend are perfectly happy too. I suspect there are more problems in inter- religious relationships, not necessarily inter- racial.

    and very few friendships last decades because people move on to different places, jobs, relationships, family etc. whereas family stays the same for life.
    I'll agree with the friends part, but if my parents decide they don't want me around anymore because I don;t fall in line with their silly ideals (that they're not even that strict about btw) then that's their problem, not mine.

    Even white people like me who aren't that close to their family will still keep that lifelong relationship with them, i.e. my parents will look after my kids etc. whereas friendships come and go.
    It would be nice if that would happen but I doubt i will. Like I said, it will be their choice to shun me, not the other way round and I've managed to come to terms with that now. The only solace I have is that they won't be able to inflict on my children what they did with me, so I should be able to do a better job bring them up in a loving family.
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    (Original post by Ayshizzle)
    As someone who will probably be disowned by my parents in the near future- no, I would not disown my child with no good reason.

    Disowning a child on the basis that they do not follow your faith, have married someone you don't like or is LGBT is a horrible thing to do. You bring the child into the world, they don't ask to be born and they're not your slaves.

    If the child was inherently bad (a child- abuser, murderer, or emotionally and/ physically abusive in general) then that's a slightly different case. But I just don't understand how some parents can disown their kids so easily. They probably shouldn't have them.
    Why is it horrible?
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    (Original post by ilovedesifems)
    Why is it horrible?
    Well I'll go through each one then-

    Religion: People can't necesarily help changing/losing their faith in a religion.

    Marrying someone they don't like: Well unless their person of choice is a psycho paedo murderer this is a ridiculous reason.

    LGBT- Kid can't help this either.

    If you can't love your kids then don't have them. Simples.
    #2

    My mum disowned me because I lied too her about my boyfriend, she found out I was having sex and drinking so she kicked me out and disowned me all because I didnt confine to her Catholic beliefs
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think a good parent loves their child unconditionally, or almost unconditionally. Which means (almost) never disowning them, loving them even if they do dreadful, evil things..
    agree

    I think that a parent will always love the child that the adult once was, even if the adult has committed the most terrible crimes


    for parents, children never really grow up
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    (Original post by Brutal Honesty)
    After your parents disown you what will you do, hang around with white people all day? I know some Indian people who've been disowned and they're banned from ever speaking to any member of their family ever again, this includes attending weddings of second/third cousins or whatever. It's quite sad actually cos now all they have is white people to hang around with and as we know inter-racial/inter-cultural relationships don't work out and then they end up alone (possibly single as a single mum). Their white friends end up moving on with their lives so they end up alone whilst the rest of their family is playing happy families and meeting each other and having their kids play together and calling each other 'auntie' and 'uncle' and celebrating Diwali/Birthdays/Weddings/Baby Showers together whilst the outcast son/daughter (usually daughter) is alone in a flat somewhere on the other side of town. Occasionally they might bump into one another two decades later but the outcast daughter will be ignored for something she did in her youth. If she had the chance, she'd go back and never do it but it's far too late and out of honour her family will never accept her back.
    :eek:
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    (Original post by Brutal Honesty)
    Did your life turn out like the story in my above post?
    No, not at all. I don't have a relationship with just one member of my family - not all of them.
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    (Original post by arbaaz)
    :eek:
    What do you mean?
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    Yes it is.

    If your child was Kony would you still want to say my child is a rapist and murder etc, who uses children for war and sex....an i'm proud of him?

    Of course not?! You would try to stop him and also disown him.

    Why would you want to be associated with someone like that?!

    Don't try and say "no you can't etc etc" because you know you would disown him. So just accept the facts.
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    It would have to be a very severe reason to be justified. Someone in the year above me, who was 16 at the time I believe, was disowned as they were a Muslim and came out as gay. The whole school knew about it, and although they moved back in with the parents after a few weeks they changed school.

    This is obviously unjustified.
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    It's not unethical for parents to disown their children, it's just undesirable and very mean.

    My parents disowned me because I became atheist and also because they suspected (wrongly) that I had a boyfriend that was from a different ethnicity (I never thought about boys at all back then but, ironically, I did end up with a British boyfriend. Take that, parents).
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    yes
    we "disowned" as a family my one uncle, he's an alcoholic, a selfish selfish man.
    Long story short my nan and grandad let him move back in with them... he caused problems there... and when my nan died my uncle smashed windows in their house (was in the local news papers dont quite know how they found out ), he'd get drunk then go out in his car... we'd end up phoning the police telling them, we got him arrested and chucked him out. It got to the point that we had the police on speed dial if he come near my grandads house they would come send him on his way, we had my uncle (from the other side of the family) and 2 of his friends come to the funeral as "security" just in case my uncle turned up and kicked off.... he didnt come....he was in the pub outside the crem as we left though maybe thats an alcoholics way of paying their respects?

    3 years later he gets taxi's out here which he cant afford... gets my nans cousin to pay for them for him (shes gotta be 80 odd too now) then gets her to phone my aunt saying he's there, he's usually wet himself/thrown up by this point and all he wants is money... were always getting phone calls from his...i want to say social workers...do social workers take care of grown men? ... saying he wants to reconcile ... reconcile to him means phonecalls at 2/ 3 am getting more and more abusive asking for money

    would you really want to accept that kind of person back into your family? someone who just wants to use you and give nothing back

    the only sad thing about it, is my cousins, they dont see their dad either, they ask us about him, we know even less... but grandad doesnt really want to see them any more he might send a card christmas and their birthday but thats all, which is wrong on his part, but he's a little old man who has been lost since his wife died...

    sometimes people just dont deserve a family....

    oh and to people who said "raise them well enough that they dont do anything wrong"
    a bit of armchair psychology here... but the only thing my nan and grandad did wrong by my uncle was he was healthy, all of their other children nearly died at birth...
    x
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    (Original post by Brutal Honesty)
    What do you mean?
    what did they DO?!
    I'm both shocked and terrified ...

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Updated: April 2, 2012
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