[Mr.Zen]

A mate to me is someone who is loyal, honest, supportive, generous, and friendly. I hate people who are stingey, backstabbing, and generally selfish. If they can't try and see my points of view in a situation, or hold grudges/act in a bitchy, pathetic way, then they can't be called a mate. Treat others how you want to be treated. Timeless saying and it's true.

[-aimz]

Someone who you talk to/interact with regularly and enjoy spending time with, and vice versa. Someone who supports you and can always be relied on to be kind to you.

[scotttb]

Steve. Steve is cool.

[DragonHeartstring]

Someone who you can be yourself with and won't turn away when you're at your worst. No-one who backstabs or bitches behind your back. Someone who has similar interests and if they don't agree with your views, they won't poke fun or try to rip that belief apart, and also will be honest with you. And vice-versa all that

[kka25]

(Original post by The Entity)
Someone that it isn't having an uncomfortable silence with.

nice isn't it?

hard to get moments like that

[kka25]

(Original post by PinkyPurply)
Someone to hug when I'm feeling glum.

[kka25]

(Original post by Stilo)
Someone with whom I can share the last slice of pizza <3

lol. I shared chicken rice with a good mate of mine. I found out he likes tomato after I ate the only slice that was on it

[willbee]

The only real standard I expect from my friends is that they don't mind sharing their chips.

[Sternumator]

[QUOTE=llacerta;37627596]

(Original post by Sternumator)

I hate to reinforce gender stereotypes, but from my experiences, what you've said is true.

However, from a girl's point of view, though we may more often run the risk of 'drama', of difficult friendships and arguments, this cost comes with the added advantage of having friends that can get you through tough times and who, sometimes, can be as valuable as family.

Maybe it's because I come from a particularly small family myself, (and also because I admit to being a soppy person generally) but I love the emotional ties I have with my friends. The drama that sometimes (and quite rarely, to be honest) occurs is totally worth it for those times when I've realised how lucky I am to have such close friends who I can talk to about anything, and who can come to me with anything. I genuinely can't imagine my life without these people.

In short, with those sorts of friendships you've got to take the lows with the highs, whereas guys tend to remain at a pretty constant level in their friendships. I guess it's personal choice as to which one someone goes for, but I know which I prefer.

I understand that. I think most lads don't want the emotional support from friends though. Some of it may be down to that we are expected to not to show emotion, if we are heart broken for example we try to put on a brave face. It is difficult to get the support if you resist even showing that you are hurt. A lot of us are just not as emotional and don't see the point. Its like when you get out of an exam which has gone badly and someone ask how its gone and you tell them, they always say 'I'm sure you will be fine'. But they haven't got a clue how the exam was for me and because I know that it makes saying it completly meaningless. It annoys me because its like they are questioning my ability to make a clear headed judgement on how it actually went.

When guys do want this support they go to their mother when they are young and their partners as they grow up. Its partly because of them not seeing it as weakness like males would but also because women are better at the role. When someone is upset guys don't really know what they are supposed to do whereas you can see it naturally comes to girls. A couple of years ago a girl I sat next to came into class 10 minutes late with tears all over her face. I just treated how I would with a lad. I thought she would be a bit embarrassed that the whole class had seen see had been crying and I didnt want to intrude on her business, if she wanted to tell me about it then then i thought she can tell me. I never did find out what was up but her friends told me she was upset that I didn't ask if she was alright. So next time I found myself one on one with a girl who was crying I asked if she was alright and I got the full story. She was really embarrassed about something she had done. I did what I thought I was supposed to and created a logical arguement that what she had done was not actually as bad as she thought. But I felt like I was having to force myself to do it and I knew if I was in her position I would be thinking that its pointless since she must know I would be saying it whether I thought it or not. All my mates try to avoid crying girls as mmuch as possible because they don't know what they are supposed to do.

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by miss_p)
A true friend to me is someone who doesn't judge you, who accepts and likes you the way you are, flaws and all, and doesn't try to change you. Someone who respects your views and feelings. Someone who is there for you when you need them. Someone you can trust and who trusts you in return.

I find that true friends are very hard to come by.

This.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[TheBritishBloke]

A real friend, I'd say is unconditional for the majority. Whatever you like/dislike, you're friends for a reason. Someone I'd pretty much always get along with, can trust, a shoulder to cry on etc.

But then people who are just friends, I guess it's just someone I'd socialise with; a lot of my friends don't know bugger all about what happens in my life, because I don't want to tell them. I only tell my 1 'real' friend everything.

[Final Fantasy]

Someone loyal, who doesn't leave, doesn't judge and sticks up for you.

Haven't found one of those yet.

[ExiledJack]

1) Trust
2) Respect
3) Honesty with one another
4) Make time to spend with you
5) Care for you


And for a best friend - Someone you can feel comfortable about talking over serious issues with

[supraman]

[QUOTE=Sternumator;37627317]

Using the strictest definition they aren't friends but I think we are allowed a bit of flexibility with the definition as indicated in the title. Friend isnt a word I really use because if means you have to classify the people you hang around with into the strength of your emotional connection with I don't think I have with any of them. I prefer to not bother thinking about that just call everyone your mate and go out and have a good time. What do you mean by trust them exactly? When do you come across situtations where your mates would have the oportunity or desire to screw you over?

Well I tend to call people who I hang around with generally my friends,people whom I talk to and generally a connection where I can speak to them. Not exactly screw me over, but trust them as in I can expect a decent level of friendship from them and be able to confide in them.....it's not that they want to, but some do it without realising how sensitive i am.

Its the reason boys don't fall out with there friends like girls do because they have much simplier relationships with their friends. Lads can just treat all there mates the same and don't really have to worry about what is expected of them in their role as a friend. For example, girls might get annoyed if their friend forgot about their birthday but already knowing and being comfortable with my 'friends' not caring that it is my birthday its never going to be an issue. Similarly, girls could be faced with the decision of whether go and see one friend as previously agreed or cancel that and go and support a friend who's cat had died. It could get very complicated with her potentially falling out with the one she didnt go and see and then the one she did see could get involved and it could keep going on and on. But if you don't have the emotional relationship then the idea of support doesnt really exist and you would carry on as originally planned and your friend whos cat had died wouldnt see why it would matter if you were there or not.

Well I do have expectations, but I find it really hard to let go of that concept, I really don't know why. And I do tend to get annoyed, but not to do with birthdays, but when they seem to ignore me......i don't mind if its people who i see as casual friends, but I do care especially from those who i see as good friends.

I think a lot of girls friendships are based on an expectation of emotional support and then if it doesn't come arguements can happen. When girls fall out it is often not actually about anything more than the expectations not being reached. But boys dont have any expectations of an emotional nature so as I said before it leaves very little possibility for lads to feel betrayed or to fall out. The only time I fall out with someone is if they are being a prick so I don't make up with them I just permanently think they are a prick. Unlike with girls, the situtations where this arises are never going to be complex sequences of events, you dont get 'well it was out of order for jane to tell helen before coming to you first.' A lot of the time it will be one guy mugging another guy off to try and make himself look a big man. Other than that its only girls and and sometimes money that cause disputes.

:/ well I need to get rid of this expectations, but generally I think it's my sensitivity that over does the expectations and leads to my problem, which I can't help. I also don't like losing friends who I see as close, especially if it affects my other friendship and who is someone I talk to, I tend to ignore for months, my current record is 7 months which was recently :/

That is why you should avoid emotional ties with friends because they only cause trouble.

Sorry about the late reply, I can't help it with the emotional ties..........in all honesty i had a bad time at primary, secondary........only good time i've had was at college, so I expected so much from uni after years of misery at sats and gcse

[supraman]

[QUOTE=llacerta;37627596]

(Original post by Sternumator)

I hate to reinforce gender stereotypes, but from my experiences, what you've said is true.

However, from a girl's point of view, though we may more often run the risk of 'drama', of difficult friendships and arguments, this cost comes with the added advantage of having friends that can get you through tough times and who, sometimes, can be as valuable as family.

Maybe it's because I come from a particularly small family myself, (and also because I admit to being a soppy person generally) but I love the emotional ties I have with my friends. The drama that sometimes (and quite rarely, to be honest) occurs is totally worth it for those times when I've realised how lucky I am to have such close friends who I can talk to about anything, and who can come to me with anything. I genuinely can't imagine my life without these people.

In short, with those sorts of friendships you've got to take the lows with the highs, whereas guys tend to remain at a pretty constant level in their friendships. I guess it's personal choice as to which one someone goes for, but I know which I prefer.

I enjoy having close friendships and being able to speak to close friends and vice versa.

I really need help controlling my sensitivity and expectations...any advice?
cos of it, i have ruined my first year at uni

[Sternumator]

[QUOTE=supraman;37931968]

(Original post by Sternumator)
Sorry about the late reply, I can't help it with the emotional ties..........in all honesty i had a bad time at primary, secondary........only good time i've had was at college, so I expected so much from uni after years of misery at sats and gcse

It is just a natural thing. I made it sound like you choose whether a friend doing something upsets you or not but it is just the way you are.

Edit: DO you know what is going on with this quoting?

[supraman]

(Original post by Sternumator)

It is just a natural thing. I made it sound like you choose whether a friend doing something upsets you or not but it is just the way you are.

Edit: DO you know what is going on with this quoting?

Just got rid of the other quote one, it should be fine now when you quote.

I know it's the way I am, but I really don't want this.......my entire first year was ruined, as I ignored a person for 7 months and affected my other friendships I tried making up, but obviously nothings working

[Sternumator]

(Original post by supraman)
I enjoy having close friendships and being able to speak to close friends and vice versa.

I really need help controlling my sensitivity and expectations...any advice?
cos of it, i have ruined my first year at uni

Before you let things upset you just make sure that the person did actual do something wrong. You said before you don't like it when people ignore you. If this means people don't contact you for a while then they are probably just busy, if they don't answer their phone it could be broke. Don't let yourself blow things up in your mind. But if friends ignore you when you bump into them around uni then there aren't any excuses, it isnt hard to say hi. People act like pricks sometimes and I dont think there is much you can do to control how you feel when they do. As I have said before, it would make me like the person less but it wouldnt get to me at all but if it upsets you unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do. But make sure they are actually acting like pricks.

[IrrationalNumber]

Someone who doesn't dislike me for the many mistakes I make.

[abc101]

Something that's impossible to come by.