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Hiding career when seeking marriage - advice?

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    I'm a practicing Muslim passively looking for an arranged marriage. So I'm about to graduate soon from medical school and starting to consider marriage inquiries from all sorts. I feel like I have to take them all a bit seriously as I don't want to be in a position where I turn a good partner down if one turns up - so I pretty much arrange meetings with anyone who inquires. Anyway I need some advice:

    Unfortunately a lot of people's eyes light up after they hear that I'm at medical school and just want to marry a doctor for prestige/money or see it as some guarantee of trustworthiness. Or they know this before and this is the reason why they inquire. I want to hide this fact and get people to just choose me for what I am; NOT the degree.
    Also, I can't guarantee I'm going to be a practicing doctor for my whole life - I love the career at the moment, but I can't rule out potentially switching career at some later stage. In fact, if I stay true to my future ambitions at the moment- I will almost certainly change career in the next 10-15 years. So in some ways I feel deceptive about saying I'm in medical school/soon to be come a doctor.

    It's a bit long and dramatic to mention all these caveats especially as your just starting to get to know some one (e.g on a first meeting with parents) - I don't want to turn them off permanently before we've even started but I feel like I'm leading them on a bit to leave it at just saying them I'm a med student.

    So what to do people?
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    (Original post by hakking)
    I'm a practicing Muslim passively looking for an arranged marriage. So I'm about to graduate soon from medical school and starting to consider marriage inquiries from all sorts. I feel like I have to take them all a bit seriously as I don't want to be in a position where I turn a good partner down if one turns up - so I pretty much arrange meetings with anyone who inquires. Anyway I need some advice:

    Unfortunately a lot of people's eyes light up after they hear that I'm at medical school and just want to marry a doctor for prestige/money or see it as some guarantee of trustworthiness. Or they know this before and this is the reason why they inquire. I want to hide this fact and get people to just choose me for what I am; NOT the degree.
    Also, I can't guarantee I'm going to be a practicing doctor for my whole life - I love the career at the moment, but I can't rule out potentially switching career at some later stage. In fact, if I stay true to my future ambitions at the moment- I will almost certainly change career in the next 10-15 years. So in some ways I feel deceptive about saying I'm in medical school/soon to be come a doctor.

    It's a bit long and dramatic to mention all these caveats especially as your just starting to get to know some one (e.g on a first meeting with parents) - I don't want to turn them off permanently before we've even started but I feel like I'm leading them on a bit to leave it at just saying them I'm a med student.

    So what to do people?
    If it's an arranged marriage I wouldn't have thought you'll get much say. If you want a person to like you for who you are, then just have a proper marriage with someone that you fall in love with. Personally I think the concept of arranged marriage is ridiculous, and I think that part of the process IS finding someone who has a good job and good family to marry into, so I can't imagine people ignoring your job in a decision like this.

    I'm not the kinda person to put my faith into an almighty being, so you may not even find my comments at all helpful. But, if you're not entirely convinced by Islam then I'd say do as you please in order to find someone who likes you for you.
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    (Original post by RichyFrench)
    If it's an arranged marriage I wouldn't have thought you'll get much say. If you want a person to like you for who you are, then just have a proper marriage with someone that you fall in love with. Personally I think the concept of arranged marriage is ridiculous, and I think that part of the process IS finding someone who has a good job and good family to marry into, so I can't imagine people ignoring your job in a decision like this.

    I'm not the kinda person to put my faith into an almighty being, so you may not even find my comments at all helpful. But, if you're not entirely convinced by Islam then I'd say do as you please in order to find someone who likes you for you.
    ^Perfect example of ignorant advice. a) I get plenty of say and most importantly the final say b) I can still follow Islam and find someone who likes me for me - you're an ignorant tool for suggesting otherwise.

    I didn't ask for opinions on arranged marriage - just advice on this specific situation. Those with some background knowledge of how arranged marriage can work well would probably be able to give the best advice.
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    This is brilliant. What are you going to say instead?
    'I'm a..er...er... plumber!"
    *sits on stethoscope*
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    Hello hakking

    I understand your position and it does not matter if it is an arranged marriage or not because people always pay attention to your career. My advice would be to try and avoid talking about your career for at least few meetings, then you can find out about this person's character.
    for what I am; NOT the degree.
    I would personally lie that I am studying something completely different, but it is your choice in the end, you cannot escape the truth

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Updated: March 29, 2012
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