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I want to leave home

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    but it is not culturally accepted and people would backbite about my family.
    My father told me he would not mind, were it not for the fact that lots of people are waiting for his daughters to turn out badly (he does have quite a few foes because apparently we were raised better, not sure). These last few years, I hav fallen out with my family. I want to leave and have some peace (people walk over me here because my personality is not strong enough and I have no back-up whereas my siblings are very close and back each other up when disputes arise).
    So, if I leave, my relatives would notice my absence (they visit us) and it would strain relations with my family even more, as they do not approve of it.
    But I am just so sick of this place. I have grown to be a person with no confidence, introverted and unsure of herself because my decisions were always mocked and not regarded to be 'wise'.
    Dilemma, dilemma.
    Confused.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    so give my relatives the pleasures of seeing that my family is 'breaking' or stay at home?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so give my relatives the pleasures of seeing that my family is 'breaking' or stay at home?
    stay at home, it is the best option. it is about you. not your relatives. your family loves you and deep down they care about you.
    'you fight with the ones you love'
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but it is not culturally accepted and people would backbite about my family.
    My father told me he would not mind, were it not for the fact that lots of people are waiting for his daughters to turn out badly (he does have quite a few foes because apparently we were raised better, not sure). These last few years, I hav fallen out with my family. I want to leave and have some peace (people walk over me here because my personality is not strong enough and I have no back-up whereas my siblings are very close and back each other up when disputes arise).
    So, if I leave, my relatives would notice my absence (they visit us) and it would strain relations with my family even more, as they do not approve of it.
    But I am just so sick of this place. I have grown to be a person with no confidence, introverted and unsure of herself because my decisions were always mocked and not regarded to be 'wise'.
    Dilemma, dilemma.
    Confused.
    As hard as it is, sometimes you have to do what is best for you. I'm from an Asian background where leaving home is seen as unacceptable so I completely understand where you're coming from, but sometimes being in that environment can be more damaging to you.

    Is there any way you could move away for the purpose of education? Or get a job somewhere else? So that way it might not be seen as being so "shameful", you'll have a reason for doing it and your parents won't be put under so much "shame" or whatever.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but it is not culturally accepted and people would backbite about my family.
    My father told me he would not mind, were it not for the fact that lots of people are waiting for his daughters to turn out badly (he does have quite a few foes because apparently we were raised better, not sure). These last few years, I hav fallen out with my family. I want to leave and have some peace (people walk over me here because my personality is not strong enough and I have no back-up whereas my siblings are very close and back each other up when disputes arise).
    So, if I leave, my relatives would notice my absence (they visit us) and it would strain relations with my family even more, as they do not approve of it.
    But I am just so sick of this place. I have grown to be a person with no confidence, introverted and unsure of herself because my decisions were always mocked and not regarded to be 'wise'.
    Dilemma, dilemma.
    Confused.
    I left home at 18 when my relationship with my parents was at rock-bottom. It was actually the best thing I could've done, as I've since created a new adult relationship with them. Do what's best for you; you can always go back and visit when relatives are over if you're worried about that.
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    Are you asian??
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    (Original post by Ayshizzle)
    As hard as it is, sometimes you have to do what is best for you. I'm from an Asian background where leaving home is seen as unacceptable so I completely understand where you're coming from, but sometimes being in that environment can be more damaging to you.

    Is there any way you could move away for the purpose of education? Or get a job somewhere else? So that way it might not be seen as being so "shameful", you'll have a reason for doing it and your parents won't be put under so much "shame" or whatever.
    I only applied to unis in my city because I like them. I am just so sick of this place and I am from the Middle East from a very conservative family, so even for educational purposes, they would refuse (they have).
    I just don't like them, they are very controlling and care so much about what people say about us, our position in the community etc.
    I argue with them all the time because of my attitude towards life and the fact that I am very sensitive and they take pleasure in putting me down. I became so unsure of myself and hate the way I have turned out to be I should have have a happy childhood and tolerant parents, but I get the total opposite!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I only applied to unis in my city because I like them. I am just so sick of this place and I am from the Middle East from a very conservative family, so even for educational purposes, they would refuse (they have).
    I just don't like them, they are very controlling and care so much about what people say about us, our position in the community etc.
    I argue with them all the time because of my attitude towards life and the fact that I am very sensitive and they take pleasure in putting me down. I became so unsure of myself and hate the way I have turned out to be I should have have a happy childhood and tolerant parents, but I get the total opposite!
    Ah I really feel for you- I had a similar thing growing up. I've had a strained relationship for my parents for as long as I can remember, although now I've moved out it's not so bad because I kind of forget what it was like to live at home whilst i'm away (I've been away at uni for 3 years now). I grew up kinda hating myself and feeling like I was a bad person all the time, my parents have always seemed to be more worried about what people think of them than my (and my sisters') wellbeing and happiness, but that's our curse for being born into that sort of family I guess

    For my first degree my mum pressured me into going to the local uni and staying at home- and I did for the first year. But it was quite difficult to commute and live at home and do all the work and stuff so they eventually let me move out. Now I'm doing my second degree, and I outrightly told my parents I was going to go to the university I wanted and not live at home. I did end up at a uni quite far away from home anyways, but I still felt good about being able to say it.

    I'd say your best bet is to either make a huge deal out of how difficult you're finding it living at home and commuting to uni (unless it's down the road, you might have some trouble with that then ), or, if you ever find the strength, tell them you're moving out either now for uni, or for when you start working.

    A lot of people (Asians and the like) will tell you on here you musn't hurt your parents and put shame on them blah blah, but i sounds as though they're hurting you. You don't want to end up carrying resentment around with you, because once it's there it's incredibly difficult to shake.

    If you want to talk about anything please feel free to PM me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I only applied to unis in my city because I like them. I am just so sick of this place and I am from the Middle East from a very conservative family, so even for educational purposes, they would refuse (they have).
    I just don't like them, they are very controlling and care so much about what people say about us, our position in the community etc.
    I argue with them all the time because of my attitude towards life and the fact that I am very sensitive and they take pleasure in putting me down. I became so unsure of myself and hate the way I have turned out to be I should have have a happy childhood and tolerant parents, but I get the total opposite!
    Where abouts from the Middle East? I am also from the Middle East. I argue with my parents aswell but realised that they are only looking out for me as being a female in London is pretty scary. Especially moving out on your own is a big step to take and being independent and all those things aren't worth the risk of your life.

    The only reason they care is so that when they aren't around people can appreciate you. But at the end of the day it is up to you to decide what you think of life. They don't want you to drift away from their upbringing. You just have to think like a parent and if you were their child.

    You shouldn't hate the way you are because I am sure your parents don't hate you especially if you care enough to post and write this much about them and ask for help.
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    To be honest, you have to put yourself first. You are an adult now, and you need to start making your own decisions, do what is best for you. If you want to move out, then do so.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but it is not culturally accepted and people would backbite about my family.
    My father told me he would not mind, were it not for the fact that lots of people are waiting for his daughters to turn out badly (he does have quite a few foes because apparently we were raised better, not sure). These last few years, I hav fallen out with my family. I want to leave and have some peace (people walk over me here because my personality is not strong enough and I have no back-up whereas my siblings are very close and back each other up when disputes arise).
    So, if I leave, my relatives would notice my absence (they visit us) and it would strain relations with my family even more, as they do not approve of it.
    But I am just so sick of this place. I have grown to be a person with no confidence, introverted and unsure of herself because my decisions were always mocked and not regarded to be 'wise'.
    Dilemma, dilemma.
    Confused.
    Too much backbiting, i get what you mean......happens a lot......too much expectations, clearly their not acting like proper family if they want your downfall.

    Be successful, show them what kind of women you are.....and shut them up
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but it is not culturally accepted and people would backbite about my family.
    My father told me he would not mind, were it not for the fact that lots of people are waiting for his daughters to turn out badly (he does have quite a few foes because apparently we were raised better, not sure). These last few years, I hav fallen out with my family. I want to leave and have some peace (people walk over me here because my personality is not strong enough and I have no back-up whereas my siblings are very close and back each other up when disputes arise).
    So, if I leave, my relatives would notice my absence (they visit us) and it would strain relations with my family even more, as they do not approve of it.
    But I am just so sick of this place. I have grown to be a person with no confidence, introverted and unsure of herself because my decisions were always mocked and not regarded to be 'wise'.
    Dilemma, dilemma.
    Confused.
    It sounds like your parents are more concerned about the family's reputation than about your happiness. You need to prove to your relatives that you moving out isn't anything to be ashamed of - it's not like you're never going to talk to your parents ever again. You need to move out, even if you just live in halls during term time and come home in the holidays, otherwise they'll go on treating you like a child until it's time for you to be married off.

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Updated: April 1, 2012
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