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No friends, no life..........

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    I don't know what to do. Through primary school and high school i was seen as the class nerd. Always one to make sure that teachers didn't need any help etc. Stayed back extra to help out sort classrooms and things like that. However this included bullying. I've encountered endless amounts of it and it dragged me down and I got fed up.

    However, I somehow toddled along crying myself to sleep some night and generally keeping it all inside. I moved onto college where i kind of mingled with a group but not really friends if that makes sense. And still the bullying continued and still i didn't go out to anything, i was stuck in doors alone.

    Anyway, then it was time for me to break free. I applied for uni and even thought i got into my last choice, basically getting rejected from the one i wanted and deciding the other uni wasn't for me i gritted my teeth and went for it. Thinking It would be a great fresh start for me to change as a person. Hah, how I was wrong. Still im not blending in. I don't like clubs I prefer to go to pub and have a social drink but no one wants to do that. And because I don't go to clubs I get classed as the boring sod. and I have found myself yet again stuck in my room the majority of the time. The university is crap with societies the majority are sports time of which im pretty fat and just cant play sports because im crap at them. Ive joined a uni society one of the few there are and its tiny so not really making friends that way.

    Its getting me really down it seems like im never going to have a social life never going to have a life. Im a lad and never had a bf or gf )yes you heard it right im bi and not out) My family although pretty support really strain me being a split family and all. Thy just don't see what talking to me about how much of a cow bag the opposite one is actually affects me even when i tell them to stop. Obviously there's a lot more in depth with that but im not going to go into it.

    In conclusion, Ive never had love, and haven't had any sort of friends for years and years. I just end up being confined to my room with incredibly low self esteem thinking im ugly and everyone hates me. I think if something doesn't happen soon I will end up getting depression. I just don't know what to do. I cant see a silver lining.

    anyway if you have read it thanks can could spend a whole day going in to everything but I didn't want to bore you

    Oh and finally i'm NOT contemplating suicide I just simply dont know what to do
    Thanks for reading
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    I think the problem is you went to uni just to make friends so you were actively trying (too hard) and coming across as weird. If you if you had gone with the course in mind you would of made friends on the side. Also it would help to try things other people like once in a while too.
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    Sorry to hear this.

    Have you tried making friends on the same course as you? People with the same interests as yourself and the same drive towards their course? If you are a first year living in what I would assume are student halls, the people in your apartment can be somewhat...taxing. Trust me, I would know. You would be surprised how many people come to university wanting a "clean slate".

    However, going to clubs and stuff isn't that big a thing. I'm not saying you should go every weekend but maybe once in a while, it is usually a fun night out. I went on a hiatus from going out to clubs due to a relationship (the other half didn't like it) and we broke up a while ago. I went out to a club for the first time in over a year and really enjoyed it, and made new friends. In fact, I had such a good time I went out again two nights later (such a horrible hangover lol).

    But anyway, I prefer social drinks in a pub or the student bar like you do. It's more personal with friends, and my friends also enjoy it too. By the way, those friends are from my course. I don't talk to anyone from my first year apartment anymore. The friends from my course are the friends I want to keep for life. You may not realise it yet, but the friends you make on your course, the ones with similar interests and drive for the course may be your future friends that stick around. In first year everyone just wants to do the "student thing" and go out, get smashed to some crappy pop/rave song. It can't be helped and that's what a few students do.

    As for family issues, I'm not one to give advice on that. But maybe if you spoke to them about how it makes you feel or something, I'm sure others on the forum would be happy to suggest.
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    Stop being worried about how to get on with others first. You should find what's your interests and try to develop them. It is always weird to try to get involved in a conversation that your actually have no interest in. If you want to be loved you should make yourself lovely first. Start to learn new things! Language, instrument and the like. Resourceful people are always respected. What I simply mean is please start to focus on YOURSELF. If you dont love yourself and dont do things you love why should others love you?Change yourself, learn and think more so that you may be more confident and attractive. It's really a long long way to go so just be patient. Meanwhile, observe how other people react to diff situations and try to act naturally towards others.
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    (Original post by sexbo)
    I think the problem is you went to uni just to make friends so you were actively trying (too hard) and coming across as weird. If you if you had gone with the course in mind you would of made friends on the side. Also it would help to try things other people like once in a while too.
    I may not of been clar. I dint just go to uni to make friends, i did it to get a degree and do a subject i like. And i agree doing stuff other poeple like doing but there isnt other people i can do things with
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    (Original post by BigLampshade)
    Sorry to hear this.

    Have you tried making friends on the same course as you? People with the same interests as yourself and the same drive towards their course? If you are a first year living in what I would assume are student halls, the people in your apartment can be somewhat...taxing. Trust me, I would know. You would be surprised how many people come to university wanting a "clean slate".

    However, going to clubs and stuff isn't that big a thing. I'm not saying you should go every weekend but maybe once in a while, it is usually a fun night out. I went on a hiatus from going out to clubs due to a relationship (the other half didn't like it) and we broke up a while ago. I went out to a club for the first time in over a year and really enjoyed it, and made new friends. In fact, I had such a good time I went out again two nights later (such a horrible hangover lol).

    But anyway, I prefer social drinks in a pub or the student bar like you do. It's more personal with friends, and my friends also enjoy it too. By the way, those friends are from my course. I don't talk to anyone from my first year apartment anymore. The friends from my course are the friends I want to keep for life. You may not realise it yet, but the friends you make on your course, the ones with similar interests and drive for the course may be your future friends that stick around. In first year everyone just wants to do the "student thing" and go out, get smashed to some crappy pop/rave song. It can't be helped and that's what a few students do.

    As for family issues, I'm not one to give advice on that. But maybe if you spoke to them about how it makes you feel or something, I'm sure others on the forum would be happy to suggest.
    I don't seem to click with the people on my course at all they seem to of made there own groups and i just don't seem to fit in with them at all. I offer to organise something ( I study Theatre so like organise a theatre trip and no one wants to go)

    As for clubs i just feel out of place I don't enjoy myself i end up getting abandoned and scared and ends up being a night much worse than one staying alone would of caused.

    As for uni halls yes i agree i wont be keeping in touch with anyone from here far too noisy far to rowdy.
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    Honestly, don't worry too much, it can really get you down and that will show in they way you carry yourself. Be yourself (as cheesy as it sounds) it's true, just be yourself and find other people just like yourself and you will just click. Everyone has someone like them out there
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    (Original post by sensingdevice)
    Stop being worried about how to get on with others first. You should find what's your interests and try to develop them. It is always weird to try to get involved in a conversation that your actually have no interest in. If you want to be loved you should make yourself lovely first. Start to learn new things! Language, instrument and the like. Resourceful people are always respected. What I simply mean is please start to focus on YOURSELF. If you dont love yourself and dont do things you love why should others love you?Change yourself, learn and think more so that you may be more confident and attractive. It's really a long long way to go so just be patient. Meanwhile, observe how other people react to diff situations and try to act naturally towards others.
    Why interests are very basic i only like two things and it seems others don't. I've tried to try new things and they just don't work for me, I don't enjoy them. as for observing people its part of my course to create characters so I do that anyway and cant say its helped so far. I know i shouldn't love myself more it just feels a vicious circle i cant love myself because others don't like me, so why should I love myself when there's nothing to be loved.
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    seems like there isn't for me
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    (Original post by student0210)
    Why interests are very basic i only like two things and it seems others don't. I've tried to try new things and they just don't work for me, I don't enjoy them. as for observing people its part of my course to create characters so I do that anyway and cant say its helped so far. I know i shouldn't love myself more it just feels a vicious circle i cant love myself because others don't like me, so why should I love myself when there's nothing to be loved.
    Sorry to hear that
    It seems that your social need is quite strong. I just guess maybe you need some security and want to be needed by others? Maybe you can make some contributions to the society e.g. some charity works? Not all people gather together just because they have same topics to discuss or same fun to enjoy. Have you ever tried to join some public organisations to help people who are much poorer than you? If you think it's hard to integrate in small societies around you that's okay just find others.
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    no friends doesn't mean no life and i think you get caught up too much in what other people think of you.I haven't really had friends since primary for some strange reason but i was never really very social anyway.
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    (Original post by sensingdevice)
    Sorry to hear that
    It seems that your social need is quite strong. I just guess maybe you need some security and want to be needed by others? Maybe you can make some contributions to the society e.g. some charity works? Not all people gather together just because they have same topics to discuss or same fun to enjoy. Have you ever tried to join some public organisations to help people who are much poorer than you? If you think it's hard to integrate in small societies around you that's okay just find others.
    I would join chatiry work around here etc but it seems where i live the only other volunteers are very old people so im not ageist or anything but i cant really see myself being friends with them
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    (Original post by Dalek1099)
    no friends doesn't mean no life and i think you get caught up too much in what other people think of you.I haven't really had friends since primary for some strange reason but i was never really very social anyway.
    dude maybe i agree i do care too much about what others think. But it would just be nice to go out to watch a film for friends or go to the theatre just get away from being stuck alone
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    Your main problem is self-esteem and general mental wellbeing, you should sort that out, and then hopefully the other aspects (friends, job, life in general) should improve.

    1) Set yourself a target for the future (could be in 6 months time, or a couple of years)

    2) Have a set daily routine involving literally anything (e.g. weights lifting/exercise), but something practical would be nice.
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    (Original post by student0210)
    I don't know what to do. Through primary school and high school i was seen as the class nerd. Always one to make sure that teachers didn't need any help etc. Stayed back extra to help out sort classrooms and things like that. However this included bullying. I've encountered endless amounts of it and it dragged me down and I got fed up.

    However, I somehow toddled along crying myself to sleep some night and generally keeping it all inside. I moved onto college where i kind of mingled with a group but not really friends if that makes sense. And still the bullying continued and still i didn't go out to anything, i was stuck in doors alone.

    Anyway, then it was time for me to break free. I applied for uni and even thought i got into my last choice, basically getting rejected from the one i wanted and deciding the other uni wasn't for me i gritted my teeth and went for it. Thinking It would be a great fresh start for me to change as a person. Hah, how I was wrong. Still im not blending in. I don't like clubs I prefer to go to pub and have a social drink but no one wants to do that. And because I don't go to clubs I get classed as the boring sod. and I have found myself yet again stuck in my room the majority of the time. The university is crap with societies the majority are sports time of which im pretty fat and just cant play sports because im crap at them. Ive joined a uni society one of the few there are and its tiny so not really making friends that way.

    Its getting me really down it seems like im never going to have a social life never going to have a life. Im a lad and never had a bf or gf )yes you heard it right im bi and not out) My family although pretty support really strain me being a split family and all. Thy just don't see what talking to me about how much of a cow bag the opposite one is actually affects me even when i tell them to stop. Obviously there's a lot more in depth with that but im not going to go into it.

    In conclusion, Ive never had love, and haven't had any sort of friends for years and years. I just end up being confined to my room with incredibly low self esteem thinking im ugly and everyone hates me. I think if something doesn't happen soon I will end up getting depression. I just don't know what to do. I cant see a silver lining.

    anyway if you have read it thanks can could spend a whole day going in to everything but I didn't want to bore you

    Oh and finally i'm NOT contemplating suicide I just simply dont know what to do
    Thanks for reading
    Dude welcome to my world...ish. lol.

    I think finding a relationship isn't an issue at all. I'm 17 and i've never even been out with anyone before.

    And i would envy being a "nerd" Everyone goes on about in primary school and high school your bullied about it and stuff and even i disliked nerds. But when u get into A-levels people actually get jealous and will want to become friends with you if your smart!

    With the drinking thing, i am the same i come from a Chinese background and so i don't drink a lot and i'm a bit of a lightweight. However, going to the club once in a while isn't so bad just don't drink much and during 1-2 hours you can socialize with people a lot easier and hey, even a few chicks

    And finally, with friends you don't need to have many at all. I'm quite known in school for being a bit of an idiot but people enjoy talking to me because i'm actually an idiot for being too kind and so i'm quite known around the school haha. But, you only need a few friends. Firstly, you can develop best friend relationships easier and so in the future your still good mates. and also, theres less stuff to do which is considered good as you would cherish everything you've done with your mates.

    Mainly, it's a lack of confidence due to your background. Just talk to some friends who don't mind ya and try to develop good mates status with them through events and talking.
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    If charity isn't for you, just hold in there. Life has a habit of tossing you a line, if you just keep an eye for it.

    The people on your course, I assume you have to work in groups because you are theatre yes? Then I would assume further that you have to socialise even just a little in the classes. Perhaps if you find a common ground in these situations it would help
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    (Original post by internet tough guy)
    Your main problem is self-esteem and general mental wellbeing, you should sort that out, and then hopefully the other aspects (friends, job, life in general) should improve.

    1) Set yourself a target for the future (could be in 6 months time, or a couple of years)

    2) Have a set daily routine involving literally anything (e.g. weights lifting/exercise), but something practical would be nice.
    Ive tried both of these already and they just didn't work out at all
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    (Original post by Setsuna-F-Seiei)
    Dude welcome to my world...ish. lol.

    I think finding a relationship isn't an issue at all. I'm 17 and i've never even been out with anyone before.

    And i would envy being a "nerd" Everyone goes on about in primary school and high school your bullied about it and stuff and even i disliked nerds. But when u get into A-levels people actually get jealous and will want to become friends with you if your smart!

    With the drinking thing, i am the same i come from a Chinese background and so i don't drink a lot and i'm a bit of a lightweight. However, going to the club once in a while isn't so bad just don't drink much and during 1-2 hours you can socialize with people a lot easier and hey, even a few chicks

    And finally, with friends you don't need to have many at all. I'm quite known in school for being a bit of an idiot but people enjoy talking to me because i'm actually an idiot for being too kind and so i'm quite known around the school haha. But, you only need a few friends. Firstly, you can develop best friend relationships easier and so in the future your still good mates. and also, theres less stuff to do which is considered good as you would cherish everything you've done with your mates.

    Mainly, it's a lack of confidence due to your background. Just talk to some friends who don't mind ya and try to develop good mates status with them through events and talking.
    lol. being a nerd doesn't make me brainy only one subject on a levels i was good at really well possibly two the others i only got D's in how did i get into uni, you tell me.....

    and the problem is making these friends
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    (Original post by BigLampshade)
    If charity isn't for you, just hold in there. Life has a habit of tossing you a line, if you just keep an eye for it.

    The people on your course, I assume you have to work in groups because you are theatre yes? Then I would assume further that you have to socialise even just a little in the classes. Perhaps if you find a common ground in these situations it would help
    yes we did have to work in groups so far two. the first one we gelled quite well and we did go out for dinner during a break together however after that it seemed everyone just went of without me. and the 2nd group just didn't gel at all really i got sick of going in at one point
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    Well next time you all go out, make sure to go with them out to the bar or something. Chances are they were wondering where you disappeared to, because you didn't go with them. Trust me, me and most of my friends are like donkeys following a suspended carrot. We follow pretty much one person wherever.

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