(Original post by Tel8)
Right, so that's an awful thing to say about yourself. It sounds to me like you actually don't want to change, nor do you really want to give yourself a chance. That kind of thinking says "I'm happier hating myself because I don't want to suffer loving myself and finding out that not everyone I meet is going to like me" frankly, the whole lot is #FirstWorldProblems. But to put that aside, has it ever occured to you that if you don't like yourself, and don't like hanging out with just yourself, then no one else will want to either? I know that it sucks to hear that, because I've definitely been through the whole thing myself before, but it's true. Why should anyone like you when you can't name one single thing you like about yourself?
Don't put the pressure of building your self-esteem entirely on others. It's simply not fair. The other posters on this thread are right- you need to focus on yourself. If you only like two things, no problem. Surely you don't think you're so unique and special-snowflake that no one else in the world is as passionate about those two things as you are? If that's all you want to do then get damn well good at doing them. Then go out and find others who like doing them as well. Even if you just like puzzles or some other obscure thing, why not find a puzzle club? It doesn't have to be at your Uni you know. There's a whole big world out there, and there are tons people just like you in it.
You say you want to go drink at pubs instead of clubbing. Seriously mate, there's millions
of people who feel the same. Have you ever tried striking up a convo while at the pub
? With the bartender maybe, or the guy at the next table- who says you have to have friends pre-pub? You can be social when you get there! You could even take a book, and sit by yourself at regular times for a few months, and become a regular. Slowly, people will start to notice that you're always there, and someone will probably have a chat with you, but you could totally have a chat with them!
Honestly, why is it so hard for people to see that waiting for friends to come to you is the worst way to find them? You say you're in a super small society- more's the better! Why not get to know your fellow members? If there's hardly any of you, then it's even easier to strike up a convo at the next meeting.You already have one thing in common: you're all in the society!
Had to amend this a bit after re-reading your post: you say you sit in your room and think how ugly you are? And how much everyone hates you? Okay two things: first, that means you're probably already depressed. I'd say go ahead and try to find a counselor or someone to talk to about your feelings. It doesn't make you less of a person- it actually makes you very strong indeed to ask for help when you need it. Second thing: how on earth do you know what everyone is thinking? That's a great talent you've got there, because honestly, you haven't met every single person, and you said yourself that you haven't any friends, so how do you know what all these people think of you? Everyone gets bullied at some point. That doesn't mean that society on the whole hates you- it just means that there are people in it who are cruel and hateful, that's not your problem, it's theirs. I think a lot of what attracts bullying is also how you carry yourself and how you approach others. If you slink into the room like you're afraid someone's going to take the piss, someone probably will. If you walk in confidently like you have every right to be there, people aren't going to attack or dismiss you, and even if they do, think about what that says about them- not you!