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i just need to share my story, i miss my mum so much :'(

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    Sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. None of us have long to go before we lye in our graves. We are all going to the same place. I had this experience with a family member 7 months ago, he found out he had cancer and passed away 1 week later. Be strong.
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    thank you everyone for all your supportive messages. It really helps
    My nana got told she had brain cancer in late november and just 3-6 months left to live and as you do the maths you realise that that time is beginning to run out and she has got a lot worse, she can barely walk now and has a bad memory and gets very confused about everything a lot of the time. I'd just like to say, having read your, story it's reaffirmed in my mind how important it is to see my nana whenever i can and as often as i can (which is hard when i go to boarding school )
    I find that there's times when i just try to ignore it and stupidly hope it will all just go away but i know i need to face up to it and I'd just like to let you know you've really helped me do that and i hope as the years go on i can be as strong about my situation as you have been with yours.
    So thank you.
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    Hey man. My mum's come close to death and been ill for a lot of my life, and I was young and selfish too. When I got ill at 17 she was a dick to me also. She's okay now, and we have a much better relationship, but I just wanna tell you - don't blame yourself. It's human nature, when fearing something terrible, to act in ways completely adverse to how we're expected to. It takes a while to consciously admit and understand these things.

    I am so, so sorry this happened to your mum, you and your family. You seem like a strong person with a good heart. You resisted the urge to hurt yourself (I didn't really) and that takes a lot.

    You will have to strive to be the sort of rock your mum was, to support people still living and to love them. That's all we can do when people pass away. Keep living, because they can't.

    Much love <3
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    I choked on this story as well. My mum had cancer in 2005 til I think 2006 or 07. Luckily she's a survivor. If she hadn't been, I definitely would be in this situation. I was 15 at the time and acted in the exact same way you did.
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    (Original post by tonberry)
    I choked on this story as well. My mum had cancer in 2005 til I think 2006 or 07. Luckily she's a survivor. If she hadn't been, I definitely would be in this situation. I was 15 at the time and acted in the exact same way you did.
    im glad your mum is ok
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    Hugs!!! You are NOT alone. As easy as it sounds, you have to find thegood out of any situation - this got me over my siblings death. I'm sorry for your loss, bu remember when you get past all of this, you will be stronger than anyone! You've got through this, now you can do anything! You're life is not ruined or finished. I realised this when I watchd the 'Shaytards' on YouTube, they reminded me that happiness won't come to me, I have to find it. I hope it helps, it may seem weird watching someones life at first, but now i know what I want out of life. Good Luck!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    im glad your mum is ok
    Thanks! Don't fret, I'm sure your mum knew and knows you love her and definitely wouldn't want you to dwell on something that every teenager does.
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    Thats why you should respect your elders. No matter who they are. Bad things happen if you don't.:sadnod:
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    (Original post by sb123303)
    Hugs!!! You are NOT alone. As easy as it sounds, you have to find thegood out of any situation - this got me over my siblings death. I'm sorry for your loss, bu remember when you get past all of this, you will be stronger than anyone! You've got through this, now you can do anything! You're life is not ruined or finished. I realised this when I watchd the 'Shaytards' on YouTube, they reminded me that happiness won't come to me, I have to find it. I hope it helps, it may seem weird watching someones life at first, but now i know what I want out of life. Good Luck!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    im sorry to hear about your sibling....thats sounds really bad too

    are you ok now? xx
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    I am so sorry for your loss!

    I think you are amazing for posting this and for having the strength to carry on. I see that you still feel quite bad about how you reacted to certain things at the time, but you didn't know and so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. We make mistakes, but we learn from them, and that is the important thing. I am sure that your Mum did not love you any less.

    I didn't cry at my Grandad's funeral and everyone else did. At the time, I thought something was wrong with me, but we all deal with grief in different ways and we do what is right at the time.

    Obviously, I cannot even imagine what you went through, but I do hope that things progressively get better for you. I know of someone who lost their mother just over a year ago, and they regret moaning about her when she was alive. You just don't know what is coming, therefore you cannot tailor your behaviour for future events.

    I don't want to sound patronising, but well done for talking about it. Many people wouldn't, and I feel that by telling us, you are one step closer to your recovery.

    I wish you all the best for the future xx
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    (Original post by Over The Rainbow X)
    I am so sorry for your loss!

    I think you are amazing for posting this and for having the strength to carry on. I see that you still feel quite bad about how you reacted to certain things at the time, but you didn't know and so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. We make mistakes, but we learn from them, and that is the important thing. I am sure that your Mum did not love you any less.

    I didn't cry at my Grandad's funeral and everyone else did. At the time, I thought something was wrong with me, but we all deal with grief in different ways and we do what is right at the time.

    Obviously, I cannot even imagine what you went through, but I do hope that things progressively get better for you. I know of someone who lost their mother just over a year ago, and they regret moaning about her when she was alive. You just don't know what is coming, therefore you cannot tailor your behaviour for future events.

    I don't want to sound patronising, but well done for talking about it. Many people wouldn't, and I feel that by telling us, you are one step closer to your recovery.

    I wish you all the best for the future xx

    thanks for your words of support

    messages like this really help me feel better and makes me realise thw world can be a nice place

    thank you x
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    im sorry to hear about your sibling....thats sounds really bad too

    are you ok now? xx
    I'm great!! I love her and have bad days but I see it in a more postive light now. She would have been suffereing. It takes a long time to snap out of that bubble when you have lost someone. It took me just over 2 years. But now whenever something challenging in life comes along I feel strong enough to deal with it. Don't get me wrong it's not as easy as i'm making it sound but your life will be easier in the future. You may think I am naive, especially if you don't believe in God, but I don't think we are ever give more pressure and heartache to deal with than we can handle.

    Oh and btw, I don't advertise the Shaytards or anything, but that got me to the place I am today. xx

    p.s. sorry for the essay and thanks for asking
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    (Original post by sb123303)
    I'm great!! I love her and have bad days but I see it in a more postive light now. She would have been suffereing. It takes a long time to snap out of that bubble when you have lost someone. It took me just over 2 years. But now whenever something challenging in life comes along I feel strong enough to deal with it. Don't get me wrong it's not as easy as i'm making it sound but your life will be easier in the future. You may think I am naive, especially if you don't believe in God, but I don't think we are ever give more pressure and heartache to deal with than we can handle.

    Oh and btw, I don't advertise the Shaytards or anything, but that got me to the place I am today. xx

    p.s. sorry for the essay and thanks for asking
    awww that sounds so sweet
    yeh i do believe in God, which helps a bit i guess.
    im glad your ok now, im sure she will be proud of you xx
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    You are such a brave, strong person, and I'm hoping and praying for you. You deserve every happiness in life, and I'm so glad that you've found the strength to tell us about it x
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    I have no idea what you're going through if I'm completely honest with you. I'm glad that you wrote that out and got it off your chest. Sometimes it's easier to speak to people who don't actually know you at all. You clearly have a lot of regret but life moves forwards and not backwards, therefore you need to realise that by beating yourself up about it, you're not helping yourself in the grieving process. Instinctively, your mother was aware that you behaved as you did because of the way that the situation affected you and not out of negativity towards her. You need to use your experience in becoming a strong individual and moving forward with your life, and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing this. Your mother is looking down on you so act in a way that will make her proud of her little girl. You deserve to be happy so take it upon yourself to make sure that you are. :hugs:
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    im crying now about the whole thing :'( ive never really gone into detail about it with anyone ever.
    i wish i could hug you right now.
    me mam lost her dad when she was 13 at christmas and doesnt speak about it, but sorry.
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    I almost cried reading your post because it is almost exactly how I felt when my mum died. I was 9 and she was ill for a while. Once I was on the computer and I said something like "Don't worry mum, it'll all be over soon." without thinking. She took it that I was waiting for her to die. I remember waking up in the morning to the sound of her vomiting again in the loo. The doctors thought it was things like acid reflux, IBS, that sort of thing, they diagnosed like 5 different conditions, surely that'd be bells ringing telling her something was wrong, but anyway. Eventually she was so ill and weak she had to go into hospital, the same time that they told us it was cancer they also told us she had 5 weeks to live. I hate myself because I wish I could've done more. I remember going to the hospital and holding her hand, but I wish I'd just grabbed hold of her face, kissed it all over and told her how much I loved her. But I didn't. I just stood there staring. At first when she was first admitted to hospital she could walk around and she went to the hospital shop and bought me a cuddly dog toy, and one for herself but she gave them both to me, I still have them in my room. I remember my uncle coming to my house really late at night (like midnight), knocking on the door, telling my dad to go to the hospital NOW because she was getting worse. I remember standing on the top of the stairs BEGGING to go and crying because I couldn't. The next morning my dad gathered me and my bros in a room and told us our mum had died. At the funeral I remember me and my brothers just stood there laughing. I don't even understand why. Then when her fave song played, we all broke down and cried. I'm welling up again now just writing this. I just want you to know that all those feelings you experienced - try and forget them. You're at this point of your life now, you won't remember why you did or said some of those things, all that stuff happens in the heat of the moment. Nobody can prepare for how they will behave in that situation. You will have regrets but everyone has them. Stay strong and remember, your mum wants you to be happy. I always well up when someone says that to me because it's just so hard. My mum wrote me a letter before she died, and she actually wrote, "I don't want you to be upset that you've lost me." It's one of the hardest things to read and it makes me cry so hard, because how could I NOT be upset? She's my beautiful mum and I miss her. I don't know what else to say, but PM me if you ever want to speak about it. Even if you just want somebody to listen. I can't say that I'll understand 100% how you feel, because everybody grieves differently, but I know how it feels to lose a mum to cancer. Keep smiling. x
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    awww that sounds so sweet
    yeh i do believe in God, which helps a bit i guess.
    im glad your ok now, im sure she will be proud of you xx
    Thanks I sincerely hope life gets better for you quickly too xx
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    (Original post by Cherriesxo)
    I almost cried reading your post because it is almost exactly how I felt when my mum died. I was 9 and she was ill for a while. Once I was on the computer and I said something like "Don't worry mum, it'll all be over soon." without thinking. She took it that I was waiting for her to die. I remember waking up in the morning to the sound of her vomiting again in the loo. The doctors thought it was things like acid reflux, IBS, that sort of thing, they diagnosed like 5 different conditions, surely that'd be bells ringing telling her something was wrong, but anyway. Eventually she was so ill and weak she had to go into hospital, the same time that they told us it was cancer they also told us she had 5 weeks to live. I hate myself because I wish I could've done more. I remember going to the hospital and holding her hand, but I wish I'd just grabbed hold of her face, kissed it all over and told her how much I loved her. But I didn't. I just stood there staring. At first when she was first admitted to hospital she could walk around and she went to the hospital shop and bought me a cuddly dog toy, and one for herself but she gave them both to me, I still have them in my room. I remember my uncle coming to my house really late at night (like midnight), knocking on the door, telling my dad to go to the hospital NOW because she was getting worse. I remember standing on the top of the stairs BEGGING to go and crying because I couldn't. The next morning my dad gathered me and my bros in a room and told us our mum had died. At the funeral I remember me and my brothers just stood there laughing. I don't even understand why. Then when her fave song played, we all broke down and cried. I'm welling up again now just writing this. I just want you to know that all those feelings you experienced - try and forget them. You're at this point of your life now, you won't remember why you did or said some of those things, all that stuff happens in the heat of the moment. Nobody can prepare for how they will behave in that situation. You will have regrets but everyone has them. Stay strong and remember, your mum wants you to be happy. I always well up when someone says that to me because it's just so hard. My mum wrote me a letter before she died, and she actually wrote, "I don't want you to be upset that you've lost me." It's one of the hardest things to read and it makes me cry so hard, because how could I NOT be upset? She's my beautiful mum and I miss her. I don't know what else to say, but PM me if you ever want to speak about it. Even if you just want somebody to listen. I can't say that I'll understand 100% how you feel, because everybody grieves differently, but I know how it feels to lose a mum to cancer. Keep smiling. x
    I almost started crying at this.

    I am so so so sorry for your loss but you were very young, you cant kick yourself for how you reacted to it all. Doctors are useless at diagnosing Cancer- in fact thats why a lot of lives are lost to it, because you often have to go to the doctors several times before diagnosis

    Your so lucky you have things from your mom to keep. I dont feel like i have anything. I wish i had a letter or something to hold onto, but i dont

    x
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    I almost started crying at this.

    I am so so so sorry for your loss but you were very young, you cant kick yourself for how you reacted to it all. Doctors are useless at diagnosing Cancer- in fact thats why a lot of lives are lost to it, because you often have to go to the doctors several times before diagnosis

    Your so lucky you have things from your mom to keep. I dont feel like i have anything. I wish i had a letter or something to hold onto, but i dont

    x
    Aw that's really kind :') thank you. You're young too, so you shouldn't blame yourself for how you reacted either, as I said previously you can't control or plan how you will behave, because at that time you've got a million different thoughts/emotions whizzing round in your head. Yep my mum's doctor was absolutely useless, we were thinking of sueing him but couldn't be bothered going through with it all because at the end of the day it wouldn't bring my mum back.
    I have a letter from my mum but that's a physical thing, the letter could so easily be destroyed in a house fire, lost, and the words will fade eventually. You have something more important to keep of your mum - memories. They won't ever fade and they'll always stay with you, they can't be burned, lost or destroyed, especially your most precious memories, they will always stay with you no matter what. xx

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