20 years old and STILL a virgin

vvv

(edited 5 years ago)

Sex is not all its cracked up to be trust me. Many of my friends who are sexually experienced jumped into bed with their partner the first date etc they then had a supposed great 6 months romance but then realised their relationship was purely based on sex, you need to find somebody to have a relationship with ebfore you think of sex.

If you go out lookng for a quick shag you arnt going to attract the type of girls who want a relationship, for me personally if i could tell a guy was looking for sex id blank him and want nothing to do with him, whereas if he seemed nice and interested in me and asked me out for a drink or dinner id have alot more respect for him

Reply 2

srsmass14

ur not trying harde enough son

Reply 3

DavidU571

Thanks for the response :smile:

This is my first thread on student room btw

Would you still be interested in a guy if he seemed shy at first? Ive never had a relationship before so I wouldn't really know. Would any girl at uni (realistically) find a guy attractive if she knew that he had never dated anyone before he came to uni?

Reply 4

xcesciee

Before I say my answer, are you wanting sex, or a relationship? Cos obviously you started this thread as you're a virgin, and not, "I've never had a relationship". And you say you sometimes want a shag, and sometimes an actual relationship. So my answer would honestly depend on what one

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 5

DavidU571

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for the response This is my first thread on student room btw

Would you still be interested in a guy if he seemed shy at first? Ive never had a relationship before so I wouldn't really know. Would any girl at uni (realistically) find a guy attractive if she knew that he had never dated anyone before he came to uni?

Reply 6

Pitt1988

Shyness and lack of self confidence is the biggest turn off for most girls I'd say, remedy that and you're in.

Reply 7

xcesciee

Original post by DavidU571

Would you still be interested in a guy if he seemed shy at first? Ive never had a relationship before so I wouldn't really know. Would any girl at uni (realistically) find a guy attractive if she knew that he had never dated anyone before he came to uni?

Yes.
Ignore my last post, then.
Basically, what you say about guys in Hollister tops, yeah they're nice to look at, but generally they're more interested in themselves.
I'm not a virgin, I've recently split with my boyfriend of 3 years and we lost our virginity to eachother when we were 16. I wouldn't want someone who had had 15 one night stands. I still want a relationship, even though I've just come out of one.
Shy guys, outgoing guys, whatever. As long as they have the right intentions for me, I'd think about it. No, not leap into sex, but that's only cos I'm still hung up on my ex. I'm just like that though. Yeah I guess I'm "one of those girls", but still.

Reply 8

DavidU571

Original post by xcesciee

A relationship. Definitely

Reply 9

Lucia.

Original post by DavidU571

Ok guys I'll give it to you straight...Im 20 year's old, in my second year at uni and still a virgin. I'm slim, 68kg and wears glasses. You may picture me as some weedy nerd type, but no, that's not really me. I enjoy a messey night out as much as the next guy and I play cricket for my uni.

So you have an active social life. That's a pretty good beginning to hopefully finding yourself a lovely girlfriend. :smile:

Original post by DavidU571

I'm not ugly

You're not self-pitying either. You might think it's odd for me to mention this but it's great you still have some inner confidence despite the fact you're worried about your situation. Positivity is an attractive trait.

Original post by DavidU571

but I never get any girls talking to me, no backwards glances in the library etc. This has in turn fed through to a lack of confidence.

I wouldn't let those situations make you lose confidence. Despite the perception of there being sexual equality, the burden is still pretty much on men to do the initial approaching. It doesn't seem fair, but it is how it is, and you might have to go along with it. There are reasons why women don't approach as well. Firstly you have to be confident to do that and not every woman feels comfortable in herself to be that forthright. And then there's the possibility that a glance will be misunderstood. It's happened to me before - when flirtatiousness has been misinterpreted as a sexual advance. You want to show someone you're interested, but you don't want to look easy.

Original post by DavidU571

I find it difficult to talk to girls who I find attractive, this shyness is what I hate most about myself.

Being the most talkative person in the room isn't everything. Shy people tend to be very sensitive to others and very observant of other people. They tend to be quite attentive. At the same time people respect them more than they realise. People can say too much but it's better to make every word you say worthwhile. There are women who love shy guys because they value their sensitivity and emotional depth.

But you don't want your shyness to be a stumbling block. You might want to practice overcoming your shyness in a friendship context first, then it will spill out into your romantic interactions. Just take it one step at a time and reward yourself every time you go out of your comfort zone. You have to feel the fear and do it anyway. I use this technique sometimes. It helps when I tell myself that the only way I can get to where I want is by doing those things. Once you realise that your life is entirely in your hands, it is definitely the biggest spur.

Original post by DavidU571

I always seem to be surrounded by bigger jockey guys in Hollister tee's at clubs and stuff and it puts me off.

A lot of women aren't interested in those types at all. I mean...they actually make me cringe, seriously. Work on your strengths. Some women will go for that type, and some women won't. Try to please everyone, and you end up pleasing no one. Better to be confident at what you bring to the table so you can attract the person who's looking for what you've got.

Original post by DavidU571

Half the time I go out looking for a shag (sorry to put it bluntly) and half the time I'm looking for a nice girl to get into a relationship with.

Decide what your priorities are. I don't know if you can really say you want casual sex and a relationship at the same time, unless you are talking about casual dating rather than a long-term relationship. If I want a serious relationship with someone, then I tend to avoid anything casual altogether.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 10

Lucia.

Original post by DavidU571

On your first point: Being shy doesn't tend to put women off. It does depend on how shy you are. It's nothing person but whether it be a man or a woman, the other person doesn't want to feel like they have to work too hard to get things going. You have to be actively trying to overcome your shyness at the same time someone else might be trying to assuage it.

Secondly, it doesn't matter if you dated anyone before university. Many people experience their first romantic relationships at university. It depends on the girl as well. There will be enough girls at university who haven't dated anyone before and the fact that you haven't either won't put them off. It'll be different for someone who has dated before, but as I said, there will be someone who suits your level of experience.

Original post by Pitt1988

Shyness and lack of self confidence is the biggest turn off for most girls I'd say, remedy that and you're in.

Definitely take note of this. What he's saying might be a wee bit of a shock, but there is a lot of truth to it. It's something very subtle. Women aren't judgemental about the shyness itself but they might feel like it puts them in control too much.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 11

InternetGangster

Original post by Anonymous

I can't understand how girls would turn down meaningless, catch-free sex from a good looking guy. It's every male's dream.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

I'm in the same situation except I'm a girl.

I feel like I am surrounded by taller, tanner, and more 'beachy' girls at uni and I'm short, still slim and everything, but brunette and I prefer wearing casual dresses and flats than gladiator sandals and ripped denim shorts. They're hot and gorgeous, I'm always labelled as cute and pretty and cause I feel like I don't really fit in, I can be pretty shy which is a huge turn off to guys

this doesn't help you at all but i guess it'd be nice to know that you're not alone on this