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How long can my mate deny he's gay for?

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    So we all know my mate is gay. We know because (I've known him since he was 12 -- he's 20 now) he's really good looking but he's never kissed a girl, he's a virgin and never had a girlfriend of course, he keeps turning fit girls down. He looks very straight though, and won't admit he's never kissed a girl -- he gets defensive if you ask, tries to avoid the subject, but if my friends or I insist he'll make up random girls nobody's ever heard of.

    When he was 14 he had a straight **** buddy and basically they watched straight porn together but nothing more. He's always keen to have "bromances", including with me, and when I came out to him at 16 he seemed to become a lot more interested in me, to the point where he wanted to know every single aspect of my sex life, wanted to meet my boyfriend, texted me every day...

    We're good friends, nothing more than that, but one day I touched his hand accidentally and he almost freaked out, got really anxious and stuff and then said he had to leave.

    I thought he'd get over it. He's turning 21 in January... how long? Can he stay in the closet forever? What are your thoughts?
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    I'd like to point you do NOT know that he's gay, you have some evidence to suggest that he may be but believe it or not there are other possible explanations for his behaviour, humans don't always work in very simple black-and-white ways. The only legitimate reason you could have to care about his sexuality is if you want to date him. If you do, tell him you're interested in him and leave it at that. Otherwise, just leave him alone, it's got nothing to do with you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So we all know my mate is gay. We know because (I've known him since he was 12 -- he's 20 now) he's really good looking but he's never kissed a girl, he's a virgin and never had a girlfriend of course, he keeps turning fit girls down. He looks very straight though, and won't admit he's never kissed a girl -- he gets defensive if you ask, tries to avoid the subject, but if my friends or I insist he'll make up random girls nobody's ever heard of.

    When he was 14 he had a straight **** buddy and basically they watched straight porn together but nothing more. He's always keen to have "bromances", including with me, and when I came out to him at 16 he seemed to become a lot more interested in me, to the point where he wanted to know every single aspect of my sex life, wanted to meet my boyfriend, texted me every day...

    We're good friends, nothing more than that, but one day I touched his hand accidentally and he almost freaked out, got really anxious and stuff and then said he had to leave.

    I thought he'd get over it. He's turning 21 in January... how long? Can he stay in the closet forever? What are your thoughts?
    He will stay in his 'closet', until he feels comfortable with himself. That's if he is gay. Maybe you're over analysing and he's not gay? Just really really really ridiculously bad with women, or shy/scared of intimacy/scared of a relationship. I mean, he's left it so long he could think that he'd be totally rubbish and make an embarrassment of himself?
    My brothers friend (21), has just gotten into his first relationship, and he is a good looking guy. Not everyone is as confident with relationships, etc as you and me are hahahaha joke, I'm forever alone.

    If your friend is gay and wants to say secretive about it then that's his decision, but if you really want to know why don't you just talk to him about it? you are his mate, I'm sure he'd open up to you since you've known him so long?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So we all know my mate is gay. We know because (I've known him since he was 12 -- he's 20 now) he's really good looking but he's never kissed a girl, he's a virgin and never had a girlfriend of course, he keeps turning fit girls down. He looks very straight though, and won't admit he's never kissed a girl -- he gets defensive if you ask, tries to avoid the subject, but if my friends or I insist he'll make up random girls nobody's ever heard of.

    When he was 14 he had a straight **** buddy and basically they watched straight porn together but nothing more. He's always keen to have "bromances", including with me, and when I came out to him at 16 he seemed to become a lot more interested in me, to the point where he wanted to know every single aspect of my sex life, wanted to meet my boyfriend, texted me every day...

    We're good friends, nothing more than that, but one day I touched his hand accidentally and he almost freaked out, got really anxious and stuff and then said he had to leave.

    I thought he'd get over it. He's turning 21 in January... how long? Can he stay in the closet forever? What are your thoughts?
    He's old enough to know, or at least suspect his true sexual orientation, if he is gay (which is quite possible giving the evidence, but not for sure, he just could be shy and straight), then he is old enought to make a desision on whether he comes out, or acts upon his sexuality or even experiments, to be honest, theres not much you can do at this age, he will probally have to work it out for himself.

    i guess you just want him to be comfotable with himself and be happy, but i think the only things you can do now is to maybe talk about his love life, what hes after, if he need a wing man, or maybe be sneaky and talk hypothetically about fiends with secrets, and how they should be able to confide in you without jusgement, as you will always support them.... or maybe just sit him down and ask if hes gay.
    make sure to do it when its just the two of you, so he doesnt feel pressure by anybody elses reaction.
    but i have a felling you will just have to wait this one out to know the truth.
    hope that helps.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    I'd like to point you do NOT know that he's gay, you have some evidence to suggest that he may be but believe it or not there are other possible explanations for his behaviour, humans don't always work in very simple black-and-white ways. The only legitimate reason you could have to care about his sexuality is if you want to date him. If you do, tell him you're interested in him and leave it at that. Otherwise, just leave him alone, it's got nothing to do with you.
    Well I did come out to him for a reason. And then he said sorry I'm not gay and then started texting me every day, talking to me about sex in a very explicit way, offering me advice about my boyfriend. My friends said he started talking about my boyfriend and me all the time.

    Just to clarify, everyone. He isn't shy. He's so confident he comes out as arrogant to most people. And it's not some sort of pretence, he's been like that since he was little.
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    (Original post by speedbird)
    Well I did come out to him for a reason. And then he said sorry I'm not gay and then started texting me every day, talking to me about sex in a very explicit way, offering me advice about my boyfriend. My friends said he started talking about my boyfriend and me all the time.

    Just to clarify, everyone. He isn't shy. He's so confident he comes out as arrogant to most people. And it's not some sort of pretence, he's been like that since he was little.
    Well you really have no further business there then. You've told him you like him, he's said he's not interested. Any attempts to get him to admit to a sexuality you have completely assumed are just petty and childish now.

    Remember that people tend to see what they want to see. You want this guy to be gay, so you're trying to interpret all these little things as proof of his homosexuality. On the other hand, in the event that your assumption is correct and that this friend of yours is actually gay but hiding it, well it's not your place to try and drag him out of the closet. Either way, leave it alone.
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    You don't really know he's gay.

    Regardless of his sexual preference, it's none of your business. You should keep your nose out of it.
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    I've known guys who at 20 have never supposedly shown interest in girls. They've proved not to be gay since. He might just be waiting for the right one, and in any case, it's not really any of your concern!
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    He might not be gay but if he was he'll tell you in his own time, its not very fair to pressure him
    And he might be questioning you because he's not sure so he is asking more about it

    Also with you accidentally touching his hand, he might have thought you were hitting on him and he freaked out because your supposed to be friends...

    There are actually tonnes of reasons why he could be acting the way he is...

    But its up to him to talk about anything
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    We live in a free country and it's absolutely his right to stay in the clauset IF he's gay, his intimate feelings really are none of your concern....

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Updated: April 9, 2012
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