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My sister is subject to domestic abuse in a man-dominated society

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    Most of you here might not be fully aware of what relationships are like in some [third world ish] cultures. I (male) was fortunate enough to escape that ignorant environment. My sister was not so lucky.

    She became a mother and was subject to a lot of demeaning tasks and verbal abuse. Over the years, this collaterated to worse forms of abuse.
    She can't use society to protect herself because it's all man-dominated. In the words of Mr Brown, rest his soul in peace, It's a Man's World.

    She can't use the law either for the same reasons. Also because she's a mother - She's far too worried about supporting her children. There's no such thing as "Child support" and we (as her family) can only help so much and there's very little prospect of employment for a female in her position. Mainly because he forced her to quit education so she never finished her qualifications to go to uni.

    It keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know what to do about it.
    In that society, the normal thing to do, as her brother would be to visit and use good ol' fear mongering techniques to set her husband straight, but I can't. I'm thousands of miles away. And we have no other men relatives who are worthy or care.

    I feel directly responsible for what's happening to her. I even recently told my girlfriend that I'm never willing to have kids because I don't want her to be tied to me the way my sister is tied to that psychopath. Not that I would ever hurt her.

    I really don't know what to do. She won't take action. and I [U]can't[U] do much about it.
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    Hi
    Thanks for your message and for raising a really important issue. Domestic violence is something that affects people across all cultures and ethnic groups, and for some there are added barriers as you have mentioned.
    It must be very frustrating for you to be so far away although she is lucky to have your support.
    What i suggest is to contact a specialist organisation that works with black and minority ethnic women who are experiencing domestic violence.
    I recommend this organisation - http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/ - they will be able to give you specific advice about what could be done to help your sister and can hopefully reassure you as well.

    Try not to make any big decisions about your own life based on this situation - Based on what you say, you are not like your sister's husband. I am sure you would make a good father.

    I hope the organisation above can help or at least point you in the right direction,
    good luck
    jo

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Updated: April 4, 2012
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