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Things have turned nasty...

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    Hi everyone, I'd like some none judgemental advice on this problem please. I know I've created it myself and I'm to blame but no overly negative comments please - I know I'm at fault here.

    Basically, I got together with a guy down my hallway (I'm a first year student nurse) after months of flirting and liking eachother. We slept together after a drunken night out but then decided to try things out as a couple. We were really happy for a month or so and seemed to fall for eachother really quickly...but because I'm quite depressive and really hate the halls I live in we started to argue a lot. I don't get on with his friends as they keep me awake all night when I have nursing placement and I truly regret moving away from home. This put a lot of pressure on us.

    One day he turned up at my door and spontaneously ended things with me. I was in bits and made it obvious I wanted to try and work things out but when he wasn't having any of it I left it for a few days. We both went home for easter and then I text him saying I wanted to see him. He wanted to aswell but because his mum wouldn't let him use the car and us students have no money. So I used some of my savings to get a bus to the other end of the country...to visit him for a day.

    We spent time talking and it was like a date, we were both really happy and we decided we had done things too quickly and said things we didn't yet mean (such as I love you) but that we still wanted to be together and we started over. I returned home and since I did he hardly spoke to me. I put this down to the fact that his mum dislikes me and he doesn't speak to me infront of her, and also due to the fact he has exams coming up and he was going on holiday.

    Friday night however we had an argument because he'd took a photo of girl who we live with and put on facebook how fit she was. I asked him politely to take it down as I wanted us to start over and this wouldn't help my confidence issues. Hearing this he flew off the handle which is very out of character for him, saying I'm not the best looking girl in halls and I should know that (which I do - he knows I have poor self esteem and suffer depression). I tried to call him and talk but he wouldn't - at this point I'd drank myself into a right state and sent him a load of slurred texts about how I don't want to be here anymore. I then took an overdose of tramadol but my mum came home and called an ambulance when she saw what I'd done. It wasn't just due to the fact that he was being horrible that I did this but it was the final straw for me. I was let out of hospital thenext morning after drinking charcoal and having lots of tests and a mental assessment.

    He was going away that morning and I text him confessing what I'd done. I'd had no reply to what I had said the night before but then he text me saying "have you really done that?", I said yes and explained why and got no reply. I haven't heard from him since and I don't think he believes me. He deleted me on facebook. I've sent him apologetic texts even though I know he's abroad and even tried to call him.

    I can't concentrate on university. I'm aware I've probably scared him off with all my problems but I'm getting help now after abandoning it a few months ago. What should I do? He won't talk to me but even if he won't get back with me I want my closure...I care about him so much and I'm pretty sure I'm not going back to halls now as I can't take the rumours and also the fact I'd probably hear him bringing girls home as he only lives a few doors down. I've even sent his mum a message explaining the situation but I think she's already made her mind up about me...
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    Leave him and move on. Taking an overdoes wasn't the best way to make him come back to you, if anything it probably scared him away more as it's unlikely he wants this problem on his shoulders, you need to sort yourself out first, put yourself first and concentrate on your studies, since that's what you went there in the first place.

    He was wrong to say how fit this girl was, but from that it was clear he wasn't that into you or he wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings. You're also sounding a bit obsessive over him, texting his mum? you keep texting and phoning him? That puts off a lot of people and it sounds like he doesn't want anything more with you so accept it and learn from it. You're going to have a few people you feel close to, but it doesn't always work out for whatever reason, so you need to let go and get on with your life, don't waste it chasing a boy who will never be interested in you again. Exs are exs for a reason and he just wasn't the right match or supportive for you.

    See if you can go into a different halls or student rent? Don't let this glitch ruin your career. Be strong.
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    (Original post by Mutedmirth)
    Leave him and move on. Taking an overdoes wasn't the best way to make him come back to you, if anything it probably scared him away more as it's unlikely he wants this problem on his shoulders, you need to sort yourself out first, put yourself first and concentrate on your studies, since that's what you went there in the first place.

    He was wrong to say how fit this girl was, but from that it was clear he wasn't that into you or he wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings. You're also sounding a bit obsessive over him, texting his mum? you keep texting and phoning him? That puts off a lot of people and it sounds like he doesn't want anything more with you so accept it and learn from it. You're going to have a few people you feel close to, but it doesn't always work out for whatever reason, so you need to let go and get on with your life, don't waste it chasing a boy who will never be interested in you again. Exs are exs for a reason and he just wasn't the right match or supportive for you.

    See if you can go into a different halls or student rent? Don't let this glitch ruin your career. Be strong.
    Yeah I have text him...not to what I would say is the psycho standard...probably 9 or 10 times in a week. I'm finding it really hard pushing him out of my head though as I just want to explain I'm not a nasty person I'm just ill at the moment and that I won't always be like this. I spoke to his mum because I was desperate for some kind of response. I really do still want to be with him and I know it's stupid.
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    (Original post by NLH91)
    Yeah I have text him...not to what I would say is the psycho standard...probably 9 or 10 times in a week. I'm finding it really hard pushing him out of my head though as I just want to explain I'm not a nasty person I'm just ill at the moment and that I won't always be like this. I spoke to his mum because I was desperate for some kind of response. I really do still want to be with him and I know it's stupid.
    Still that is a lot from someone who clearly left you. He's made it perfectly clear he wants nothing of you. No point chasing a shadow, when you can find happiness elsewhere.
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    I think the healthiest thing for both of you is to leave him be and move on.
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    I know this but I keep hoping there might be a genuine reason for this ignoring me, such as he's ran out of credit (he is abroad after all) or that his mum has forbid him contact with me?
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    Or your actions have scared him off? It's not what you want to hear but is most likely true.
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    (Original post by NLH91)
    I know this but I keep hoping there might be a genuine reason for this ignoring me, such as he's ran out of credit (he is abroad after all) or that his mum has forbid him contact with me?
    Its plausible but really i think you should move on before he hurts you even more. He sounds really nasty some of the stuff he has said to you.
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    OP... you sound like you're in a really really tough situation at the moment. I hope you eventually manage to overcome your depression and self-esteem issues. Please look after yourself.

    You sound as if you've become a little addicted/ fixated on this guy, and are almost seeing being with him as a solution to everything you're going through. Which isn't good.

    I don't know him, and I don't know you, but from everything you've said, he sounds like he just isn't as into you as you are to him. He also, tbh, sounds quite horrible - fair enough if he's not interested in you, but deciding to give things a go with you and then posting a pic of another girl with comments and basically telling you he finds her more attractive than you? That's really hurtful, shallow and just plain rude. No one deserves that. It also sounds like you're making excuses for him - trust me, if he'd wanted to get in contact with you, I'm sure he'd have found a way.

    Maybe concentrate on yourself for a bit? Try and work some things out. Focus on your life, your friends, your degree, doing things that make you happy and secure in yourself. Do you have some close, non judgemental friends (preferably not mutual friends with this guy!) who can help you through this and hopefully move on? You say you're looking for closure, but it seems like that by trying to contact him you're just opening old wounds up and making things more painful. Which is probably the last thing you need right now.

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Updated: April 4, 2012
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