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Is this just a dead end?

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    I've known this guy for about a year. Well, I say I've known him, but that's not actually the case, I've just seen him regularly but we'd never talked, ever.
    But, a few weeks ago, I decided to make conversation because I did fancy him. That one conversation was more than I thought it would be, he talked SO much and I was really happy with how it had worked out.

    We've been texting since then but he's really delayed with the replies - and by delayed I mean maybe every 4 days or so.
    Sometimes the conversation just ends because he doesn't reply at all...
    We've arranged to meet twice but both times he's has to cancel because of other plans. (A friend's party and the recent time due to getting a new Saturday job)

    On Monday I did just text him and ask straight up what exactly was going on and tell him how I felt. I explained how I have to initiate everything (which he says is due to him being "a really really shy guy") and how we're not really going to get anywhere if he doesn't reply to texts or cancel if we arrange to meet up.

    His response was mainly that he's extremely shy (I must admit, the 'I'm shy' excuse is getting old now) :unimpressed:
    and that "I guess we just need to get to know each other asap :P and see where it goes from there "
    When he said this, I was obviously pretty happy because he's said that he does want to get to know each other and his intentions somewhat seem similiar to mine.
    Though, if he chooses to not reply to my texts, how does he expect this to happen?!

    As I said, this was on Monday. Since that night, I've received no replies. (he said he doesn't like to text and doesn't actually use his phone much) which is fair enough but you must check your phone atleast once in a whole day, right? :confused:

    Anyway, I just wanted some opinions. Despite me starting to really like this guy now, should I just forget about it?
    Or should I 'accept' that he's shy and doesn't like to text much etc and just wait....?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've known this guy for about a year. Well, I say I've known him, but that's not actually the case, I've just seen him regularly but we'd never talked, ever.
    But, a few weeks ago, I decided to make conversation because I did fancy him. That one conversation was more than I thought it would be, he talked SO much and I was really happy with how it had worked out.

    We've been texting since then but he's really delayed with the replies - and by delayed I mean maybe every 4 days or so.
    Sometimes the conversation just ends because he doesn't reply at all...
    We've arranged to meet twice but both times he's has to cancel because of other plans. (A friend's party and the recent time due to getting a new Saturday job)

    On Monday I did just text him and ask straight up what exactly was going on and tell him how I felt. I explained how I have to initiate everything (which he says is due to him being "a really really shy guy") and how we're not really going to get anywhere if he doesn't reply to texts or cancel if we arrange to meet up.

    His response was mainly that he's extremely shy (I must admit, the 'I'm shy' excuse is getting old now) :unimpressed:
    and that "I guess we just need to get to know each other asap :P and see where it goes from there "
    When he said this, I was obviously pretty happy because he's said that he does want to get to know each other and his intentions somewhat seem similiar to mine.
    Though, if he chooses to not reply to my texts, how does he expect this to happen?!

    As I said, this was on Monday. Since that night, I've received no replies. (he said he doesn't like to text and doesn't actually use his phone much) which is fair enough but you must check your phone atleast once in a whole day, right? :confused:

    Anyway, I just wanted some opinions. Despite me starting to really like this guy now, should I just forget about it?
    Or should I 'accept' that he's shy and doesn't like to text much etc and just wait....?
    If it feels like you are doing all the chasing then you most probably are. Inside you tend to know where things are heading. He knows how you feel. It's up to him to make a move now. I would hold back and if he doesn't reply in a few days then move on.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Cyclo)
    If it feels like you are doing all the chasing then you most probably are. Inside you tend to know where things are heading. He knows how you feel. It's up to him to make a move now. I would hold back and if he doesn't reply in a few days then move on.
    Sadly I guess you're right..
    Before, I felt that I needed to give him a little nudge and get the ball rolling, but now he knows exactly how I feel about him and he's aware that I think I'm left to initiate everything.
    If he's still not willing to make any effort whatsoever, I suppose I shouldn't waste my time on someone who actually doesn't care..

    thanks for the advice, Cyclo :yy:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sadly I guess you're right..
    Before, I felt that I needed to give him a little nudge and get the ball rolling, but now he knows exactly how I feel about him and he's aware that I think I'm left to initiate everything.
    If he's still not willing to make any effort whatsoever, I suppose I shouldn't waste my time on someone who actually doesn't care..

    thanks for the advice, Cyclo :yy:
    If he's shy (which he claims he is) he probably won't bite the bullet and ask you out. I think he may like you but you have to ask if he wants to meet up.
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    (Original post by Mr Advice)
    If he's shy (which he claims he is) he probably won't bite the bullet and ask you out. I think he may like you but you have to ask if he wants to meet up.
    Okay, so that's kind of the opposite to what Cycle suggested?

    Thing is, if he doesn't like to text, I really don't understand how he still expects us to get to know each other better. To be honest, if I think now, I guess there actually isn't much I can do - I mean, I can text him but it's all down to when/if he replies; because when he does reply, its fine.
    As in, he makes conversation, he'll agree to meet up and will even suggest places to go etc as well.
    He's already admitted to liking me so why's he still acting so....reserved? :confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, so that's kind of the opposite to what Cycle suggested?

    Thing is, if he doesn't like to text, I really don't understand how he still expects us to get to know each other better. To be honest, if I think now, I guess there actually isn't much I can do - I mean, I can text him but it's all down to when/if he replies; because when he does reply, its fine.
    As in, he makes conversation, he'll agree to meet up and will even suggest places to go etc as well.
    He's already admitted to liking me so why's he still acting so....reserved? :confused:
    It's just the way he might be; just really shy and reserved. You probably will really get to see the proper him when you meet in person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, so that's kind of the opposite to what Cycle suggested?

    Thing is, if he doesn't like to text, I really don't understand how he still expects us to get to know each other better. To be honest, if I think now, I guess there actually isn't much I can do - I mean, I can text him but it's all down to when/if he replies; because when he does reply, its fine.
    As in, he makes conversation, he'll agree to meet up and will even suggest places to go etc as well.
    He's already admitted to liking me so why's he still acting so....reserved? :confused:
    I would always try and put myself in the other person's shoes. Surely, no matter how shy I was, if I knew someone liked me and I liked them then I would make some effort to see them and talk more.

    I would seriously consider moving on as clinging on to the hope that something may develop further down the line is never any good for you.
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    I think you're reading into it too much. I always try and not use my phone because it's much better speaking face to face as there's no connective foundations if you make it via a mobile/facebook etc, it's just awkward.

    stop trying to force it and it's meant to happen, it will
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    I think you know what to do. Stop chasing now, he could never accuse you of not letting him know how you feel.
    Relax, and see if he comes to you.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Mr Advice)
    It's just the way he might be; just really shy and reserved. You probably will really get to see the proper him when you meet in person.

    (Original post by Cyclo)
    I would always try and put myself in the other person's shoes. Surely, no matter how shy I was, if I knew someone liked me and I liked them then I would make some effort to see them and talk more.

    I would seriously consider moving on as clinging on to the hope that something may develop further down the line is never any good for you.
    :eek:
    Right, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

    After reading Cyclo's initial reply, I agreed with what was said and had convinced myself that if I don't get a reply within a couple of days then I won't pursue it any further. This worked fine for about 20 minutes until I came back and and Mr Advice suggested I cut him a little slack and keep trying..

    Obviously, because I really like this guy, I'd like to agree with Mr Advice and just keep trying. But, Cyclo has a really good point about "clinging on to the hope that something may develop further down the line is never any good for you".


    Anymore help, please?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :eek:
    Right, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

    After reading Cyclo's initial reply, I agreed with what was said and had convinced myself that if I don't get a reply within a couple of days then I won't pursue it any further. This worked fine for about 20 minutes until I came back and and Mr Advice suggested I cut him a little slack and keep trying..

    Obviously, because I really like this guy, I'd like to agree with Mr Advice and just keep trying. But, Cyclo has a really good point about "clinging on to the hope that something may develop further down the line is never any good for you".


    Anymore help, please?
    I'm just speaking from experience. It's never done me any good. It seems so much more natural when it's meant to be. I have wasted time on girls because I thought we were meant to be together eventually. They just didn't know how to say "no" to me. Girls that have wanted to be with me have gone out of there way to be around me and talk to me (even if they are obviously shy).
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    I think you know what to do. Stop chasing now, he could never accuse you of not letting him know how you feel.
    Relax, and see if he comes to you.
    This is very true..
    hm, perhaps there's a part of me that feels that he is interested but if I don't 'persist' then it'll never happen without me initiating it.
    I suppose I don't want to give up because I know he won't make things happen himself - I guess I just don't want to accept that..

    But the thing is, what if he's worth me waiting around for him? In the past, I've been with guys that were really arrogant and cocky and it was really nice when I met him and he was so shy and nice and just down to earth...
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Cyclo)
    I'm just speaking from experience. It's never done me any good. It seems so much more natural when it's meant to be. I have wasted time on girls because I thought we were meant to be together eventually. They just didn't know how to say "no" to me. Girls that have wanted to be with me have gone out of there way to be around me and talk to me (even if they are obviously shy).
    See, he's admitted to liking me though. He's said quite a few things that suggest he is interested and does have to same intentions as I do. So I'm not too sure whether I should give in. It could just be him? I don't actually know him THAT well, to be honest. It could just be the type of person he is :confused:
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Cyclo)
    x.
    By the way, I know it seems as if I'm already against what you've advised so far, but I'm really not. I honestly do feel that what you've suggested will by far be the better option but you know how decisions become less straight-forward and a lot more complicated when feelings are involved
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    See, he's admitted to liking me though. He's said quite a few things that suggest he is interested and does have to same intentions as I do. So I'm not too sure whether I should give in. It could just be him? I don't actually know him THAT well, to be honest. It could just be the type of person he is :confused:
    Yeah, I had that too. We even arranged to go out together but never got around to it.

    Seriously listen to yourself on the inside as your head is your own worst any in circumstances like this. I have been (and still am) guilty of clinging on to every little ray of hope that something may work out and it annoys me when I finally realise that we were never meant to be (sometimes months after we dated). So I am probably a little biased in my way of approaching these situations which is why you really must try and block what your head is telling you and let your inner feelings on how things are going to surface.

    but you know how decisions become less straight-forward and a lot more complicated when feelings are involved
    Know exactly how you feel. I have to see the girl I dated most week days at college. She ultimately rejected me by ignoring my texts, but if she so much as smiles at me I find it hard to suppress my feelings for her. I just try and get myself involved with other girls. That's how I have got over girls in the past, by meeting someone new. It's hard, but your experiences will help you in the future.
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    Don't give up. Especially if he's shy.
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    100% with Cyclo on this
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Mr Advice)
    Don't give up. Especially if he's shy.
    :facepalm:

    I don't want to!

    But I can't keep sitting around waiting for something that might not even happen :confused: (Cyclo has put a lot of doubts in my mind about how this guy really feels about me )
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Cyclo)
    Know exactly how you feel. I have to see the girl I dated most week days at college. She ultimately rejected me by ignoring my texts, but if she so much as smiles at me I find it hard to suppress my feelings for her. I just try and get myself involved with other girls. That's how I have got over girls in the past, by meeting someone new. It's hard, but your experiences will help you in the future.

    (Original post by hakking)
    100% with Cyclo on this

    That's it, I'm tired of waiting around now. He had his chance (quite a few actually) but he chose to make no obvious effort so I don't think I have the energy to try anymore.
    I don't know how I'm going to move on from him because I've started to really like this guy, but...oh well?

    Thank you for all the advice, really appreciate it.
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    (Original post by Mr Advice)
    Don't give up. Especially if he's shy.
    I think you must be a shy guy from all your posts on this thread...


    OP, I reckon Cyclo is right with this one. Even if he was shy, he now knows you like him, and doesn't have to be afraid of you judging him or seeming too obvious.

    You shouldn't have to keep chasing after him, he should make an effort too, and if you've made that clear to him, and he still hasn't, then just leave it alone.

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