Hello, i have decided to attempt to write my own novel and would love any feedback or constructive criticism you may have. Tell me what you really think, I have only written the first couple of paragraphs, so there is tonnes of room for improvement. Thanks so much.
Lying in bed, eyes wide open. Bastian blinked, wondering what had awoken him from the warm embrace of Morpheus. He clutched his arm and quickly inhaled the humid air. Pulling back the sheep skin blankets he glanced down at the discoloured black and blue markings. Moaning with the agonising pain, Bastian managed to rub the sleep from his cerulean eyes to clear his vision.
His father had told him not to wander off into the Clayton woods, but the place was a world full of mystery and wonder, especially in the autumn where the secret pine trails were non-existent, covered with a blanket of brown and burnt orange. Tall oak trees stood proudly at either side of the forest trail, interlocking their twisted branches forming a canopy blocking out the natural light. Bastian thought the place to be a safe haven, where he could rest against the rough bark of a younger tree listening to the Shally falls crash against sedimentary rock.
Through his ignorance he convinced himself that nothing in this transcendent world would ever betray him, however even the neighbours playful pet dog is capable of turning belligerent when a potential threat enters his home.
Bastian propped his back against a shallow rock overlooking the river Peneus, named after the Greek god himself. The glossy water became ever still in the sultry afternoon, a perfect day to paint a memory that will last a lifetime.
First of all, thank you for posting the beginning of your novel on here. I would like to begin by saying that starting a novel can be a very difficult and arduous task, but I wish you every success. I think that the issues at the moment are the descriptiveness and your plot. The descriptiveness of the passage is very, very poetic and while this is nice, there's perhaps too much of it. The descriptive nature of the passage pulls the plot apart a little bit and actually stifles it. I would almost suggest considering poetry as an activity alongside the novel because you may have a flair for that. The plot doesn't seem to develop at all. While you have to form an introduction, the plot needs to develop from the outset and I feel that you are lacking that at the moment.
A good start, but there's a long way to go and certainly make sure that you plot develops and isn't bogged down from the start.
There's a quote from kurt vonnegut (sorry to quote him like everyone does but it's appropriate) "Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action" which i always find handy to keep in mind because i too sometimes indulge, even more than you, in purple prose.
However it's your first draft and first drafts are meant to be terrible.
Is this going to be fantasy? I'm just curious, because there's already a rather famous Bastian in another fantasy novel
I get carried away with description too, when I write. I always aim to cut it out in the second draft. I believe it was Stephen King who said that in the second draft, you should try to cut out 10% of what you wrote in the first. That's not my advice but I think it's quite good advice, nonetheless.
Personally, i think you are trying to fit in too much right in the beginning. I could, at least i think i could feel how is the novel's direction going to be. I know its exactly opposite to what many have said here, but go slow and build gradually withe more details.
That said, it calls for great courage to even plan on writing a novel! All the best with your endeavours!