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Girlfriend wants me to get fit

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    Hi, firstly this is on behalf of my best mate. Hes 18 years old. He has been going out with the same girl since they were 15 and it was all going well till recently. My mate is 5 foot 9 inches tall average build and used to be a slender 11 stone 7 and had a lean 31'' waist. Sadly though he was involved in an accident which left him off work for 6 months, and in a wheelchair. ( He has recoved fully now) During that time however he gained weight. He now weighs a hefty 13 stone 7 pounds and his waist has increased to 36''. His girl friend says she doesnt find him attractive now and is threatening to leave him. He says he's happy with his body. What should he do ? Is he overweight ? Should he dump her ? Is she right ?
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    "A mate" yeah?

    On a more serious note, if the girl would leave merely on a boy putting on some weight, she aint worth it! Leave her before she does!
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    Become zyzz

    dump her

    plan?
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    (Original post by andrewpeters)
    On a more serious note, if the girl would leave merely on a boy putting on some weight, she aint worth it! Leave her before she does!
    A girl who thinks looking hot is more important than emotional attachment and the pre-existing relationship you have? Personally I'd say she sounds like a keeper.
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    (Original post by Onlyboyintheworld)
    Hi, firstly this is on behalf of my best mate. Hes 18 years old. He has been going out with the same girl since they were 15 and it was all going well till recently. My mate is 5 foot 9 inches tall average build and used to be a slender 11 stone 7 and had a lean 31'' waist. Sadly though he was involved in an accident which left him off work for 6 months, and in a wheelchair. ( He has recoved fully now) During that time however he gained weight. He now weighs a hefty 13 stone 7 pounds and his waist has increased to 36''. His girl friend says she doesnt find him attractive now and is threatening to leave him. He says he's happy with his body. What should he do ? Is he overweight ? Should he dump her ? Is she right ?
    Bit harsh of her to come out with 'I don't find you attractive', she could have done it more sensitively, eg. suggest they do some exercise together/ cook healthy meals together. His BMI puts him at 'overweight' and at increased risk of health issues, but to lose weight has really got to be his own decision and not because of his GF threatening to leave him. You should never change yourself for someone else.
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    1)dump her
    2)get fit
    3)have sex with more attractive girls (hopefully ones she knows)
    4)make sure she notices
    5)??????
    6)PROFIT!!!!
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    She says "get fit"
    He says "get f***ed"
    Problem solved.
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    If it's for a mate then why is the title "girlfriend wants me to get fit"???
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    This is awful. If guy said this to a girl - the whole female population would be outraged. It shouldn't be any different for guys. This was very insensitive and I'd he is happy with his body he shouldn't change. Only change for yourself and not for others. This girl sounds a bit shallow and maybe because she has been with him for so long she needs sex appeal toledo her excited.
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    Next that ho.
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    a "mate" so basically...you.

    Tell her to go **** herself. Get fit for you, not for her or anyone else. The fact that the reason you got out of shape is the result of an accident and yet she is now threatening to leave you just goes to show she aint worth your time.

    Plant your mushroom tip somewhere else man.
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    Tell her to make him healthy sandwiches.
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    I'll say the same I say to girls who make threads like this.

    Physical attraction and intimacy are important parts of a relationship. If she honestly does not find him physically attractive anymore, she can't help that. When either partner find themselves unable to be initimate because they no longer find the other partner attractive, it can put serious strain on a relationship. She could have been a bit more tactful, but in essence, I see nothing wrong with what she has said. She needs to be supportive obviously, he could not help the weight he put on, but he also has to accept that he has changed, and whilst he may be happy, she is not. There has to be give and take in every aspect of a relationship, and here he has to realise that he needs to put some work in physically to keep the relationship in calm waters.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    I'll say the same I say to girls who make threads like this.

    Physical attraction and intimacy are important parts of a relationship. If she honestly does not find him physically attractive anymore, she can't help that. When either partner find themselves unable to be initimate because they no longer find the other partner attractive, it can put serious strain on a relationship. She could have been a bit more tactful, but in essence, I see nothing wrong with what she has said. She needs to be supportive obviously, he could not help the weight he put on, but he also has to accept that he has changed, and whilst he may be happy, she is not. There has to be give and take in every aspect of a relationship, and here he has to realise that he needs to put some work in physically to keep the relationship in calm waters.
    Exactly all of this. I'm married, and when my husband began putting on weight, I kindly let him know he shouldn't be drinking so often and should probably exercise more because his trousers were no longer fitting properly. He doesn't want to get fat any more than I want him to, though... and yes, 36" waist on a 5'9" dude is overweight--my old-man bellied dad is a 36".

    And if I were getting fat, I'd want my husband to let me know, too, but I'm already pretty aware when I put on a few lbs, so it ain't a thang, if you will.
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    poor guy needs to be cut some slack after what he's been through, and i'm the first to say everyone should keep fit
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    My advice for your mate:

    1) Get aids
    2) Loose weight
    3) Give her aids
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    You will look and feel better. Nothing to lose, no one wants to date a hambeast/landwhale.

    If you decide to pursue fitness then I wish you all the best. It will better your life.
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    was this "mate" fairly well built despite being lean?

    Reason I ask is I'm 5 ft 7, slender built but with a bit of flab from being unfit and I weigh 9st 5. 11st 7 for being 5ft 9 is nearing overweight if you look at BMI. But if he was a tad toned, that would go towards accounting for it.

    By point is if he's gone from a fairly toned lean guy, to an overweight guy, gaining 5" across the middle, it's clearly quite a physical change. It's not her fault that her physical attraction to him has lessened a bit as frankly, he's not got the figure she was attracted to in the first place.

    Clearly it's not his fault as he's been in an accident, but now he's recovered it would be good for his health to get into shape, does he not miss his old body at all? I'd have thought so...

    If he's totally happy the way he is and isn't going to change, then there's a real problem. In all likelihood her resentment of his new figure isn't going to go away. She'll end up dissatisfied so really if he doesn't want to put the work in, he may be better off finding someone who is fine with his physical appearance as it is now.
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    Well, he/ you should get fit and lose some weight. If not for her, then for himself (which is better, besides.) It's really not that hard; just go running! Find some top songs and just go out running for an hour a few times a week, be sensible with food and it'll dropn off in weeks. Its really not that much of a challenge.

    Whilst I agree that it is offensive to say she's no longer attracted, it's not unjustified. See it from her side!

    Why would you not want to lose the weight! Don't be lazy take on the challenge and put some effort it! It's like saying I don't want to do well at school... (unless, you positively prefer being overweight, in which case it seems like an agrre-to disagree situation...)
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    Any girl who is shallow enough to think about leaving someone just because of putting on some weight (through no direct fault of their own), is not worth being with.

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