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My parents make homophobic jokes, and I think I might be gay

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Reply 20
I'm telling you this because confusing asexuality and aromanticism is common, and leads to confusion overall. The OP appears to be aromantic, as they say they 'don't seem to be anything', whereas it is perfectly possible to be asexual and homoromantic, say.

I just thought it'd be helpful for the OP if things were made a bit clearer for them.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 21
Original post by ChunkyFudgeLover101
Why does everything need a label?
Be who you want to be...
If your parents make jokes and you're offended then tell them it's not very kind behaviour...

Just to say, while I admire your attitude, it can be helpful to realise what category you fit into, especially when it comes to the asexuality-aromanticism spectrum. A lot of people spend their time thinking they're 'defective' or 'delayed' because they haven't been aware that it is possible to simply be asexual or aromantic. It also prevents a lot of people wasting their time having sex they don't enjoy because someone tells them they'll 'like it eventually'.
Reply 22
That's what I meant. I realise that it's possible to be aromantic and have sexual attraction, but it's so overwhelmingly unlikely that I didn't really consider it.

The OP very well could be asexual and homoromantic, but we have no reasonable grounds on which to believe such.

True. I was just trying to put across the point that asexuality and romantic attraction are perfectly compatible.

The OP seems to be speaking in terms of sexual orientation (from statements such as 'I might be gay') and not romantic attractions. Thereby, it makes more sense to speak in terms of sexual orientation rather than romantic attractions.

This is what I was talking about when it comes to confusions. When people talk about being 'gay' or 'straight', people often don't consider that romantic attraction and sexual attraction can be separate. I just wanted to make it clear that they can be.
Reply 23
I'm in a confusing point at the moment. I know I'm interested somewhat in women, and are attracted to them, but I also get random sparks with males too, and its weird, but only ever truely fancied women, with romantic feelings as well.

I think though, as others have said, you shouldn't label yourself. I know I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. It's more of a meter, than an apsolute 100% straight or gay.

I've never dated, and haven't had sex obviously, so its pretty hard for me to not question things, since I've never attempted anything.

If those pictures did nothing for you, and they didn't really me either, then thats normal. Doesn't mean you aren't attracted to those genders. Just because they have the organs, etc, doesn't mean you have to be attracted to them. One girl can do something another girl cannot in the looks department. It depends fully on you.

But yeah op, you will work things out eventually.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by najinaji
Just to say, while I admire your attitude, it can be helpful to realise what category you fit into, especially when it comes to the asexuality-aromanticism spectrum. A lot of people spend their time thinking they're 'defective' or 'delayed' because they haven't been aware that it is possible to simply be asexual or aromantic. It also prevents a lot of people wasting their time having sex they don't enjoy because someone tells them they'll 'like it eventually'.

Fairs, I just think it would nice to live in a world where everything was not so separate....
If we didn't have these labels then maybe people wouldn't feel 'defective' or 'delayed' or 'different', because there wouldn't be a societal norm to compare themselves to. Although I can see your point seeing there are people 'like you' can be nice, and helpful- you feel less isolated etc...
If you bite into a lemon and it's sour - why would you bite into it again.? Doing it because everyone else is, is sad. They just shouldn't do it, if they don't like it.
Why does everything have to be so complicated.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 25
Original post by ChunkyFudgeLover101
Fairs, I just think it would nice to live in a world where everything was not so separate....
If we didn't have these labels then maybe people wouldn't feel 'defective' or 'delayed' or 'different', because there wouldn't be a societal norm to compare themselves to. Although I can see your point seeing there are people 'like you' can be nice, and helpful- you feel less isolated etc...
If you bite into a lemon and it's sour - why would you bite into it again.? Doing it because everyone else is, is sad. They just shouldn't do it, if they don't like it.
Why does everything have to be so complicated.
*sigh* I know.
Original post by Infallible
Why? I'm going to university and don't like gay people. It's not as if everyone suddenly becomes accepting of this fact.


No then there is no hiding :smile: it's easier to say to people who you don't know that your gay rather than people you have know for a long time. In that comment I didn't say anything about people accepting homosexuality.
They'll probably stop making the jokes once you tell them, and they will probably realise how hard their sense of humour made things for you. Take your time. BTW orientation isn't a decision, it's just the way you are. Nothing anyone says or does will ever be able to change that.
Reply 28
Original post by Robinson's_Crusade
As the title says, my parents make non PC jokes, including homophobic ones. I've come to the realisation that I'm not heterosexual; I'm not sure if I'm homosexual, because I've never felt anything romantic for a member of my own sex either, but I could very well be.

I'm fairly sure my parents are just joking - after all, they make racist jokes and have friends who are from other races, so they obviously don't actually dislike them. But there's a part of me that is nagging and asking, "But what if they are serious?" What if they actually don't like gay people, and it turns out I'm gay?

I'm confused enough as it is (as I say, I'm not straight, but I'm not sure I'm gay either; so far, I don't seem to be anything... :erm:) and I'm also not able to talk to anyone about it. Can anyone give advice on what to do, please?


Do your parents love you? I know it sounds like a silly question, but if they genuinely love you then even if they didn't like gay people they would endure.

I think, from what you say, that it's probably just joking around tbh. I make slightly homophobic jokes with one of my gay friends (although he usually starts it!) and we both know it's just laughs and there's respect there.

Can I please emphasise, though, that there is absolutely no need or requirement to self-define by labels. Labels are something society gives us to make other people's lives easier, but they inconvenience us greatly. If you are attracted to someone, then you are attracted to them regardless of gender. In my case, it so happens I have only ever been attracted to women - does this mean that I would refuse to be attracted to a man should I genuinely feel that way? No, of course not.

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