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Am I gay, or just confidence issues?

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Post on TSR and win a prize! Find out more... 10-04-2014
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Please respond kindly, I am really worried about this isssue. Also, I have no intention to attack any gay people through this post so please dont misunderstand.

    I am 20 years old.

    Since school, I have been round and chubby and have had certain 'womanly' attributes such as larger nipples, and man boobs. I would thus always be fascinated by how men with stronger features (jawlines, large pecks, broad shoulders, abs) and at one point I just started liking the way they look. But some part of me wants to look like that rather than want that for myself.

    Fast forward 8 years, I am in better shape although no where close to having a TV-star body. I have had a girlfriend who I was sexually active with, and I am attracted to girls in general.

    Regardless, sometimes I find myself watching gay porn on the internet and even masturbating to it, and this is something that I have been doing for the last 3 years or so. I also watch straight porn and enjoy it as much, but really depends on the day. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I wont be able to please a girl with my own physical attributes (5 inch penis, unbuilt body), but I would better fit in bed with another guy. I have also, occasionally tried masturbating with anal stimulation but haven't enjoyed it as much. Also, every time I masturbate to gay porn, I feel really bad about it immediately afterwards.

    For me, gay porn is not regular however, and this does not happen on days I am feeling more confident about myself (for instance, I would do this incredibly rarely when i was in a relationship and never after I have a good day after flirting with girls and feeling like girls are possibly attracted to me).

    I can never imagine being sexually active with a guy, as I do have a lot of male friends (some very good looking) and I never felt attracted to them. I do find people i dont know attractive at times.

    My attraction also lies on TV stars, and male porn stars who have really good manly features, and stuff I really want myself to have for my own body. But then again I get so turned on by these things!

    I must add that I also the kind of person who is a bit of an over achiever in many things in life, and most of the time i wonder about having it all (looks money prestige). Sometimes I think this is just an incredibly strange manifestation of my narcissism, as weird as that sounds.

    Am I overly narcissistic and demanding? Has this happened to anyone? Confidence issues, or am i gay?
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    Sounds like you're a 2 on the Kinsey scale.
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    Sexuality is a spectrum, not black or white.

    Maybe you're a straight guy who likes gay porn, maybe you're bisexual. I think with all the crazy stuff there is out there on the internet, you've got nothing to worry about.

    Do you feel like you need a new label, like your current one isn't suiting you? From my experience, labels are for other people more than yourself.
    #2

    gay my arse hahaha.

    I get the gay munchies from time to time too.... Once in a while a guy comes along and I think WOW. There is some guy i'm contemplating asking but aside from that i'm pretty much comfortable with my sexuality. Give me a lovely girl and i'll be a happy man. You should probably just appreciate the person/things you have, for you obviously (i'd hope) love her and chose her because she was a special girl.
    #3

    I'm a girl and I'm the same minus the porn. I look and think ladies are sexy but when I'm in a relationship with a man I feel so happy with myself. Its like I just look for appreciation anywhere when I'm not in a relationship with a guy. I'd never have sex with a woman it would be awkward. And like makes me wonder said sexuality really is a spectrum and I'm convinced on that spectrum even the hundred 100 straight people have contemplated it like we have.

    Not to worry.

    Soak it up!

    Enjoy it all.
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    It sounds like a combination of things. Don't label yourself though. You'll reach a conclusion - just give it some time
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    Based on what you wrote you sound straight to me but we can't tell you what you are - only you know. Like someone above wrote, sexuality really isn't black and white. Also, some people get turned on by the opposite sex, some by the same sex, some by animals, some by food etc.

    As for the confidence issues, I think what used to be confidence issues manifested into something like admiration - you might admire the outstanding features of masculine looking men maybe?
    #4

    I'm gay and you don't sound gay to me. You do sound like you have some issues though.
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    I doubt its got anything to do with your confidence, you seems unsure of your sexuality.
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    Don't give yourself a label.

    It's for the satisfaction of others to know what you are, but so long as you understand what you, don't worry about anybody else.

    Don't worry about it is what I say, you'll draw a conclusion soon enough.
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    I'm gay and that's how i started my 'journey of self-realisation' as its sometime called, but at about the age of 14-15, if your 20 and haven't found yourself feeling really very strongly attracted to other men, or haven't had any sexual contact with them (some people don't find men attractive but still engage in occasional casual gay sex). It sounds like your much closer to the straight end of the scale, but it isnt black and white. If you genuinely can't see yourself in a relationship with another man then i doubt your very gay, just curious, maybe, if your single at some point, you should try it, you might really not be able to go through with it, at which point there's your answer.
    There may also be a more abstract psychological aspect, you say you've never had a good body, well for many people in that position, having what they see as a better body becomes a fixation, it's very possible that you've are very attracted to the male ideal because you want it for yourself, not because your attracted to men. Also you've probably spent a long time dwelling on said ideal, perhaps thinking about it, (and so, ultimately, naked men) as much as you have naked women, which, coupled with what i would say was an innate tendency to be somewhere between 100% straight and 100% gay (few people are at the extremes), has put it into your head that you maybe gay.

    In the end it doesn't matter, what matters is that you embrace who you are, how you feel, and get the fullest range of sexual experiences to please you as much as possible, i identify as gay, but ive had sex with women, because sex feels good and is for enjoying. As for the relationship side of things, you don't know who you'll be happy with until you try it i think, so dont shy away from a gay side that could make your life alot more interesting, and your sex life, with women (and potentially men) much more exciting.
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    I wouldn't focus so much on putting a label on yourself. & don't feel guilty about watching gay porn, it's not like you're doing anything wrong or hurting anyone. Just relax and enjoy sex for what it is.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    OP Here

    Thanks. All of you are really supportive and it does take a lot of load off your shoulders when you can tell others about this issue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please respond kindly, I am really worried about this isssue. Also, I have no intention to attack any gay people through this post so please dont misunderstand.

    I am 20 years old.

    Since school, I have been round and chubby and have had certain 'womanly' attributes such as larger nipples, and man boobs. I would thus always be fascinated by how men with stronger features (jawlines, large pecks, broad shoulders, abs) and at one point I just started liking the way they look. But some part of me wants to look like that rather than want that for myself.

    Fast forward 8 years, I am in better shape although no where close to having a TV-star body. I have had a girlfriend who I was sexually active with, and I am attracted to girls in general.

    Regardless, sometimes I find myself watching gay porn on the internet and even masturbating to it, and this is something that I have been doing for the last 3 years or so. I also watch straight porn and enjoy it as much, but really depends on the day. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I wont be able to please a girl with my own physical attributes (5 inch penis, unbuilt body), but I would better fit in bed with another guy. I have also, occasionally tried masturbating with anal stimulation but haven't enjoyed it as much. Also, every time I masturbate to gay porn, I feel really bad about it immediately afterwards.

    For me, gay porn is not regular however, and this does not happen on days I am feeling more confident about myself (for instance, I would do this incredibly rarely when i was in a relationship and never after I have a good day after flirting with girls and feeling like girls are possibly attracted to me).

    I can never imagine being sexually active with a guy, as I do have a lot of male friends (some very good looking) and I never felt attracted to them. I do find people i dont know attractive at times.

    My attraction also lies on TV stars, and male porn stars who have really good manly features, and stuff I really want myself to have for my own body. But then again I get so turned on by these things!

    I must add that I also the kind of person who is a bit of an over achiever in many things in life, and most of the time i wonder about having it all (looks money prestige). Sometimes I think this is just an incredibly strange manifestation of my narcissism, as weird as that sounds.

    Am I overly narcissistic and demanding? Has this happened to anyone? Confidence issues, or am i gay?
    You sir are a victim of our society (not being rude by the way) it sounds like to me you have been ticked into believing what you see, you just like most people have seen an image so much on your TV/ computer screen that after years of seeing it has become familiar with your mind (just like anything else), your feelings how ever towards men are due to the fact that you have insecurity problems (your not gay), not speaking for you but when you said "But some part of me wants to look like that rather than want that for myself" that basically summed it up that your dealing with some insecurity problems, again like many of us men and women we tend to always want what the other person has i.e. he or she has nice hair, a nicer body, abs etc...

    Nothing to be embraced about we all have problems, I'll say 6 out of 10 people we meet in our lives live with some insecurity problems some stronger then others, it just takes a man like yourself to voice your feelings.

    Hope that helped answer your question.
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    I'm openly gay myself, and like a poster earlier in the thread, when I was around 14-15 I also watched gay porn, because I was curious about men and what it was like to have gay sex as a man. Like everyone else is suggesting, don't label yourself - it's hard enough in this world without them :P

    But yeah, just go with your feelings; if you're masturbating over gay porn then cool, just don't feel bad or guilty about it, cos there's nothing to feel bad or guilty about!
    #5

    I sometimes watch gay porn and I'd consider myself straight. However, I have had gay encounters in the past so would consider myself slightly bisexual. I don't let it bother me. Sexuality isn't that stringent. I think many guys have urges to try things with the same sex, but just don't choose to act on them.
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    Yeh mate, your gay.
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    I used to be confused by the idea of sexuality in general (couldn't see the difference between being attracted to the different sexes - it all seemed the same to me, and couldn't work out what was expected of me). So I basically just forgot about the issue until I got older and realised that it really didn't matter anyway - I now have sex with whoever I like (well sometimes I ask for consent first ) and watch whatever porn I like. You don't need to go round worrying about what this or that makes you, or whether you're 'allowed' to feel the way you do. Just relax and enjoy yourself and if in doubt, experiment!



    Also, threesomes are rather good if you can't decide who to ****. Like having a half and half pizza...

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Updated: April 30, 2012
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