[Care-Free]

... he makes you cry and then insults you for it?


and you put up with it?

If my partner did that even once he'd be out on his arse without a second thought.

How can you let him insult you for being upset when it's his fault, part of you must agree with what he calls you, part of you must be sitting there thinking "yeah he's probably right" in which case you're in a seriously self-destructive relationship and you need to get some self respect.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by redferry)
Well then I would suggests talking to him about it, his behaviour is unkind not to mention irrational =/

Thing is he thinks I'm the irrational one, typical 'emotional female'. He was better this weekend. I think he just doesn't really understand after being so close to breaking up on thurs I'm feeling quite insecure about the relationship now and am even more prone to eye leakage. For example on saturday he kept telling me to leave him alone, I was annoying him, I was irritating him, just go home etc. Apparently he was only saying it because it was so far from the truth and so glad I was there, but after saying he wanted to break up two days before hand I didn't understand he was joking and honestly thought he wanted me to leave. I am not the best at taking 'banter' (well his anyway, I'm fine with friends I guess they just understand what and when and he doesn't) and I find it really hard with him to distinguish when he's being serious and when he's joking. I guess I didn't cry about that, but it got me down after having it all day and according to him that was me being irrational because I should have understood it was joking because if he didn't want me there he'd have packed my bag up. He promised me he would stop though, then a few hours later he did it again, that's when I got upset because I guess I'm like a bottle, I can take so much but it gets to a point wherre I overflow.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Care-Free)
... he makes you cry and then insults you for it?


and you put up with it?

If my partner did that even once he'd be out on his arse without a second thought.

How can you let him insult you for being upset when it's his fault, part of you must agree with what he calls you, part of you must be sitting there thinking "yeah he's probably right" in which case you're in a seriously self-destructive relationship and you need to get some self respect.

Well I guess I think I can be overlysensitive sometimes? I don't think it's ok but he's stopping now *fingers crossed* I did get upset a couple of times over the weekend and he didn't call me a name

[redferry]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is he thinks I'm the irrational one, typical 'emotional female'. He was better this weekend. I think he just doesn't really understand after being so close to breaking up on thurs I'm feeling quite insecure about the relationship now and am even more prone to eye leakage. For example on saturday he kept telling me to leave him alone, I was annoying him, I was irritating him, just go home etc. Apparently he was only saying it because it was so far from the truth and so glad I was there, but after saying he wanted to break up two days before hand I didn't understand he was joking and honestly thought he wanted me to leave. I am not the best at taking 'banter' (well his anyway, I'm fine with friends I guess they just understand what and when and he doesn't) and I find it really hard with him to distinguish when he's being serious and when he's joking. I guess I didn't cry about that, but it got me down after having it all day and according to him that was me being irrational because I should have understood it was joking because if he didn't want me there he'd have packed my bag up. He promised me he would stop though, then a few hours later he did it again, that's when I got upset because I guess I'm like a bottle, I can take so much but it gets to a point wherre I overflow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGes7FDmHAM

Play him that song ^

Then:

Tell him he is the one being irrational by saying the opposite to what he means
Also joking about breaking up?! Just explain to him that is off limits because you care about him. If he is a decent guy he will stop.

I think you just need to lay out to him which topics upset you and are off limits. With my last boyfriend pretty much nothing was off limits but there was one thing he would joke about which got to me, so I told him that and he stopped.

To be honest he sound a bit mental and very sexist and patronising. Wait till you are feeling particularly strong (ie you aren't going to cry) and have words with him - that way he can't blame it on you being an irrational female. Either that or get a mutual male friend to talk to him that he might actually listen to.

[jam277]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is he thinks I'm the irrational one, typical 'emotional female'. He was better this weekend. I think he just doesn't really understand after being so close to breaking up on thurs I'm feeling quite insecure about the relationship now and am even more prone to eye leakage. For example on saturday he kept telling me to leave him alone, I was annoying him, I was irritating him, just go home etc. Apparently he was only saying it because it was so far from the truth and so glad I was there, but after saying he wanted to break up two days before hand I didn't understand he was joking and honestly thought he wanted me to leave. I am not the best at taking 'banter' (well his anyway, I'm fine with friends I guess they just understand what and when and he doesn't) and I find it really hard with him to distinguish when he's being serious and when he's joking. I guess I didn't cry about that, but it got me down after having it all day and according to him that was me being irrational because I should have understood it was joking because if he didn't want me there he'd have packed my bag up. He promised me he would stop though, then a few hours later he did it again, that's when I got upset because I guess I'm like a bottle, I can take so much but it gets to a point wherre I overflow.

I have a big feeling that he's autistic. I'm surprised he did it again though. I think the relationship isn't really a healthy one tbh. But I think he's generally a nice person and cares about you like you said, but you guys don't seem compatible as in he's not the type to try and make things work when there's a dent in the relationship which isn't helpful.

Like redferry said, yeah lay down a couple of rules on things that are off limits.
The only problem is that if he doesn't see why it's off limits or he doesn't feel the same way about it, he might do it again. But stick to those rules and be strong about it, maybe then he'll appreciate you more.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry late reply, I don't know he will apologise although sometimes he won't until I have first if he deems what I've done is worse like the other night. Part of why he wanted to break up on thurs was cause I had said four times if you ever do X again, I will break up with you (about different things) and fair enough he doesn't like that. However, I only did it because I felt like I couldn't get through to him by the normal methods (which I tried first) and now that I've promised I won't threaten anything witha breakup and we won't break up no matter what before exams he seems to think he can get away with treating me however he wants and has been even worse. So I eventually cried yesterday and he's upset that I'm upset again this was after and he admited, I was being so lovely to him all day but he just kept pushing and pushing. I don't know how to stay with him and get out this cycle.

The problem seems to boil down to, he says he always understands why I'm upset (although he doesn't) but if it's not something he'd get upset about, he doesn't think he should be nice to me. That worries me that he doesn't respect me or even think I'm sane, not thinking I have the right to be upset over different things then he would. He also doesn't seem to understand that sometimes things accumlate as I don't want to be nagging him over every little thing.

I mean yesterday he understood, thought I had the right and was originally quite apologetic and lovely and said he's really going to make it up to me when he next sees me, when that was nothing in my mind compared to some of the things he's done and even what he continued to do that night and ofc now he's upset cause I got upset with him AGAIN.

He's a lovely guy, I just don't know he treats me brilliantly in some ways, like on sun he took me to a really expensive resturant and he drove me home yesterday. During term time he always comes to see me. But it's like the everyday things he doesn't get, like not letting me know what's going on with plans in advance then getting mad at me for not being able to do them and taking out his anger by being horrible, either passive-aggresively or name-calling or w/e.

Hmm, I reckon that sometimes when he 'apologises' he knows what he does wrong, but I think that he thinks he can get away with it and would just make you feel bad again the next time. The thing is, I believe he genuinely cares about you. But he's being emotionally abusive to you, I know this because I've done this to someone before ashamedly(although that was due to her being genuinely unreasonable) but you haven't been unreasonable.

Basically, be strong, and he'll appreciate you, or do a '3 strikes and you're out' policy

[Dragonfly07]

If I ever cry in front of my boyfriend for whichever reason, he looks so upset that I feel like I've done something bad to him by crying. Although crying doesn't change his opinion about any arguments we may have had, I wouldn't tolerate it if he shouted at me BECAUSE I was crying. Just because crying upsets him doesn't give him the right to do that.

Edit: that being said I do feel that your boyfriend isn't a bad person. I think he just isn't very capable of feeling empathy. I think you might need to explain to him your situation.

I only cried in front of my boyfriend twice and he literally doesn't know what to do so he tells me to stop/try to talk to me about what happened. I told him that if I ever cry again, he shouldn't say anything and let me relax so that when I calm down we can talk later. You might be different I don't know, but I think that if you talk to him openly he'll be willing to be more empathetic.

[DontBeJelBeReem]

I used to feel absolutely awful, then i realised it was all fake and dumped the bitch.