(Original post by Vixen47)
No. I dont see the point and I have too much respect for my parents and siblings to go against their wishes. I've seen what double lives can do to people and their families and I would never wish the consequences on my relationship with family. I doubt my family will care so much but I dont want them to feel any sort of resentment toward me because ever since my sister found out about my eating disorder shes been really different with me so I cant imagine what she would do if she found out I lead a double life, should I ever choose to.
I understand why some people do; like my cousin sister and her brother who used to go out clubbing, he would drink, she wouldnt but she'd lie for him to us and their parents, she would go around with boys and he with girls etc. This was all because they couldnt stand being at home because their mum wasnt a "very nice person" *ahem* she was a total bitch *ahem*. Everything changed in the last few months because their mum realised what kind of person she was and the amount of pain she made everyone go through and when she changed my cousin sister started changing for the better. (When I say better, I mean better in the eyes of a Muslim.) A few months ago my cousin sister's dad died and she stopped all that crappy behaviour (again, through they eyes of Islam) and has grown up and matured. So has her mum.
A lot of asian girls and boys become the way they are because:
A. Their parents were raised in an extremely strict environment where "im your parent, you respect me, i dont have to respect you" was the norm so because a lot kids today have the ability to just walk out their house and do what they want and go against their parents wishes, they do so. They find that their parents dont respect them in a way that would like to so they start rebelling to get even and show their parents who's boss. When everything ****s up in/with their double life they quickly go back running into their parents arms and the vast minority realise how lucky they are to have their parents accept them after everything they did. I'm refering back to my cousin sister here.
B. Their friends do it. i.e.peer pressure
C. Their parents feel as though theyre losing control over their kids so they try to lay down the law and be even more strict but it backfires and their kids go to their friends to escape.
D. In a similar instance the kids try too hard to be more westernised and when it comes to things like wearing make up or certain fashion choices, they go all out! For example, with make up, I'm sure you guys have seen the caked up fake ups who look more like drag queens than anything. Or these stupid little Asian street kids who thinks they own the streets but inside they're scared, confused and feel so lost in the world like the rest of us. I'm referring to my cousin brother here. I can't imagine how many times my dad had to convince his dad to take his son back. My dad literally had to bail my cousin brother out of jail about 8 years ago because his dad had given up on him. His dad was such a good man and this is a man who was not just good on the exterior - he was like a glass window - what you saw was what you got. Literally everybody loved him, it's a shame his daughter realised after he died and its a bigger shame that the rest of his kids havent realised yet because they're selfishly caught up in their "double lives"
E. Social life is richer and more beneficial to the mind than home life so they look to their social life to help them get away from home life because they either cant stand their living standards, their family, or both. Basically, their double life is escapism. My cousins who ya'll must be familliar with by now (lol) live in a 2 bedroom house and when their dad was alive there were 6 of them there. My other cousins have 5 people in a 2 bedroom flat. Both dads use the living room as their bedroom, the mums would sleep on the floor in the girls room and the boys would have their own room. Both famillies are struggling for money and both famillies kids all have double lives except for the youngest who is about 6yo - shes the exception so I'll have to wait about 8 years before I can comment on her lol.
In my case, I've had brilliant living standards (4 bedroom, semi-detatched house where in which 5 of us live. It was 6 before my sister got married and moved out - I am now the proud owner OF MY OWN ROOM
). I was never dependent on my parents because I would never see them coz they were always at work. Our relationship was the type where they provided the food on the table and the roof over my head and I was never in trouble so there was peace. If I was lucky I'd catch them on Sunday morning/afternoons before they left for work in the evening, around 6ish. My parents could've chosen to be more strict and control-freakish but they didnt want to be. They're driven by success and money and if that's what makes them happy then it's fine by me. Only recently have I been developing my relationship with my parents because I'm coming home literally EVERY free lesson I have so I get to see them more. So, because my parents aren't so focussed on me - the youngest and only teenager (biologically. I'm well ahead my biological age mentally) in my family (meaning; as long as I'm getting the grades and staying out of trouble which I never got into in the first place, then everything's right with the world), this gives me a whole load of freedom which I prefer to not abuse because the distance between us made my heart grow fonder
I actually stuck the wrapper of a Milky Bar on my wall because it's the most recent thing my dad bought me! If that's not love, I don't know what is.
Also, because my parents were rarely around, my siblings acted as my substitute parents so I followed their lead and am trying to become the best person I can be so that I can benefit those around me, rather than myself. My siblings and I constantly have our uncle's wives (mums sisters in-law who have recently had their first kids) asking us how we've "grown up so well-mannered and respectable to our parents unlike our cousins" (their words) who are basically walking ads for double lives! Our response is always the same - give your kids the kind of respect you want them to give you. I grew up with so much respect for everyone because I learnt it from my siblings who respected me so it would kill me to lie to them by leading a double life. I dont wanna live that kind of a lie, especially when my family's involved. I don't know how people from families like mine do it. Like, what has your family done wrong for you to treat them like this and lie to them? I just dont undetstand it in those cases.
Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes - I've just written it on my phone and I can feel my thumbs getting stiff and painful lol.