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Is it normal for girls to hate their father?

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Post on TSR and win a prize! Find out more... 10-04-2014
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    #1

    I hate mine, there is no specific reason...he has just never been a positive figure in my life and I have lots of issues with self esteem/my appearance probably due to him. My two best (female) friends also don't get on with their fathers for similar reasons; overly disciplinarian/verbally abusive.

    I can't imagine having a Dad I liked, I truly believe i'd be a more well-adjusted person if he hadn't been in my life. It sounds terrible seeing as how he never did anything specific but I can't help feeling this way.

    I sometimes think if I ever have a child I don't want the father to be involved because of my experiences, I wouldn't want my child to grow up feeling unloved/unwanted.

    Does anyone else understand? Is it normal for girls not to get on with their father? (I have a good relationship with my mum)
    #2

    My experience might add something to the discussion.

    I'm a lad; but within the past 3-4 years or so my dad has become increasingly emotionally labile. He is very quick to temper e.g. if anything confuses him he gets angry etc. I've suggested he seeks help because I think he might be developing some kind of dementia - but that suggestion angers him too and we just end up in arguments. During that time, I've also been living away from home and become a much more independent person than before - and I find it difficult to comply with house rules.

    After a fair few tussles I've deliberately distanced myself him from him as much as possible. I minimize all conversation and interaction with him (although we live together, we're like strangers in the same house). This was kind of a last resort tactic, because before I was close to him and he was a very proud father. Although all the fights and arguments are over because of avoiding him I'm sad that it has to be like this. But better damage limitation than full blown war.

    So I guess I've experienced two sides of the coin - a good and a bad father. But I think overall my dad is allowed to have a few bad years since he was really awesome during the good years - which I hope illustrates how valuable a good father can be. You should definitely actively encourage your partner to get involved if they are a good example as the effect can be profound. You have to also consider that by modern moral standards, the father of a child also has a stake in their development and you may be overstepping your moral ground by not allowing them to fulfil that responsibility.
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    All women are insecure, to some degree. Why would you blame your father for this fact?
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    I have two daughters, so I hope not.
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    no its not normal, I hope I have answered your question.
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    No but it's a useful tool for lads on the pull
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by philistine)
    All women are insecure, to some degree. Why would you blame your father for this fact?
    Here are just some of the comments he has made (bearing in mind this is not among other, more encouraging comments....it's literally all like this). These were all made when I was between 12-15...at a sensitive time in my development I feel.

    "when I was you age I actually had friends...but then why would anyone want to be friends with you..you've got no personality"

    "I can't wait until you leave home"

    "You need to fill out up top" (he then offered to buy me a boob job for my 18th)

    He has also told me i'm weird/unlikable/a letdown on many occasion. I don't feel I have done anything to deserve this tbh.
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    I can't imagine I'd hate my father.
    Maybe it's hormones.
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    I'm a girl.
    I would say for about 8 years of my life, I felt this way, not anymore. I respect him now, even though I don't agree with all of the family rules. I would die for him because he's a good man and a good dad, we just used to clash. But I never tell him I love him because it's been so long since I last said it, it would be weird and awkward for me.
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    I think it's not that uncommon for people to hate their fathers overall. There's something about being in such a great position of power that drives people into having a complex.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Here are just some of the comments he has made (bearing in mind this is not among other, more encouraging comments....it's literally all like this). These were all made when I was between 12-15...at a sensitive time in my development I feel.

    "when I was you age I actually had friends...but then why would anyone want to be friends with you..you've got no personality"

    "I can't wait until you leave home"

    "You need to fill out up top" (he then offered to buy me a boob job for my 18th)

    He has also told me i'm weird/unlikable/a letdown on many occasion. I don't feel I have done anything to deserve this tbh.
    I've had this too, minus the boob thing.
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    (Original post by HeavyTeddy)
    According to Freud, no
    lol. :hahaha:

    Oh dear.....shall we not go into the Opeidus/Electra complex? :facepalm:

    I don't think it is too common for children to dislike thier fathers. I know plenty of examples of both. I also think it can be a bit of a "teenage" thing in many occasions.
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    My father is an extremely good man, so for me it's unusual, also since most of my friends get on with their fathers too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate mine, there is no specific reason...he has just never been a positive figure in my life and I have lots of issues with self esteem/my appearance probably due to him. My two best (female) friends also don't get on with their fathers for similar reasons; overly disciplinarian/verbally abusive.

    I can't imagine having a Dad I liked, I truly believe i'd be a more well-adjusted person if he hadn't been in my life. It sounds terrible seeing as how he never did anything specific but I can't help feeling this way.

    I sometimes think if I ever have a child I don't want the father to be involved because of my experiences, I wouldn't want my child to grow up feeling unloved/unwanted.

    Does anyone else understand? Is it normal for girls not to get on with their father? (I have a good relationship with my mum)
    Surely you don't truly 'hate' him...? I know this is morbid but if he died, you'd be distraught, right?
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    "Normal" is such a subjective term!! I've always been a daddy's girl and my dad is my oldest friend, we're really similar and couldn't imagine my life without him. That isn't to say that I don't dislike the things he does or says sometimes. He has bipolar disorder and some of things he's said and done are down right out of order but I love him.

    I think, like any relationship is going to have its highs and lows. Maintaining a relationship is more about what you do when you feel things are on the rocks rather than just having a laugh.

    Also....hate is a really strong word that its really good for mental well being.
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    Well it depends on what kind of person your farther is...

    The relationship I have with my mother is similar to what you have described with your dad op... i feel the emotional coldness...never been supportive or loving or motherly towards me. I don't like her as a person. I think she may be a sadist (appearing to enjoy ranting/arguing, not giving a **** and even laughing when I have a problem for e.g.)

    My dad is caring/protective of me however. I generally have a good relationship with him. I consider him a decent human being generally, although he's not perfect.

    To plan to remove your future child's father from their life is silly. You can ensure they have a good relationship by choosing a decent, caring man to have a family with. They do exist.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by senator88)
    Surely you don't truly 'hate' him...? I know this is morbid but if he died, you'd be distraught, right?
    No, I'd feel sorry for my mum and family and would worry about how we'd cope with money etc but after I got over the initial shock I don't think I'd miss his presence.
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    It's not normal, but it happens. Just be careful and remember he's only human, I never seen my father and hated him then he died and I still feel **** about that - there is my sob story cut short!

    Not going to lie, I think I would have rather had my dysfunctional father in my life back then than never know him like I did. I'm ok now but between the ages of 11 and 16 I was pretty ****ed up and it was largely due to that. Unless your having major issues or your getting abused or something don't wish a parent away.
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    (Original post by PatrickD)
    Penis envy though?
    LOL It was all going so well with anal retention and expulsion, then I turned the page.
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    Can't bear mine. But then 16 years of emotional abuse can do that to you. I know girls who love their dads and get on really well with them, I think it depends a lot on the individual circumstances. Some people claim to hate one or other of their parents merely for lack of anything else to think about (not suggesting you're one of those) some were unlucky enough to grow up with people who should never have been allowed to have children. I never had anything specific to base my dislike on either, just never-ending belittlement that makes it incredibly difficult to trust or indeed like someone.
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    Well, it's not abnormal to dislike one or both of your parents, girl or boy (imho). It certainly doesn't seem uncommon. But I don't think that means all fathers or even all mothers are doomed to have **** relationships with their children - you said it's for a specific reason that you don't like your father, but then you go on to say things that he has said that are quite frankly, dickish things to say, and with a limited amount of information on him, he does sound like a bit of dickhead. So... is is normal for girls (and boys) to hate fathers that act like a dick? Well, of course, it's normal for anyone to dislike anyone who acts like a dick. As someone else said, this is no reason to plan to keep any potential children you have away from their father(s). It's only reasonable to plan to have children with nice, loving, caring fathers who won't treat their children ****ly. Also legally you'd have a job keeping a father away from his children who was really up to the job. I hope you calm down and take this kind of advice to heart - this is serious **** you're talking about, and you shouldn't let your issues with your own father rule/ruin your own life, nor your potential children's lives.

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Updated: January 20, 2014
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