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Is it normal for girls to hate their father?

No, it's not normal.

Original post by Anonymous

I hate mine, there is no specific reason...he has just never been a positive figure in my life and I have lots of issues with self esteem/my appearance probably due to him. My two best (female) friends also don't get on with their fathers for similar reasons; overly disciplinarian/verbally abusive.

I can't imagine having a Dad I liked, I truly believe i'd be a more well-adjusted person if he hadn't been in my life. It sounds terrible seeing as how he never did anything specific but I can't help feeling this way.

I sometimes think if I ever have a child I don't want the father to be involved because of my experiences, I wouldn't want my child to grow up feeling unloved/unwanted.

Does anyone else understand? Is it normal for girls not to get on with their father? (I have a good relationship with my mum)

Okay.

I totally understand where your are coming from. Hate is a very strong word.

I don't like my dad at all. I don't love him and I don't respect or trust him anymore. If he died in a few years then I'd be quite relieved and liberated actually. I used to love him but he never loved me back and didn't treat me well.

I don't want to go into details of what he is like, but let me just say this: he is very toxic and has been all my life. His and my mum's actions have caused a lot of psychological problems for me: extreme low self esteem, lack of confidence, extreme paranoia, anxiety, extreme panic mode, being irritable and irrational, suicidal and self-harm thoughts and frequent bouts depression. Overall I have a deeply dangerous and negative way of thinking and I have self-harmed a couple of times before, and I even attempted to take my life at the age of 17. All the stuff that happened (the fact I was also bullied at school made me worse) completely damaged me and destroyed me. Now I am attempting to rebuild myself and my life.

My mum is just as bad as him.

Btw I feel the same way about my grandmothers and paternal grandmother, but not to the same extent as my dad and mum.

tbh I don't think it's fair to rule out a father in your child's life. Of course you could always have a spearm donor, but there are definately some good men out there, and good men who'd make good fathers. Not all men and fathers are bad.

I suggest you go and have counselling. That way you could talk about what has happened to you and work through your issues. You could even email Jo from AVA on The Student Room. I've had counselling and it's fantastic. I suggest you try to get help with your issues.

:console:

Reply 22

Anonymous #4

I know what you mean OP, but I definitely love my father a lot and it would be absolutly horrible if anything happens to him, I worry about him so much. (He is in his 70's now so is a lot older than all my friends dads, thats also part of the reason why I find it so hard to get along with him) He also suffers from bipolar disorder. All my life he never really got too involved with my brother and me, and all he ever seems to do is sit in his room and only ever comes down to eat (on his own), watch the news or go out the house. It's good though, I like keeping space between us because he just explodes because of the smallest (and I mean small) of things. It got to the point where you were afraid to have any sort of conversation in case he loses it and starts shouting and throwing things. Oh and this doesn't just happen to me, my brother and mum, we had a dinner guest over once and he actually lost his temper and threw him out of our house! He's even shouted at me loudly in public, in front of my friends and I find it really traumatic and embarrassing so I just make sure I never go anywhere with him now (but before it really affected my self esteem in general I feel, I would look at my friends who had normal dads who they could actually go out with and have a proper conversation with).

Though recently he has calmed down a bit and as I said I keep talking between us to the bare minimum so our relationship is hardly great and I am quite bitter about all the times he has shown us up in public, shouted at us for no reason, or the fact that he didn't seem too thrilled to have me and my brother when we were younger. Despite all this I still love him as I said as he is the kindest and most generous person I know, I wouldn't change him for the world because everything happens for a reason, its just his disorder and age is getting in the way I feel. It's quite weird writing this down because I have never ever talked about this to anyone except for my brother and mum...

Reply 23

Dragonfly07

18

I think it depends on the type of father he is. Not all fathers are controlling.

Reply 24

Over The Rainbow X

12

There are things about my father I dislike, for example his short temper and swearing, but I do not hate him. We have clashed in the past, particularly when I started to go through puberty, but I cannot imagine cutting him out of my life. We both have a similar sense of humour and we can have some pretty solid discussions.

My best friend, however, does not get on with her father, as do many of my other female friends, so I suppose this is not a rare occurrence.

Reply 25

Staceycake

10

I wouldn't go as far as hate..
My dad hasn't been the best role model, I know friends who have dads better than mine. But I still love my dad and wouldn't have it any other way :smile:

Reply 26

JPDub

My father and I get along wonderfully. I dislike him at times but would never full out hate him.

Reply 27

R4INBOW

13

Short answer:No

Long answer: No

Reply 28

elixira

14

It's not really about it being your father, I mean you'd hate anyone who said that sort of stuff to you. My mum used to say some nasty **** to me so I ended up not so much hating her, just disliking her and not really loving her anymore.

It's not normal or abnormal, just the way things go sometimes.

Re not wanting your kids to have a father - trust me, men are just as capable at being loving, decent parents, and women are just as capable at making their kids feel like crap. You just don't know. It's not a gender thing.

Reply 29

tite23

13

Too tired to write a proper response, but PM me if you want; I'd really like to talk to you about this :smile:

Reply 30

X_mark_the_spot

11

Original post by philistine

All women are insecure, to some degree. Why would you blame your father for this fact?

My goodness you're an ardent misogynist, a real anachronism in a time where such prejudices have by and large been dispelled.

OP, I don't know if it's normal per se, but I suppose people have differing relationships with their fathers. I get on with mine just well, in fact far more than I get on with my mother. But from observing my friends, I'd say that my father is probably somewhat unusual. He has always been the more nurturing parent and growing up, he's the one that went out of his way to be there for my sibblings and I. Attended ballet recitals, piano, parent-teacher nights etc...and he'd be home to tuck us in and cook a fabulous meal. So yeah, my dad is awesome, but I can't say the same for everyone else's father.

Reply 31

philistine

14

Original post by X_mark_the_spot

My goodness you're an ardent misogynist, a real anachronism in a time where such prejudices have by and large been dispelled.

lol, how are you even trying to argue this point?

brb cosmetics
brb hair extensions
brb fake tan
brb fake nails
brb myspace angles
brb whiteknights
brb dieting for the 10th time of the year

Negged for unbelievable stupidity.

Reply 32

X_mark_the_spot

11

Original post by philistine

lol, how are you even trying to argue this point?

brb cosmetics
brb hair extensions
brb fake tan
brb fake nails
brb myspace angles
brb whiteknights
brb dieting for the 10th time of the year

Negged for unbelievable stupidity.

You mention (all) women in your post and yet you reference girls. Unless you're under the age of 16, your examples above are quite laughable when used as a counterpoint. Few women I know behave that way, so perhaps you need to get out in the world more. And I won't neg you; I don't get hormonal over a difference of opinion :wink:

Reply 33

gagaslilmonsteruk

18

Unless things happened like him having an extra-marital affair or something else that is major, then it's not really normal at all. I mean in those TV shows where they get grounded and so on, the daughter's storm up the stairs, get angry but don't mean what they say.

Reply 34

Kerrias

13

I wouldn't say I hate my father. I do love him and I do appreciate everything he's done for us, but there is a huge clash of personalities. We're not close at all. I stay in my bedroom. He stays in his little PS3 and gaming hut in the garden (literally). And that's that. We only see each other at mealtimes. Then we don't speak. A scowl or a 'shut up' if I'm talking too loudly over his TV show or a dirty look from me if his TV show is too loud for me to hold a conversation and thats the extent of our daily conversation. We argue all the time and our argument are pretty spectacular. He has also said pretty nasty stuff to me.

I think it's pretty common because its harder for a teenage girl and a middle aged man to relate to each other. I would say amongst my friends Dads are like marmite; they either see thier Dads as really cool and nice and get treated like a princess or they feel as if they have nothing besides genes in common with their fathers and just find them impatient and unreasonable.

Reply 35

R4INBOW

13

Original post by philistine

lol, how are you even trying to argue this point?

brb cosmetics
brb hair extensions
brb fake tan
brb fake nails
brb myspace angles
brb whiteknights
brb dieting for the 10th time of the year

Negged for unbelievable stupidity.

And this is why you'll remain single :rolleyes:

Reply 36

philistine

14

Original post by R4INBOW

And this is why you'll remain single :rolleyes:

And that's a bad thing?

Are you retarded?

No, seriously.

Reply 37

emclme

1

Well, I wouldn't say it's normal, but I can understand. Basically I don't really have a relationship with my parents any more, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't forgive them for the things they had done, because they kept on doing it and were never remorseful. When ever I have to see them I feel incredibly uncomfortable and distant, like I can never remember a time when I actually loved or even liked them. I have reasons for hating my parents and I'm sure you do have valid reasons for hating your father, you said that he made comments on you leaving... It doesn't particularly sound like a joke but perhaps it's his idea of one? I can understand how it can bother and upset you, you might get over it one day, but if you don't it's not your fault. Whatever you're feeling is normal, it's not like you hate everyone, it is just your father.

Reply 38

Foghorn Leghorn

16

Normal suggests the frequency of daughters hating their fathers is greater than daughters liking their fathers. So in that sense I would assume no it isn't.

It does happen though.

Reply 39

R4INBOW

13

Original post by philistine

And that's a bad thing?

Are you retarded?

No, seriously.

Do I sound retarded to you? I'm merely pointing out the very foreseeable, pitiful and lonely future that you will face if you continue with your bigotry. You think you speak on behalf of all females? "No, seriously," do you? :wink:

You go on as if men are any different. Have you even seen modern day society? Probably not, as you seem to be a typical keyboard warrior whose only female companion is probably their mother :smile:

Guys can be shallow creatures too and it's pretty arrogant to generalise the entire female species. Keep your unnecessary misogynistic comments to yourself. Your ****ty input is not valued here :rolleyes:

Is it normal for girls to hate their father?

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