Is it normal for girls to hate their father?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 80

Anonymous #8

Original post by Stavid111

You .

this... thread... is 3 years old m9

Reply 81

whorace

A good dad should be hated, people have less respect for those close to them because they take advantage of their generosity, a good authority figure is distant and cold, because that's what we respect and fear.

Reply 82

anitax

Original post by whorace

You sound autistic :h:

Reply 83

whorace

Original post by anitax

You sound autistic :h:

Are you saying I write well?

Reply 84

anitax

@whorace

still autistic :wink:

Reply 85

BrokenLife

Original post by Anonymous

I hate mine, there is no specific reason...he has just never been a positive figure in my life and I have lots of issues with self esteem/my appearance probably due to him. My two best (female) friends also don't get on with their fathers for similar reasons; overly disciplinarian/verbally abusive.

I can't imagine having a Dad I liked, I truly believe i'd be a more well-adjusted person if he hadn't been in my life. It sounds terrible seeing as how he never did anything specific but I can't help feeling this way.

I sometimes think if I ever have a child I don't want the father to be involved because of my experiences, I wouldn't want my child to grow up feeling unloved/unwanted.

Does anyone else understand? Is it normal for girls not to get on with their father? (I have a good relationship with my mum)

OMG OP!! I have finally found someone who understands me!! Whoever you are, please PM me because I'm actually in a worse position than you. I have no attachment with either of my parents. They separated when I was 6 months old. Long story short, I never spent time with them but moved to my Father when I was 11. Since then, my life has become miserable. He's extremely unsupportive. There's nothing like a father in him. He's always mentally, emotionally and verbally torturing and abusing me. Thank god I live on campus on now.

When I tell people I hate my parents, they start assuming stuff about me. However, only I'm aware of the things I've been put through and still facing. I've never lived my mother and wouldn't want to either. I wish to have zero contact with my parents. I still remember growing up as a young teenage girl with no guidance, no father figure even though my father was present. He would verbally abuse me and physically too. Mother? What is that even? I have not even seen her in 7 years. Even as a child I never grew up with her. I have never seen my parents together. Ahhh..sometimes its too much. I feel trapped.

My father's ridiculous abusive behaviour has made me hate men. I don't care if people think I'm being a bad person by painting all men with the same brush. But hey, pause for a sec, I have been living with man for so long and he's the only man I truly know of and his seeing his abusive behaviour since the age of 11 up until 21, I have the right to be negative about men.

If I ever to get into a relationship and decide to have children, I will make sure the father of my children is nothing like my father. I would never want my children to feel fatherless or motherless despite having them. I want to provide everything for my children that my parents never gave me. That for me is love, support, understanding.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 86

whorace

Original post by anitax

@whorace

still autistic :wink:

Reply 87

Hiddenidentity

I’ve always had a rough relationship with my dad, I was really close to him when I was little but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become even more distant from him. I used to see him every weekend when I was younger this was after him and my mother split up when I was three. I only go to his now once every 3-4 months for one night. I’ve never really liked my dad, sometimes and most of the times I feel like I hate him, but I guess I have good reason to, i mean he was always putting me down, constantly telling me to exercise and loose weight (he still does now) heck he even shouted at me and called me fat in front of a load of people when we went swimming, this happened a few years ago, I haven’t gone swimming with him since and I’ve never really truely forgave him, so yeah I guess you could say that I hate my dad, because he is rude, selfish, and an alcholic even though he says he wants to try and drink less.

Reply 88

username3489684

Original post by philistine

All women are insecure, to some degree. Why would you blame your father for this fact?

often times having an emotionally or physically absent father who is verbally abusive can contribute to girls low self esteem. If your dad made you feel secure in yourself when you were younger and taught you what a good man should be like then you will probably have more stable relationships in the future without seeking for validation from men but if opposite then...

she might have daddy issues

spoilt little brat.

No its not
normal, think you need go see a Dr, then to say you wouldn't want the father to get involved if you have kids. Your an utter disgrace

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 91

username1539513

A lot of women I know seem to have issues with their fathers for one reason or another. My own father was physically and verbally abusive to my mother to the point he nearly killed her. He has been alright with me historically but hasn't really bothered about me or my life with the exception of paying CSA money and christmas/ birthday presents. More than what some women get off their dads I guess but I feel the same way as you, if I'd be different

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 92

username3941996

Original post by moles405

No its not
normal, think you need go see a Dr, then to say you wouldn't want the father to get involved if you have kids. Your an utter disgrace

What’s wrong with you? I think you need to look in a mirror before you cast stones

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 93

moles405

Original post by Professional G

What’s wrong with you? I think you need to look in a mirror before you cast stones

She said if she had a kid she wouldn't want the father of her child involved
. So you think that's OK do you. No wonder the world is screwed.

Reply 94

username3941996

Original post by moles405

She said if she had a kid she wouldn't want the father of her child involved
. So you think that's OK do you. No wonder the world is screwed.

Read it again. Sometimes she THINKS, not she knows.
Plus it’s based on her experiences and she’s not even married yet. It’s called trauma. It’s not her fault, it based on what happened in her life.
Maybe it’s you who is screwed.

Reply 95

moles405

I can understand someone hating their mum or dad if they were horrible to them growing up and or if they were horrible to their other parent. But to say if they have a child they wouldn't want the father involved because of their experience how is that acceptable behaviour.

Reply 96

Anonymous #9

Original post by Anonymous

you do need moral support from a fatherly figure if you have kids. from my point of view nobody is perfect and I grew up with a broken home my dad left almost 12 years ago leaving me by myself at 2 and my mum unable to breathe properly. when I turned 6 my mums partner came into my life and turned it around. she not only became my father figure but also a motherly figure. she then eventually left after 9 years but is still around being there and supporting me because broken families mess up a life. not only does it give them problems to trust a lot of people and still be more vulnerable they could still end up having mental issues. like me... I may never forgive my dad for how he abused my mum but I gave him another chance and he blew it.i think if you have kids the father needs a chance to show he isn't going toe the type of person your dad is

Reply 97

Rabbit2

Original post by Anonymous

My experience might add something to the discussion.

I'm a lad; but within the past 3-4 years or so my dad has become increasingly emotionally labile. He is very quick to temper e.g. if anything confuses him he gets angry etc. I've suggested he seeks help because I think he might be developing some kind of dementia - but that suggestion angers him too and we just end up in arguments. During that time, I've also been living away from home and become a much more independent person than before - and I find it difficult to comply with house rules.

After a fair few tussles I've deliberately distanced myself him from him as much as possible. I minimize all conversation and interaction with him (although we live together, we're like strangers in the same house). This was kind of a last resort tactic, because before I was close to him and he was a very proud father. Although all the fights and arguments are over because of avoiding him I'm sad that it has to be like this. But better damage limitation than full blown war.

So I guess I've experienced two sides of the coin - a good and a bad father. But I think overall my dad is allowed to have a few bad years since he was really awesome during the good years - which I hope illustrates how valuable a good father can be. You should definitely actively encourage your partner to get involved if they are a good example as the effect can be profound. You have to also consider that by modern moral standards, the father of a child also has a stake in their development and you may be overstepping your moral ground by not allowing them to fulfil that responsibility.

I guess i had your experiences without the 'awesome' part. Neither of my 'rents' had much education - me dad never finished 8th grade. Me mum finished high school, and then took a little 'secretarial course' - to learn how to be a secretary. That was it! My dad thought that the way to 'motovate' a student was to beat on them. I never found that to work - particularly because if you don't know how to do something, being beaten on doesn't provide knowledge.

Despite me 'rents, i managed to 'do' a uni out of a bachelor's degree in engineering [BSEE], after flunking out of a couple of other unis, and then later - managed to get an earned master's degree in engineering [from another uni]. This was met with total disinterest from me 'rents. They didn't even bother attending my graduation with my master's. Actually, i couldn't have cared less. While finishing up my master's, i figured out how to 'study for grades' - a procedure that - had i known it in grade school - would have reduced my workload by about 4:1, and increased the results quality by about 3:1. Nobody ever tells you how to be a student - they certainly never told me - i had to figure it out for myself. Once i did - things were much easier.

If i had had children, i would have spent considerable time teaching them how to 'be students' - the advantages being that - a> they would have been able to qualify for scholarships, and b> their education would have cost nothing (or next to nothing), plus - c> when they entered the job market, they would have gotten fantastic salary offers, because they would have been getting nearly all "A"s throughout college and uni. The 'how to be a student' works regardless of the course that is being taken. It works because it allows the student to concentrate upon items that are most likely to appear on an exam, and nearly ignore everything else. When i was in school, i persisted in studying things that NEVER appeared on any test - basically wasting my study time. Surprisingly, i showed my technique to my two 'study buddies' in graduate school, and predicted our final exam with it. They didn't like any of my 'candidate' questions - not a one. After the real exam (4 days later), they confronted me on the pavement outside the exam building, and asked "HOW did you do that"?? All of my 5 questions (from my candidate exam) were on the real final exam. There were no other questions on the real exam. Basically i hit the guy 100%. After the exam, our professor came out with the completed exams, saw us on the pavement, and asked how we had done. My buddies said: "Well, we don't know how we did, but he (pointing at me) did GREAT"!! The professor asked "why"? My buddies said: show him Rabbit... I produced my 'sample exam'. The prof was amazed, and said: "But, i only typed ours up this afternoon [this was a night class]. Not to be outdone, i replied: "Well, you should have given me a ring professor, i could have e-mailed it over to you, and saved you the trouble"! He did a double take.. Cheers.

Reply 98

Anonymous #10

I understand. I feel like this too, I don’t have a relationship with my dad and although he’s never done anything wrong in general he always makes comments and keeps on all the time calling me names. He’s got such a bad temper and we fall out so much.

Reply 99

Rabbit2

Well, when you leave home & go off on your own, you won't have to put up with his foolishness any more. I found that was a tremendous relief for me. Me 'rents still kept trying to control me, but i ignored them for the most part. Now, they are both dead, so i am almost totally out of their control (except for the latent programming they installed in me - which i do my best to ignore). Best of luck!! Cheers.