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My "religious" views stop me from committing to my girlfriend

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    I am in my second year of uni and she is in her first. We both like each other a lot and both are Hindu. One reason I'm kind of besotted with her is that I didn't really find anyone in first year, and this year I've changed and she has responded to my change really well. She ticks all of my boxes in the sense that she is pretty, Hindu, Punjabi, clever, understands her religion, traditional, everything really (bar one or two). Some of the boxed she doesn't tick (i.e she's not vegetarian) doesn't matter as she is so respectful of me being vegetarian, she won't eat meat near me, no matter how much I tell her it's fine if she wants. Everything is more or less 'perfect', there's just one thing that's niggling me. She is not my caste. In Hinduism, my caste (Brahmin) is the highest and hers is fairly low.

    My mum was a Brahmin and so was my Grandma and so that means for 2 generations I am "pure" Brahmin. My sister is also going to marry a Brahmin.

    Although there is nothing wrong with this girl's caste being low, as my uncle married someone of a similar caste to this girl and that Aunt is a brilliant Aunt. In fact, her whole family is amazing. It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin. I know you probably shouldn't think like that in these modern times but I really can't help it. I like this girl, a lot, in fact I think I love her, yet there is this one thing that is stopping me from moving things forward with her.

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
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    why did you post this? Everyone is going to bash you. It's probably better you speak to someone who is a Hindi and more understanding.
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    (Original post by yothi5)
    why did you post this? Everyone is going to bash you. It's probably better you speak to someone who is a Hindi and more understanding.
    I assumed there would be some Hindu people here who could help me out. I don't really know anyone to talk to and for me this is a weird subject to speak about, face to face with someone.
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    A brahmin is a species of two headed irradiated cows in fallout :/
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    The Hindu caste system is something that should be in the public eye far more.

    It ruins far more lives than extremist Islam. I'd go as far to say that it's disgusting.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I assumed there would be some Hindu people here who could help me out. I don't really know anyone to talk to and for me this is a weird subject to speak about, face to face with someone.
    It's not weird. I mean if you speak to a Hindu person, they are much more understanding of your issue. So quite frankly they will help you out to an extent
    That's my advice!
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    I just wasted 45 seconds of my life.
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    (Original post by Keckers)
    The Hindu caste system is something that should be in the public eye far more.

    It ruins far more lives than extremist Islam. I'd go as far to say that it's disgusting.
    I'ma give you rep for that (even though I don't particularly agree with the extremist Islam comparison)

    I'd pretty much agree with you being from a hindu background myself. I find it revolting how such a system still exists; and it irritates me that people don't take more notice of it. That's why I hate it when people say I should "be aware of my roots and identity". No thank you. Not when my origins still insist on clinging to such ridiculous notions.
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    Oh for Christ sake grow up. If you really loved her you wouldn't act like an overly superior ****. "I'm a Brahmin. Who cares really? My Hindu family are Kshatriya's but that's irrelevant. Truly, if you loved her you would abandon this "superior" attitude and just give up on the varnas overall it's pretty much flawed to begin with.
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    I think you should break the mould. I don't really like social stratification. Why do we need to be grouped according to our backgrounds (the caste system) why cant we all just be equal.
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    So basically your family is rich and hers is poor? So you can't move forward?

    Wow. I hope she sees this.
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    You can't be so hard on him for this guys, he's acknowledged that he shouldn't feel like this about castes in this day and age but truth is it's so firmly rooted in Indian society that it's gonna be a factor in choosing a life partner, it's our own faults for carrying caste issues around for so long, so we deal with the fall-out from it too.

    Having said that, if you love her as much as you say you do, this shouldn't even be an issue. The fact that it's causing so much of a problem for you maybe means you need to reassess your feelings for this girl, love her you might do but marriage is about more than that, it's compatibility, so if further down the line you think caste would be an issue, don't go further now. If you love her enough to deal with it then that's great. Good luck though
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    I'm speechless! The "say whaaaaaat?" kind of speechless. :eek:

    I honestly did not know that in the 21st century such point of views still exist. Maybe I am ignorant about the whole Hinduism thing. Maybe you don't love her. Maybe you should find someone who is as good as you, because having a girlfriend because she was the only one who wanted you and still complain that she is so unqualified (God, she doesn't tick all the boxes!) must be a pain... To her!

    She deserves better!
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    the girl of my dreams? or conform to a guy sitting on a cloud with an elephant's head?

    ino which i would choose
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I am in my second year of uni and she is in her first. We both like each other a lot and both are Hindu. One reason I'm kind of besotted with her is that I didn't really find anyone in first year, and this year I've changed and she has responded to my change really well. She ticks all of my boxes in the sense that she is pretty, Hindu, Punjabi, clever, understands her religion, traditional, everything really (bar one or two). Some of the boxed she doesn't tick (i.e she's not vegetarian) doesn't matter as she is so respectful of me being vegetarian, she won't eat meat near me, no matter how much I tell her it's fine if she wants. Everything is more or less 'perfect', there's just one thing that's niggling me. She is not my caste. In Hinduism, my caste (Brahmin) is the highest and hers is fairly low.

    My mum was a Brahmin and so was my Grandma and so that means for 2 generations I am "pure" Brahmin. My sister is also going to marry a Brahmin.

    Although there is nothing wrong with this girl's caste being low, as my uncle married someone of a similar caste to this girl and that Aunt is a brilliant Aunt. In fact, her whole family is amazing. It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin. I know you probably shouldn't think like that in these modern times but I really can't help it. I like this girl, a lot, in fact I think I love her, yet there is this one thing that is stopping me from moving things forward with her.

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
    I think it's often important to have the same religious opinions sometimes, but when you don't in relationships, it can cause strife between 2 partners. However, when the religious difference spills into cultural issues such as castes, I think you have to realise that if your love for each other is real, it transcends this mildly arbitrary distinction in differences in people. People generally follow a religion or set of philosophical teachings in order to help them lead good, happy and fulfilled lives, and speaking as a practising Christian, I would like to think that this applies also to me, but what you have to ask yourself, is do you think you will happier or worse off, if you deny the one who it seems could potentially be your soulmate, purely because of a difference in caste. Is there any social or spiritual/religious repercussion to such an action? Surely the good from it would transcend any negatives.
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    Basically, this quote applies directly to you;

    "In the dwelling of the womb, there is no ancestry or social status. All have originated from the Seed of God.
    Tell me, O Pandit, O religious scholar: since when have you been a Brahmin? Don't waste your life by continually claiming to be a Brahmin.
    If you are indeed a Brahmin, born of a Brahmin mother, then why didn't you come (into this world) by some other way?
    How is it that you are a Brahmin, and I am of a low social status? How is it that I am formed of blood (dirty), and you are made of milk (pure)?"

    (Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 324)

    This Caste System thing really needs to go bro, it's just injustice plain and simple
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    (Original post by AwsomePossum)
    A brahmin is a species of two headed irradiated cows in fallout :/
    Click image for larger version. 

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    All I could think of.


    She sounds like an awesome person. Though it also seems that if you do marry her, 5, 10 years down the line you'll have a big argument and bring this up, and it'll hurt her a lot. Just something to think about.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I assumed there would be some Hindu people here who could help me out. I don't really know anyone to talk to and for me this is a weird subject to speak about, face to face with someone.
    Having been brought up as a Hindu, I can tell you that you are attempting to continue a system that promotes segregation and discrimination of millions of people. There is absolutely nothing to be proud of.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I assumed there would be some Hindu people here who could help me out.
    I'm Hindu and I'm going to try and help you here. You are an idiot, and frankly you need to get your head out of your freaking ass and realise that this cast bull **** is the most stupidest thing in the world. Anyone could have been born into a lower cast and it's just freaking stupid; it shouldn't even be a factor worth thinking about.
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    Its kind of wrong to call yourself a brahmin if you do not possess the qualities, the indian society has brought up this whole garbage that you are a brahmin if you're born from a brahmin, whereas hinduism clearly states it is due to ones qualities that they are classified as either a brahmin or etc.

    Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.11.35
    yasya yal laksanam proktam
    pumso varnabhivyanjakam
    yad anyatrapi drsyeta
    tat tenaiva vinirdiset

    SYNONYMS

    yasya--of whom; yat--which; laksanam--symptom; proktam--described (above); pumsah--of a person; varna-abhivyanjakam--indicating the classification (brahmana, ksatriya, vaisya, sudra, etc.); yat--if; anyatra--elsewhere; api--also; drsyeta--is seen; tat--that; tena--by that symptom; eva--certainly; vinirdiset--one should designate.

    TRANSLATION

    If one shows the symptoms of being a brahmana, ksatriya, vaisya or sudra, as described above, even if he has appeared in a different class, he should be accepted according to those symptoms of classification.
    Basically don't say your religion is stopping you from committing to your girlfriend when its either your false ego of thinking that your from a superior background (though it doesn't sound like it), or you are worried about what your indian community (which is why a lot still obey this caste system) will think of you marrying her.

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