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My "religious" views stop me from committing to my girlfriend

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    I think she'd be better off without you. I respect your religion entirely but I get the impression you're acting more out of concern for your appearance to others than out of genuine concern for your religion. That's a quality I despise and I hope she has the self-respect to see it too.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin.
    Seems to me that you love being Brahmin more than you love her.

    This leaves two options.

    1. Swallow your pride and commit to her 100%
    or
    2. Dump her and stop stringing her along

    <3 x
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    Surely if you were lower down than her you'd be moaning that she thought she was above you?
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    Oh dear.
    If brahmins are supposed to be big headed snobby people like you then Id rather be of a "lower" caste...
    also do her a favour by dumping her, she is going to hate being with you when she finds out what kind of a mentality you have.
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    Also, she is probably the closest match you will find, the only other option (someone who ticks all the religious boxes) will have to be your cousins...awkward
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    (Original post by SaintSoldier)
    Basically, this quote applies directly to you;

    "In the dwelling of the womb, there is no ancestry or social status. All have originated from the Seed of God.
    Tell me, O Pandit, O religious scholar: since when have you been a Brahmin? Don't waste your life by continually claiming to be a Brahmin.
    If you are indeed a Brahmin, born of a Brahmin mother, then why didn't you come (into this world) by some other way?
    How is it that you are a Brahmin, and I am of a low social status? How is it that I am formed of blood (dirty), and you are made of milk (pure)?"

    (Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 324)

    This Caste System thing really needs to go bro, it's just injustice plain and simple
    isn't that quote from sikhism? interesting.
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    You do realise that castes aren't actually real, tangible things? That she is a "lower caste" doesnt make her ANY different whatsoever. She could be a brahmin and have the exact same genetic complement, the exact same personality, interests, values etc. and the only difference is that small minded people like you would call her "brahmin". The caste system is a shameful form of discrimination and oppression and there is absolutely no pride to be taken from perpetuating it. What caste you are born into is absolute accident of your birth. It is completely meaningless and it does NOT make you any better than someone of a lower class.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I am in my second year of uni and she is in her first. We both like each other a lot and both are Hindu. One reason I'm kind of besotted with her is that I didn't really find anyone in first year, and this year I've changed and she has responded to my change really well. She ticks all of my boxes in the sense that she is pretty, Hindu, Punjabi, clever, understands her religion, traditional, everything really (bar one or two). Some of the boxed she doesn't tick (i.e she's not vegetarian) doesn't matter as she is so respectful of me being vegetarian, she won't eat meat near me, no matter how much I tell her it's fine if she wants. Everything is more or less 'perfect', there's just one thing that's niggling me. She is not my caste. In Hinduism, my caste (Brahmin) is the highest and hers is fairly low.

    My mum was a Brahmin and so was my Grandma and so that means for 2 generations I am "pure" Brahmin. My sister is also going to marry a Brahmin.

    Although there is nothing wrong with this girl's caste being low, as my uncle married someone of a similar caste to this girl and that Aunt is a brilliant Aunt. In fact, her whole family is amazing. It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin. I know you probably shouldn't think like that in these modern times but I really can't help it. I like this girl, a lot, in fact I think I love her, yet there is this one thing that is stopping me from moving things forward with her.

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
    You should let her go. Hopefully she'll find someone who isn't as ignorant, regressive and simple as yourself. Real talk.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I am in my second year of uni and she is in her first. We both like each other a lot and both are Hindu. One reason I'm kind of besotted with her is that I didn't really find anyone in first year, and this year I've changed and she has responded to my change really well. She ticks all of my boxes in the sense that she is pretty, Hindu, Punjabi, clever, understands her religion, traditional, everything really (bar one or two). Some of the boxed she doesn't tick (i.e she's not vegetarian) doesn't matter as she is so respectful of me being vegetarian, she won't eat meat near me, no matter how much I tell her it's fine if she wants. Everything is more or less 'perfect', there's just one thing that's niggling me. She is not my caste. In Hinduism, my caste (Brahmin) is the highest and hers is fairly low.

    My mum was a Brahmin and so was my Grandma and so that means for 2 generations I am "pure" Brahmin. My sister is also going to marry a Brahmin.

    Although there is nothing wrong with this girl's caste being low, as my uncle married someone of a similar caste to this girl and that Aunt is a brilliant Aunt. In fact, her whole family is amazing. It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin. I know you probably shouldn't think like that in these modern times but I really can't help it. I like this girl, a lot, in fact I think I love her, yet there is this one thing that is stopping me from moving things forward with her.

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
    Dude, I understand your story completely. I'm muslim bengali, and coming from a high caste myself (talukdar/land lord)- theres always pressure on us to keep our castes pure. Have you ever thought to yourself, that there are other hindu girls that could be of a higher caste than her and your still young- therefore you could always look around more.
    On the other hand- she sounds like someone who is rarely found these days, with culture and religious understanding as well- she could always learn Punjabi. I'm guessing your family would be okay with it as well because of your uncle- if the hearts pure, then why should caste matter?
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    There will always be things that aren't perfect in a relationship.

    I don't really understand the whole caste thing (altho it does seem to reduce the chances of finding the 'perfect' girl by a million percent) so I can't help with that but if you love her then go for it! At the end of the day, she sounds like she has wonderful qualities, and would you regret giving her up just for this system?
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)
    I am in my second year of uni and she is in her first. We both like each other a lot and both are Hindu. One reason I'm kind of besotted with her is that I didn't really find anyone in first year, and this year I've changed and she has responded to my change really well. She ticks all of my boxes in the sense that she is pretty, Hindu, Punjabi, clever, understands her religion, traditional, everything really (bar one or two). Some of the boxed she doesn't tick (i.e she's not vegetarian) doesn't matter as she is so respectful of me being vegetarian, she won't eat meat near me, no matter how much I tell her it's fine if she wants. Everything is more or less 'perfect', there's just one thing that's niggling me. She is not my caste. In Hinduism, my caste (Brahmin) is the highest and hers is fairly low.

    My mum was a Brahmin and so was my Grandma and so that means for 2 generations I am "pure" Brahmin. My sister is also going to marry a Brahmin.

    Although there is nothing wrong with this girl's caste being low, as my uncle married someone of a similar caste to this girl and that Aunt is a brilliant Aunt. In fact, her whole family is amazing. It's just the fact that I love this aspect of being a "pure Brahmin" and the status it has with my extended family and other members of our community. I want to carry that on. It was one of the main things I was going to look for in a wife, yet this girl I have found isn't Brahmin. I know you probably shouldn't think like that in these modern times but I really can't help it. I like this girl, a lot, in fact I think I love her, yet there is this one thing that is stopping me from moving things forward with her.

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
    Unlike others, I'm not going to lambaste you. While I do not agree with you, your religion seems very important to you.

    Personally, she seems like a lovely person. But I get the feeling that you'll never feel happy with her because of the caste issue. I think you should get over it/yourself, as she seems to tick all the boxes, but if you can't get over that one thing and be happy, then maybe it would be best to move on
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    (Original post by buj)
    isn't that quote from sikhism? interesting.
    It is, yes :yes:
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    (Original post by SaintSoldier)
    It is, yes :yes:
    I'm curious as to why it would mention something so specific to Hinduism when the Holy book is addressing Sikhs?
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    My only requirement is that the girl has a vagina and somehow I have less success than you.
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    (Original post by buj)
    I'm curious as to why it would mention something so specific to Hinduism when the Holy book is addressing Sikhs?
    Because Sikhism was founded in India, which is still mostly Hindu.

    Most of the original Sikhs were born into Hindu families and then converted to Sikhism (due to the point I mentioned above).

    The Caste System is tyrannical, no matter what religion you are.

    Also, the Guru Granth sahib is addressed to the whole of humanity, not just the Sikhs. It refers to Muslims and Jains as well (and a little bit to Jews/Christans too)
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    If she's as great as you say, you really don't deserve her.
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    Op should be fed to sharks. **** your caste system.
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    Somethings to consider about Hinduism and the caste system:

    Hinduism stems from the Vedic texts and culture. Vedic texts place little important on the caste system and definitely do not consider it a part of their teaching. Even then a caste is deemed by one's profession and is not something you are born into. The system itself is more cultural than religious kinda like the Burqa and Islam.

    My advice to you is take a good look at what you consider to be your religion. Additionally, think about who is really bothered by her caste and language skills. You or your family/community? If it's the latter then go ahead and commit.
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    (Original post by claret_n_blue)

    As well as this, the area in Punjab where she is from is different to the area where I am from and it seems like when she speaks Punjabi (due to the different dialect), it sounds like she can't really speak it and it is slightly embarrassing for me if I bring home a girl who can't speak her mother tongue. One thing I wanted from my children was to A) Speak good Punjabi (as most kids nowadays can't speak their own language) and B) Have a good grasp of Hinduism. Although this girl will be able to help with the second part, she won't be so good on the first, especially if we speak different dialects.

    What do you guys think? What should I do?
    I'm not Hindu so I apologise if this is ignorant of me to ask, but I don't understand the bolded parts. Could you not just teach your future children Punjabi yourself?
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    I think you're better off talking to fellow Hindus about this. Given that your concerns are analogous in British culture to an upper class man having concerns about a marrying a lower class woman and feeling embarrassed about taking her home to his family because she has a more common accent, you're unlikely to receive a lot of sympathy here. I think that a lot of people quite rightly don't have much time for people who accept and enforce systems which try to categorise certain groups of people as less valuable, regardless of their religious origins.

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Updated: April 13, 2012
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