[infairverona]

Never mind!

[nulli tertius]

(Original post by infairverona)
I started studying Law at Southampton in September and aside from the first few weeks, the whole experience is making me extremely unhappy. I didn't get halls as it was my insurance choice which means I haven't had the chance of making friends properly. I dont get on with the people I live with at all, they all study biochem or biomed and just arent my kind of people. I know this would be the same for some people in halls but at the same time I'm sure there would be some people in halls that I would've got on with. I haven't made many friends on my course either and as a result I haven't been "out" e.g clubbing, since October. I know I must sound like a reclusive weirdo but at home I have lots of friends and go out lots, so I don't know what's gone wrong at uni. I also hate my course, I feel it's very badly taught and I'm struggling to keep up with the masses upon masses of reading each week.

Basically I just wondered if anyone else has been in this position, and at what point do you realise that you need to drop out? My parents would be incredibly angry but I don't know how much longer I can stay there. The people I'm meant to be living with next year are second and third years as well because as I said, I don't really have any friends to move in with so I just think next year will be equally as bad. Help please?

Do other people on your course think the course is badly taught, particularly anyone with previous experience of higher education?

If not, then the chances are that you are not cut out for the way a traditional law degree is taught.

You need to think about whether you would do better at one of the few universities that teach law in an unorthodox manner or whether law is not for you.

[evantej]

(Original post by infairverona)
I started studying Law at Southampton in September and aside from the first few weeks, the whole experience is making me extremely unhappy. I didn't get halls as it was my insurance choice which means I haven't had the chance of making friends properly. I dont get on with the people I live with at all, they all study biochem or biomed and just arent my kind of people. I know this would be the same for some people in halls but at the same time I'm sure there would be some people in halls that I would've got on with. I haven't made many friends on my course either and as a result I haven't been "out" e.g clubbing, since October. I know I must sound like a reclusive weirdo but at home I have lots of friends and go out lots, so I don't know what's gone wrong at uni. I also hate my course, I feel it's very badly taught and I'm struggling to keep up with the masses upon masses of reading each week.

Basically I just wondered if anyone else has been in this position, and at what point do you realise that you need to drop out? My parents would be incredibly angry but I don't know how much longer I can stay there. The people I'm meant to be living with next year are second and third years as well because as I said, I don't really have any friends to move in with so I just think next year will be equally as bad. Help please?

I am unsure why nulli tertius focused on your programme when the issue is clearly the social side of university.

Staying for your parents will not work out in the long run; but dropping out may not be the best thing to do either, depending upon local circumstances back home (e.g. how much money you have and whether you can get a job).

I would say everyone feels lonely at university at some point, even those surrounded by people. A lot of the relationships you forge are quite superficial and realising it and dealing with it is something most people try to avoid; it all falls to bits when everyone graduates, moves back home and no one keeps in touch.

So far as advice is concerned, two things stand out: take a class in something completely new to you (e.g. martial arts) and put yourself out there in terms of finding a partner. The first will give you some structured time away from your course and house mates, the opportunity to meet completely different people, and you can always socialise with these people. The second has the potential to negate the friend problem altogether. A good partner will spend lots of time with you, and introduce you to their friends.

[nulli tertius]

(Original post by evantej)
I am unsure why nulli tertius focused on your programme when the issue is clearly the social side of university.

Because that's the bit I feel able to comment on.

The OP did say:

I also hate my course, I feel it's very badly taught and I'm struggling to keep up with the masses upon masses of reading each week.

The last bit is a not untypical comment from people struggling with law.

[MakesMeWonder]

Join societies, get yourself out there. You said yourself you're not getting out much, it may help?

[rougelipstick]

(Original post by infairverona)
I started studying Law at Southampton in September and aside from the first few weeks, the whole experience is making me extremely unhappy. I didn't get halls as it was my insurance choice which means I haven't had the chance of making friends properly. I dont get on with the people I live with at all, they all study biochem or biomed and just arent my kind of people. I know this would be the same for some people in halls but at the same time I'm sure there would be some people in halls that I would've got on with. I haven't made many friends on my course either and as a result I haven't been "out" e.g clubbing, since October. I know I must sound like a reclusive weirdo but at home I have lots of friends and go out lots, so I don't know what's gone wrong at uni. I also hate my course, I feel it's very badly taught and I'm struggling to keep up with the masses upon masses of reading each week.

Basically I just wondered if anyone else has been in this position, and at what point do you realise that you need to drop out? My parents would be incredibly angry but I don't know how much longer I can stay there. The people I'm meant to be living with next year are second and third years as well because as I said, I don't really have any friends to move in with so I just think next year will be equally as bad. Help please?

Your university should have a support service, maybe talking through it with a counsellor will help you to see the good points in your situation and help you properly think through what to do- dropping out is a life changing decision. I was really unsure and uncomfortable about talking to a counsellor at first but at universities they are trained to help with this exact sort of issue and are neutral so will give you help to reach the decision yourself.

[infairverona]

It's too late in the year now to join societies really, we finish in May.

When I said the course is badly taught I meant because we have very poor lecturers in some areas e.g. one who is barely capable of English and another who nobody understands, and the older students have agreed. We seem to get given reams of reading but little instruction with it. For example, a few weeks ago I printed out 5 lengthy extracts from books with a whole A4 page of questions, yet the tutorial itself is only 45 minutes long so obviously, everything doesn't get covered.

I just don't know whether next year will be better or not, I don't think I will pass the year now because I'm so unhappy and struggling so much, nor do I particularly want to stay seeing as I don't have any close friends there. My friends from home who have gone to other unis and DID get halls love uni so I think not getting halls was the main cause of this but obviously there's nothing I can do about it now.

[Aramiss18]

(Original post by infairverona)
My friends from home who have gone to other unis and DID get halls love uni so I think not getting halls was the main cause of this but obviously there's nothing I can do about it now.

For one reason or another I didn't get into halls either and I had a similar experience and I think I know how you feel

In fact, academically I struggled in my first year too due to the semi-depression of thinking I was missing out on something meaning I had no interest in my course.

My advice would be, as people have said, to literally throw yourself out there and meet people because that's what is making you sad and causing your problems. You're obviously academically capable and coming to the end of my third year at University I think I've come across very few people accepted onto my course (chemistry) that struggle due to not being intelligent/academically capable - it's always personal problems.

That being said my primary concern for you is the housing situation next year so the cycle doesn't repeat. It's hard to remedy this situation when you're short of friends but friends of friends may need another person due to a drop out so you kind of have to be persistent and keep looking. Luck is needed too. Check gumtree and of course- FACEBOOK. On our university portal there's a section where people advertise spare rooms and things- perhaps Soton has the same thing.

If that gets sorted then definitely get involved in societies.

I've kind of rambled but hope I've helped somewhat.

Goodluck.

[infairverona]

(Original post by Aramiss18)
For one reason or another I didn't get into halls either and I had a similar experience and I think I know how you feel

In fact, academically I struggled in my first year too due to the semi-depression of thinking I was missing out on something meaning I had no interest in my course.

My advice would be, as people have said, to literally throw yourself out there and meet people because that's what is making you sad and causing your problems. You're obviously academically capable and coming to the end of my third year at University I think I've come across very few people accepted onto my course (chemistry) that struggle due to not being intelligent/academically capable - it's always personal problems.

That being said my primary concern for you is the housing situation next year so the cycle doesn't repeat. It's hard to remedy this situation when you're short of friends but friends of friends may need another person due to a drop out so you kind of have to be persistent and keep looking. Luck is needed too. Check gumtree and of course- FACEBOOK. On our university portal there's a section where people advertise spare rooms and things- perhaps Soton has the same thing.

If that gets sorted then definitely get involved in societies.

I've kind of rambled but hope I've helped somewhat.

Goodluck.

I used the Soton house finding thing to find these people, theyre all nice but they're going into the third year so after they've gone I'm worried I'll be back in the same situation the year after

[Aramiss18]

(Original post by infairverona)
I used the Soton house finding thing to find these people, theyre all nice but they're going into the third year so after they've gone I'm worried I'll be back in the same situation the year after

Could you not use it again to find a new group? Living with the current group doesn't seem to be working.

[infairverona]

(Original post by Aramiss18)
Could you not use it again to find a new group? Living with the current group doesn't seem to be working.

Oh I don't live with them yet, they're people from 2nd year currently. The people I live with now are awful. I don't really know the next lot of people, just found them on the website because they needed one more person

[evantej]

(Original post by nulli tertius)
Because that's the bit I feel able to comment on.

The OP did say:

The last bit is a not untypical comment from people struggling with law.

LOL. I completely missed (or rather overlooked) the bit about struggling with the subject! My apologises.

[RobertWhite]

(Original post by infairverona)
I used the Soton house finding thing to find these people, theyre all nice but they're going into the third year so after they've gone I'm worried I'll be back in the same situation the year after

Hey, I understand how you feel. I'm not the most sociable person in the world but my flat is and the other flats and people we associate with when we go out. We're all first year students and live in Glen Eyre Chancellor's Court. If you like you could come out with us sometime? You can either meet me at some point or just come straight over. It wouldn't be weird, my flat have different people over all the time. I would just tell them you're a friend of mine.

I have no idea what kind of a person you are but I'm sure you'd get on with them all.

[hwalusimo1]

(Original post by infairverona)
-

I know EXACTLY how you feel because I am in that situation at the moment, and it even affected my studies because I wasn't attending lectures or handing in assignments due to my unhappiness at my uni. I went through clearing, even though when I got my a-level results I wanted to stay at college and boost my grades, but still went to uni cos I was pressured to. As a result I always felt as though I didn't belong in my uni because I, deep down, knew that I could have been at a better one. I dont know if that makes any sense? lol

At the moment, I'm planning to transfer to a different uni to re-take my 2nd year as I heard it's better for my course. Maybe you could look into transferring to a different uni? Not saying it's a DEFINITE solution to your problem, but you could give it a shot?

Good luck with everything

[NaomiB93]

Have a look on SASSH.com. It's where people can post if they're looking for housemates etc next year, so you can find like minded people, so hopefully it'll be a more enjoyable experience!

Also try joining some societies, and meeting people that way?

[sammyria]

(Original post by infairverona)
It's too late in the year now to join societies really, we finish in May.

When I said the course is badly taught I meant because we have very poor lecturers in some areas e.g. one who is barely capable of English and another who nobody understands, and the older students have agreed. We seem to get given reams of reading but little instruction with it. For example, a few weeks ago I printed out 5 lengthy extracts from books with a whole A4 page of questions, yet the tutorial itself is only 45 minutes long so obviously, everything doesn't get covered.

I just don't know whether next year will be better or not, I don't think I will pass the year now because I'm so unhappy and struggling so much, nor do I particularly want to stay seeing as I don't have any close friends there. My friends from home who have gone to other unis and DID get halls love uni so I think not getting halls was the main cause of this but obviously there's nothing I can do about it now.

I get what you mean about the course but I think you just need to try and stick with it. I've had this sort of experience all through my education, hell I took last year out and self taught for A-Level retakes.

The concerns we all have have been voiced to Callum and the course reps, so there isn't really any more we can do about that. Have you tried speaking to your LSR and Criminal tutors? My LSR is pretty obtuse but the criminal guy was really helpful with this critical perspectives stuff before we broke up.

I'd say if you have time this holiday, once you've managed to get the essays out of the way, have a look over your notes and the text books and make note of any particular areas that you need to work on. Like ones you think you could get with a bit of reading, and then others which you're completely lost on. Then take the ones your really struggling with to your tutors and see if they can help. We've only got a couple more contract tutorials, and at least one of those is revision so I'd bring up any contract related issues sooner rather than later.

With regards to the social side I understand what you mean but a lot of people are in your position. The fact that you didn't get halls isn't too much of an issue, to be honest I never speak with my flatmates, and the halls I'm in aren't social so I don't really know anyone in my halls. I've made a really good friend in my tutorial group, but that took a while. You need to get to know what everyone is like and who you think you'll get on with best. At the start of the year I sat with a completely different group of people but they weren't really my sort of people so as I got know different people I switched groups- ok not really groups seeing as including me we are a threesome that sit together, but I suppose anything more than one is a group. It takes time to get to know people and find out who suits you.

Outside the course I've really only got one close friend, and I'm living with them and their flatmates next year. I'm not a clubbing sort of person so I didn't do a lot during freshers but I met this person at one thing I did go to. I don't really know any of the other people I'll be living with next year, I've met them a couple of times but I don't think it really matters. We don't know who will be staying in the house the year after, we all might decide we don't want to live together. I don't think you should worry too much, everyone is on such different timetables if you don't get on it's not too hard to avoid people.

One thing I have found on our course is that a lot of people are quite anti-social. In one of the first few weeks I got to our lecture really early, before anyone I knew so I sat slap bang in the middle of a row on my own. And what did people do? They left empty seats either side of me!

I'd say don't fret too much about the social side of things for now, try to get out to some things if you fancy but don't force yourself because you won't have fun. I'd try to focus on the academic side of things, see if you can sort yourself out in that respect then at least you have one thing going, you can make it to September without too many friends but if you don't pass you won't be coming back.

I plan to join all of the societies I was too scared to at the start of next year and make a real effort to get to know some more people. I don't know if our tutor groups change next year but we might get to meet different people that way.

Or you can always just try to tag onto a group. God knows me and my friends wish people would be a bit more welcoming instead of being content to sit in their little groups- and we're all too shy to introduce ourselves. Why not just go up to a group of people in lectures, ask if the seat next to them is free and introduce yourself if it bothers you. There are plenty of people who sit on their own why not just take the leap, I know I sat there for the whole of that lecture wishing someone had spoken to me...

Damn this turned out long! Oh well the long and short of it, don't worry, but if it really bothers you try to take the leap. Good luck with everything, maybe I'll see you in lectures.

I must stop procrasinating with my essays now.

[infairverona]

(Original post by sammyria)
I get what you mean about the course but I think you just need to try and stick with it. I've had this sort of experience all through my education, hell I took last year out and self taught for A-Level retakes.

The concerns we all have have been voiced to Callum and the course reps, so there isn't really any more we can do about that. Have you tried speaking to your LSR and Criminal tutors? My LSR is pretty obtuse but the criminal guy was really helpful with this critical perspectives stuff before we broke up.

I'd say if you have time this holiday, once you've managed to get the essays out of the way, have a look over your notes and the text books and make note of any particular areas that you need to work on. Like ones you think you could get with a bit of reading, and then others which you're completely lost on. Then take the ones your really struggling with to your tutors and see if they can help. We've only got a couple more contract tutorials, and at least one of those is revision so I'd bring up any contract related issues sooner rather than later.

With regards to the social side I understand what you mean but a lot of people are in your position. The fact that you didn't get halls isn't too much of an issue, to be honest I never speak with my flatmates, and the halls I'm in aren't social so I don't really know anyone in my halls. I've made a really good friend in my tutorial group, but that took a while. You need to get to know what everyone is like and who you think you'll get on with best. At the start of the year I sat with a completely different group of people but they weren't really my sort of people so as I got know different people I switched groups- ok not really groups seeing as including me we are a threesome that sit together, but I suppose anything more than one is a group. It takes time to get to know people and find out who suits you.

Outside the course I've really only got one close friend, and I'm living with them and their flatmates next year. I'm not a clubbing sort of person so I didn't do a lot during freshers but I met this person at one thing I did go to. I don't really know any of the other people I'll be living with next year, I've met them a couple of times but I don't think it really matters. We don't know who will be staying in the house the year after, we all might decide we don't want to live together. I don't think you should worry too much, everyone is on such different timetables if you don't get on it's not too hard to avoid people.

One thing I have found on our course is that a lot of people are quite anti-social. In one of the first few weeks I got to our lecture really early, before anyone I knew so I sat slap bang in the middle of a row on my own. And what did people do? They left empty seats either side of me!

I'd say don't fret too much about the social side of things for now, try to get out to some things if you fancy but don't force yourself because you won't have fun. I'd try to focus on the academic side of things, see if you can sort yourself out in that respect then at least you have one thing going, you can make it to September without too many friends but if you don't pass you won't be coming back.

I plan to join all of the societies I was too scared to at the start of next year and make a real effort to get to know some more people. I don't know if our tutor groups change next year but we might get to meet different people that way.

Or you can always just try to tag onto a group. God knows me and my friends wish people would be a bit more welcoming instead of being content to sit in their little groups- and we're all too shy to introduce ourselves. Why not just go up to a group of people in lectures, ask if the seat next to them is free and introduce yourself if it bothers you. There are plenty of people who sit on their own why not just take the leap, I know I sat there for the whole of that lecture wishing someone had spoken to me...

Damn this turned out long! Oh well the long and short of it, don't worry, but if it really bothers you try to take the leap. Good luck with everything, maybe I'll see you in lectures.

I must stop procrasinating with my essays now.

Hey are you a first year? Our tutor groups do change next year so that might help us out hopefully!

[infairverona]

(Original post by RobertWhite)
Hey, I understand how you feel. I'm not the most sociable person in the world but my flat is and the other flats and people we associate with when we go out. We're all first year students and live in Glen Eyre Chancellor's Court. If you like you could come out with us sometime? You can either meet me at some point or just come straight over. It wouldn't be weird, my flat have different people over all the time. I would just tell them you're a friend of mine.

I have no idea what kind of a person you are but I'm sure you'd get on with them all.

Hey, did you go to Wilsons by any chance? I see you live in Cheam...I went to wallington girls and just fb'd your name (sorry) and if you did then I have like a zillion mutual friends with you haha!

[Stressworthy]

(Original post by infairverona)
It's too late in the year now to join societies really, we finish in May.

When I said the course is badly taught I meant because we have very poor lecturers in some areas e.g. one who is barely capable of English and another who nobody understands, and the older students have agreed. We seem to get given reams of reading but little instruction with it. For example, a few weeks ago I printed out 5 lengthy extracts from books with a whole A4 page of questions, yet the tutorial itself is only 45 minutes long so obviously, everything doesn't get covered.

I just don't know whether next year will be better or not, I don't think I will pass the year now because I'm so unhappy and struggling so much, nor do I particularly want to stay seeing as I don't have any close friends there. My friends from home who have gone to other unis and DID get halls love uni so I think not getting halls was the main cause of this but obviously there's nothing I can do about it now.

I see your point about halls, but sometimes people manage to make a good group of friends from their course or societies or something as well. If you're unhappy and struggling and genuinely don't think you'll pass, I'd seek help. Have you spoken to your personal tutor about how you're feeling? Part of the problem is sometimes admitting to someone else that we have a problem and trying to fix it, but it appears you are fully aware that things aren't going well rather than losing a grip on reality, which is always a good start. Don't stick it out just for your parents, though - it's just unnecessary stress on your part. Perhaps a bit of time out of education, even if just for a year with part-time work and whatnot will help you really reassess your options and decide what's best for you. Then you can have a fresh start.

[Stressworthy]

(Original post by hwalusimo1)
I know EXACTLY how you feel because I am in that situation at the moment, and it even affected my studies because I wasn't attending lectures or handing in assignments due to my unhappiness at my uni. I went through clearing, even though when I got my a-level results I wanted to stay at college and boost my grades, but still went to uni cos I was pressured to. As a result I always felt as though I didn't belong in my uni because I, deep down, knew that I could have been at a better one. I dont know if that makes any sense? lol

makes complete sense as plenty end up in a similar position. it's a shame, but it's all character-building and helps you work out where you want to be in the end... as long as you end up where you want to be, it'll be worth it