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Would you marry outside your social class ?

Just as the title says .

Would you marry outside your social class ?

If not explain why .

I have a friend who is middle class who divorced her ex husband who is working class and the reason for that was she said that when it came to education she felt he did't value it as much as her .

Anyway begin

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If I really loved them then It wouldn't matter. However, I find that I am usually attracted to people from my class because I find intellectual girls attractive.
Yeah, definitely. I think it's silly to judge people from different classes, although you tend to find that people stick to within their class because there may be certain similarities GENERALLY - such as your example of similar opinions on education, or similar views on politics. I wouldn't ever not marry someone BECAUSE they are from a different class, but I'm sure that in some cases, there may be issues which arise because they may have views which could be generalised with a certain class (although of course, you'll get people of all views in every class. I'm just saying you may have more of one view in one class and more of another view in another class).

So yeah, would definitely happily marry someone from another class.
I think different countries have different 'social classes'. In some, the upper classes represent the elite of practically everything, whereas the lower classes are very much falling behind. In other countries, such as the well-developed Scandinavian ones, there are practically no working class. Almost everyone has an education, and there is no actual 'upper class' - there is a financial elite and a cultural elite, but they are not necessarily the same people. Which means that just because someone's well off, it doesn't mean they have good taste or a sense of culture (although they most likely have more than the complete opposite end).

I'm not British, but from my experience with England so far, I'd say I'd be more comfortable with someone from an upper middle background or so. It's a combination of things - similar lifestyle, interests, someone who's family would match mine etc. The English aristocracy seem like a strange little group to me, and I don't really feel the need to participate in that. In other countries such as France, I'd be comfortable dating the upper middle or upper class - to the French, the gap is mostly in culture and education.
I can add I would never reject someone solely based on what their parents earn or where they were born etc., if they are otherwise a good match. It just happens that you cannot date everybody, everybody's interested in saving their time and emotional energy with the opposite sex, and you don't go looking for someone you are unlikely to be a good fit with just to prove you're politically correct or tolerant. At least I wouldn't. I can support myself and would never expect a boyfriend to pay for me or be the one to fund a house, but I'd prefer someone to be able to take care of their share. I'll be able to pay a decent amount for an apartment, and obviously I'd love someone who could go in 50/50 with me.
Reply 4
Original post by Aconcernedparent
I can add I would never reject someone solely based on what their parents earn or where they were born etc., if they are otherwise a good match. It just happens that you cannot date everybody, everybody's interested in saving their time and emotional energy with the opposite sex, and you don't go looking for someone you are unlikely to be a good fit with just to prove you're politically correct or tolerant. At least I wouldn't. I can support myself and would never expect a boyfriend to pay for me or be the one to fund a house, but I'd prefer someone to be able to take care of their share. I'll be able to pay a decent amount for an apartment, and obviously I'd love someone who could go in 50/50 with me.


This is pretty much nail on head for me - I'm not interested in class, per se, rather I'm interested in compatible lifestyles/ambitions/opportunities. I'm more likely to find that in my own sphere (though the class boundaries can be fairly blurred around the middle/upper-middle class levels), as it were. Yes, there's exceptions to every rule, but I'm not going to date 100 labourers just to find the one worker who is interested in the same things as I am.. Waste of time.
Reply 5
Original post by Mishmashmoo
If I really loved them then It wouldn't matter. However, I find that I am usually attracted to people from my class because I find intellectual girls attractive.


Are you trying to say only one class can be considered intellectual? I presume your middle class. I can assure you that there are working class girls who are intellectual as well.

OP - I don't really buy into the idea of marriage, but an individual's class doesn't change my perception of them and wouldn't prevent me forming a relationship with them.
Of course I can but the point is, you're more likely to find a suitable partner from someone of the same social class as you, of course there are exceptions.
I feel like I'd need to know what my social class was in order to understand the question. What class is someone who grew up in the suburbs, went to an average state school followed by an awful state 6th form followed by Cambridge, who has an unemployed father and a mother working part time on minimum wage, who is unemployed but previously worked as a software developer, and who has friends who were primarily educated at grammar schools or private schools?
Threads like this really bug me.

Why does a persons class, race, age, gender etc matter? If you are attracted to someone, you like them and you want to be with them and vice versa, then none of the above matter in the slightest.

Some people just need to take the pole from out of their bum and realise there's so much more to life.
Reply 9
I don't see the issue here, it's a free world, people can be prejudiced in dating if they choose.

Some people just need to take the pole from out of their bum and realise there's so much more to life.


The LORD has spoken. Who are you to say what dating standards people can have?
Reply 10
Original post by Vikki1805
Why does a persons class, race, age, gender etc matter?

This thread isn't about race, age, gender or "etc". It's about class. Now, class has various definitions, however if you take it by the basic dictionary definition (forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits) I can't really see what is wrong with having a preference for people of your own class. Narrowing your dating pool makes life easier when you have hundreds of people to choose from. Having a similar ideology to your partner is hugely important, and that is more likely to occur when you have a similar upbringing/social class.

Original post by Vikki1805
If you are attracted to someone, you like them and you want to be with them and vice versa, then none of the above matter in the slightest.

Well.. Obviously. However, people naturally have preferences that may mean they are simply not attracted to a particular age, gender or race etc.. That's not a bad thing, nor is it sexist, racist, or ageist. Attraction is instinctive.
Original post by alawhisp
This thread isn't about race, age, gender or "etc". It's about class. Now, class has various definitions, however if you take it by the basic dictionary definition (forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits) I can't really see what is wrong with having a preference for people of your own class. Narrowing your dating pool makes life easier when you have hundreds of people to choose from. Having a similar ideology to your partner is hugely important, and that is more likely to occur when you have a similar upbringing/social class.


Well.. Obviously. However, people naturally have preferences that may mean they are simply not attracted to a particular age, gender or race etc.. That's not a bad thing, nor is it sexist, racist, or ageist. Attraction is instinctive.


Obviously, that is understandable.
But my point is, imagine if you spoke to someone on the phone for months and realised you were falling in love with this person, their personality. But then met face to face and they were of a different 'class' to yourself, would it change your opinion of that person? It shouldn't.
When I meet a person, what class they fit into in society doesn't even enter my head, if I like that person, then I like them for who they are, not how much money is in their pocket or where they were educated.
Reply 12
Original post by Vikki1805
Obviously, that is understandable.
But my point is, imagine if you spoke to someone on the phone for months and realised you were falling in love with this person, their personality. But then met face to face and they were of a different 'class' to yourself, would it change your opinion of that person? It shouldn't.
When I meet a person, what class they fit into in society doesn't even enter my head, if I like that person, then I like them for who they are, not how much money is in their pocket or where they were educated.

No, and I don't think anyone here is saying that they would reject someone they had come to care for on the basis of their class.
Original post by alawhisp
No, and I don't think anyone here is saying that they would reject someone they had come to care for on the basis of their class.


As the thread asks.
Original post by Vikki1805
Obviously, that is understandable.
But my point is, imagine if you spoke to someone on the phone for months and realised you were falling in love with this person, their personality.


That is a hypothetical situation which has no relevance because it is just that...hypothetical. People don't date over the phone. Even when online dating, you'll have a certain idea of a person's social status through their profile (suffice to say they're honest). And both these situations make up a marginal part of dating, and is probably not what the OP had in mind.

Every time you meet someone, you have an idea about their social status, even if it is subconsciously. If I meet someone from my home country, I'll be able to tell within 5 seconds what 'part' of society they belong to. That is not judgment, that's how everybody is, at least those with remotely good observation skills. It's the same thing as observing someone is good-looking or not, elegant or not, charismatic or not, introverted or extroverted. You can choose whether you think those things matter, but you will always notice. You cannot say social class is a factor people care about or not, because it's not ONE factor, it's made up of plenty of things. Being 'upper class' carries with it a HUGE number of things (positive and negative), to such an extent that if a guy or a girl only dates upper class people, I wouldn't hold it against them. They know what work for them.

I will naturally surround myself with people of the same social status (from my neighborhood, my private uni, my sports club). I could choose to go outside of that to deliberately find a guy of a different background, or I could choose to deliberately seek out those few guys from school who happens to be from less fortunate families. But speaking from experience, that gives no particular profit, at least not to be worth the effort.
Original post by Vikki1805
Threads like this really bug me.

Why does a persons class, race, age, gender etc matter? If you are attracted to someone, you like them and you want to be with them and vice versa, then none of the above matter in the slightest.

Some people just need to take the pole from out of their bum and realise there's so much more to life.


IA :yep: but I think the reason for this is because of compatibility. So people would find someone of a different race/age/class/gender etc incompatible. So, for example, someone of a middle class background might find themselves incompatible with someone of a working class backgroud.
(edited 11 years ago)
Social class?! :confused:

It's 2012!
Original post by Vikki1805
Threads like this really bug me.

Why does a persons class, race, age, gender etc matter? If you are attracted to someone, you like them and you want to be with them and vice versa, then none of the above matter in the slightest.

Some people just need to take the pole from out of their bum and realise there's so much more to life.


If you want an intelligent partner you're less likely to find one who is working class, in my experience. I am working class and the quality of people here is generally lower, most of the people I grew up with are either in prison (or have been), on the dole or in council flats and houses with young kids and they are in their early 20s. None of the people I grew up with were particularly smart. Education is not good here.

I've met some intelligent working class women but it's rare for me to find one and as a general rule of thumb, middle class women or women who come from better backgrounds are more intelligent, probably because they've had a better education. It's not set in stone and I'd date a woman of any class if I liked her but it's the truth. And intelligence is very important to me and probably the most attractive trait in a woman.

I generally get on better with people who are working class though (btw I'm not really a fan of "class" but it is what it is).
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by theoferdinand
the reason for that was she said that when it came to education she felt he did't value it as much as her .


That's just difference in opinion, it has nothing to do with social class in itself.

I don't think many people really pay attention to the class system any more.
Depends on their personality. My mum was brought up in a working class background, my dad was definitely middle-class, they've been doing fine for the past 18 years, and long may it continue. :biggrin: The important thing is that you have the same values. But I don't think any working class person would want to go out with me, my accent sounds quite posh. It's not that bad really, but when you're surrounded by people with different accents it's quite obvious. I imagine that would turn off a lot of guys. My friend describes me as a "posh Tory bird". Which I find amusing because I'm no more posh than anyone in my town. But anyway, back on topic. No, I wouldn't mind, but if I married someone who was working class I suppose I'd feel guilty somehow for having a more priveleged upbringing. It's only an issue if you make it one though.

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